Don’t Be Just A Surviver~ Be a Thriver

Someone told me tonight that they just wished for me to have just a little while of no health things happening so that I could rest and enjoy life. I laid here thinking about life from the years prior to being put on disability to date. The battles were remembered but seemed like I was not feeling the emotions I was feeling at the time. I am a fighter and always will be. I try to minimize my health issues and pain with laughter for I find that makes my life so much easier to bear. And I am blessed to have loved ones who lift me up and help me keep going.

video by waljaard

As I was thinking about the times, the hard surgeries, the pain…I realized that what has kept me going is that I don’t let these things hold me down. It might be horrific going through the rough times, but I know I will get past them. My body is covered both inside and out with many scars and yet here I am smiling and laughing and loving life. I love how this quote describes the scars.

There is something beautiful about all scars of whatever nature.  A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed, done with. 

~Harry Crews~

I think perhaps those of us that have many many scars, to us it is something we are used to dealing with and those that only have one or two….it is harder to get past the hurt and pain for they have not had to deal with it very much and so healing comes slower. When adversity is so bad…we feel like we are running against the wind and getting nowhere….but we are. It is just in increments rather than miles.

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Rock bottom is good solid ground, and a dead-end street is just a place to turn around. 

~Buddy Buie and J.R. Cobb~

Ever hit rock bottom? I have. One time was with my kidney surgery when the pain was so bad I could not eat, move and could barely talk.  I remember a friend telling me how sorry they were that I was enduring this and that it made them realize that some things are worse than death. I felt like I had hit rock bottom. But know what?  Something in me started to fight…to live. Instead of keeping on going down, I did a u-turn and started back up that mountain. It was a huge scar and stayed tender for a while and then one day, I knew it was finally healed…nothing but a memory. And I look back now and smile at one more mountain I crossed.

Watch a man in times of… adversity to discover what kind of man he is; for then at last words of truth are drawn from the depths of his heart, and the mask is torn off. 

~Lucretius~

When we are battling is when we are the most vulnerable. It is when there is no front to protect us, our total inner being is showing and people see who we really are. It is too hard to hide our feelings when we are battling things and so our words come from deep within and our words and our eyes match. That is one of my big things…if your words don’t match what your eyes are saying to me…antennas go off.

There are times in everyone’s life when something constructive is born out of adversity… when things seem so bad that you’ve got to grab your fate by the shoulders and shake it.

  ~Author Unknown~

We have two choices when facing adversity….give up and wallow in it or fight the good fight and do the best we can. We may not always win…but we at least go down fighting if we don’t. Sometimes I think we have to shake ourselves and say “ok stop the whining” and get back on the treadmill of life and start pedaling…one pedal at a time. Either we let our lives be spent in anger spewing at others with venom or we do something contructive.

A bend in the road is not the end of the road… unless you fail to make the turn. 

~Author Unknown~

Sometimes we can think we are the only one suffering or battling but if you really look around the world…..you will find someone worse than you. Son used to ask me why I watched shows like the woman with the 60 pound tumor. I told him to remind myself that many were worse off than me. It keeps me from feeling sorry for myself and feeling bad for the all things I can’t do. I believe in focusing on what I CAN do instead.  It is not the journey, for there will always be mountains we have to climb…it is how we climb them that matters…one step at a time.

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Adversity is like a strong wind.  It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are. 

~Arthur Golden, Memoirs of a Geisha~

There are times we  let the sorrow, the pain, the battle overtake us and we lose sight of what we have in our lives. It is so easy to let it all shadow the good things we do have. Life is not always easy but the good moments are there, if we just allow ourselves to see them.  If we spend our lives mourning it all, then we lose what we do have in our lives. I know you have seen people who spend their lives cherishing and nurturing their hurt or sorrow and building it into a lifestyle rather than working through it making themselves stronger.

Allow yourself a moment of grief when life’s misfortunes visit you.  However, do not spend your days building a monument in honor of them. 

~Dodinsky~

I think we have to believe that things will get better when they are bad. We have to work towards the positive instead of the negative and to make ourselves see the time frame. If something is only for a few weeks, it is easier to deal with than thinking it is forever. For example, my surgery that I dread, will soon be over and healing will take a few weeks and then it is over. When I think about it in those terms, it is easier to live with. Believe and believe in the good for I truly believe good outweighs the bad.

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Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it. 

~Helen Keller~

This is how life is. We may be a Victim one day of circumstances, health, hurt…whatever. But the goal is to move on and become a “Survivor of” those things. And after we survive, we must go on to be come a Thriver.…one who not only survived but thrives and lives and loves in their life.

