Holidays can be joyous times and yet if we have lost someone, they can be difficult times. The loss of a loved one can hang over the holidays like a dark cloud and our joy is hard to find. I have heard people say they could not be happy at all because they had lost a loved one not too long ago and it did not matter that they still had family here. And I thought about that for a long time. I lost both my parents within six months of each other, my dear uncle before that, a dear friend and now my beloved aunt. Yes my heart misses them terribly.
I remember watching Dr. Phil one day and a woman who had lost her son was on the show. She was in such grief that her other son who was still alive and needed his mother was being totally ignored. The mother could not see what she still had for what she had lost. But, Dr. Phil made a statement that stuck with me. He asked her did she have good memories of her son and his life up until the point he died. The boy was 13 I believe when he died. She smiled and told him oh yes she did and proceeded to tell him of things about her son with this look on her face showing the memories were so good. When she stopped talking…he asked her this one question:
” Then why are you letting one day take all that joy away from you?”
I sat there the rest of the afternoon thinking about that. No matter what comes…death, divorce, separation, etc….why do we let that one day strip us of the joy of all the others? Why are we not celebrating the good times we had instead of clinging to the loss of our loved one? It is like we are diminishing the person and the time we had with them by holding on to the pain of the loss and the fact they are gone and not remembering all the good times we did have.
He went on to ask her was that all his life was worth? Was his life only about the fact that he killed himself? And she almost looked stunned and replied quickly with a NO. He said but that is all you are giving him. You are not celebrating what a good athlete he was, or how good he did in school, or the joy he brought when you all went on trips or how you loved when he hugged you. You are celebrating death instead of life. And not only are you denying your son that is dead the recognition he deserves, you are denying your son that is still here the love and recognition he deserves.
It was a powerful show and I thought about how Christmas and holidays can be so hard..especially the first. That first year is first Christmas without them, first birthday, first Easter, first vacation…and we grieve the loss. After that, I decided to start celebrating with my lost loved ones. I put their pictures out, hang an ornament on the tree, talk about this event or that event at Christmas or how they said things, or what food they cooked. We cook their special dishes and we enjoy the life we had with them.
I see people divorced/separated that let bitterness rule their lives and yet there WAS love in the time people had with their loved one or they would not have married them, been with them. There was happiness or they would not have stayed together as long as they did. So, why let separation turn you bitter and why not remember the fun times and the joyful, loving times of the relationship instead of counting the years as wasted time for they were not. I am divorced but if I had not married my ex I would not have my two beautiful sons nor my grand baby. I remember fun times, laughter times, joyful times..and that is what I choose to hold on to.
So, maybe this year…instead of holding on to the darkness, maybe you can find a way to light your world up a little by remembering the happy times, the joyful times of the one you are missing. Cook something that reminds you of them, or a tradition that reminds you of them, fix their picture with Christmas garland…do something that brings them into your life and say their names a lot for it will bring the joy of the person back to you. I listened to my dear friend Sherry (www.drses.wordpress.com ) on a radio show the other night talking about grief and healing and she talked about this very thing. She talked about how we need to say their names and feel the joy of the memories it evokes. The man doing the radio show said his loved ones name and was astounded at the joy it brought to his heart just from saying her name.
No matter the loss this year…make a choice to make your holiday be one of celebration and joy. Make a choice to:
“Celebrate the life not the loss.” danLrene
image from gallery.mobile9.com
“There is not enough darkness in all the world to put out the light of even one small candle.” Robert Alden
Will you join me in lighting up the world for little Corey?
There is a little boy who has become very special to me that I just had to blog about today. His name is Corey and one day Corey’s parents were told something that is the nightmare of all parents….he had cancer. “Corey was diagnosed on August 12, 2013 with a rare form of cancer called Neuroblastoma Wilm’s Tumor. A tumor of the kidney. He is three years old and such a fighter and almost always has such a beautiful smile in spite of all he is going through. Talk about a warrior…this little fellow is a real warrior and inspiring to watch. He could teach us all about holding on to faith and fighting battles with a positive attitude.
