A Beautiful Sunset

No words. The Pictures say it all. Looking out our door tonite.

Bad Dreams In the Middle of The Night

Woke up just a bit ago with a horrible bad dream. You know the kind…..that leaves you shaking and feeling funny in the chest. It was so bad, I called son on the intercom and told him and asked could he come and sit with me for a while. Been a long time since I have had such a nightmare. Maybe it was riding out last nite to see the lights. Or maybe it was the eggnog. Or maybe just plain tiredness.

We sat there in the kitchen with only the soft lights that stay on all the time lighting the room because…lol..son didn’t want Jack to get up thinking it was day time and time to get up and play. Son opened the door to see how much snow. This is a much gentler storm than the other night I can tell you, though we have already gotten several inches.  Son had worked s hard getting everything shoveled and now it was all white again.

So, I have laid back down and am laying here trying to soothe myself so I can go back to sleep. I thought I would share with you pictures of my roses I used to grow. When we lived back east, I had a lot of rose bushes and climbing roses, ranging from the Lincoln Rose to the Kennedy Rose and just plain ole hedge roses. I used to ride around in my power chair and take care of all my plants. I loved to cross-pollinate the roses and make new colors.  I had one rose that looked like a candy cane…it was red and white.

Anyway, I thought I would share a few pictures of them. I so love plants and gardening. I used to buy petunias from the store and then cross pollinate them with my wild pentunias…which smelled like honeysuckle. I had some of the most beautiful colors. I loved the ones that were one color with dark outlines on the tips.

I pray the pictures fill your head with the soft sweet smell of the roses. If you look closely, you will see some of the wild petunias mixed in and even some honeysuckle in there. When we moved onto the property, there was three big trees and that was it. When we moved out here,  I had I think it was sixteen rose plants, a fence row of honeysuckle, mimosa trees, 356 canna lilies, day lilies beds with heirloom lilies in them, a fruit section with apple, pear, plum and orange trees and many more. I spent a lot of time just riding around taking care of them and also with my birds.

Son was always so amazed because the birds seemed to know me and would fly right up to my face and make sounds. One day, we were in under the carport and I heard my birds and asked my son to look around the corner and see what was wrong…I told him that was a distress call they were making. He told me that he saw nothing but I knew something was wrong and went around and looked. Son’s jaw dropped when he saw a bird fly right up to me crying out and then towards the bird house and back to me. Out of one of the bird houses was a snake hanging and the bird was telling me. Son grabbed a hoe and snatched that snake out and killed it. He said he had never seen birds do like they do with me.

Well, now that I have entertained you with flowers and birds, maybe I can attempt sleeping again. Nite all.

This and That

We are just dragging around here. Did get a pot of soup put on and son is making Jack’s soup too. Jack actually got up from his bed and came out to look. And yes, he really will walk around with a blanket on top of him. He is such a character.

Son worked yesterday clearing an area just for Jack. The snow is still here in abundance.

And when we defrosted the freezer, while we were cleaning everything out and putting stuff in the fridge freezer, we found these. So, looks like maybe tomorrow, if I feel up to it, might get to have a little fun.

We actually brought these from the other side of the mountain and had them in the freezer since last year. I remember my grand baby and I doing one a few years back when she was about five. It was a nativity on and she used the gum drops to give Mary a figure.  Needless to say, Mary was quite buxom.

Right now we are working in shifts. We do a little…rest a lot.   Do a little…rest a lot. But we will get there. Just time to rebuild my strength so I can do Denver and do next week.

The Grass Is Greener Syndrome

As I lay here tonight, watching my standby Julia and Julie and wishing I was laying on a sun soaked beach feeling the warmth penetrate my poor weary body, I realized that I have been sick for almost a week and don’t even remember all the days. Son and I decided this must be some kind of flu virus for I don’t think food poisoning would go on this long.

I also realized that I was suffering from The Grass is Greener Syndrome. This Syndrome is in epidemic proportions around the world. We all have it at some time or another. The symptoms are wishing our life were like someone else, or that we had this or that like someone else, more formally known as The Grass is Greener On The Other Side Of The Fence.