Convert difficulties into opportunities, for difficulties are divine surgeries to make you better.  ~Author Unknown~

video by TheRebaCollection

and the only way to be a thriver is to let go…of the anger…the hurt..whatever emotion is stuck in the past.

”Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. What is it you would let go of today?”

–Mary Manin Morrissey~

More On Anonymous Blue Headed Bullies

I guess bullies think if they make a fake ID and post nasty to you that they are safe from you knowing who they are. Well, folks, Score One for the our side.  Word Press tells where your comments are from. And my anonymous blue headed bully comes from ELY, MN.

So, hey bully ♫who do you think you are?♫♫

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WE KNOW! WE KNOW! 

And now you can ♫Runaway♫ like all bullies do and wonder what went wrong with your bully note.

video by Whuntmore

From there, I took the time to research further and found out that my blue headed bully lives on a small lake at ELY, MN.   I would post the whole report, but I am not going to put the name out there. I just want them to know WE KNOW now. Now, most of us don’t worry if WordPress tells where we are from when we comment because we don’t write nasty, bullying letters to people. But, bullies BEWARE!!  Technology is outing you and those being bullied are not standing for it anymore.

And so, I only have one thing to say now:

♫♫WE GOT YOU, MY PRETTY! HE HE HE HE♫♫

video by WBMoviesOnline

Now, I won’t post like I have seen on others sites where the ones bullying say  “I will pray for you. I feel sorry for you for you must have a miserable life”.  I will just have fun and play this song for all you bullies. For see, while you thought you would hurt, all you did was make us laugh and have fun. And one day our dream will come true. Those bullying others will be known all across the internet and therefore find it hard to do that anymore.

video by JaronLongRoadVEVO

Dog and Cows

Is this not the cutest video.  I love how the dog just lays down and lets them all come up to check him out.

video by LUCYDIAMONDBOXER1

Always A Day Late And A Dollar Short

Have you ever noticed that the item you buy that you wanted so much….goes on sale the very next week. Seems like things come to us after the moment and we are trying to figure out how to catch it earlier. I love sales but don’t spend my time perusing the sale catalogs or sale papers and so I miss a lot of sales. Son has become the sale person now.

Now here is something I wish I had found a couple of months ago when I had the mouse  problem in the house. Now, why could I not have seen this then. It would have been so much easier and son would not have had to cook his famous pork soup all night to run the mouse out of the house.

 video by: thamesditton46

I could have just caught the mouse when he was sleeping and carried him snoring in my hand outside and let him loose. Think of all the mouse traps I could have saved and the mouse would have quit laughing at me every time he snapped my trap and got away.

Now here is something we all could get in on early. It is the human robot that talks to you. Who needs a spouse now???  ROFLMAO    And it does not talk back to you. And you don’t have to feed it. I wonder if it is on the market yet?

 video by djbadboyrican

Oh shoot ladies, I heard he is already taken. The laughing lady on the Fisherman’s wharf already got him. I guess the last laugh is on us.  Wouldn’t you just know it. A day late and a dollar short..again.

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The Mind Is A Wonderful Thing

I remember when my boys were growing up. They both learned how to entertain themselves so that it was not nonstop entertaining and soothing them. No, they didn’t have to do it all the time. But, hand the oldest one tinker toys or a book and he could play and play having the best time. My other son would go and hunt something to do if he was bored. I used to laugh because when he was a young teen, we lived in the country and if he got too bored, he would clean house. I mean literally vacuum, dust or clean the kitchen. But sometimes, we reach adulthood and do not know how to entertain ourselves and depend on others to do it for us.

We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.
Buddha

Becoming disabled, I learned to find my own entertainment like the computer, writing, reading, art, photography, etc. And so, when no one is around, I am quite content and don’t feel like I have nothing to do. And even on those times where I feel the worst and just lay here, I can close my eyes and go anywhere I want as I flip through my mental memory album or mental pictures of places I have seen or read about.

One of my favorite things is what is called Coffee Table books. I love them because they are filled with pictures and I can sit and look and look to my heart’s content. I have quite a few of them and son finds them when he goes to the used bookstore.

I have very eclectic taste and love to read all kinds of books. This dream one is one of my favorites because it talks about other cultures too.

I remember the day son found this book for me. I was getting over surgery and it was what kept me entertained for hours while I could not get up and do anything. The mind…what a great thing. I traveled all over America in this book.

‘There is no need to search for happiness or to create it. There is no need to undergo all kinds of external experiences in order to enjoy it. It is always here, deep within your soul.”