Today this precious little boy is having surgery to remove the tumor after having gone through chemo already to shrink it enough that they could remove. I am asking if you would light a candle for this sweet little boy and if you pray…say a prayer. If you do not pray…to send positive thoughts his way. I am lighting a real candle here for Corey and keeping it lit all day long as I lay here and pray for this sweet baby and his parents and family who are right there for him.
From his Facebook: “Since birth Corey has struggled with Sever allergies to food and other things in life. So visiting the doctor is not new to him.
On August 8th I noticed a lump on Corey’s left side. He has had problems in the past with constipation due to food allergies. So I thought that was the problem. On Sunday August 11 He complained of his stomach hurting so I took him to the ER. After running test X ray’s and a CT scan. To my surprise my son had a tumor that covered the entire left side of his abdomen. He was admitted and two days later went to surgery for a biopsy. He was released on the 15th and the following Thursday the 22 he returned to the clinic for his results. At that point they confirmed it was cancer and it was a stage 3 of 5 stages. The started Chemo that day and he has been taking it every Thursday at 10 am.”
I know people from over 75 countries read my blog and am hoping that prayers will be flowing from around the world for Corey and his family today especially and every day as he continues on this journey to whup cancer’s butt and that you will ask others to pray for him too. So many of you have done this for me on my journey with sickness and I hope you will for Corey. It only takes a few minutes to pray or light a candle…just a small thing and yet such a HUGE thing for a family or person in need. I know how you all helped me this time last year through kidney surgery…just knowing you were there and how you are helping me now.
Corey and his Mama…fighting the battle but holding strong in their faith and with smiles on their faces.
You can find Corey’s Facebook page here: https://www.facebook.com/CoreyKokieRichardson
And the twitter account is here: https://twitter.com/kokiesworld
image from www.wisdomquotesandstories.com
Life in general can be a hard journey and life chronically ill can be even harder. It took me years to learn that I was in charge of how my life affected me mentally/emotionally and no one else. I can remember years of feeling like my life was swirling out of control around me and wanting to yell “STOP THE BUS!!! I WANT OFF!” because I felt like I was not in the driver’s seat. A dear friend taught me that when the bus we are on feels like it is going places we do not want to go…then change buses.
I had to learn a few things to accomplish this changing of buses. I had to learn that I decide my happiness…no one else; no things, no places, no people…just me. I am the one that determines my happiness. Happiness is not found in other things, in people, places, events. Those things bring us joy and joy is fleeting. We feel it and when it is over…it is gone. When someone comes to visit us, we feel joy and that joy remains a while after they leave and then the joy fades. If we do not develop and nurture the happiness inside us, then we feel let down, sad and depressed once one of those “joy” things has come and gone. If we depend on people, places, things, events etc to make us happy..we will always be disappointed because none of those things is perfect. People have lives, things grow old and I can not get to places or events very often. But I can create within me a place of happiness that is happy in spite of what is going on. I can have systems in place like my son sending me videos and pictures during events of my Sweetpea so that I am involved.
“There is no way to run from a hardship. It is what it is…nothing more. Either live life being angry and unhappy with a hardship or live life being happy and optimistic with a hardship. You cannot go back and change the struggles and hardships you may be facing…it’s not our job.” [Jenny Addis]
I can not change my health but I can change how I deal with it. It is my journey and up to me to lift myself up. No one can make us happy, that is for us to do. YES, we do need support but the only way that a person can really support is in understanding and being there for us and that is important to have. But, the sad truth is…often people have no support and must learn to support themselves. We can wear ourselves out wanting things to be different, wanting others to be there, to care and to understand and wanting to be able to get up and do what we no longer can do and getting upset because none of that is happening. That is exhausting. So, we must develop ways to make life easier for ourselves if no one is there. Poor son, if I did not have a system set up for me for when no one was here and he had to be by me 24/7, the man would have no life. And I do not want that.
