The Time Is Counting Down

It is almost 8 PM here and in just a few short hours, this year is over.  And try as hard as I might, I have to finally admit that I am sick. Not the way I wanted to bring in the new year just in case that old saying that what you do on New Year’s Eve is what you will be doing the next year is true. Fever, headache from H, sore throat, chills and breathing is way off…having to keep the oxygen on 24/7 right now.

I wonder if there is a return center for viruses or infections?  I would be standing there in line, dragging my oxygen with me. I could see it now…reason for return..”I tried it and I don’t like it”. Son has tried to entice me to eat but I just am not hungry, so I am going to head back under the covers and turn the lights back out and lay here and stare at J and J and see if it will put me back to sleep. Jack has been standing guard at my bed. He does that when I am sick…like he knows something is wrong.

I wanted to be up to see the year come in but just can’t do it…..so you all whoop and holler and pop the cork on the champagne and sing the song for me. ok .:)  Happy New year to all

The Year Is Coming To An End

Well, this year is almost over. It is hard to believe. I lay here and think about where we were this time last year and all we have come through and endured to make it to here and am amazed at all we have done and gone through. And the memories bring to mind the following quote:

Of course, my problem is that most of my life I have HAD to be strong and when that happens, there are times you just wish someone else would be strong for you. Not to worry, does not mean I am tired of fighting. It simply means that sometimes it would be nice to not HAVE to be strong all the time. Being strong means people are not always there for you for they figure you have it handled. And even the strong need someone there…someone to walk with them.

video by angelxninasakura

So, as I sip my coffee out of my grizzly bear mug that the guys brought me when mama was here visiting, I think about the year ending and realize that what I had hoped for will not happen. I was hoping all the kidney stuff would be over before we started the new year but it won’t be. I am still waiting on them to decide when and which was is safest for me. But, because this is still hanging over my head, I have decided to not mention it anymore and so the next post that will have anything about this will be a picture of me hopefully with a thumbs up and son telling you all that I did ok.

As I think about the new year, I think about things I never want to see again on TV. I don’t want to see commercials for Trojans, feminine products, medicine, reality shows like Jerseylicious and the Kardashians and all the other trash on tv. Bring back quality shows.

I think about things I hope for in the coming year….like less doctors, a few more feel better days, special friends, and days of serenity and peace and joy.  Remember, the best gift you can give someone you love is your time. Nothing else matters.  So, take the time to breathe and enjoy life and slow down and enjoy your loved ones. Every minute you waste on rushing and material things…you have lost forever on the more important things. Take time for the important things. I have been guilty of saying “oh I will make it up later” but you can’t make up lost time. It is gone…never to return. We each only have a certain number of minutes in our lives…don’t waste them.

I love living in small town USA. There is not the rush rush rush that big town people seem to love and are used to. People are laid back and take life as it comes. I love seeing people standing in the shops and talking to friends they run into for fifteen and twenty minutes instead of rushing through the shops and out the door. I am a country girl and proud of it.

I think we can get lost in the minutia of things around us and lose sight of the important things in life. When was the last time you just sat and looked at a sunrise or sunset and seen the beauty?  When was the last time you just sat and talked without looking at your watch and thinking of all the things you think you need to get gone.  My philosophy is will the world stop turning if I don’t get it done?  Will it matter a year from now what someone said or did or didn’t do?

So, as the new year is ending, all the lights and the tree in my room with the blue and yellow and red lights are packed away til the next season. Our house no longer looks like the holidays but back to the reality of home. And life is resuming as normal with me here in my little cocoon. I actually went out of the house for the first time in over two weeks the other day, but it was for medicine. Unfortunately, it is the reason for the bad spasms the past couple of nights. Maybe one day when the medical is over, I can take a ride and see my beloved mountains.

For now, everyone asks me what I am doing for New Years. Not a thing. Just going to be thankful I made it through another year and pray the next year is a little easier and less hectic. Going to be a quiet nite here in the home at the base of the mountains….other than any fire crackers that may go off. I remember when people would say what you did on New Years Eve and who you talked to is who you will talk to and what you will do the coming year. Well, might be true but is one of those things I just ceased to worry about. I figure what will be will be.

