A Beautiful Sunset

No words. The Pictures say it all. Looking out our door tonite.

Is The Anonymity Of The Internet Creating Bullies?

This is a subject that is close to my heart for I have been bullied on the internet and know how ugly it can be. But my question is….does this hiding behind the monitor help create these bullies or are they already there?  School bullying has always been here it seems, but now that we have all this technology and people can do things without anyone knowing who they are, are the monsters coming out of the woodwork? There seems to be no age limit either on who is a bully and who is not.

Pappy Boyington said in his is novel about his life as a POW  that we all have it in us to be mean or cruel. That was a sobering thought for me but I think given the right circumstances, he is probably right. Most people just don’t get that way because there are not in a position of having too much power or whatever. I mean think about it, cops have lost control with prisoners that acted out so bad…when their adrenalin was pumping from chasing them or wrestling with them to subdue them, teachers have lost control of students who were out of control, parents have lost control with their own kids….it is there but I think extreme stress must bring it out or maybe having too much power.

So, what brings out the bullies online?  I think it is that they can do it anonymously and therefore don’t have to be held accountable for their actions. I would be willing to bet that many bullies would not act that way if it were a face to face confrontation. Many bullies were bullied before they became a bully and this is their way of seeking revenge. Some are under extreme stress and it is taken out on those on the internet. And some are just malicious people who want to hurt others.

We have all read of people who committed suicide after being bullied horrendously. Megan Taylor Meier is an example of what bullying does to someone. She killed herself after being harassed by the mother of a school mate of hers. A grown woman decides she is going to “mess with” this child and tell her how horrible she is. And the mother didn’t do it in her name. She created a fake account and pretended to be a boy who was around Megan’s age. Although what the woman did contributed to the death of Megan, there were no real laws on internet bullying to allow them to prosecute her. But, public opinion and their anger at what this mother did, caused them to have to close their business and move. The very thing that made it possible for this woman to bully Megan worked against them and people were able to find their address, phone numbers, etc and to let them know what they thought of this woman.

You can read the story here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suicide_of_Megan_Meier

It is very scary all the information that is out there about us on the internet. People can find your address, your phone numbers, even where you work. That is what happened to me. Some people looked me up, found my home, my email and harassed me and bullied me. Since then, I have made it a point to go to every site I can find and remove my information.

I realize that Zuckerberg wants all of our info out there and says we should “trust” on Facebook. Of course, he does not want all His information out there. That is different. But I find that puts people at risk. Women who have been in abusive relationships can be tracked down, people can find other people’s work, homes, phone numbers, etc and bully them or even stalk them.

John Dean states on his column on cyber bullying the following:

“As with obscenity, most people know bullying when they see it, so I need not dwell on describing the name-calling; the vicious teasing; the spreading of gossip or rumors or outright falsehoods; the focusing of unwanted attention; and the revealing of private and personal information—that is, the many ways and means of bullying—for they are endless and easily recognized by the style and form of their delivery.“

Dean states that cyber bullies have the potential to harass and bully 24/7. That is a terrifying ordeal for the person being bullied. He goes on to say:

“In short, the cyberbully, like those found tweeting pseudonymously on Twitter, are uniquely disquieting, and deserving of more than a special loathing.  We need a solid set of techniques for dealing with their offensive and obnoxious behavior.”

You can read the column here:

http://verdict.justia.com/2011/12/16/cyberbullying-on-twitter-part-one

He plans on doing several columns on this so you might want to bookmark this site.

Please do not think that cyber bullying is something only kids do cause it is not. In the world of anonymous, there are many adults who will attack for no reason and harass and bully you. Below is the link to a page of a woman who was bullied and her story is horrific but emphasizes the need to keep your information private.

http://www.overcomebullying.org/cyberbullying.html

So, what should you to avoid cyber bullying and harassing?  Follow the steps on this link below, which are:

Do Not Respond to the Cyber Bully’s Attacks

This is the hardest thing to do cause you want to defend yourself but that is what they want you to do…to react.

Don’t Delete Information Related to the Cyber Bullying

also make screenshots of everything they have said and done.

Report the Cyber Bullying to ISP, Police, Schools and even FBI

While many ISP’s will act quickly, some won’t. Don’t expect Facebook to. Go on to the police…even the FBI if necessary but make sure you document and report.

You can read all the information on how to protect yourself here:

http://www.overcomebullying.org/cyber-bullying.html

And one more important thought. Stand up for those being bullied and help them. The more people against cyber bullying, the more they will get the message. And PLEASE…don’t put all your information on the internet. It is not a safe world out there, regardless of what Zuckerberg says about it when it comes to Facebook. There are malicious and mentally sick people out there on the internet who just wait for a chance to jump on someone and harass, threaten and bully.