And so, I learned to drive my own bus so to speak on this journey called life. I learned that if I do this, this happens and I must rest. Or if I want to do this or that, I rest first and so I go with the flow. I learned that if I lay here all the time, I am losing muscle and the one muscle I do not want weaker is my heart. So I force myself to move, to get up, to do stretchy band and yoga type exercises, and even chair dance to get my energy and heart rate up. With three new diagnosis, three new meds and treatment starting today on one, I have to be in charge of me. I know what this treatment med will bring and I am ready for it with the things I need for those sick times. I learned that I have to drive my own bus.
“Having the energy to pursue our passions will always come if that’s our wish. Most of who we are, what we do, and where we are going relates to our attitude. Being tired, bored, scared, or unhappy are decisions, nothing more. Coming to grips with this reality has the potential for changing every aspect of our lives.”
- I Found Happiness! (profarms.wordpress.com)
- Happiness (theconqueredlife.com)
- Happiness Angels Walk Among Us… (barbvbed4d.wordpress.com)
- 10 Things To Stop Caring About If You Want To Be Happier (lifehack.org)
- 25 Habits That All Happy And Successful People Have (elitedaily.com)
Today is Thanksgiving and Hanukkah …..a rare occurrence for both on the same day. And so I say to all my readers a very Happy Thanksgiving and Happy Hanukkah.
image from mommyx3insanity.blogspot.com
A day of thanks….a day to recognize all the good you have instead of focusing on all that is wrong or all that you do not have…a day to recognize blessings. I have laid here thinking of all the good things I do have in my life…all the things that I am thankful for and in spite of the hard things I deal with …I have many things I am thankful for.
God and my faith
my family and family of choice
my friends and loved ones
my sweet Daisy
my son who is also my caretaker and all the help I get from the cog program that gives me a helper and other things to make my life easier
my church family and the ability to be able to go for a little while and eat Thanksgiving dinner at our little church
heat in this bitter cold
warm fleecy covers
clean water to drink and bathe in
to be able to be online and talk to friends far off.
a vehicle to get around in
my jelly bed and power chair and all the other medical equipment that I have
my meds that keep me going.
to be able to see even with glasses
to be able to hear…even though hearing impaired
to be able to speak and talk to others
to have a phone
to own a television you can watch
to have books to read
to be able to read and write
to be able to get an eduction if I wanted to
to have hot food
to be able to laugh
and I could keep listing
BUT MOST OF ALL
To be able to CHOOSE to be Happy
image from www.quoteswave.com
And so, if all you are thinking about today is all that is wrong, all you do not have, all that is not like you want it, all that is weighing you down…..ask yourself why you are choosing to let that fill your thoughts and your day when you CAN choose to focus on the good and the positive and on what you do have. The things wrong are not who you are…they are just thing that happen….you are who you choose to be inside.
Happy Thanksgiving from our house to yours
I have dreams but I also dream for others. I care about what others dream of and what they want to accomplish in their lives and I try to support them when I can. And today, I am dreaming for a friend of mine. Her name is Dr. Sherry E. Showalter.
She is a keynote speaker and an author and her newest book has been out now on the market for a month. This is her third book. All of her books are about survival and life. They all inspire and motivate you to make it through the hard things in life.
Her newest book is getting great reviews and has only been out for a month and I am so proud for her. That book is Down The Hallway and is a book that will captivate you from the beginning and you will not want to put the book down until the very end.
Some of the reviews on Amazon and Barnes and Nobel say:
“I am half way through – cannot put this down. It is like Sybil meets the Dali Lama meets Mommy Dearest – INTENSE but SO Good. I love the format of journal entries – an entry from the “Doc” and an entry from the patient. So it flows really well and is just REALLY GOOD. This apparently is a TRUE story and my god this poor amazing brave woman – I cannot wait to see how she gets better. -i hope she got better!!!”
“This book will “sit you down” and keep you mesmerized from one page to the next. Well written, and easy to understand. This is a publication that should be included in everyone’s personal and professional library. I have read this book 3 times, and purchased more for gifts. You will not be able to put it down !!!!!”
“WOW I can’t put this down. What a great book !!!! This should definitely be on the NY Times Best Seller List.”