I remember telling someone once a long time ago how some people seemed to have it so easy while others struggled to make it. Their response was “what makes you think they have it so easy? Just because you don’t see their burdens does not mean they are not heavy ones”.  I thought about this long and hard and realized that we all carry burdens and ours may seem so heavy at times because we are carrying them.  And carry them we do and sometimes we wish we could just lay them down for a little while but we don’t for we know we must carry on in life.

Anyone can carry his burden, however hard, until nightfall.  Anyone can do his work, however hard, for one day.  Anyone can live sweetly, patiently, lovingly, purely, till the sun goes down.  And this is all life really means. 

~Robert Louis Stevenson

The ironic thing is that while we are wishing we were like someone else, others are wishing they were like us for they may see that we are “strong” or seem to have things they don’t have. Like I said, we all have The Grass is Greener Syndrome at some time or another.

I admit I wish right now for the quietness and peacefulness of a year ago but in reality, I would not want that forever. I have just had months and months of so much from packing and moving to fixing the house up and getting settled, to all the health issues and doctor appointments and hospital tests and procedures and it seems without break. So, yes, those that are able to just relax and have nothing major on their plate…those that are bouncing around having a ball decorating their homes for the holidays…those that seem to have everything falling into place right now seems much greener.  But the reality is, I love our life here in this little town and I love our home and would not really want to go back to a year ago. It just sounds nice …the quiet, peacefulness, not having things we have to rush around and do.

Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace.  ~Victor Hugo

So, sometimes…all we can do is our best  And while we are hanging on with all we have, we need to realize that our happiness relies on us….not on possessions, people, money….whatever. Those things are fleeting and can change.

Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine.  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

And when you feel like you can’t take any more, like you have reached the end of the rope and someone cut it off, like you have fought until there is nothing left to fight with…just know that the fall is not really that far or that hard. It may seem like it but when you hit…you will see that it is ok to cry, to be sad, to feel frustrated, to feel like you want to give up but won’t, to wish things were done and over, to allow your inner weakness and being to show and even to wish you were someone or somewhere else for a little while. Those that love you are there to help cushion the fall.

video by Jiruizig

Never explain.  Your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe it anyway.  ~Elbert Hubbard

People may expect us to act a certain way but those that love us will understand. They will know we are battling…are sick….are tired…and are just holding on with both hands. Just keep dreaming…while you are laying there, close your eyes and dream the dreams of being somewhere else….of having all the problems drift away for just a little while.

video by TopTJFan 

 ”…they think that I’m strange… they say that I’m a dreamer… but I don’t complain, though I don’t have much to call my own. I know a place where I keep the best of things. I’m not gonna wait for my piece of heaven where there’s a road, it leads to the promised land. I just turn the key, the key to the kingdom.” The Kingdom

That key to the kingdom opens to those that really love you and are there for you.  I am blessed by many who have helped me along the way, have listened to my fears and tears and dried them for me, have encouraged me, have just sat in silence with me, have wisked around me with hugs, have covered me with soft fleece and have held my hand in spirit.

 ~*Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down*~ -Oprah Winfrey

video by booboowhite1

The Arlington Cemetery Project

Rest easy, sleep well my brothers.
Know the line has held, your job is done.
Rest easy, sleep well.
Others have taken up where you fell, the line has held.
Peace, peace, and farewell…

Each one of those wreaths represents a loved one lost to a family ….represents someone who chose to be part of what it takes to protect our country and were willing to give their life to do so. How blessed we are by them.

This is an email floating around the internet. What you don’t know is that this is a true email. After researching to see if this was just another hoax email floating around I found the following information on snopes.com.

“Every December since 1992, volunteers have laid wreaths donated by the Worcester Wreath Company of Harrington, Maine, at the headstones of over 5,000 of America’s honored dead.

Morrill Worcester initially brought 4,000 surplus wreaths from the holiday decoration company he owns to adorn gravesites at Arlington in 1992. Every year since then he has set aside several thousand wreaths especially for that purpose, driving to Arlington in December with a trailer full of decorations and dozens of volunteers to distribute them throughout the cemetery. As Mr. Worcester told an Air Force reporter in 2005:

“We couldn’t do anything in this country if it wasn’t for the people who gave their lives to protect us. It’s a great honor to be able to come here and pay our respects.”