Jack is still protecting his new robe and making me laugh. I can’t wait to tell Mama for she will have a laughing fit over that. She loves Jack and he loves her. I love what someone called Jack…Wonder Dog with his robe on. hmmm I wonder if that is him going out at nite?

And son is going to help me put a perm in today I hope. No, NO…not a curly perm..just some body. My hair is lifeless…hahaha kinda like me lately…and needs a boost.  It is a good thing he does not mind helping me cause I can’t do it by myself anymore. So, it should be quite an experience. I told him I was gonna have Jack take a picture of him.  He always asks me..”are you sure you want me to do this??”  and I have to laugh. He does a good job. So, I will put a little life in my years….starting with this lifeless hair of mine.

The day is almost half gone and I am still thinking about life, family, friends, loved ones and the coming year. Know that you are missed..by someone…even when you think you are not.

And reach out and grab life and enjoy. Don’t let anyone or anything destroy your happiness for it lies within your heart not in other things or people. Live life with an eye for the most important things in life for this is a one time shot. There are no reruns in life. And I wish you all a blessed coming year.

Jack And His Blue Suede ♫♫……Robe

Well, it would not be right if I didn’t show you all Jack’s new robe. It is a beautiful blue. Mama sent it to him. I had to change it a little as Jack will not let you put his feet through anything so I made it armless and it just lays over his back with a tie under like the old one did. But doesn’t he look handsome.

Now to add a funny story to this. Son was standing at the door and I asked him if he would tighten up the neck ties on Jack’s robe as I didn’t get it pulled up far enough. Well, he squatted down and proceeded to untie the ties and was about to retie it when Jack started this rumble growl…don’t worry it is not a bad growl…and he started popping his jaws at son swinging his head from side to side popping his jaws. And son started laughing and said..”you are gonna have to do this Mom…he thinks I am trying to take his new robe”.  I cracked up.  Jack is very spoiled to his robe. It really does help his poor arthritic hips as you can see in the second picture by how he sits that he can’t sit normal.

We have had some of the most beautiful clouds at night. I have not seen such lights. Someone said it had something to do with something in the solar system. I don’t know but I do love it.

A New Twist On New Year’s Resolutions

A new year is coming and there is so much to look forward to and so many things that one can do differently and change their lives forever.  It is easy to lose sight of the fact that we are important in this world.

 “You are not the momentary whim of a careless creator experimenting in the laboratory of life…You were made with a purpose.”

 Og Mandino

I like that quote…to believe that God created us for a reason..not just to exist but to do…to be….and to live. So, as I look to the new year, I have made some resolutions.

  First is to keep my faith in God and realize all the miracles He has created in this world….to wake up and see the miracle of the sunrise, to sit outside and see the miracle of nature….to look at people and see the miracle God created when He formed us. I do believe in miracles.

 

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”

Albert Einstein

Second is to quit worrying about what people might think, to be spontaneous and to allow myself to feel.

 

 “You’ve gotta dance like there’s nobody watching,
Love like you’ll never be hurt,
Sing like there’s nobody listening,
And live like it’s heaven on earth.”

William W. Purkey

Third is to realize that I am important to someone…be it family, family of choice, friends, even my pet…

 “To the world you might be one person, but to one person, you might be the world.”  anonymous

 Fourth is to sing and sing often …..just because I can. Life can be filled with joy.

“A bird does not sing because it has an answer; it sings because it has a song.”

Chinese proverb

Fifth is to not drift in my life and lose my time. I want to live life to the fullest.

Some people drift through their entire life. They do it one day at a time, one week at a time, one month at a time. It happens so gradually they are unaware of how their lives are slipping away until it’s too late.

Mary Kay Ash

 Sixth is to be myself…to never compromise myself because of others…to always be true to myself.

“It is better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you are not.”

Andre Gide

“Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it.”

Hardy D. Jackson

 Seventh is to realize that I am a role model to someone whether I want to be or not.

“Whether or not you have children yourself, you are a parent to the next generation.
If we can only stop thinking of children as individual property and think of them
as the next generation, then we can realize we all have a role to play.”

Charlotte Davis-Kasl

Eighth is to accept and use the fact that I am in charge of me and my feelings and how I act. That my faith is up to me and no one else and to act in a way that people treat me like a person of worth.