“I have watched the movie the Three Faces of Eve and even heard about the book Sybil but when I came across this book, it intrigued me as I have a friend that is DID. This book draws you in and keeps your attention to the point it is hard to put it down. A friend of mine sent me this book as she loved it so much that she thought I would enjoy it. I love the fact that there are actual journal entries and artwork by this person called Charmaine. I have to agree with the author in that this book humanizes the disorder DID and helps those of us that do not have it or have not been around it much have a better understanding and be more compassionate about it. I can not even begin to imagine what this woman Charmaine went through all her life.”
“Amazing book, I am not a “reader” , but I finished this book in record time – you just can’t put it down. This is definitely a must read!
The actual journal entries are awesome, you really feel “in it” when reading this book. Can’t wait till the movie comes out !”
“I read a lot of books, and few have had the impact that this book has had. I battled between having to set it aside for a bit of time to let what I had just read settle in my mind….and having to pick it back up because I HAD to know what happened next. This woman’s courageous journey and Dr. Showalter’s amazing spirit while walking with her make this a must read.”
“DOWN THE HALLWAY… I am avid reader. That being said, “Down the Hallway ” is one of the most enthralling, informing and amazing stories I’ve ever read. The book flows with ease and intensity. The author’s free format style captures your attention immediately.I became enticed by the of compassion and horror that unfolded with each turn of the page. Truly , the hours flew by as my mind was totally engaged in the story of Charmaine and her heroic effort to piece together the puzzle of the Alters alive in her brain. I now understand DID .. and found myself cheering for her and her Doc as they ventured into the complex hallways of Charmaine’s brain. I am now re-reading for the second time, it was THAT brilliant !”
“After literally falling into the book and reading it from cover to cover, I can honestly say it is one intriguing and fascinating story. I love true life stories. This book is laid out with sections by the therapist, sections from the journals of the woman with DID and artwork done by the person called "Charmaine". It flows through and you are left wanting more at the end of each section. I carried it around and could not put it down. I did not think I would be interested but it is spellbinding as the author tells of meeting each of the alters and even having altercations with. I recommend this to all…but keep in mind it is an adult book.”
“I loved this book. The characters are fascinating. It is well written with many complex twists and turns. The way it is written with journal entries from the main character, and the detailed descriptions from the therapists perspective kept me engaged throughout the entire story. Don’t be intimidated by the size of this book, you won’t want to put it down. I finished it wanting a sequel immediately. I knew nothing about DID when I started it but was familiar with the author’s two prior books and thought I’d enjoy this one too. This is without a doubt a must read. Every other book I have read this year pales by comparison. I LOVED it, each and every page. This book will be my favorite gift to everyone on my holiday shopping list!”
I hope you will order yours and read this brilliant book that is composed of journal entries from the client she calls “Charmaine”, artwork along with her own writing of the events of their time together. This book is outstanding and all her books are true to life and filled with wisdom that will bless your life and give you greater understanding. I have read this book and it truly is so good that I could see it in a movie. It is written in story form easy for the lay person to understand. It is not an instructional manual or textbook. I believe it gives greater insight into this thing called Dissociative Identity Disorder than any book on the topic that I have ever seen and I believe it will raise awareness and understanding for those that have a loved one with DID.
I am proud to call Sherry my friend. She is Native American and her wisdom she carries with her from her ancestors is inspirational. She was a First Responder at the Pentagon during 9/11. She is a Disaster Mental Health Specialist, Grief Counselor, Therapist and so much more. She also spent over 25 years working in Hospice and was awarded the National Heart of Hospice Award for Psycho-Social-Spiritual Care-giving by the National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization. She is a one of a kind keynote speaker and speaks about “loss, grief, hope in healing, interventions to restore buoyancy in care giving and business settings”. Some areas combine departments from different counties to order to bring her to speak because she is that good.
Her professional website is http://www.sherryeshowalter.com/
So, today I honor the dream of my friend and I am doing my best to help her carry her dream forward and rejoice with her on every wonderful review that comes out on her new book. You would be amazed at how much joy you can get from dreaming with others. And I think you would be surprised at how much fun it is to allow others to dream with you.