In 2006, Mr Worcester expanded the Arlington Wreath Project into “WREATHS ACROSS AMERICA, (website here: http://www.wreathsacrossamerica.org/), an effort to place memorial wreaths at more than 230 State and National Cemeteries and Veterans Monuments across the United States.

In 2009, volunteers placed over 16,000 wreaths on the graves at Arlington (as well as at the USS Maine Memorial, the Tomb of the Unknowns, and the Kennedys’ grave sites) and at other memorial sites across the United States, including Arkansas’s Fayetteville National Cemetery in Arkansas, BAttery Park in New York City, and the memorial site for the United Airlines Flight 92 in Shanksville, PA.

video by WreathsAcrossAmerica

One man took the time  to make a difference, and many others stepped up to the plate to help be a part of this project. Our men and women lay their lives on the line every day for us and for our freedom. Isn’t it time to take the time to show them you care?

video by lifeisgreatfilms

Right now, soldiers are fighting for us while we are gearing up for Christmas. They have family back here at home waiting on them.  There are ways to show them you care. You can adopt a soldier, send cards to soldiers, send packages. Below are some links:

www.adoptaussoldier.org

http://www.operationgratitude.com/?gclid=CNDE_Nn_9awCFUWMtgodCEpJRw

http://usowishbook.uso.org/?utm_source=google-g&utm_medium=cpc&utm_term=Support-WB-S_Thankyou-Write_write%20a%20soldier_&utm_campaign=Wishbook_Ads_11

It is holiday time and that is an even harder time for our men and women. Many families are asking “when will you come home?”  and feel the vacant spot that their loved one has left behind. Many will never see their loved ones again for they will never come home. What can we give up to make their Christmas brighter? They are giving up so much for us.

video by Bye2Love

How wonderful it would be if everyone were to give back today with a show of love and support what our men and women have given all these years so that we can have a life that is free. If it were not for them, our lives would be drastically changed and all the freedoms we have now would be gone.

So, What Are You Willing To Sell Your Soul For?

As I sat here watching the news, I started thinking about how many people.. children.. elderly… women…fragile people…. are used, abused, abducted, mistreated, scammed, attacked, taken advantage of …..in this world. And my thought was….how many of us stand up for what is right or do we just turn a blind eye for whatever reason. I am ferocious when it comes to defending those I love but what about those I don’t know? Am I willing to make people mad, take the heat, be condemned or talked about ….for what is right?

I watched the X Factor last nite and one of the judges did this “Oh I just can’t make this decision. I can’t do it. I will let the fans do it” all because she did not want to make a tough decision and a young girl was voted off that out sang the competition. So, standing up for what is right can be something as simply as doing what you are supposed to do…like this judge who did not do her job.

So, I have to wonder about humans….how much are we willing to sell our souls for to be liked, to be part of the “in” group, to not have people get mad at us, to not be the bad guy, to feed our need for approval? To avoid controversy in our lives?  To avoid confrontation?

We have situations with people in big cities closing their curtains to the screams of someone being attacked or raped because they don’t want to be involved.  People see child abuse by family or friends or neighbors and won’t report it for fear that the ones doing it will find out they turned them in. Others watch someone being bullied and don’t say anything. Others, like the judge, go along with whatever because they want to be liked. Others see people stealing or scamming and yet say nothing because it is not them being stolen from. Others see a crime in process and turn away. Do we ever wonder why?

So, what makes people not do what is right?  It can’t be people don’t know what is right or wrong for in this day and time most people do.  This question is about as complex as explaining why people keep returning to situations they know are bad because they can’t stand not being involved or part of the scene.

I don’t have the answers but I think a lot has to do with fear.  Fear of what?  Fear of being retaliated against, fear of not being liked or people getting mad, fear of not being in the “in” crowd, etc.  Standing up for what is right is not always easy and yes, in this day and time with the anonymity of the internet, people can and will try to attack a person, but it is the best feeling in the world to know that you stood up for what is right, that you helped someone in trouble, or you stopped others from being mistreated, scammed, taken advantage of, etc.

I think every time we let something pass when we should have stepped up to the plate and done something, part of our soul dies. We are not born bad people. We are not born passive people. We learn what we learn from what we see growing up and around us. And our behavior is handed down to our children and those around us. So, what do we do?