“You are in charge of your feelings, beliefs, and actions. And you teach others
how to behave toward you.  While you cannot change other people, you can
influence them through your own behaviors and actions.  By being a living
role model of what you want to receive from others, you create more of
what you want in your life.”

Eric Allenbaugh

Ninth is to not waste my time on senseless anger. If I am upset…to talk about it and get it out and over.

 “For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Tenth is to quit searching and realize that happiness is inside me. It is not in my possessions, in other people, in my job, in my car..but within my heart. That I can be gloriously happy and have nothing.

“Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you’ve decided to look past the imperfections.”

 Unknown

Eleventh is to reach out in kindness to those around me. I believe we have an inherent responsibility to help those around us, be it with a kind word, helping them in a time of need, offering them comfort, whatever.

 “All of us are born for a reason, but all of us don’t discover why. Success in life has nothing to do with what you gain in life or accomplish for yourself. It’s what you do for others.”

Danny Thomas

Twelfth is to really take the time to look at people and pay attention to how they are feeling and center less on me and more on the feelings of others.

Never worry about numbers.  Help one person at a time, and always start with the person nearest you. 

Mother Teresa

And last is to LIVE…not just exist…to get out there and taste life one bite at a time.

 “To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”

Oscar Wilde

 These resolutions are something I think I can incorporate into my life and make my life the fullest it has ever been.  And they are resolutions I believe I can keep through out the year and past. What resolutions do you have?

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.–Dr. Suess

♫♫Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me. ♫♫

video by  AngelLove831

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE.

Middle of The Night Ramblings

Woke up with horrible muscle contractions and am laying here waiting on meds to kick in. As I look around my room and out into the other part of the house, I am once again struck with a deep feeling of gratitude for our home. It is a small home but the amazing thing is that everyone says the same words when they come in our home. They look around and say “your home is so cozy and so filled with warmth and love”.  Now, it might not be a fancy mansion, might not have granite counter tops or high ceilings and wood beams, but they are right…this home is filled with warmth and love.

Another thing people say to son and I is that our home is so serene. I have for years worked hard at creating an environment in the home that is warm and loving and filled with serenity that when someone comments on it…to me that says they feel it. I have even helped others create at least one room of serenity for themselves for we all need it in this chaotic world.

As I read the news and the dire predictions for housing to still fall even more and the economy slowed, I am even more thankful that our house sold on the other side of the mountain and we were able to get this home. The sad part for me was that bad news for someone of losing their home brought us the good news of owning our home. That part made me sad and feel bad for the ones that lost the house a couple of years ago.

Son and I both would tell anyone that the selling of our house on the other side of the mountain and getting here was probably one of the hardest tests of faith that we have endured but we stuck with it. Did we ever have down times? Oh yes, I can remember after two years had passed and our house on the other side had not sold…crying to a friend that it was never going to sell. But, that did not change my resolve to keep working towards it.

Times were hard for the economy was really down. They keep saying it ended in 2009 but I think they failed to let the rest of the world know for things are still tough in the economy. Son and I spent two years getting the house ready to sell, doing things we could do without spending a lot of money. We sheet rocked walls in the unfinished room and put in a ceiling and if you don’t think that wasn’t hard with one able man and a disabled woman..his mother…think again. I was the “mudder” for the sheet rock and ceiling because son had never done it before and I had. It was quite a feat for me being on forearm crutches and especially the ceiling. Son made a platform for me to lay on and I laid on my back mudding the seam of the sheet rock we used to make the ceiling. But, you know what…we got it done. Yes, I had to crawl on all fours to get up and down the stairs to the basement and yes, many nights I could barely make it to bed and would be up with pain but the good news was….we made the house where someone bought it and we didn’t lose as much money as all the other people on our street were doing.

It was a test of faith to know that all bills would get paid, that all the materials we would need to get that house ready to sell in a bad market and that we would get here. But, you know what…I believe in the promise that God will take care of our needs and He did just that. Bills would come due and out of the blue we would get money in the mail..refunds from this or that and it would match the amount we needed to pay. Or, we would need materials and suddenly someone would have exactly what we needed on freecycle. That is how we got the sheet rock…and the man even brought it to our house and helped unload it. The things we needed always appeared.