And to my friend I say….DREAM BIG….never stop dreaming and my dream for you is for your book to reach all the heights you are dreaming of. I salute you and I support your dream. Wado my friend for all you do to help others.
“When You are complacent…..you are complicit.
Stand up for what is right even if you are standing alone.”
I wrote about the horrific treatment of Robin Temple a couple of days ago. She is not an isolated case. Please sign the petition. Robin needs and deserves medical help. Here is what it says on the petition page and the link to the petition is below. I hope you will sign this petition.
Help Robin Temple U.S. Veteran for VA Malpractice
Fix This Issue by flying Robin Temple to Walter Reed Hospital to receive the same care that you the President, and Senate members receive from the same quality Doctors.
Compensate Robin Temple for the irreparable damages done through the VA.
Improve Robin Temple’s quality of life by providing quality housing that is handicap accessible, and usable for someone in Robin Temple’s current and future physical condition.
It is a travesty that our VA, and our Government would allow our veterans to be mistreated in this manner.
I, as an American citizen am embarrassed that this has happened.
You should be too.
- Women In The Military (agumpsworld.wordpress.com)
- ”My story” by Robin Temple (disclose.tv)
- Shocking! U.S. Veteran suffers unbelievable medical malpractice (sott.net)
- [Watch] The Tragic VA Abuse of This AirForce Veteran (freepatriot.org)
- Tragedy of female Air Force veteran left with horrific injuries following botched surgery after ‘doctors IGNORED her symptoms because she suffers from PTSD’ (fromthetrenchesworldreport.com)
- Fundraising for Robin Temple
If this were your Mother, sister, daughter, lover, friend, partner, niece…..what would you do to help? Robin deserves the same kind of help.
I saw this video yesterday and as I sat there watching it, I was never so saddened and ashamed of our country as I was watching that video. What this poor woman has been through is horrific and NO one….. much less a Veteran…should have to go through what she has been through. There are not enough words to express how this makes me feel. How can we say we are such a great country and treat a veteran this way?
Robin Temple is an Air Force Veteran who has suffered not only physical pain but emotional pain ranging from having inept doctors do surgery on her to being raped by an officer above her, to being treated like she was at fault in all. The medical care she received during and after she left the Air Force is appalling. And the video speaks for itself on this.
I am posting both videos. No, it is not a porno video. This is a woman who has had multiple surgeries including a double mastectomy. It is a real and true story and needs to be out in the public and something done to help her other than trying to make her out like she is just PTSD. I am praying a doctor will see this or someone who knows a doctor who can help her and they will contact her and help her get the surgeries she needs to fix what has been done to her. I am praying someone who knows legally how to help her will step up to the plate. And if you can contribute a few dollars financially, I am praying for that too.
Please…PLEASE…do not be passive. Do something this holiday season that could make such a huge difference to this woman who not only is in this shape but lost her home and is living in a camper trailer. There are donation sites listed on the videos but if you know someone in the medical field or media that can help this woman please pass this on to them or message me here and I will try to help connect them. You will get such a sense of joy at knowing you have helped her. The gift of being kind and helping brings awesome results.
I try to help anyone I can and this is one case that is so very deserving of our help not only because she is in pain and sick and not receiving the treatment she needs but even more so because she served our country and our country owes it to her to take care of these things and not by locking her in a small room for 115 days treating her in such a way as to force her to sign a paper stating that she was not raped. She deserves help. She deserves a home. She deserves love and care. And most of all she deserves support, thanks and gratitude for her service. Please reach out and help even if it is to pass this on to someone you think could help.
Imagine this is you, or your wife, or our partner, or your daughter, or your niece, or your friend, or your lover or your mother, or your grandmother…imagine it is them going through this and then ask yourself…what would I do then?
