Middle Of The Night Ramblings

First, I have to say…I hate waking up with my hair wet and the room moving.  I hate even more feeling like the picture over my head is leaned over looking down on me.  I think I am headed for the MRI machine and that is not a pleasant thought. I hate those machines….even the open ones.

As I was laying here thinking, I thought about things I want for the new year….or don’t want. LOL  I don’t want to hear “I am sick and going to bed” for two months every day in a row coming out of my mouth.  I don’t want to have to write on here that i don’t feel good and son is posting for me like he has been doing…even though what he is posting is my writings. I don’t want to see the doctors so much like the past couple of months have been. I don’t want to wake up with nightmares and my head swirling and my hair wet anymore. I don’t want to have to explain what is going on medically with me cause I don’t want anything medical going on.   How is that for a complex sentence.  I don’t want to be stuck on this bed all the time cause getting up is risky for me right now.  I don’t want to be stuck, poked or prodded anymore. Wonder if I put this sign on my door it would help?

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I do want to be able to walk …even with my crutches…alone..without someone at my elbow to make sure I don’t fall.  I do want to take the pictures myself and post them on here. I do want to be able to sit and help cook again. I do want to be able to enjoy a shower without fear I am going to land on my head. Hanging on to a bar is a hard way to shower let me tell you. I do want to fix my hair myself, even though son has been great and even braided my hair for me. I will never tell him that when he is done I look a little like Pippy Longstocking.

image from

www.sarahmensinga.com.

I do want to feel well enough to sit in the living room and talk with son. He is great about coming in here and sitting in the recliner and talking to me right now but it would be nice to go out there. I do want food to have a decent taste again. Thank God for cereal and milk.

Most of all, I don’t want people avoiding me cause they don’t know what to say to the medical issues going on or are tired of hearing about them. It happens quite often with sick and disabled people…. People either try to make you be better or say you are better even when you are not. Or they just avoid talking to you and do the flash by hi’s and go on. Either way makes it very lonely for sick people and very frustrating and what happens is those sick just start saying they are wonderful, they are fine and putting on a show to try to please the world when they really feel like crap. I have learned through the years that those that are my real friends stick by me during the rough times and that those that are only superficial acquaintances will disappear during sick times for they don’t want to invest the time. But, I see and hear from so many who are sick who say they feel isolated because those around them do this, when all they want is to be loved and to be important enough for the other person to stand by them.

I learned a good key to go by. If I am giving out more than I get back in a friendship…then it is a one-sided friendship and I should quit worrying so much about pleasing the other person. Life is too short. Our days should be filled with laughter and love and when we are down and out, those that love us should be there. Just as we are there for those we love. It will never be an even two-way street but when we truly love someone, we will make the effort.

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http://www.focusonlinecommunities.com/blogs/Finding_Home

I live my life by a few simple creeds. First off is don’t lie to me. I can’t stand to be lied to and I have a built-in lie-dar machine that son will tell you never fails. I can spot a lie at fifty paces in the dark….just like a spider. I find lies are a waste of time and energy and an insult to the person you lie to. I may never say I know you are lying, but I will back away.

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Second is… don’t steal from me….don’t steal my possessions, my money, my heart,  my love, my time for they are all valuable to me.

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Third is…. don’t play games with me. I despise…and I do mean despise those that play games with others and turn it into psychological warfare. These are lives …..not monopoly pieces that you are playing games with. Quickest way to get off my list of loved ones is to play games with me.

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Love me and treat me with respect and love and honesty back, and I will be your friend for life and stand by you no matter what.  It doesn’t mean I will agree with you always…but that I will stand with you and be there as a friend always.

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