Perhaps this was why it took two years to sell the house and then when it did, we got more than the other houses on our street. It was a test of faith and committment. Yes, we lost money on the house, but we still were able to get over the mountain and find our home. What more could we ask. For me, knowing God would provide our needs was something I had learned a long time ago. For son, it was an eye-opening experience and he learned the words “Thank you Lord” and spoke them often as God provided for us and for all the materials we needed to get the house sold.

Could we go out and buy things we wanted just for fun? No. But we had a roof over our heads, food, clothing, heat and the materials to keep working on the house.We were indeed blessed. God provided but we had to do our part. We had to do the physical labor to fix the house and we had to refrain from spending money unnecessarily. God provides for our needs but that does not mean we sit back on our laurels and just expect it all to be done for us. And my lips often say the words “Thank You Lord” not just for my home but for my life and my sons and the ones I love in my life.

I am blessed beyond means and it is not in money but in the kind of wealth that you can not buy…in love and warmth and comfort, in people who love me and care about me, in the medical care I am getting. God is good…..all the time. I learned to say Thank you Lord in bad times for if we stop and look…we will see someone much worse than we are..and that in itself is a gift.

For A Little Fun- Mishka

I can’t sleep and so was looking at youtube. I love Mishka, the talking dog. They have one series where she answers questions from fans. But this video is my favorite…where Mishka says I love you and other cute things. Just keep watching for it does one video after the other.

Mishka singing in the shower

And Jack could have taken snow lessons from Mishka

And Mishka on television

videos by   gardea23

A Beautiful Sunset

No words. The Pictures say it all. Looking out our door tonite.

Is The Anonymity Of The Internet Creating Bullies?

This is a subject that is close to my heart for I have been bullied on the internet and know how ugly it can be. But my question is….does this hiding behind the monitor help create these bullies or are they already there?  School bullying has always been here it seems, but now that we have all this technology and people can do things without anyone knowing who they are, are the monsters coming out of the woodwork? There seems to be no age limit either on who is a bully and who is not.

Pappy Boyington said in his is novel about his life as a POW  that we all have it in us to be mean or cruel. That was a sobering thought for me but I think given the right circumstances, he is probably right. Most people just don’t get that way because there are not in a position of having too much power or whatever. I mean think about it, cops have lost control with prisoners that acted out so bad…when their adrenalin was pumping from chasing them or wrestling with them to subdue them, teachers have lost control of students who were out of control, parents have lost control with their own kids….it is there but I think extreme stress must bring it out or maybe having too much power.

So, what brings out the bullies online?  I think it is that they can do it anonymously and therefore don’t have to be held accountable for their actions. I would be willing to bet that many bullies would not act that way if it were a face to face confrontation. Many bullies were bullied before they became a bully and this is their way of seeking revenge. Some are under extreme stress and it is taken out on those on the internet. And some are just malicious people who want to hurt others.

We have all read of people who committed suicide after being bullied horrendously. Megan Taylor Meier is an example of what bullying does to someone. She killed herself after being harassed by the mother of a school mate of hers. A grown woman decides she is going to “mess with” this child and tell her how horrible she is. And the mother didn’t do it in her name. She created a fake account and pretended to be a boy who was around Megan’s age. Although what the woman did contributed to the death of Megan, there were no real laws on internet bullying to allow them to prosecute her. But, public opinion and their anger at what this mother did, caused them to have to close their business and move. The very thing that made it possible for this woman to bully Megan worked against them and people were able to find their address, phone numbers, etc and to let them know what they thought of this woman.

You can read the story here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suicide_of_Megan_Meier

It is very scary all the information that is out there about us on the internet. People can find your address, your phone numbers, even where you work. That is what happened to me. Some people looked me up, found my home, my email and harassed me and bullied me. Since then, I have made it a point to go to every site I can find and remove my information.

I realize that Zuckerberg wants all of our info out there and says we should “trust” on Facebook. Of course, he does not want all His information out there. That is different. But I find that puts people at risk. Women who have been in abusive relationships can be tracked down, people can find other people’s work, homes, phone numbers, etc and bully them or even stalk them.