This Dragon book is so awesome. It has all sorts of things in it. Below is a picture inside.

I love seeing the paddle boats and all the places along the Mississippi River in this book. I look at these books over and over.

“A man travels the world over in search of what he needs

and returns home to find it”

George Moore

Just a few of my treasures of Coffee Table books. They are huge books and one can spend an afternoon just looking at one and travel all over the place. But the point of showing them was to show just one way of entertaining ourselves, especially if we are home bound a lot. Some people have a really hard time entertaining themselves and then without meaning to, they can put a drain on those around them because they want the people around them to entertain them. My son is wonderful to take care of me but I want him to have a life too and the best way for me to do that was by being someone who knew how to entertain myself…to self soothe instead of expecting him to do it.

Middle Of The Night Ramblings on Faceless Blue Headed Bullies

Am laying here listening to the sound of the fan blowing and quietness. I truly believe that we have become such a busy world, that we don’t know how enjoyable quietness is. Right now, I think if I had the sound of water running like a stream, I could close my eyes and feel like I was in nature. It is so serene and relaxing. No tv blaring, no talking, no traffic sounds…just the gentle sound of a fan.

So, once again you are blessed cursed with my rambling brain in the middle of the night. I have to tell you that Facebook mentality has once again caused me to erupt into laughter. I got one of those junior high school bully type messages because someone did not like one of my posts on here or the comments on it. It was so hysterical and school age that I was calling my son and friends to come read it and laugh with me. You know the kind….obvious fake ID and they start attacking you personally like they think they are really telling you off. What they failed to understand is, in order for me to get upset…I have to care about who is saying something to me. And how can you care about a fake ID?

image from facebook.com

I supposed I could blow up one of those Facebook blue head icons and then tell it off. Or run shrieking through the house in fear and when son asks me why, tell him the “blue head” is out to get me. Or I could call the police station and have them put out an APB out for the “Blue Headed Person” who writes anonymous bully letters. Maybe Investigative Reports will come in and film a segment on me. Do you think?  Sorry folks, but you see what son and friends and I were doing after the letter came in. And I laughed til I cried and so did everyone else. What??? The door bell rang. Son wait..wait…look through the peep-hole. It might be the blue headed anonymous bully writer. Son asks “how will I know???”  I said “Look for the blue head! Only look down cause it probably is a little old blue headed lady!”

image from 1951daysofmylife.blogspot.com

Hmmm, a friend says “wonder if the blue head means it is some little old lady with that white hair with the blue tint on it, off on her computer in a corner of her house sending out these blue headed anonymous bully letters?” Can’t you just picture that with her saying in that voice like the bad fairy on the Wizard of Oz “I’ll get you my pretty”.

video by WBMoviesOnline

That conjured up such an image that i am afraid I had to change my shirt for coke went flying out of my mouth because I was laughing so hard. And having son imitate the witch on the Wizard of Oz and someone else pretend to be the Good Fairy saying “Begone…you have no power here” left us all in stitches.  Or Better yet, maybe it was Maxine’s evil twin and the real Maxine is down at the police station filling out papers for identity theft. I can see her now telling them to put a detective on the shampoo isle and ID anyone that buys the blue rinse little old ladies like to use on their hair.

image from bunnyjeansdecorandmore.blogspot.com

Well, now you see how we spent our afternoon and it only got more hysterical from there with them doing imitations. See, folks, things are only as hurtful as we allow them and again I say…how can you be seriously upset over message from a fake ID? Now, if someone has a serious message to me, I take the time to answer and I did answer one yesterday and the person was extremely nice.

And so, moving on from the hysterics of yesterday, I have to tell you that son’s soup is so good that we ate it with hot buttered cornbread for supper again last night. He asked me was I sick cause I do not normally eat two helpings of the soup. I told him that he just outdid himself on this pot of soup.

As I lay here alone, listening to my fan, I thought about how some people mistake “alone” for “lonely”.  Now, no  one wants to be alone all the time, but I am a person that actually enjoys being alone here in my room…to read, write, do artwork, play on the computer or just watch a show on the television. I don’t feel lonely…I am just alone without having to have someone entertain me. I learned how to entertain myself a long time ago. Besides, if I allow myself to depend on others to make me happy or keep me entertained, I might become like one of those faceless blue heads and start muttering to myself “I’ll get you my pretty” in that high shrill voice and typing junior high school type bully letters to people that I don’t like. LOL

Back In The Good Ole Days

This is a picture of me when little. Can you tell who my hero was by the hat?  I had to laugh cause they told me that my hero was Gabby Hayes.