A few days ago we had the scare of our life when our sweet Daisy got very sick. She would not eat and was not going to the bathroom and went on to become lethargic and feverish. Son would walk around holding her trying to soothe her for her chest and stomach area hurt so badly that she would scream out if you picked her up wrong. I would hold her here wrapped in a little blanket and she would lay back and her head roll to one side. I wanted to cry seeing her like that.
I was not long before I realized she was getting dehydrated and we took turns giving her syringes of water which she took barely raising her head up off the bed. I wondered if she needed some nutrients like potassium so we started alternating with canned beef broth or canned chicken broth. After a while we saw she was starting to perk up a little bit but not much and so I decided she needed antibiotics for that temperature to get it under control and went ahead and started her on them. We have always kept pet antibiotics handy with our dogs. And I am so thankful we did start as we almost lost our little turbo puppy.
After a day or two of doing this and seeing her not improve, we called the vet and took her to him. He said we were on the right track and to keep doing it. He gave her a booster shot of antibiotics and some pills for pain as he could tell she was hurting. He said she had a really bad infection and it was a good thing we started on the antibiotics like we did. We could have lost her.
Now she is doing better but not totally well but rather spoiled. :) She shows a little spunk and plays and then has to sleep cause she is still weak but the good news is she will eat and drink by herself now though she still comes up and wants us to give her water syringes. And we gladly do. It is so nice to see her playing with her nylabone toys and to try to talk to the bird, Misty. He and she have quite a relationship.
Understanding is that often sought after commodity that seems elusive at times. I hear people say “so and so just does not understand me” and they want to explain or educate them on how they feel. And then becomes the journey of frustration. We can not make someone understand how we feel if they have never experienced it. And our expectations are not met and leave us feeling upset and angry.
I find with chronic illness, many that are chronically ill have this determination to explain all the time and prove to others how sick they are and get mad when those that are not sick do not understand or even those that are also sick but maybe not sick the same way. It is human nature for people to rely on what they have experienced for understanding and so if being chronically ill is not in their “experience” bank inside their heads, nothing you say can make them understand. And so, the expectations are not met and without realizing it, anger creeps in and the person pushes harder and harder to prove they are sick and “make” people see it. And it becomes this rat race instead of enjoying the good things in life.
I will have some that will get really mad at this next statement but am going to say it anyway. Chronic illness can make people become very self-absorbed with themselves and their illness and it can cause family problems. Sometimes the chronically ill can become so obsessed on “how bad they feel” that they do not seem to have time for their own family around them or become short-tempered or impatient with family members with an attitude of “I am the one so sick, so get over yourself” if a family member feels sick one day or has a bad day or is just not as “caring and attention giving” as the chronically ill person expects them to be. This is one reason I refuse to make every minute of every day about how sick I am. I do not want to spend my life that way and do not want to live with the unspoken expectation that the world must revolve around me because I am so sick and that sets me up for disappointment.
No, family does not always get it about how sick we are but that is because they simply do not understand as they have never experienced it. Anymore than someone who has never lost something in life can truly understand what it feels like to lose a loved one, your health, your home, your partner, your pet, etc. Or someone who has never lost a baby finds it almost impossible to understand what it feels like to lose one. And if our expectations are that everyone should understand and be sympathetic and that falls short, resentment creeps in. Perhaps we have one set of expectations for how we want people to treat us and another for how we treat other people.
People in general seem to build up these expectations in their heads and when these expectations fall short, it upsets the person. We have expectations on how we think other people should be, how our jobs should be, how our families should be, how we should feel, how others should act, how food should taste and the list goes on. The world is a continual list of expectations; unfortunately we do not seem to have a guide on what to do when our expectations fall short. And believe me when I say, we will always have expectations that do not get met.
We seem to have become a world of labels and try to stick labels on ourselves all the time and try to live up to what we believe those labels mean often to a point of frustration. It starts in childhood as we are labeled the smart one, the funny one, the pretty one, the talented one, the brave one and those labels stick and then we have created an expectation that we feel we must live up to. We see movies of the perfect romance and think that is how it should be never realizing that relationships are not fairy tales and take time and work. I truly believe this is why so many marriages are failing…that and many go into marriage thinking “well, if it does not work I can just get a divorce”. It is all about expectations and not having our expectations met.
