I want to tell you about a young girl who has been seriously ill for seven years. She is about 22 now and so that means she was about 15 when she became ill with ME….myalgic encephalomyelitis sometimes called chronic fatigue syndrome which is a very poor name for this illness. In the states, over one million people have ME (myalgic encephalomyelitis) and there are 17 million people world wide with this illness. This illness has been around since the 80’s and so I for one wonder why they have not found a treatment for this since it is listed as a “chronic degenerative neuro-immune disease described in medical literature as early as 1935.”
Jessica works hard to try to raise awareness and to raise money for the charity. This kind of work is so exhausting to someone bed bound with ME/CFS and she has to be flat on her back a lot of the time When we live in one room and live in a hospital bed believe me it is not by choice. And I can only imagine how hard for a child in her teens to suddenly become that sick. There are a lot of battles, a lot of “crashes” as the body just forces us to lay there and do nothing. So, I think Jessica creating this song to sell and raise money for the charity….in spite of being so sick is amazing.
There are many people trying to create awareness of this illness and creating movies, videos, and events to educate on. Many people with ME work to get their input into the medical genre so that they are heard. And that is wonderful and hopefully one day instead of dismissing this as a psychological disorder or even taking children from their parents and keeping them in hospitals where the parents can not see them, research might actually come up with a way to help this.
While many focus on solutions, Jessica’s concern was directed towards all the many children who are suffering debilitating illness and how the children are coping. She, with the help of her sister, created a charity called “Share A Star” and it focused on giving young children hope and on the children knowing that they were not forgotten.
Jessica is bedridden and lives with a lot of pain and yet she still worries about others. The Charity created stars for children to have as their own to give them hope as they went through the medical things they faced. The charity has gone on to create a Share The Hope official charity music single and Jessica is hoping to get as many as possible sold before Christmas to make Christmas brighter for the sick children.
From the video, it says “This charity song is the brain child of, and has been written by, Jessica L E Taylor, a seriously unwell and bedridden young lady.It has a very clear message for us all to ‘Spread the Hope’ this Christmas time and by doing so, will raise important funds for four registered charities.”
Jessica has worked hard to get where she can sit up and made it and even stood for a couple of minutes but her system has gone down again and she is back flat on her back and in a lot of pain. So, I am posting this on here for Jessica in hopes that you all will order this video, share the blog so others can get the links and will help Jessica realize her dream of having it go high on the charts. Below is a preview only of the single. To hear the song in full you will need to buy one.
The proceeds from the sale of this song will go to help four different charities:
If you are touched by this video and want TO DONATE (it will be split between all four charities), the link is:https://mydonate.bt.com/fundraisers/spreadthehope
When we think of malignancy, we think of cancer. But, there is another kind of malignancy that goes on especially in the internet world. It is called the Malignant Heart. I do believe that it is a horrible disease and affects many we come into contact with on the internet and real- life. The internet seems to bring about out the malignant heart in others and they follow almost with mob mentality, the malignant hearts near them. There is power in numbers, so in a group, people feel even more forceful. The term malignant means deadly, life threatening, terminal, etc and if one has a malignancy then one is in fear of dying. I believe that when your heart is malignant and you do not do anything to change that, it will eventually kill you and what a horrible way to die.
The malignant heart does not care who it hurts and causes such things as vindictiveness, hatred, bullying, and other demeaning actions. I have written on bullying before and yet I think the malignant heart is not just a person who bullies but is someone who thinks they can say or do whatever they want and do not have to answer to anyone. I have been hurt this way as have friends of mine.
The term malignant heart is not my expression. I have seen the term used when talking about criminals and actions by companies on the internet. It is not a physical condition I am referring to but one “of the heart” or emotions. I find that being on the computer gives people a feeling of a sense of power and being anonymous gives them even more power to be hateful. One of the first signs that their heart is malignant.
I know people who literally hide their ID on the internet because they have been attacked by someone with a malignant heart and attacked viciously. I have seen this with women in their fifties, sixties and seventies with these malignant hearts. And I see it in the younger people now who just attack others “in the name of defending someone” but are just as hateful and name calling. I am not sure what causes this but there could be several reasons: loneliness, bitterness, disappointment in their lives, being at home with young children and bored or perhaps their heart has always been malignant. Who knows. All I know is that these two groups of the population have some of the worst perpetrators. Now, not everyone in these groups are like this but a large enough number to make one cautious about who you talk to.
Please do not misunderstand me. I have seen many with a malignant heart in real- life and even in churches. And I have seen men with malignant hearts, though I will have to say those men tend to have a heart that is malignant when it comes to women…using and discarding them and hurting them badly and moving on to the next conquest. But, it seems that women are gaining in that area doing the same to men.