I was told I wore this hat everywhere. This is in the fifties. Many of the stars recorded in the thirties but we saw them in the fifties like they were brand new. I was amazed to learn that Gabby Hayes was born in 1885.  Here I was a very young child and this man, born in 1885 was in the shows I loved.

image from hayesgeorgebio.jpg

TV and the matinée’s when I was a kid were the greatest thing we had ever seen. It was easy to tell the good guys from the bad guys most the time because the good guys wore white hats. And being honest and truthful and upstanding were important.

I loved Roy Rogers and Dale Evans and I think my favorite part was the Happy Trails Song.

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And who could forget The Lone Ranger and Tonto. These shows were treats for us every weekend.

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And of course, Hop-along Cassidy. Who could forget him.

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And one of my favorites. I was thrilled to meet Sky King in person when I was a kid.  He actually came to our house for supper. All the kids in the neighborhood were knocking on our door wanting autographs.

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And remember this…faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive…able to leap small buildings in a single bound…look ….up in the sky…it’s bird…it’s a plane..it’s SUPERMAN!!

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And for all us dog lovers….there was Lassie and Rin Tin Tin

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And how about Rawhide?  I loved that show and still can’t believe Clint Eastwood started here.

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And of course, Gunsmoke. One of my favorites

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And last,  but not least, the Howdy Doody Show.

video by MillCreekEnt

And that is my walk down memory lane. Boy has television changed and not necessarily for the best.

Do We Always Hear What The Other Person Is Saying?

“We interpret events based on our points of view, attitudes, opinions, beliefs, perceptions and assumptions, past experiences, memories and generalizations. All these shape our thinking maps and how we interpret events…positive thinking and negative thinking.”

Derik Mocke

Communicating is often one of the hardest things we deal with. It can be with those we work with, with family members, or just with people in general. I found Derik Mocke’s quote to be very telling. Everything we have in our heads filters what we read, what we hear and what we see and we respond accordingly…whether with a positive response or a negative one.

Son and I have learned to stop each other and say “ok, let me tell you what I am hearing and you tell me if that is what you are saying”.  It saves a lot of confusion for us. I am going to use a humorous point to illustrate this..but it is still the same for anything we do. What we hear is not only based on our experiences but on the definitions we have for the words used.

I was sitting at the dinner table one day and son was cooking. I asked him how to defrag my computer. And he started giving me directions. I got to the part where it said “defrag volume”.  I looked up and said “son, why do we defrag the sound?”  He asked me what I was talking about. I said well…it says “defrag volume”  so why do we defrag the sound?”  My son started laughing a good belly laugh and said “Mom, that is volume as in quantity…not sound”.  But, it illustrates a point. If I have one definition for a word and you another, we will have miscommunication.

A friend of mine was telling me about someone and I said “she is very dramatic, isn’t she”.  Well, he stopped me and asked me what I meant by “dramatic”.  And I explained that I was saying she was very exotic looking. He thought I was calling her a drama queen. See how easily misunderstandings occur.

Everything from our past works as a filter for how we interpret what someone writes or what someone says. And these events from our past can cause us to have many misunderstandings or to read something into writing that is not there. Son and I learned to question if we are not sure.

Another good example, and this one almost ended in a bad argument. We were talking about the electric bill on the other side of the mountain being so high. And I said something was bad wrong. We did not have enough on to make an electric bill that high. And son said “well I know it is not the electric company.”  And I got upset and we said a few things back and forth, and then I threw my hand up and said..”wait a minute son. Let me tell you what my brain heard and you tell me what you were saying. My brain heard you tell me I was wrong and being ridiculous.”  Son got the most shocked look on his face and said….”no no no mom..that is NOT what I was saying. I was trying to say it wasn’t the Electric company so it must be something in this house.”

I think when we read things, we need to realize that what we get out of it is from our own experiences. This is why they don’t like people who have been robbed, for example,  to be on the jury for a robbery trial because it might influence your thinking.  And sometimes, we need to read things three or four times to make sure we are getting what the person is really writing and not our own slanted view from our past for both positive and negative things influence how we read things.

And when we are talking, before getting upset…take the time to stop and say to the other person…”you know, this is what I am hearing in my head…is this what you are saying to me?”  I think you might be surprised and find that many an argument might not happen with just that one step. Son and I communicate so much better now that we have learned to do that. And if someone uses a word and it has a negative connotation to you…stop the person and ask them to tell you what the word means to them.