Maybe it is time in this world for more people to start stepping up and doing what is right instead of what is popular. Maybe it is time we valued ourselves a little more and acted like we are something worthy and do the right thing by standing up for what is right. If we don’t stand up for what is right….how can we expect others to stand up for us when we need help?  Maybe it is time we realize that our “self-worth” is not based on a popularity contest, is not based on being involved with a group that has pushed us out…which actually makes some people fight that much harder to get back in the group.  Maybe it is time we show those who look to us the right thing so that they don’t learn how to be passive too.

I heard a singer once say they did not want to be someone’s role model, when told that their behavior affected their fans. Well, hate to tell the person but we all are role models to someone whether we want to be or not. There is nothing we can do about it. All we can do is be the best role model possible and live our lives in such a way that what we do does not bring others down. The world seems to have become a “self” world. Perhaps it is time people stood up and said “no, we will not be quiet. We will not silently allow mistreatment, abuse, attacking, scamming, taking advantage of ….others. We will stand up and do what is right.”

My Holiday Gift to You…….RECIPES :)

Cooking is such an essential part of the holidays. I remember tins and tins of cakes and cookies when I was a kid. My grandmother Mimi would cook all sorts of goodies. I remember her going in daily and pouring rum over some cake. Boy, that cake made everyone feel good.

So, I thought I would share some family recipes with you. I hope you enjoy them. If you are high altitude like we are, please use high altitude flour.Also high altitude tends to require longer cooking times. Just test to see if done on cakes.

First is peppermint bark that my aunt that I call Mama makes. Oh y um

PEPPERMINT BARK

2 lb white chocolate chips

12 crushed candy canes

1/4 tsp peppermint flavoring

Melt chocolate and crushed peppermint on double boiler. Add peppermint flavoring. Stir all together. pour out on parchment (wax) paper on a cookie sheet and let harden. Break into pieces.

POUND CAKE WITH CARAMEL ICING

1 cup butter

2 cups sugar

2 cups flour

1 and  2/3 cup sugar

5 eggs

1/4 tsp salt

1 tsp vanilla

Mix and bake 1 hour at 300 degrees

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SIMPLE CARAMEL ICING

1 stick butter

1 and 1/2 cup brown sugar

1/2 cup sweet condensed milk

1 box powdered sugar

1/8 tsp salt

Melt butter over direct heat, add brown sugar and stir constantly to prevent burning. When sugar has melted, add milk and boil gently for 3 minutes. Remove from heat and beat in powdered sugar. Cool a little before spreading on cooled cake. May need to add few teaspoons of hot water if icing thickens up before getting cake iced.

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DATE NUT CAKE

1 quart of chopped pecans

1 small pkg of chopped dates

4 eggs

1 cup sugar

1 heaping cup flour

2 tsp baking powder

1/4 tsp salt

2 tsp vanilla

Mix all dry ingredients. add nuts and dates. stir in eggs and vanilla. Bake in large greased and floured tube pan. Bake at 250 degrees for 1 and 1/2 hours.

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JELLY COOKIES

1/2 pound butter

3 cups flour

2 egg yolks

1 and 1/2 cup sugar

1 tsp vanilla

Cream butter and sugar. add egg yolks and vanilla. Then add the flour and work it in. Roll in small balls and push down.on top with finger and put a little damson plum jelly in indentation. Bake at 300 degrees for 20 to 30 minutes til the bottoms are lightly browned.

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JERUSALEM COOKIES

1 lb butter

1 and 1/3 cup sugar

1 cup whiskey

3 eggs

1 lb chopped pecans

2 quarts flour

Cream butter and sugar. Add whiskey, eggs, pecans and then add the flour last. Can bake as a sheet rolled thin at 300 degrees for 20 to 30 minutes. Then break into pieces and roll in mixture of powdered sugar and cinnamon.

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SELF CRUST CUSTARD PIE

2/3 c sugar

2 T flour

1 tsp nutmeg

4 beaten eggs

1/2 tsp sale

2 cups milk

Mix dry ingredients. Beat eggs, add dry ingredients and mix well. Add milk and stir thoroughly. Pour into greased pie pan and bake at 400 degrees until knife comes out clean.