Sometimes I wish we could see inside of the heads of people like this. I heard someone once say that a therapist could become rich off of the abnormal behavior just seen on the internet. Sadly, those with the malignant heart do not think anything is wrong with their behavior.
And their behavior is so predictable. They will cause problems in a group and then play all innocent and use expressions like “I was just trying to understand” or “I was just asking, not trying to cause problems” after they have succeeded in disrupting a whole group. And then when the person running the group makes a general statement to make them stop and says something like “please if you can not be nice, do not say anything” and the malignant heart will jump in and start making comments like “you tell them!” or “great post. thank you!” when it is actually them the moderator of the group is talking to.
Reminds me of being in church and the preacher is really wound up on gossiping or some other ugly action, and when the very ones the preacher was hoping to reach are leaving they church and shake the preacher’s hand…they tell him “Boy, you told them preacher”. And they really believe it is everyone else but them the preacher is talking to.
I came across a site one day that was listing who they thought were the ten most evil people in history. And someone commented on the post and said basically…what about those, who in their lonely lives, go on the internet looking for people to take their anger out on and rip to pieces the soul of someone else. I thought that was a very interesting statement. When malignant hearts set out to destroy another verbally….they are ripping to shreds the very heart of the person they are attacking.
Yes, there is a lot of deceit and taking advantage of on the internet. First time it happens is shame on the person doing it. Second and third time..etc…is shame on the person who allows it. Believe me when I say, it is not being taken advantage of if you allow the person to do it. While there is so much on the internet that shows people with malignant hearts, we have to learn to protect our own for no one else will do it for us.
Evil lurks in the heart of man, and anonymity tends to bring it out. Internet flamers would never say the jagged things they do if they had to sign their names.
GARRISON KEILLOR, “Renouncing Evil Powers and Anonymity,”
A Prairie Home Companion, Jan. 12, 2010
How we act in life, on the internet or anywhere else….is a choice. No one forces us to be mean to others or to try to control them. So, if it is a choice…..why do people keep on being mean? A malignant heart of the emotional kind is curable. Perhaps a person must recognize first that their heart is malignant before they can over come it. No matter the reason, we must take care of our corner of the world and make sure to act in a way that we want to be treated. We must be authentic with our actions and words for then we will be setting the standard. And we must strive to make sure our hearts are not filled with bitterness, anger, hate, malice for that will destroy us in the end.
I believe in standing up for what is right……even if you are standing alone. This has to do with all of life from politics down to the food you eat. If you are complacent and never make any waves, then those in charge of whatever assume you think it is fine. I believe if we are not willing to stand up for something then we are complicit to what is going on. It is easy to let others have to do the standing up but it is so worth it when we stand up ourselves. It is worth it in the personal sense for you will find many will make ugly comments because they do not want to hear the truth and in today’s society where all the “politically correct” rhetoric is going on, people just choose sides without any researching to see what the side really stands for.
I see so many people who just take things at face value and never study to see if what they are being told is true. We can not take brands, political parties, churches, hospitals, etc as being safe, truthful, and worth defending if we have never researched to see if they are or not. I see people doing this with their voting. I have heard people saying they vote all this party or all that party because they are great to vote for because of their party affiliation. That is wrong in my opinion because if you do much research you will read of the charges brought, investigations done on candidates from all parties. I hate to tell people that a candidate being of a particular party does not guarantee the person has the country’s best interest at heart. Study and research to know what people, companies, news media, schools, churches, etc are really all about. Then make your decision. Never rely on what the media presents.
I am very picky on what I eat, what I wash with, what I clean with for I have researched the products and know what their standard is here and in the world. For example, I no longer eat a certain food product because it uses the yellow color which other countries have banned. Have we become to complacent that we just take it for granted that people who are making money off of us have our best interests at heart? I research my medicines and amazingly enough many are being made overseas. With our world like it is, does anyone not wonder if getting our prescriptions from a country that does not like us makes any sense at all?
I also stand up for myself. If I am complacent people will walk all over me and misuse me and mistreat me and I have only myself to blame. We have to learn to speak up and stand up. Just keep in mind that being assertive does not mean being a bitch or a bad ass. It means speaking with authority and conviction and believing in what we are standing up for. Do you believe in yourself? If you do, then you should stand up for yourself.
We have become a world of complacency on one hand where people do not want to hear the truth, do not want to know what is going on in our world and the products and food that affect us and in a world where people are so busy standing up for the wrong reasons that what they say they are standing up for gets lost in the rhetoric. I see people who have so little faith in their own beliefs that they will not stand on their own convictions. Have you ever noticed that those that have a deep abiding faith are never derailed from what they believe in but those that are insecure in their own faith will argue and attack because they do not have the strong convictions to carry them through?