This is how easily one word can cause a misunderstanding.  I lived in the Smoky Mountains all my life until my boys were little and we moved to the GA/FL line. Well, where I came from, it was a common expression when someone was aggravating you, to say jokingly  “ok, you are getting on my black list”…meaning you are about to get in trouble. Well jump to me moving to the GA/FL line and living in a small town in South GA and making that statement where the ethnic ratio was not the same as where I had lived before. That word “black” means something entirely different in that little town in south GA.   One word caused a bad argument. Finally I made the person understand that I was not making an ethnic slur but that it was a totally different meaning. But, after that…I never used that phrase again for I could see that many would get upset from that area.

Things are made more difficult with all the talking that goes on with our cellphones, texting and on the internet. When you can’t see the person’s face, it is hard to interpret what they really mean. They could be joking and you take it in a very negative way. Another example from me is:  When I grew up the term “patience, marie” was said quite often and to many people. It was used like this. “When will the pizza be ready?  huh? huh?” and the response would be with a laugh…”patience, Marie, it has to cook.”  Well, not everyone uses that expression and not everyone takes it as a tease. I had someone get furious with me for saying that once when I was looking something up for them and they flew into a rage and told me how dare I tell them what to do. I sat there with my mouth open and did make the comment “that is a joke” but the person was still frothing at the mouth. Instead of them doing a simple thing like saying “what does that mean?”  the person got mad and turned it into a major event which says it hit a trigger from their past. So, where we come from and phrases we are used to may not be something someone else is used to and can cause miscommunication.

So, when something rubs me the wrong way….before I let myself get upset, I ask the person to tell me what they meant or I tell them what I am hearing and ask them is that right.  Life is a lot more peaceful that way and it is a lot simpler to ask someone to explain what they mean or to tell them what you are hearing than it is to get in a big fight that turns out to be over nothing. We all have the internal filters from good and bad experiences and it can make us react in the wrong way. And we all have the ability to ask the other person so that communication between us is exactly what was intended.

Night Falls In The Rockies

I could not think of a more beautiful way to end the day. Son helped me capture these pictures.

Dreary Rainy Snowy Day

Oh is it dreary outside. It is that wet kind of snow that makes for nasty slush. Fortunately it is not laying a lot of snow on the ground. Just enough to be nasty. So, what to do to make my day brighter.

Well, I am a sensory person, so time to light the little electric pot that I put cinnamon, cloves, oranges and other spices in to make the house smell good. Plus son put on a fab slow cooker of roasted chicken soup with veggies and tomatoes in it. He grilled the chicken first and got that roasted flavor to it.

Ohhhh the house is smelling good. Got on lots of lights to make it bright in here in my corner of the world and wonderful music playing. And son is going to make some of those homemade crescent pecan rolls. Yummy. Now, the inside is smelling and looking cheerful.

I put on my long john comfort shirt and fuzzy socks so the damp feeling is not so strong. And I am laying here looking around at my beautiful glass chimes, butterflies and hot air balloon chimes hanging on my stain glass light. It is all so beautiful.

I could not get the mobiles with the light on…so this is a picture with the light off and below is just the light with it on. I love my stain glass light. It was my one splurge when we were getting stuff to fix up the house and was on sale half price but was still 80 dollars. But, when my pain is high…I use it to focus on to get past the pain.

But see how pretty my light is when it is on.

I am determined to not let such a dreary day outside not make my inside dreary. It is up to me to change the focus of what I am looking at. So, as I lick my lips in anticipation of those luscious pecan crescent rolls and smell the wonderful smells coming from the kitchen, and listen to my music…I am very contented and happy today.

I had a new bird to the feeder today. It has red in it. I noticed it right off when they were all on the ground. Something totally ate all my bird seed last nite, I mean totally emptied the feeders. I wondered if it was one of the deer. Anyway. two pics of my new arrival. Also, my big birds I showed earlier…today I had 6 of them. One was so funny. It would fly close and land on the wire next to one and that one would scoot down. The first bird would fly and land close again and the other bird would slide down. I wondered if this was a mating ritual.

And here it is almost 4PM and my dreary day has been great. I have smelled and tasted good things, listened to great music, watched the birds, son helped me outside to take some cloud pictures, helped son inventory the pantry to make a grocery list, laid here and enjoyed my beautiful stained glass and played with Jack. Can’t complain a bit.

And now some fun pics of Jack. First one, is where he lays when he knows I do not feel good. He is laying up under my hospital bed. LOL

And the next two are his favorite thing to do….looking out the sliding glass door.

and last one is Jack being silly. He walks around with his blanket hanging off his hiney. He cracks me up. Here he is shaking and ears are flying.