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BOURBON BALLS

1 cup finely crushed vanilla wafers (30-36)

1 cup powdered sugar

1 cup chopped pecans

2 T. cocoa

2 T   light corn syrup

1/4 cu bourbon, rum or brandy

granulated sugar, additional pecans or cocoa

Stir crumbs, powdered sugar, pecans and cocoa. Add syrup and bourbon. Mix well. Wet hands and shape in one inch balls. Roll in granulated sugar. Makes 36

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CHESS CAKE

I box light brown sugar

1 cup white sugar

2 sticks butter

4 egg yolks

2 cups sifted flour

2 tsp baking powder

1/4 tsp salt

1 cup nuts

1 tsp vanilla

4 egg whites

Melt butter, add sugar and beaten egg yolks. Sift in dry ingredients. Add nuts and vanilla. Then folk in beaten egg whites. Bake at 325 degrees between 30 and 45 minutes in a greased 10 inch square pan.

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SOUTHERN PECAN PIE

2 eggs beaten

1 cup sugar

1 cup dark karo syrup

1 tsp vanilla

2 T melted butter

1/8 tsp salt

I cup pecans

Mix ingredients in order, pour into unbaked 8 or 9 inch pie shell. Bake at 400 degrees for 15 minutes. Reduce heat to 350 degrees and bake for 30 to 35 minutes.

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BUTTERMILK CAKE

1 cup shortening

2 and 1/4 sugar

3 cups flour

3 eggs..one at a time

1/2 tsp soda

1/4 tsp salt

1 tsp lemon extract

1 cup buttermilk

Cream shortening and sugar. Add eggs one at a time. Add dry ingredients, alternating with the buttermilk. add extract. Bake in greased and floured tube pan at 325 degrees for one hour and 20 minutes. Turn off heat and let stay ten minutes longer.

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CRESCENT COOKIES

1/2 lb butter softened

5 T powdered sugar

1 cup ground pecans

1/2 cup chopped nuts

3 c flour

1 tsp vanilla

Mix ingredients and shape into crescents. Bake 20 minutes in 300 degree oven. Roll in powdered sugar.

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Bolts and Nuts

1 ox cheerios

1 box chex cereal

1 box or bag pretzel sticks (the small kind)

1 lb pecans

3/4 lb butter

1 tsp salt

2 T Worcester sauce

garlic salt optional

Melt and stir over other ingredients.

pre-heat oven to 250 degrees

bake 2 hours stirring every 15 minutes

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Hope you all enjoy. These are taken straight from my grandmother’s recipes.    Please add your own recipes here. We can all share.   Don’t forget to click on the comments on the left side of the post and read the other recipes.

Middle Of The Night Christmas Ramblings

Another sleepless night in the mountains, only this time followed by a sleepless day. Maybe I am just geared up from all the delirious sleeping I was doing while so sick, or maybe it was the sleeping I did after the heart stuff and I have slept too much and am now overdosed on sleep. Who knows. When I lay awake like this, my mind goes ninety to nothing thinking about this and that. Tonight, I find myself feeling rather sad. Perhaps it is the holiday blues everyone talks about.   Or a residual of being through hell the past week and a half and feeling rather empty and all used up.

I had so looked forward to our first Christmas in our new house and it is being consumed with doctor stuff to the point that son and I were talking that we might not even get to make the cookies together that we hoped. Next week is back to back trips to the doctor….the gyno one in Pueblo for those three-month paps and biopsies, one here for biopsies on my back, another for a check up with the cardiologist and of course Denver in all it’s glory is looming in there somewhere.

I think I better not eat any strange food between now and Denver for I don’t want a repeat of the past few days to mess up getting this kidney stuff over with. Couple that with being afraid to even Christmas shop for fear we will spend money we need for the Denver trip, the holidays have seemed rather bleak. But, that is ok for they will fly by with all the medical that is hitting now and through the month. We got our Christmas with our home. I really can’t ask for anything more.

I wrote the other day about how years ago, we had to iron our clothes, wash dishes by hand, cook hours to fix our meals and now all these modern conveniences are here to save us time and yet everyone is busier than ever. And one has to wonder why. What is so important that instead of enjoying the time these conveniences save us with loved ones, we have added more busy busy to the list.  Are we losing sight of what is really important?  Are we letting precious moments get lost in our zest for busy busy busy?  Once the moments pass by, we can never regain them.