John Dean states on his column on cyber bullying the following:

“As with obscenity, most people know bullying when they see it, so I need not dwell on describing the name-calling; the vicious teasing; the spreading of gossip or rumors or outright falsehoods; the focusing of unwanted attention; and the revealing of private and personal information—that is, the many ways and means of bullying—for they are endless and easily recognized by the style and form of their delivery.“

Dean states that cyber bullies have the potential to harass and bully 24/7. That is a terrifying ordeal for the person being bullied. He goes on to say:

“In short, the cyberbully, like those found tweeting pseudonymously on Twitter, are uniquely disquieting, and deserving of more than a special loathing.  We need a solid set of techniques for dealing with their offensive and obnoxious behavior.”

You can read the column here:

http://verdict.justia.com/2011/12/16/cyberbullying-on-twitter-part-one

He plans on doing several columns on this so you might want to bookmark this site.

Please do not think that cyber bullying is something only kids do cause it is not. In the world of anonymous, there are many adults who will attack for no reason and harass and bully you. Below is the link to a page of a woman who was bullied and her story is horrific but emphasizes the need to keep your information private.

http://www.overcomebullying.org/cyberbullying.html

So, what should you to avoid cyber bullying and harassing?  Follow the steps on this link below, which are:

Do Not Respond to the Cyber Bully’s Attacks

This is the hardest thing to do cause you want to defend yourself but that is what they want you to do…to react.

Don’t Delete Information Related to the Cyber Bullying

also make screenshots of everything they have said and done.

Report the Cyber Bullying to ISP, Police, Schools and even FBI

While many ISP’s will act quickly, some won’t. Don’t expect Facebook to. Go on to the police…even the FBI if necessary but make sure you document and report.

You can read all the information on how to protect yourself here:

http://www.overcomebullying.org/cyber-bullying.html

And one more important thought. Stand up for those being bullied and help them. The more people against cyber bullying, the more they will get the message. And PLEASE…don’t put all your information on the internet. It is not a safe world out there, regardless of what Zuckerberg says about it when it comes to Facebook. There are malicious and mentally sick people out there on the internet who just wait for a chance to jump on someone and harass, threaten and bully.

Is Loyalty Another Addicting Drug?

Loyalty is probably the most misunderstood concept in the world. I have watched people claim loyalty to political parties, religions, religious leaders, companies, family members…you name it.  The problem comes when people place such a frame on being loyal that they continue to be loyal even when the person or thing they are loyal to has taken a turn for the worse. Loyalty can turn into misguided loyalty and become like a drug that consumes us.

I have watched parents take loyal to the extreme and they will defend their children no matter what they do and make excuses for them.  I am very proud of my sons and they know it but they also knew that if they broke the law or did something wrong that got them in trouble, that I would not lie to get them out of it. I would be there with them to walk through it but they would have to face up to what they did wrong. The Anthony case comes to mind when I talk about this as we watched all the drama and change of stories while their daughter was on trial for murdering her child.  It scares me when I see this happen for what are we teaching the child?  We are teaching them that no matter what they do, they can lie their way out of it and we will be there to do the same for them.

I have seen people take the extreme when it came to politicians, defending them even when they did something wrong. This is not loyalty. Loyalty is standing by them in spite of their wrongs.  I have seen people make excuses for things done and fight anyone that dared to say anything negative about the person they were showing their brand of loyalty to.

I think I must really be different for to me, loyalty is standing by a person…even when they err in judgment. If I make up excuses to cover their wrongs and try to keep anyone from saying anything negative, all I do is draw more attention to the error in judgment of that person. I call this blind loyalty and it borders on how those in cults are. For example, those who followed Jim Jones defended him to the death. They gave up all their possessions, their money and followed him to another country all because they believed totally what he was saying. Even when they felt uncomfortable with what he was doing, they could not bring themselves to admit it and they died because of it.

The code of silence with law enforcement, doctors, etc is a good example of misguided loyalty. There used to be this wall and you could not get a person to speak out if someone was doing something wrong. It was a loyalty that was blinded to justice for much corruption happened and yet no one could do anything about it for no one would say one negative word about the one that was corrupt. Thankfully, this is not as strong as is was some years back and the rogue cops or bad doctors, etc are now being exposed.