When someone is attacked, raped, murdered, robbed, etc and you hear or see it and do nothing then you are complacent and that makes you complicit. It also makes us accountable. Take your beliefs and if enough people started standing up for their morals, standing up against those that cheat, lie and steal in the political arena by voting them out, stand up for the jacking up of prices on things when there is no reason by refusing to buy from the companies, etc…then the world might actually start becoming more accountable for their actions.
I hear people all the time complain about this person or that person in political office and yet when asked if they voted their response is “no”. I tell them that their complacency on voting makes them are just as much responsible for putting the person in office as if they did vote for the person. The consequence of not voting brought people into office that they were against. We are a free society and we do vote our politicians in but we should do so with great research on what they say they do and what is proven they do. And if we are not willing to vote, then we should not be complaining.
And this is Simply danLrene’s words of wisdom: We are here in this world such a short time, so make the best of it. And by best I do not mean lying, cheating, stealing and spending money you do not have. I mean make the most of it by being someone who is accountable and is authentic with their word, being someone of honor and someone that does what is right even when people are ugly to you. Be the person that makes a difference.
Note: Sorry for the absence. Have been undergoing some medical things. Thank you for sticking around. :) danLrene
We all have a line that says “ENOUGH” or I will go no further: a line that we will not cross. Do you know what yours is? I have more than one line and the lines are my boundaries of what I will put up with, what I will do, what I will allow to be done to me, etc. Lines or boundaries are necessary in life or we will be walked on and misused.
image from exploreredrose.wordpress.com
It took me years to learn how important it is to set healthy boundaries because I was a people pleaser. I was always afraid of making others mad or doing something that would make them stop liking me. It took a lot of hard work to come to the place where I knew that boundaries were necessary in life and took a lot of the stress away.
There are boundaries with family, boundaries with friends, boundaries at work, boundaries for your home, boundaries for your time and boundaries that we need to set to stop ourselves from being run to death. I first learned about boundaries when it came to boundaries with other people. I learned that it was ok to say “Sorry but I can not do that.” when someone wanted me to do something for them. And it took many tries before I mastered the art of saying no and sounding like I meant it. People who are wanting someone to do something for them can become quite pushy and demanding. Many do not listen to you when you say you are busy or you can not and will keep pushing you to do what they need done.
I soon learned a couple of things to never do when telling someone I can not or will not do something. . I learned to never give an excuse why I could not do their request. And I am sure you all are saying “Why not give an excuse?” The reason is that if you give an excuse they will find an answer for the excuse and still pressure you to do what they need done. So, save your breath on that one. There is no easy way out. Simply say “No” or “No, I can not” and then walk away or get off the phone with them. Will they get mad? Oh yeah, some of them will but they will get over it.
I learned the hard way when someone pressured me into running their booth on a Saturday at the church bazaar. I did not want to and I came home angry at myself for not saying no. But what taught me the lesson was learning that the reason the person wanted me to run the booth was they wanted to take the weekend off. I had plans and cancelled the plans to do what this person asked me to do. I did that because I thought they were going to be working alone and needed help. So, you can imagine my anger at myself upon learning that I had given up something I wanted to do only to find I had been suckered into giving someone else their weekend off instead of me having mine.
I have lines that are done deals when others cross them. Do not lie to me and do not steal from me is one. Another is do not attack my kids or my granddaughter and say things about them that are not true. Another is do not try to get me entangled in something immoral or illegal. When people cross these lines, they have gone too far.
What lines do you have in your life? Which ones are lines you will not cross and which are lines others better not cross. You do not have to tell me…just think about it for yourself for boundaries are something we all need.
image from http://quotes-lover.com
I loved this when I saw it because I am a big believer in the fact that we do have choices and sometimes we do not always utilize them. I have heard people say “I keep making the same mistake over and over” whether in relationships, jobs, friendships, etc. The truth is it is only a mistake the first time. After that we are either choosing to make the same mistake or choosing to not take precautions so that we do not make the same mistake again.
I believe happiness is a choice. I wish I could bottle the process and sell it on the market or just give it away because once a person finally realizes that their happiness is an “inside job” not things on the outside, it becomes a whole new world. I wake up every morning choosing to be happy and if I am not feeling happy I look for things that make me smile. As my health declines, I continue to choose to be happy. As my world narrowed to the one room, I still was choosing to be happy. But, so many get the idea that things, people, places, money will bring them happiness. I watched my mother this way. She was always saying that if she just had this decorating project going..she would be happy. Truth was, the projects gave her joy but once the project was over, the joy was gone. She never really learned where happiness was which was in her heart.
