The Moon May Not Be Blue But It Sure Is Beautiful Tonight

The later pictures taken. They are less colorful since the sun was still reflecting on the moon earlier.

Up And Running

Robo gear on and off to the Cardiologist. Another fun day in medical land. HA HA

And now, to dispel all rumors that I have no heart, I will come home with proof.  Giggling

See, it may be a little broken and repaired and wounded but I definitely have one. LOL

image from abstract.desktopnexus.com

What Are We Teaching Our Children?

This is one of the things I tried hard to teach my sons. I wanted them to know the more important things in life such as family, loving each other, communicating and talking and finding joy in simple things. And it makes me feel good to know my son’s really know what happiness and what is important in life.

image from https://www.facebook.com/ILoveSimplicity

And I wanted them to realize how important making time for those you love is. And as I watch my son’s now, I see that they did get it. We might have been poor but we were and are so rich in love.

image from https://www.facebook.com/ILoveSimplicity

And below is the best lesson of all. We have to be willing to stand up for what is right, even if alone. But, we also have to be smart enough to realize when we need help and courageous enough to ask someone for help. Many will drive in circles before asking directions and that includes directions on how to get help in life.

Doctor appointments today and tomorrow. 

Be back later on.

It’s The Little Things That Matter

Shared from “I Love Simplicity” at https://www.facebook.com/ILoveSimplicity

Married or not you should read this…

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’tknow how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

Please share – I Love Simplicity.

Blue Moon, New Ramp and Gourd Blooms

I just took this picture and love it. I can not wait to see what the moon looks like Friday night. It is supposed to be best seen at 9:56 PM EST this Friday.

image by danLrene 2012

image by danLrene

image by danLrene 2012

The ramp and railing they put up outside. I am so excited over this. I will be able to ride my powerchair outside to the van.

And beautiful gourd blooms. They almost look like white carnations.

The Past Is Dead-Stop Trying To Resurrect It

I think it probably took my health becoming bad to make me realize that I can not hold on to the past nor can I base my life on the future. The present is all I have. I have been around people who just can not seem to let go of the past, what was said, what was done, what was lost and it consumes their life. The one thing I have learned is that you can never change the past. It is over and done. So trying to keep the past in the present is only affecting our living…our life now.

“The Past is dead. It is over. It is done. You can not change it.”

So, if this is true and it is, then would not holding on to things from the past that upset you, that hurt you  be a futile action? It is keeping alive something that is harmful but that you can not change. All it does is keep alive memories of hurt or anger or sadness or grief. And every minute that we do that is a minute we waste being happy and living our lives as intended…joyously.

I call the troublesome things from the past that keep cropping up and we play them over and over in our heads the race track syndrome. The thoughts ace around and around in our heads and while those negative thoughts of what someone said or did to us, or a hurt or a loss are playing in our heads, we have lost the ability to live our present life.

image from finlaydonald.blogspot.com

There is a saying “toxic thoughts equal a toxic life” and I believe that is true. As long as we hold on to anger, hate, malice, extreme sadness and grief, we are keeping the negative atmosphere in our lives and therefore our lives become those emotions.

I have been around people who would be so angry over something someone said or did to them that all they did was fume and spew anger about this person. She lived in that toxic energy and would talk about all the things she would like to do to them or all the things she hoped would happen to them. The past is dead. We can not change it and all people who acted like this were doing was changing their present life.

image from https://www.facebook.com/CalmingYourInnerStorm

It is hard when someone upsets us to let it go but we can choose. Oops, there goes that choice word again. It is a choice to hold on to all of these things and it is a choice to let go and forgive and move on. Forgiveness is for us most of the time so we can move on. I have found myself in the past where something hurt me so much that all I could do was lay there and cry. My solution to get rid of this feeling was to write, I would write my pain out and  put down what happened and then I would burn it.

image from knowgodknowlove.wordpress.com

It took me a few days and after writing it and burning it several times, it began to lose the effect on me. I think this is because I was taking it out of my head and putting it on the paper and once I get something on the outside, it loses power. It is when we keep it inside and nurture the negatives feelings and replay them over and over and over in our heads that they become so toxic that it affects not only our emotions but our physical health.

Choose to live not to hold on to the past. Choose to forgive for that is one of the most healing things you can do for yourself. Choose to stop blaming your past for your problems. Choose to keep the past in the past and live the present.

You can do it. You deserve to have joy in your life, not negativity.

Just A Little Humor

I read this on a newspaper site. It was a comment someone made and it cracked me up. It was about the economy and how bad it was. So now, just to make you laugh.

“The economy is so bad that I received two Pre-Declined credit card applications  in the mail today”

I have learned that no matter how bad it gets, if we can still find something to laugh at…life is much easier.

image from hartlandhighschool.us

 

Looking at Life

I have been laying here watching a movie called “The Last Dance” and have laughed with tears in my eyes and then it dawned on me that this is what I am doing with my children and my Sweetpea….trying to give them all I have of me. No I am not planning on dying anytime soon but when you reach the age of sixty and I am 63, the years left are not as long.