I do not believe in setting myself up with unrealistic expectations or expectations that do not match how I live myself. I should never expect someone to do what I am not willing to do myself. I remember when teaching and I would ask our helper in our classroom (back then we called them Teacher’s Aides)…to do something like take a child who wet their pants (being a K class) to the bathroom and help them clean up and change clothes. I would never ask the helper if I was not willing to do it myself and yet saw many teachers force their helpers to do menial and often unpleasant work because they did not want to do it themselves. I never had a problem with my helpers as they knew I respected them and that I did not mind doing these things. I was not dumping on them just to keep my hands clean. All about expectations and I did not expect them to do things I would not do. I also had the expectation that accidents happen to five year old children and kept a box of children’s clothing for them to change into when it happened.
I think the hardest thing is when we finally see (or are made to see) that our expectations are unrealistic and sometimes those expectations are way off target for what they should be. I taught my sons early how to cook, clean, do laundry and basically all the things to be self-sufficient but this did not mean at the age of 8 that I expected them to do all their laundry or cook all the meals or basically not be a kid anymore. I wanted them to have the knowledge and to be able to use it but I did not want to place an expectation on them that robbed them of their childhood.
Anymore than I wanted just because I was chronically ill to rob my children of having their emotions validated. I see it a lot ; “well, I am the one chronically ill and can not do anymore so just because your friend hurt your feelings…it is not as important as my being sick” attitude. I am setting myself and them up with my expectation that what is wrong with me takes precedent over everyone else and it just simply is not so. The world does not revolve around us and we are in the world with many others with the same problems. We are not unique in being chronically ill, losing our jobs, losing our homes, losing our partners, etc.
Sometimes we need to sit and look at our expectations and how rigidly we stick to them and see if they are ruling our lives instead of us just living our lives and finding the joy in them. Seriously, is it worth having war because your significant other does not put the toilet seat down every time? Is it worth hurting your loved ones because they are crying or upset and we think it is insignificant because our expectation is that “We are the sick one” and deserve all the attention and help? Is it worth having this expectation of others being perfect and following every rule when we do not do it ourselves?
Sometimes I think we have to stop and ask ourselves why we expect this or that to be a certain way and see if our expectations are too high and causing us misery and problems in life and running people off from us. Sometimes life is just meant to “be” not meant to have us impose a set of rules or expectations on. Expectations can be wonderful if they are realistic. We need some expectations/goals in life. We just have to make sure we have not created expectations that are totally unrealistic or that create this fantasy that we are the center of the universe and all our expectations should be met.
I am chronically ill but do not expect everyone to stop in their tracks and take notice or rush to help me. Maybe that is why my son came and asked me to let him take care of me and not the other way around. I did not have the expectation that he owed me because I was chronically ill. I watched my mother do that and expected us children to entertain her and do everything for her regardless of what was going on in our lives or if we had children or families to take care of or jobs to go to. Our expectations have to be realistic and not just self-serving and they have to be expectations that we would do ourselves. If we would not live up to one of our expectations than it is not realistic.
Woke up to banging on the house. Son checked and we are in a fast-moving, high wind storm…may or may not bring snow and he had to go out and snag the trashcan flying around and other items. And now, here I lay wide awake and my mind on many things. The dark with the Christmas lights glowing makes for good thinking time. Maybe that is what is wrong with politicians…they never have good thinking time.
One of the things that is laying with me is accountability. Sadly, if we let our politicians lead us …there is none, but the truth is personal accountability is in the minority. People do not want to take responsibility for what they say and do. They rant, spout off ugly, attack others, make comments that lead others down a destructive path, hurt others …etc…and then blame it on the other person. I am not perfect by any means but I am quick to take accountability for what I say or do. If I hurt, I apologize. If I wrong, I try to make right and whatever I do…I OWN it. It is mine no matter whom I choose to blame. And the accountability will come now or in the end. It is our choice. I just simply prefer now.