Life is a constant learning process. Took me years to learn how to not let doctors mistreat me. I might not be as sick as I am now had I learned to stand up sooner but took me a while and so I kept making the same mistake over and over. And that mistake was choosing to keep going to the same doctors instead of looking for new ones. I did the same thing when it came to being chronically ill. I made my self miserable by choosing over and over to let people push me to “be normal” when I was not. I am chronically ill and can not do what others can do but would try to push myself to do things and then throw myself into pain crisis or a bad flair. But, it was still a choice I was doing. I was not making good choices for myself.
There comes a point in life where we have to be accountable for our choices. There comes a point that we have to quit blaming everyone for what we do, what we do not do, how we live, and mistakes we make. We can make any choice we want, but with those choices comes consequences. We can not avoid those. I chose to keep using the same doctors and the consequence was that I became sicker and sicker. You would think we would wise up when something keeps happening over and over. Sort of like when we eat a food and get the sick stomach and yet we will keep eating that same food again and again. Choices are the easy part….the consequences are the learning part. That is what teaches us what works and what does not work.
If we keep having the same issues in our lives over and over then we need to look at our choices because it means they are not “making the same mistake again” but a choice. Sometimes I have to stop myself and ask myself what is going to be the end result of what I am doing and do I want to deal with that. When I was much younger, I would as the expression goes..”cut off my nose to spite my face” .…acting on emotion instead of reasoning. As I have aged, I have learned that I need to think about my choices and when I see a pattern repeating itself, I need to find different choices. Many people do not like to hear that because it is so much easier to blame it on “another mistake” instead of assuming the responsibility and saying “I made a bad choice”.
We should learn as a child about choices and our parents should teach us. We should teach our children. For if we do not teach children how to make good choices, then they will end up in horrible situations. Wonderful children can get in trouble just from a poor choice. People say they are afraid to choose because they are afraid they will be wrong or fail. Know what? So what if you are wrong. You just learned something. Step up and make those choices and keep learning so that you learn how to keep life-like you want it.
“We interpret events based on our points of view, attitudes, opinions, beliefs, perceptions and assumptions, past experiences, memories and generalizations. All these shape our thinking maps and how we interpret events…positive thinking and negative thinking.”
Communicating is often one of the hardest things we deal with. It can be with those we work with, with family members, or just with people in general. I found Derik Mocke’s quote to be very telling. Everything we have in our heads. every experience we have filters what we read, what we hear and what we see and we respond accordingly. And the response can be a positive response or a negative one.
Son and I have learned to stop each other and say “Ok, let me tell you what I am hearing and you tell me if that is what you are saying”. It saves a lot of confusion for us. I am going to use a humorous point to illustrate this..but it is still the same for anything we do. What we hear is not only based on our experiences but on the definitions we have for the words used. Just think about how young people used to say “Oh, that is so bad” but what they meant was it was a really good thing.
Some examples of fights that did not happen because we asked the right question are me asking son why we defragged the volume on our computer. When he asked me why I asked that I told him and he laughed and said that the word volume meant quantity not volume of sound here.We all have different definitions for things and that can cause arguments because the other person does not know what definition we are using.
Another example was when a friend of mine was telling me about someone and I said “She is very dramatic”. Well, he stopped me and asked me what I meant by “dramatic”. And I explained that I was saying she was very exotic looking. He thought I was calling her a drama queen. See how easily misunderstandings occur. But the good thing was this friend and I have very good communication skills and we ask when unsure.
Another thing that causes miscommunication is that people often “listen to reply” instead of “listening to hear and understand” and so they miss all that is said and therefore do not fully understand what the other person said. I see this a lot and if you watch the person you are talking to, you can see it in their eyes that their mind is racing to figure out the answer and they have missed the important part of what was said. The same thing happens when people read posts and comments online. They will zip through all the writing just scanning it and then write some comment and have missed the main point of the whole thread.
Another good example, and this one almost ended in a bad argument. We were talking about the electric bill and how high it was. Son said “Well, I know it is not the electric company.” And I got upset and we said a few things back and forth, and then I threw my hand up and said..”Wait a minute son. Let me tell you what my brain heard and you tell me what you were saying. My brain heard you tell me I was wrong and I was being ridiculous.” Son got the most shocked look on his face and said….”No no no mom..that is NOT what I was saying. I was trying to say it was not the Electric company so it must be something wrong in this house.” We could have had a really ugly argument had I not thought to ask him to explain.