For sweet Darlene:  We all have families of origin and many of us also have families of choice. This happens for many reasons. Sometimes, because of distance, sometimes because family members can’t get along (and I send hugs for your email hon) and sometimes because we just choose people to be part of our family too. Enjoy those that want to be with you this holiday hon and don’t let those that are being distant or have hurt you ruin your holiday. Life is too short.  Eat with that family of choice and enjoy yourself.  And take care of that foot. And I hope you get your password on here fixed so that you can post again. I enjoy your emails but would love to see your posts on here too. HUGS

Family of choice….I love those words. To me, it is simply family and just as important as any family member. Love is not limited by blood. We can be blessed with family AND family of choice and it is a blended family..that is all. Son and I used to have open house Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners and we would invite people we knew had no place to go or no family to eat with. I loved it. We cooked two turkeys and I have a buffet roaster and it has the serving dishes you put in to keep the food warm. And I made pie after pie, trays of dressing, gravy, sweet potatoes with marshmallows, green bean casseroles, rolls and it was lined up on our kitchen counter that had a bar on one side SO people could fill their plates from either side. We set tables up in the living room and usually had about twenty people. Son smoked the turkeys..two huge turkeys. And we had it ready and people could come in and eat. Someone was always at the tables, often just lingering over the pumpkin pie and coffee and just talking. It was a time of family and family  of choice.

At Christmas, I searched during the months before at yard sales and flea markets for one gift for each person that we knew was coming. It was not an expensive gift but it was something I knew they would like. And we all sat around the living room in a circle, after cleaning up the dinner, and everyone opened their present. I got the greatest joy from just watching these people open a gift they might not have had. And a tradition under son’s and my tree has always been the “gift for the unknown guest” and we would have something small for a boy and girl child, a female adult and a male adult. And you know what…they were always needed for someone would show up and say “my uncle so and so showed up, I hope it was ok I brought him. Or they would have an extra child. Our Christmases were filled with children and people in the home on those holidays and everyone got joy from it including us.

Wow, this has taken a turn of Christmas memories. Since we moved out here, I have had so many health issues that I have not been able to cook and do like that but son was talking about how he hoped we could start that tradition up again maybe next year. It sure is a wonderful way to celebrate the holidays. One year, we had a woman from church who was a vegetarian and I looked in the store for that fake turkey so that she would not feel left out. She cried when she saw that I had gone to that much trouble to make sure she had her own turkey just like everyone else.

The last two years on the other side of the mountain, son and I would go to the community Thanksgiving dinner the town had at the fairgrounds. It was really nice. Tables and tables of food, buffet style with servers. Long tables with table clothes and decorations and they had door prizes and entertainment. People, rich or poor, came and would even bring their out-of-town families to eat. It was set up in a huge room like a big gymnasium and rows and rows of long tables were decorated. Servers walked up and down and brought you drinks and dessert and during this time, a band was playing up on the stage. Another way to have a blessed holiday dinner. One year I was sitting next to a man who was a veteran from WWII and he regaled us with stories of his life as a fighter pilot. It was really fun and interesting.

Holidays signify family to people and when a family member is missing, it is hard to get into the spirit of things. I remember losing loved ones over the years and I finally found a way to fill my heart from the physical loss of the person. I would find someone to adopt during the holidays and I would bestow on them the love and gifts that I would have given to my loved one and it was my way of bringing to life the person who had gone on to the next world. And something always happened to let me know that my loved one saw and was there during that time. One year, I was giving presents and spending time with the adopted person and I reached down to dust some mud off my pants leg and when I did…something seem to fly out of my hand and we all heard a thunk. When we found what it was, it was a penny…with the year of the birth of the person that I had lost on it. Now, you can call it a coincidence but I call it a message letting me know they were there and enjoying what was going on.

Well, now that I have talked your ear off and it is two in the morning, maybe I can get relaxed enough to sleep. I thought I could leave off the phenergan but realize maybe one more day I might need it since I am not really eating and so my stomach gets queasy. Maybe that is why I can’t sleep.

I hope and pray you all have a wonderful holiday season. Take time to show those you love just how much you love them. Remember…love is free so apply liberally. And take time to remember those that don’t have that love. Life is harder for some than others and they need us to lift them up.

