You Hate When I Say What??

I had an interesting conversation with someone about my posts that talk about how we choose to do this or that. I had to laugh when they tried to tell me I should not say that and when asked why not?…..their response was  “because it makes me responsible for what I do”.  I sat here and shook my head and just chuckled and thought….another person who likes being the victim.

If we claim no responsibility for our lives, then we can remain in the victim stage….always blaming everyone else for our woes and why we did this or that.  The person talking to me was really upset that I said it was our choice to stay down after something happens and they were quick to inform me that it was not a choice…it was just too hard. I was starting to see a pattern because the more the person talked, the more I realized that they took no responsibility for their life at all.

I do not know the person. They chose to send me a private message ranting on this and were quite upset so I talked with them via messenger about it. I had to tell this person that while I never want to upset or hurt anyone, that yes…we do have choices in life. We can not control everything but we can control how we react to everything. If we could not, then everyone that felt that hot surge of anger over something might be in jail because they did not choose to not act on that anger.

Every person that steals…chooses to steal. Every person that misrepresents and takes advantage of others…chooses to do so.  Every person that mismanages their money, chooses to do so. Every person that lies…chooses to lie and the reasons do not make it valid. Every person that remains for years and years in misery and teary grief chooses to stay there. Every person that has an affair…chooses to do so.  Every person that blames others for their own misfortune chooses to do so. Every person who sees only the negative in life…chooses to do so. Yes…having choices does make us accountable and responsible for our lives.

So, for the person who emailed me, I am sorry that I can not sit here and say life is whatever happens. We do have choices and the biggest one is in choosing to be happy no matter what comes our way. I have lost my home before, my vehicle, miscarried a child, my health, my possessions, my job, friends, loved ones and yet I, like many others, am a happy person. Why?  Because I choose to be and I do not choose possessions, places, events, money or whatever to make me happy. My happiness lies within me.

My mother was one of these people who was only happy when she was spending money or when they were working on a project like remodeling an area of the huge house or they were traveling here and there or she had gotten a new this or that shopping. Her clothes closet was a room and most of the clothes still had new tags on them. She did not know how to be happy…to just BE.  She did not seem to enjoy the big expensive house they lived in unless it was recreating it or decorating it with something new. She did not seem to know how to enjoy the family that loved her. It was like we were just more possessions to collect. And so her emotional ride was a roller coaster going from the depths of despair sitting looking out the window in deep melancholy to riding the wave of euphoria that spending money seemed to do for her.

My parents never quite got me because they would look at me and say things like “you act happy being poor”.  My reply was always the same thing….being poor has nothing to do with it. I am just happy…that is all. My sons and I were poor but we always managed to be happy. We lived out in the country when they were growing up and even though we did not have much money, we always had love and fun together. I remember afternoons making what we called redneck marshmallow treats (melting marshmallows on saltine crackers) and watching a movie together all piled up in the living room. We were laughing and talking during the commercials (we lived so country that we had 3 television channels) and we had the best time ever.

My son tells me all the time that the one thing he remembers about his childhood was being happy. That touches my heart but it was a choice. We could have whined and cried and been depressed because we had no spending money or we could be happy. We chose happy. It was a choice. And it was a choice to enjoy being together and finding joy in each other. I chose living in this small town USA when the kids were growing up because I wanted them to get to enjoy being kids and not act grown at age 8.  I chose to live in a town that was so small that all you had to dial was the last four digits of the phone number to call someone. Oh yes, sort of like Mayberry. And I got the joy and pleasure of seeing them grow up and of living a life that was less stress. It was a choice. And yes, that choice included living with less income. But, when I weighed the balance of what I would lose working the higher stress job, all the hours away from my kids, etc….the choice was easy for me.

So, to the person that emailed me…..as long as you continue to base your happiness on people, possessions, money and material things…then you will find yourself constantly unhappy for those things can change on a dime. Make no mistake, even as I am with happiness within my heart…I have sad moments over loss…but I choose to focus on the good. Yes, I lost both parents within six months of each other and I grieved them and I moved on in life. It was my choice just as it is yours to remain miserable, sad and feeling like your life is over five years after your loss. It is not over. You are choosing to hold on to those emotions.

Yes, knowing that what we do in life and how we react is a choice does make us responsible for our own emotional well-being. And yes, we will fall and make mistakes. So what??  It does not make us bad. It makes us human. I truly believe some people remain in the victim stage because they are afraid that they will make a mistake and that will mean they are a horrible person. We are going to make mistakes all our lives. I make mistakes daily. I have just learned to laugh at myself and go back and do it over a new way.

I read this earlier on my feed …no matter how far down a road we go, we can always turn around and go back.  No matter what you have gotten into, what decisions you have made, what you have, what you lose…you can always start over. That is part of the joy of dreaming in life. People are afraid to dream and go after their dreams because they are afraid that what if they do it and lose everything. Well, if you do…you start over. That “everything” is just that…”Things”…and are replaceable.

Do like the person does on a diving board. Ease out to the end, and then jump in with joy and anticipation and know that if you get into the deep end too far…you can always go back and climb the ladder again and start over.