Is Loyalty Another Addicting Drug?

Loyalty is probably the most misunderstood concept in the world. I have watched people claim loyalty to political parties, religions, religious leaders, companies, family members…you name it.  The problem comes when people place such a frame on being loyal that they continue to be loyal even when the person or thing they are loyal to has taken a turn for the worse. Loyalty can turn into misguided loyalty and become like a drug that consumes us.

I have watched parents take loyal to the extreme and they will defend their children no matter what they do and make excuses for them.  I am very proud of my sons and they know it but they also knew that if they broke the law or did something wrong that got them in trouble, that I would not lie to get them out of it. I would be there with them to walk through it but they would have to face up to what they did wrong. The Anthony case comes to mind when I talk about this as we watched all the drama and change of stories while their daughter was on trial for murdering her child.  It scares me when I see this happen for what are we teaching the child?  We are teaching them that no matter what they do, they can lie their way out of it and we will be there to do the same for them.

I have seen people take the extreme when it came to politicians, defending them even when they did something wrong. This is not loyalty. Loyalty is standing by them in spite of their wrongs.  I have seen people make excuses for things done and fight anyone that dared to say anything negative about the person they were showing their brand of loyalty to.

I think I must really be different for to me, loyalty is standing by a person…even when they err in judgment. If I make up excuses to cover their wrongs and try to keep anyone from saying anything negative, all I do is draw more attention to the error in judgment of that person. I call this blind loyalty and it borders on how those in cults are. For example, those who followed Jim Jones defended him to the death. They gave up all their possessions, their money and followed him to another country all because they believed totally what he was saying. Even when they felt uncomfortable with what he was doing, they could not bring themselves to admit it and they died because of it.

The code of silence with law enforcement, doctors, etc is a good example of misguided loyalty. There used to be this wall and you could not get a person to speak out if someone was doing something wrong. It was a loyalty that was blinded to justice for much corruption happened and yet no one could do anything about it for no one would say one negative word about the one that was corrupt. Thankfully, this is not as strong as is was some years back and the rogue cops or bad doctors, etc are now being exposed.

A political example is Clinton and the now famous affair.  I listened to people make excuses about the affair because they just could not admit that what he did was improper. I heard things ranging from “well he is the president” to “it was not real sex” to “sex is personal” (uh not in the oval office).  The truth of the matter is, if he had been the boss of a corporation and had an affair with an employee under him, he would have been fired. He made an error in judgment. Does that negate the good he did as president?  Not in my book. I can see the good and the bad and do not have to pretend he was perfect to say anything good about him. But, many people have this misguided loyalty idea that if they dare say anything negative about the person they are loyal to then they are disloyal. Being loyal is standing by them even though we recognize their faults not because we perceive them as perfect. I am not a “party” person but I do look at each candidate personally and I see good things Clinton did and I see things he made mistakes on and I see that in all presidents.

Companies now have loyalty marketing planning sessions on how to better effectively get the money from those that are loyal fans as they term it. If you don’t believe me, look up loyalty marketing. Companies realize that people will take loyalty to the extreme and so they are using this as a marketing tool. A good example would be the fast food companies who use the game tokens to get you to buy more food. Or the cigarette companies that used to have the tokens on the packages that you could use to redeem for items from a catalog. Loyalty marketing programs have existed since the fifties. And it works. They give a little and get back much more than they give and people think that they are really getting a prize when in reality all we are doing is buying more cigarettes or food items to get the tokens we need to get a free this or that.

So how do we know if our loyalty is misguided? I think first we have to be able to admit that the person or product or company or whatever is subject to error. If we take something or someone and try to turn them into something perfect, then we need to step back and look again for nothing in this world is perfect.  If we find it beyond hard to admit that whatever or whomever we are following, does anything wrong then we need to step back and look at what we are doing.  If we just follow blindly and never ask questions or look for information, then we need to step back and ask ourselves why we don’t. If there is secretiveness and unanswered questions from those we are giving our loyalty to, we need to step back and look again,  If there is constant denial that anything is wrong by those following, we need to step back and look again. If you are attacked for asking a question or pointing out something that appears wrong, then you need to step back and look again. Has your loyalty to whatever or whomever become addicting to you and you find you must be constantly checking on whatever it is you are loyal to…you can’t make it one day without some contact, then it is time to step back and take a good look.

Being loyal to something or someone is not bad. It is just when we take it to the extreme, when we refuse to hear anything about it other than the “singing of praises”, if it consumes us and we don’t’ realize that we are giving up our time, our money and even our true will, then it can be harmful for psychology has found that people with misguided loyalty will defend and be loyal to something even when it is turning into something bad.