I think when we read things, we need to realize that what we get out of it is from our own experiences. This is why they do not like people who have been robbed, for example, to be on the jury for a robbery trial because it might influence their thinking. And sometimes, we need to read things three or four times to make sure we are getting what the person is really writing and not our own slanted view from our past for both positive and negative things influence how we read things.
image from beyondthinkinglikealawyer.com
When you are talking, before getting upset…take the time to stop and say to the other person…”You know, this is what I am hearing in my head…is this what you are saying to me?” I think you might be surprised and find that many an argument might not happen with just that one step. Son and I communicate so much better now that we have learned to do that. And if someone uses a word and it has a negative connotation to you…stop the person and ask them to tell you what the word means to them.
If you lived in a controlling situation in the past, you might find yourself sensitive to someone trying to explain how to do something and take it as they are controlling you. If you lived with abuse, you might be sensitive to statements that sound harsh and react to them. If you have had trauma such as being in a dangerous storm, etc, you might find yourself getting upset when someone tries to say something is not serious.
We all have a head full of experiences that affect how we view things and can make us touchy when someone is talking to us. If you feel your emotions rising when talking to someone, try stopping and asking them to explain. We all have our own way of talking and saying things. We all have our own mannerisms that others may not be used to as they may have mannerisms we are not used to. Some people use their hands a lot when talking and that can make others feel pressured or threatened. Communication is hard enough but if just asking someone what they mean helps stop a fight, it is worth it. And making sure to really listen..to listen to hear what they are saying…helps avoid confusion too.
One of the things that I taught my sons as they were growing up was to own their actions….. whether right or wrong. I taught them that if what they did was not right or turned out to be bad even with good intentions, to own it and to not try to blame other people for their actions. It shows our character by how we do this. We can either stand up and say “I am sorry. What I did was not the right way to handle this or that” or we can try to turn it on the other person and begin attacking them and blaming them.
Honesty is a huge thing with me as you all know and if we do not own our own actions and blame others because they disagree with us, then we are not being honest with ourselves or with everyone around us. And what people can fail to see is that while they are trying to blame others for inappropriate behavior, everyone around them sees what they are doing. Some people love to do this via the internet thinking that gives them more credibility. It will give credibility if you are owning your actions and your words but if you are via the social media trying to place blame on someone else, it shows your character to the world.
image from Pinterest.com
When someone shows you that they are not all the nice and sweetness they try to portray and act in a way that says they have a manipulative or ugly side..believe them. And when someone shows you that they are honest and good…believe them. No matter what it is..a person will eventually show you their true side. Usually the ones that are pretending to be this sweet and loving soul but have the ugly darker side will eventually slip up and you will find them doing ugly things.. They are showing you who they are.
image from facebook.com
I have found through the years that there are those who will set out to get you if you dare to criticize or disagree with them. I know you all know that kind of high school behavior. They have even made movies on it but it is not just high school people who will do that. Just take a look around social media. We will never have people agree with all we do and that is normal but many will only have around them ONLY those people who agree and go along with what they do and say. And sadly, there are people who will agree just to be part of the group. Just like in high school, you will have people who will follow people, will not stand up for what is right, will not tell someone who they are friends with that what they did was not right but will go along with the person who is leading the pack. And that person will never admit that they were wrong and will continue to make the same mistakes over and over and over all their lives.
I also taught my sons to stand up for what is right even if you stand alone. Own your behavior. If you have researched and know that you are right then stand up for it. If there is injustice, stand up for what is right. If someone is being hurt or mistreated, stand up for them. And, if you are wrong, stand up and admit it. Do not blame someone else. It is so important to own our words, our actions and our intentions if we are going to be people of integrity and honesty and good morals. But, I am sure that you all know too that there are people who do not do this. We have seen it from the highest office down to just people we know personally. They will never admit that they may have made a mistake. Instead, they will try to promote hatred and anger towards whomever disagrees with them or if they apologize it is what I call a “false” apology. We all know them. They use words to divert the apology onto the person that was offended or hurt. They will say things like ”I am sorry but…”. There are no “buts” when you hurt others, even if it was unintentional.
There are a few key phrases people use when trying to divert attention from their doing wrong. One is that if a person dared to disagree with them, then that person must be such a “lonely, sad person” or some phrase along those lines, or will talk about how the person that dared to say something must be of a certain mentality. They will hint at inappropriateness in those who do not agree with them but will never admit that anything they did is inappropriate. They will not own their own behavior or words. Most of us recognize people like this instantly but some will be so blinded by the person who acted inappropriately or will be a person that stands up for nothing and will just be a sheeple and go along with the wrong deed. We have minds and we are smart enough to have opinions even if they differ from what someone else does. And we should have courage enough to stand up for what is right.