This movie is very poignant but also very profound. The older woman realizes that she is sick and will not live years and years and so she begins to look at her life. She starts giving away her treasured possessions to people that she felt would really enjoy them. She knew some of those closest to her did not care about them so she gave them to the bus driver, to friends she met here and there. She wanted her treasures to have a home with someone who she knew would love it and not just sell it or stick it in a closet. I have done that with my sons a couple of years back and what I knew they really liked, I gave to them. What I knew they would never really cherish or keep, I gave to friends that loved whatever it was I had.

And then in the movie, she started sharing her memories with those closest to her and she told the one that she was the closest to the following:

“savor memories..for that is all life is..a series of moments”

“will you take care of my memories for me? I want you to have them and to take care of them”

I loved that because it seems that for so many people accumulating wealth and possessions is the most important and yet all we really have when we leave this world is our series of moments between the birth and death date. Some call that the dash moments. But, they are our memories.

Yes, years ago, there was a family historian or story-teller that took care of the memories and kept them in their head and listened to and kept a record of sorts so that the next generations knew what life was like. We do not do that anymore. And many beautiful memories are lost.

We tend to wait until loved ones are gone to wish we had listened to them more and asked more questions about when they were young and about family.  It is like we are too busy and rushing around and do not take the time, which is sad to me. Are our series of moments in life…our memories not valuable at all?

I remember sitting and listening to my great-grandmother and I was but a small child. She told me about the civil war and the soldiers walking through their town and how scared everyone was as a little girl but that she was not. I have heard the story of my granny Bellamy when she was five swinging on the picket fence in her little dress, whistling Dixie at the northern soldiers. I have even been told that I had her spunk. But, if that story…that memory had never been told, I would not know it today.

It is not just memories of family that we cherish but of friends. I have and have had some of the most treasured friends ever. I love the quote the woman said in the movie:

“The name of friend is common but true friendship is rare”

And some of those friends have entrusted me with their memories and their joyous and sad moments in life. I felt blessed to be the recipient of their trust and their words. They have enriched my life greatly.

What I love about this movie was it stressed the importance of filling each day with joy and love and the things that mean the most. We can not take that fancy house or fancy car or all that money with us.  But, we can leave behind a legacy that will stay in the hearts of those around us for years to come and we can make memories that make each day we have on this earth so full and so joyous that our lives are enriched as well as those around us.

I recommend this movie for everyone. For me, it just confirmed what I wanted to leave as my legacy to my children is in the non material things. My hope has been that my fight and my drive have instilled in them the same fight and drive…and it has. I want to leave them the knowledge of how important it is to know that your happiness lies within not outside of us. I want to leave them the joy of just being with each other and slowing down. I want to leave them with the value of being honest, ethical and moral in all their choices in life. I want to leave them with the knowledge that they are very special and are loved so much. I want to leave them with a feeling of self-respect and the knowledge that I am so very proud of them.

And not only do I want to leave all that for my children, I want to leave it for those that come in contact with me. I want to leave those around me with the feeling that they are just as strong as they choose to be…that they are worth being treated right and deserving of having a life that is less stressful and filled with love. I want to leave those around me with the feeling that at least one person..me…cares about them and what they do and is willing to listen to them. And I want to leave all those around me with a feeling of having been part of my life.

I want to leave people with good thoughts in their heads. I think we have a choice. We can let the media bombard us with all the ugly, we can let those around us fill our lives with ugliness and arguing and fussing or we can fill our heads with good thoughts and make each moment in life special.

We have 86,000 seconds in a day. How many do you spend being thankful and saying thank you, being happy and joyous, making good memories and loving those around you?  How many do you spend with all the negative in the world? It is all a choice.

Meandering Thoughts and Photos

I was so thrilled last nite as I got my first overseas post card. Thank you so much Naomi. I LOVE it. I was starting to think no one sent me a postcard.   Thank you  thank you. This will go on the wall with the other two I got from Sassy.

And another exciting event as son brought in the mail was the finalized copy of the book my son and Sherry wrote on Chronic pain.  Tomorrow will be the publish day for the book.

And then two lovely gifts I got from online friends. One knows me well and sends me things about dreaming the dream and I love them. They are around my room to keep me inspired.

and the other from an online friend who likes to make me laugh. Both presents sure brightened my sick day.

And then today, son brought me in pictures of my sunflowers…so last nite and today have been really wonderful in spite of feeling so bad. Rest is helping and the beautiful things that came in the mail helped boost my mojo.

And my room has been cleaned up and all the debris from the construction gone and my reborn dolls have a new bed…on top of Jack’s hut where I can see them from my bed.

How could I not feel joy with such beautiful things and beautiful people in my life. I am truly blessed by all in my life including the health issues I deal with for if I had not had to deal with the health things I have, I might never have met so many wonderful people.

oh and one more picture…to show you where son is going to build the closet for me, we have put my clothes rack and my dresser in my new bathroom.

I might not feel good but my heart is overflowing with happiness and with joy.  I am just:

image from torijean.blogspot.com

Quick Note

Woke up sicker today than yesterday….horrible headache, sick on stomach, throwing up, pain high and can not even stand up without getting sick so staying on my bed. If I do not post, son will update. Hopefully some time just laying in my own bed, sleeping and recuperating will do the trick.

Here is my wisdom for the day.

image from https://www.facebook.com/goodthoughtsaboutlife