And I do not take to videos, posts on the internet to try to get people to join my side and twist it to look like I was right and others were wrong. We can always get people to agree with us….but it does not make us right. Just try it sometime and post how somebody did such and such to you and cry and rant and see how many people will come and say “Yes, you are so right”. They may not really believe it but feel compelled to say so because they are your friend. It is called trying to get the sympathy vote. I can guarantee you that if I post that someone called me ugly, lazy, fat, mean..whatever..on my Facebook that friends on there would come and tell me how awful and that I was not lazy, fat, mean, dumb. And they do it because they believe I was upset and wanted to make me feel better….not because what the other person said was not true but just because I pulled the sympathy card and tried to get people to feel sorry for me and agree with me. I have seen it over and over…such high school behavior.
Ok, next on the list is reluctant role models….we are all a role model and if we deceive ourselves on that like good ole Miley Cyrus is doing and others, we will come back to the paragraph above… accountability. When we behave in a way that leads others down the wrong path, we are accountable. One day people will wake up and go WTH??? Why did I act like that? And yet, it is out there. Everything we say and do on the internet…ends up on Google… you tube, facebook..and will follow us the rest of our lives and people will see. So that means ten years, twenty years, even after we die…we are still pulling people down with what we posted in haste or anger or emotion.. That rant that was so important to try to garner public support for bad behavior…will haunt you the rest of your life. Scary thought is it not. Well..being a person of faith, I remember a quote somewhere that said we are responsible (accountable) for every word that comes out of our mouths…we just did not realize with high-tech that it could affect generations down the road. And that was a lesson that I got taught over and over until one day I looked up and said “I get it Lord”.
Faith…I tell people all the time I am not a “religious” person. I am a person of faith..between me and God. And I have a choice. I can let religion cause me to behave in such a way that I lead people away from Christ because I hate religion or I can let my faith be something that makes people look at me and say “I want what she has”. It has not always been faith for me and after seeing churches be nothing but man-made rules and ideas, I pulled away for a while. And then one day I realized I could either make church what I want it to be or I could abandon it which really was sad to me. And so, I started going to church bringing what I…ME….I wanted in church. I can not account for anyone else and what they are doing in church..only myself. And so, I look for ways to live my faith, to find in church things to enrich my faith and to not use “religion” as an excuse to push myself and/or people away from church or faith. It is one of those choice things again. I do not agree with all going on in my little church so the choice was leave or work to make it a better place for ME. I cannot make it a better place for you or anyone else…only me and my faith. I have to be accountable to my faith and not let any harsh feelings I may have turn me or someone else away from God.
I look around the world and see so much venom, anger and hatred and think “how can people live like that?” and then I realize that how they live like that is living in misery. They are so miserable that they want to bring others down to where they are; that old “leveling” thing. We pull people up to where we are or drag them down to where we are…so that we feel on an even level. The thing about leveling folks is we have to take personal accountability and NOT let anyone pull us down. It is so easy to blame someone else or something else for our unhappiness when the truth is…happiness is a choice….a choice to be happy no matter what is going on. So, when someone tries the “leveling” down on us…we either walk away from it or we let them pull us down but no matter the choice…OWN it. That is what accountability is; owning what you say and do.
And now that I have solved the world’s problems…*laughing here*….and the wind has not let up, I think I will put on a movie and try to unwind. I think in about thirty minutes the coffee pot comes on. Son and Daisy went back to bed after rescuing the stuff outside in the wind. I think half of our shingles blew off or it sounded like it. But the good news is, the roof is still there.
And let me add this….this blog was written because of reading about Miley Cyrus and seeing a video of hers. Someone will say “Oh she is writing about me”. Well, the answer is “No, I was not but if this it hitting a jerk response in you ask yourself what it is triggering for it is not me triggering but something inside” for this blog is not about anyone I know personally though I am sure many, including myself could take this personally.
- Comfort foods
- Dreams for the future
- Eating Out
- Etta James
- Female Impersonators
- heart center
- helping others
- New Year's Resolution
- Protection from fraud
- Rocky Mountains
- US Military