By Your Side And In Your Heart

“Friendship is not about who you have known the longest–It is about those who came and never left your side.”

I loved this quote for it says far more than the words themselves say. I have been blessed with some wonderful friends in my lifetime. One might read the quote and think that a friend is only those you see all the time but it is not. I have friends from high school that have never left my side nor my heart. We may not talk for months or even years on end but when we do talk, the time evaporates and you never knew there was any time-lapse in seeing each other. They are still in my heart and my life.

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I think friendship has become an underrated or perhaps overrated word. It is used to mean all the people who click “Friends” on Facebook and is a term without any meaning. To me…a friend…a real friend is someone who I know I could call in the middle of the night and say I am in trouble and they would try to come help me. I could call and say I am stuck here in such and such place and out of money and can not get home and they would find a way to come pick me up or get someone to me.

I have met a lot of nice people through my many years that I liked but I would not call them friends but more like acquaintances that touched me briefly. One day someone asked me what it was I thought was in a friendship and I researched it and wrote down what a friend was. In the Bible I found the quote that said :

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Now that is a pretty powerful statement…that I would lay down my life for my friends. And to me..my loved ones..are family and some of that family is friends or family of choice. So, yes, I think if the circumstance warranted it, I would lay my life down to save a friend.

A side story on family being friends too. My son told a woman he dated briefly, who did not want him to even come visit his sick mother…that not only was I his mother, I was his friend and part of his life. That made me cry but it also brought home what I said above. Family is friends too..very special friends.

I have read a lot of mushy quotes on friendship, some even stating that a real friend will lie for you and to you and will follow you into trouble and will let you run into trouble. I do not believe that. I believe real friendship is based on honesty and if you really love someone…then you will tell them the truth and will try to stop them if they are doing something that is going to get them in trouble.

“It can be hard to break the friendship code of secrecy and make your friend mad at you, but you must do what you feel in your heart is right.”
—Amanda Ford

Being totally honest with a friend may not be easy, but if you love them you will be. That is the best present you can give a friend….your honesty and your love for when we are honest with friends then they know exactly how we feel. There are no hidden thoughts or feelings between friends.

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A real friend also believes that you are capable and believes in you when even you do not. I have had people I considered friends to tell me they were not as strong as me and could not do what I do. And my reply was that yes they could if they wanted to.  I had seen them be strong when they wanted to be and I knew what was inside them and I believed in them and encouraged them and pushed them to be all that they could be.

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Being real friends does not mean that you never argue or disagree. That is human nature. The real test comes when there is a disagreement.  It is then that we learn the truth of our friendships.

“A true friend is someone you can disagree with and still remain friends. For if not, they weren’t true friends in the first place.”
—Sandy Ratliff

The people I call real friends stay by my side…in my heart and close. We may not talk daily or even monthly but we do talk. And even when we have argued and they have left mad or I have told them to leave…they still stay by my side for real friendships endure these things. The ones that leave because they are mad and never come back become the ones that are a sad lesson for me for I learn then that they were not really friends at all. And that is a hard lesson to learn.

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The most important thing to remember about friends is that it does not matter who is friends to your face…what really matters is who remains your friend behind your back.

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