Many people will not want to get involved, will not stand up for anyone because they do not want to make waves, will allow ugliness to go on instead of saying “You know, that was not the thing to say or do. I love you friend but it was wrong” and that shows the kind of character they have. There comes a time when you need to stand up for injustice, stand up for what is right and make a stand because if you stand for nothing, then no one will stand for you. Own your actions and own your words because they will follow you all your life. Standing up for what is right is not creating drama. It is standing up for the truth and for justice.
And the last line that should be on the quote above is: Or you will fall for anything
I have learned from my older than dirt wisdom that saying “I was wrong” or “I am sorry” does not mean you are a bad person, it means you realize that you are not perfect and will make mistakes. People will eventually see tour mistakes because we do not live on an island by ourselves. I learned how to apologize a long time ago when I have said or done something that was not right. And many times I have eaten my words and said “I am so sorry. I did not mean it how it sounded but it was still wrong”. And that friends, gives you a life of peace and joy because you know you have owned your words and actions and you have taken responsibility for them and righted any wrongs. I am proud of my sons and I have tried to emulate standing up to injustice or wrongs in life for them.. They have the courage to stand up and make a difference in their corner of the world. It all comes down to choice. We can choose to own our actions and our words or we can choose to make excuses, blame others and denigrate others to cover up our own bad behavior…the choice is ours to make.
I believe in the quote “stand up for what is right, even if you stand alone” but what I find sometimes is that people will get so ingrained in what they think is right that they no longer see the real facts. If anyone dares to disagree they are attacked, belittled and called ugly names. That shows the lack of maturity of the persons attacking but also shows that they are not as secure in what they are fighting for as they think. Real adults fight for the facts and not for the “dream” of what they want to be true.
I see this when people get into battles about religion. They are so ingrained in what they are fighting for that they do not research their own facts and so invalidate what they are saying. They become so focused on convincing everyone that what they say is true that they are unwilling to admit that there are fallacies in what they are saying. A good example is the “religions” who are always condemning people for drinking and yet no where in the Bible does it say drinking is a sin. It only says to beware of and that over indulgence is the sin. I am wary of a stove for I do not know if it is hot or not until I put my hand over it. Over indulgence of any thing is a sin be it drinking, eating, sex, etc. But you will not hear certain religions say that. And thus they invalidate themselves. I do not drink and have no desire to drink but when it comes to my faith, I want what the Bible says not what man has decided. And so, I study the Bible to know what it says.
Another area that I find people who have adopted what I call “cult like” mentality is those that “follow” others such as stars, famous people, groups, etc. If you can not see what is wrong and deny that anything is wrong or is not being done by a person, group or party, then you are not realistically look at things. These type of people will never admit that their beloved person or group does anything wrong and I mean NEVER. They will defend even the worst decisions vehemently. Those that use their abilities and study and research people will begin to see the discrepancies in what the person they are following says and does and then are able to make decisions on facts not emotions.
This happens with those that follow singers, stars, famous people, etc. And if you dare to disagree, you will be demonized and attacked vehemently. I saw this when Carrie Underwood did “The Sound of Music” television show. I love Carrie Underwood and she is an awesome singer but I thought she was a little less than stellar on her performance in the show. Now, I think if she took acting lessons she could be awesome in acting too so I was not denigrating her. I was stating a fact that many expressed on feeds. Those that follow with cult like adoration could not stand anything being said that was not complimentary to their star and attacked in a way that was shocking.
I have been attacked viciously and even told by certain people from a group that I used to belong to and believed in at one time that they hoped I died when they knew I was going through treatment. Sorry, but I did not die and I am doing good and writing a book and actively involved in my little church. I am not sitting on the internet whining , complaining and attacking or making assertions I have not researched to see if true or not. It shows the mental state of people who are attacking others. It is an all over the internet problem. Just read news feeds and read the comments of those that just sit there waiting on something to attack a person on.
Just a little added information from Psychology Today from a study they did on those that attack people on the internet:
“Both trolls and sadists feel sadistic glee at the distress of others. Sadists just want to have fun … and the Internet is their playground!”
“So next time you encounter a troll online, remember a few things. (1) These trolls are some truly messed up people and (2) it is your suffering that brings them pleasure, so the best thing you can do is ignore them. “
If you are positive of what you believe in you do not have to attack people to make your point. I do not care what these type of people have to say like that because people do one of two things. Some people will attack and try to pull you down to where they are and others try to lift you up to where they are..which is what I try to do with this blog. Always remember this when someone attacks, demeans or is a bully towards you. They are the miserable ones and can find nothing better to do than to belittle others. I pity them and do not allow them to bring me down at all.