A political example is Clinton and the now famous affair.  I listened to people make excuses about the affair because they just could not admit that what he did was improper. I heard things ranging from “well he is the president” to “it was not real sex” to “sex is personal” (uh not in the oval office).  The truth of the matter is, if he had been the boss of a corporation and had an affair with an employee under him, he would have been fired. He made an error in judgment. Does that negate the good he did as president?  Not in my book. I can see the good and the bad and do not have to pretend he was perfect to say anything good about him. But, many people have this misguided loyalty idea that if they dare say anything negative about the person they are loyal to then they are disloyal. Being loyal is standing by them even though we recognize their faults not because we perceive them as perfect. I am not a “party” person but I do look at each candidate personally and I see good things Clinton did and I see things he made mistakes on and I see that in all presidents.

Companies now have loyalty marketing planning sessions on how to better effectively get the money from those that are loyal fans as they term it. If you don’t believe me, look up loyalty marketing. Companies realize that people will take loyalty to the extreme and so they are using this as a marketing tool. A good example would be the fast food companies who use the game tokens to get you to buy more food. Or the cigarette companies that used to have the tokens on the packages that you could use to redeem for items from a catalog. Loyalty marketing programs have existed since the fifties. And it works. They give a little and get back much more than they give and people think that they are really getting a prize when in reality all we are doing is buying more cigarettes or food items to get the tokens we need to get a free this or that.

So how do we know if our loyalty is misguided? I think first we have to be able to admit that the person or product or company or whatever is subject to error. If we take something or someone and try to turn them into something perfect, then we need to step back and look again for nothing in this world is perfect.  If we find it beyond hard to admit that whatever or whomever we are following, does anything wrong then we need to step back and look at what we are doing.  If we just follow blindly and never ask questions or look for information, then we need to step back and ask ourselves why we don’t. If there is secretiveness and unanswered questions from those we are giving our loyalty to, we need to step back and look again,  If there is constant denial that anything is wrong by those following, we need to step back and look again. If you are attacked for asking a question or pointing out something that appears wrong, then you need to step back and look again. Has your loyalty to whatever or whomever become addicting to you and you find you must be constantly checking on whatever it is you are loyal to…you can’t make it one day without some contact, then it is time to step back and take a good look.

Being loyal to something or someone is not bad. It is just when we take it to the extreme, when we refuse to hear anything about it other than the “singing of praises”, if it consumes us and we don’t’ realize that we are giving up our time, our money and even our true will, then it can be harmful for psychology has found that people with misguided loyalty will defend and be loyal to something even when it is turning into something bad.

This And That From the Holidays

Jack says enough holiday stuff. He is ready for things to go back to normal. Bless his heart, he is an old man and moves slowly. I feel bad for him if he has to go out in the snow before it is shoveled. Here he is all snug as a bug on his living room bed.

Some snow decoration pics…three versions of the polar bear

And from Christmas Day. It was a good day and our friends from the Rio came over and they had a good time. Sharing Christmas with those around you sure does make for a great holiday. They brought reindeer antlers and wanted us all to wear them. I had to laugh at son as he wore his in a very unique way.

Dinner was simple and was so great. Mama sent it and we had Ham, sweet potato casserole and green bean casserole and the guys brought tamales. And of course, I made pumpkin pie that day.

And just some fun pics from the day.

Here is the guys opening their presents.

And son and leroy sparring with the antlers. Son was cracking up.

And me and Leroy.  My arm was not long enough. LOL

I was so blessed by Christmas and here are just a few things I got and it was so sweet as they were centered on my healing or on giving me something to look at to help distract me from pain, etc. Mama sent us the dinner for Christmas and the family sent us a dinner box for new years so we are set.

When mama saw the angel necklace a friend sent me with the healing crystal in it, she found this bear crystal necklace and it is a little longer than the angel one. Each bear is a different crystal stone.

And she gave me this butterfly to go with the hummingbird and moon crystal hanging mobile things she bought me when she was here. You can’t see it but it is glittery.

And one of my most favorite gifts a dear friend sent me is this oriental box. I keep all my treasures in there like my red heart and my crooked cross.

And I asked Jack did he want to do Christmas over and got one of his  “you gotta be kidding me”  looks. lol

and even when I walked in front of him and asked again, I got the “am not listening to you” look. lol