In politics, I am neither a democrat nor a republican nor an independent. I am an American. I vote by the person and research the person. You would be amazed at the information you find and the misdeeds you find on ALL politicians if you actually research it. My point being that just because you are of one group does not mean all they do is perfect and if that is what you are saying, you need to step back and look at all so that you can say “well they did this that was not good but they did this that is good”. Saying that anyone, even in a relationship, has some behavior or habit that is bad does not make them all bad. We are all humans and we all do things wrong. No one is perfect. Being realistic means we are capable of seeing both side.
Again I will use an example that has become ingrained in my mind. Clinton did a lot of good things as president and I happen to like Clinton but when he had sex in the oval office and then lied under oath…that was wrong. It was a stupid move. Many said “Sex is not something we should judge. It is his personal life.” I agree that one’s personal life is no one’s business but when you do it in the oval office, then it becomes something that should be condemned for that is our White House and if he had been a superior in a corporation and had sex with a trainee, he would have been fired.
Now, I do not base my judgement of Clinton on the sex act. I base my feelings about him on the fact that he lied under oath and to US, the people who voted him in. The point being here is that I can still tell you the good things about Clinton and what he did in office and for the economy, etc and when someone says “yes but he lied under oath” or “he had sex in the oval office”, I can admit that yes he did and it was wrong and then tell them the good things he did. We have to learn how to see both the good and bad in people, businesses, etc so that we can make valid judgments about them. I can tell both good and bad things Bush did or any president did.
I find that if we are sure of our beliefs than we can state the bad things not attack someone who disagrees. We are using our own reasoning and our minds to make rational judgments. If you find yourself defending everything someone does even when the majority of the people condemn it, sit back for a few minutes. Start listing all the good and the bad that has been said about the person, star, group, etc and see if you can then still support them in spite of the things wrong. Weight things by their importance: was there deception, was there lies, was there manipulation, was there mistreatment, was there inappropriate actions, etc. For example, sex in the oval office held less weight for me but lying under oath held a LOT of weight for me because honesty is one of the values I hold dear.
Decide what your values are and support what is right based on values such as honesty, trust, morals, etc and not what you want to be right because you are so enamored with a person, group, singer, etc. We have a lot of cult like mentality going on around the world. People will follow people even if what they do is immoral, destructive, manipulative and even down right murderous as we have seen in the world recently and that is sad. And I believe it is because we are not teaching children who grow up to become adults how to reason for themselves. Learn how to accept that there are things wrong with whomever you are following or admiring and decide if those things change your view of them. If you realistically look at the wrong things and decide that yes, they were bad things but not bad enough to change how I feel, then you have learned how to make rational decisions about others. But if you still vehemently defend someone when they have done something wrong and attack others for stating the wrong things, it might be time to sit back and re-evaluate.
And that my friends is simply danLrene’s opinion. I hope that it at least makes you sit back and look at things and see if you are blindly following someone or if you are making true assertions about someone you follow. And if it makes you think about blind loyalty and the dangers of it, then I have at least done that.
I used to love to sit in the coffee shops and sip my coffee and just read the paper. But also, I loved listening to all the talking going on. People would be expounding on how they would run the government, how they would do this or that and basically talking about what they wanted to see the country be like. It was always interesting to hear different opinions. And then I began to notice as time went on that most of what I saw people do was talk. No one was willing to step up and do anything to make a change or step up to correct something wrong happening around us. Many would not even register to vote and yet would tell all they would do to change the country. Registering to vote would be the first step.
image from www.bemagazine.org
I believe and always have believed that we must stand up for what is right no matter who else stands up. Sometimes we are standing alone. But if no one ever stands up, then wrongs will never be righted. I have friends that have animal rescues and they stand up against the abuse of animals and try to rescue and find homes for all they can. Some people work to stop the mistreatment and exploitation of wild animals. If no one ever did this, just imagine the horrors all the pets would be going through and all the abuse and exploitation that wildlife would endure. It takes courage to step up like that and take on the battle when most people would not. But if you want change you have to be willing to take the battles that come with it.
So, how do you get this courage? I think we learn it from watching others. We also learn what and who to invest our time and energy on. Some people will never change and so you must move on in life and find those that are in harmony with your beliefs. There will be haters and those that criticize you for standing up but if you believe strong enough in what you are doing, then they will not matter. It is by far better to be a leader in righting wrongs than it is to be a mindless follower of something that is wrong. Those people only perpetuate the wrongs and do nothing to help create a way to correct the wrong or at least stop the wrong. So, when the haters start attacking you, feel proud that you are doing something right.
image from www.pinterest.com
I have people ask me all the time where my strength comes from. Let me first say it comes from my faith in God for I know He carries me when I can not carry myself. He lifts me up and gets me back on my feet. Being courageous does not come from physical endurance. It comes from mental endurance and the ability to separate things that matter from things that do not. I have been knocked down many times and yet, with God’s help, I manage to get myself back up and going again. Being courageous requires you to exercise your mind, study and know what is right and what is wrong, have faith in yourself and what you believe and then make that effort to take that first step.
image from www.pinterest.com
The reward comes when you see something that is wrong stopped or fixed. What a feeling of accomplishment that is. It will not matter if others did not agree with you. What will matter is seeing abuse stopped, mistreatment stopped, laws changed that need to be changed, companies held accountable..whatever it was you were standing up for. Be proud of yourself when you stand up for something or someone. In a world where many are too timid, too self-absorbed, too busy or anything else to stand up for something, I believe that makes you heroic when you do stand up to help right a wrong. What you stand up for could affect your loved ones in a positive way. It could help lift someone up that was beaten down or help make the world a safer place for all. Are you the change you want to see in the world?
I admit that I am a big believer in the theory that our choices are what makes our lives what they are. I also believe that children should be learning about choices from the time they are small. I used a method with my sons that gave them a choice of what would happen. For example, if one of my sons was hitting on the other son, I would tell him that he had two choices. He could choose to stop hitting and get to stay and play or he could choose to not stop hitting and he would have to go to time out. The choice was his and I then asked him what did he choose. He had been told the consequences so he made the choice. The first time I did that with my sons, one of them continued on with the inappropriate behavior and was sent to time out. He was so upset because he said that was not what he wanted. I told him that he made the choice and I had told him the consequences. Once they learned that I meant what the consequences were, they learned to normally choose the right one.
As we grow older and life offers so many choices to make, we learn that each choice has a consequence and that consequence could be good or could be bad. As I acquired “older than dirt” wisdom, I began to make many choices about my life. It was not just a choice of do I want to go here or there but was choices about how I wanted my life to go. Below is a list that pretty much says what I believe in and I choose to live this way daily.
I am a survivor by nature and am always working on ways to make my life like I want it to be. Many people will be passive and not make choices they need to make. They will let someone else make the choices for them. And the result of that is that you are not living the life you want but the life someone else chooses for you. I say this often because I believe it to be true. Survivors focus on solutions and victims are still talking about all the problems. When problems arise, I believe we should find a way to fix the problem. If we can not fix the problem, then we must either move ourselves away from the problem or accept it. I believe in standing up for what is right even if I am standing all by myself and there have been times it has been me against whatever.
Work to create the life you want. Begin by asking yourself are you happy and if not, find what it would take to make you happy. I believe we choose whether we are happy or not. This does not mean you snap your fingers and say “Ok, I am happy.” It means that we make the steps necessary to be happy. If I am down about something then I make steps to lift me up. It could be music, it could be visiting with friends, it could be holding my grand baby or playing with my dog. But I choose to do something to lift myself out of the slump. That is what choosing to be happy is. If I am unhappy with my job then I find another job. I am responsible for my own happiness. We can not rely on others, places, things, money etc to make us happy. We have to find our own happiness.
Make the choices in your life. Nothing I hate worse than to ask someone what they want to eat or what movie they want to watch than to have them say “I do not know. You choose.” They are giving away their voice to someone else. One day, I actually told a person that said that to me “Ok, then we will not eat or see the movie. We will just sit here and talk.” I wish I had my camera to catch the look they gave for I knew they were hungry and I knew they wanted us to watch a movie. What I wanted was for them to give “their” wants and we could discuss it. This is a prime example of the quote box above. If you do not choose for your own life, then you will live someone else’s life and that may not be the life you want.
Choices are everywhere. We choose to sleep in or get up. We choose what we eat, what we wear and where we work. We choose who we are friends with, who we do not want to be around, whether to marry or have children. Life is constant choices. What I notice though is people will give away their choices and then are miserable but will not choose to step up and change it. Use your voice. Do not become a victim who gets used, misused, taken advantage of and after a while becomes someone people do not like to be around.
Being assertive about your life is not the same thing as being a bitch about things. Being assertive simple means you step up and say your views. You do not have to argue with anyone but if you do not say how you really feel then you are the one to blame when things do not go well. Choose the life you want and keep making choices that make your life better. If things make you unhappy, then get away from those things. Use your gift of choice. And most of all, when you make bad choices….go back and correct things. Do not just sit there and whine about how bad it was.