Try a Little Understanding

UNDERSTAND….such a simple word and yet for the most part, people tend to not fully appreciate what it means.  It is a word that I find is crucial to living a fulfilling life…our ability to “understand” others.

understand  [uhn-der-stand]  verb.  To appreciate, comprehend, accept, be aware of, be conscious of, catch on, discern, figure out, get the hang of, get the idea, get the picture, get the point, have knowledge of, identify with, make sense of, to appreciate sympathetically.

How many times have you said to someone “I understand what you are saying” but really did not understand the depth of the meaning of what they said. I know I am guilty. To understand another person, we have to factor in all sorts of things ranging from knowing their behavior on a normal day to knowing when they are sick and realizing that they are speaking from feeling bad and not from the brain. It takes knowing what kind of day a person has had, to what problems they are dealing with, to what losses they have incurred or what traumatic events they have endured and the list goes on. As a people, most do not want to invest that much energy.

Understanding requires paying attention and doing more than hearing…it means really listening to a person and noticing the emotion behind what they are saying. To give an example, some things are extremely sensitive for each of us. One of mine is feeling like I am a burden. Son does this thing…my head knows he is teasing but my heart gets hurt. I ask him if he would do something for me that I can not do and he will reply “I might”.  It was not until we really talked and I was in tears and he saw the hurt that he realized that it was not funny to me. You know that old saying…a joke is only funny if both people think it is. And his words to me were  “I am so sorry Mom, now I understand”….but he had to take himself out of the center of the picture and put another person…me …there to understand.

I find that people tend to want others to conform to their way of behavior and never stop to notice if the other person acts they way they do because that is their culture, their religion, their personality, whatever.  Sometimes people  just have no understanding that we are all different and just because I don’t act like you or you don’t act like me does not make either one of us wrong.

And so I say…..love me and please understand me. Don’t expect me to act like you. Don’t expect me to act like myself when I am so sick I can barely lift my head off the pillow. Don’t expect me to be perfect. Don’t expect me to have the same reaction as everyone else. Don’t expect me to cry over the things you cry over. I might and I might not. Just understand and love me. When I am trying to tell you something from the heart, really hear what I say, not just let the words fly through. Otherwise you might find me telling you things like “I am an alien and I eat people”  or other crazy stuff just to see if you are listening.  I think if we all just try to understand each other and realize that we all have different ways, there will be less fighting and misunderstandings in the world.

Sons and I are blessed in that we can talk and can communicate and have learned to try to understand that we each have our own way of doing things or our own way of thinking or even or own way of  talking. I think the key to understanding is opening your heart and your ears and paying attention and listening not just to the words but to the feelings behind the words. Otherwise, people get upset and “react” and then the misunderstandings happen. So, like the song “try a little tenderness”, I believe in ♫ ♫ try a little understanding. ♫♫ 

Give the Gift of Knowing What It Is Like To Be Loved This year.

I saw this today on the television and thought what a wonderful concept.  They said to give the best gift of all this holiday season…to give the gift of “knowing what it was like to be loved”.  I thought about that long and hard. The gift of knowing what it is like to be loved….what a concept.

Sometimes we take for granted the very things in our lives. Being loved is one of them.  We just assume everyone has someone that loves them and shows them that love but the truth of the matter is…many many people in this country and this world don’t have that. Think about the people in nursing homes. Many are forgotten and just left there….never having visitors or anything. My sons and I used to go visit at the nursing home and would ask to be directed to those that had no one.

I remember taking my kindergarten class one year to perform at the nursing home. One woman thought I was her daughter and just hung on me and hung on me. She called me Brenda the whole time and kept asking me why I didn’t wear the dress she made for me and she would hold my hand. My heart was breaking for her and then I realized that she was happy at that moment. She was happy because she believed her daughter was there with her. And so I sat there and talked with her and held her hand through the show and just loved her as if I were her loving daughter. What a simple gift and yet we all have it in us to do that.

I thought about all the children around the world who never have the opportunity to know what it is like to have a loving mother or father. Children here in our own country who come from homes where there are drugs and violence and don’t know what it is like to be loved. I truly believe that is why the Big Brother and Big Sister programs were started. To give these children what they would never get otherwise.

Right in our families, we can give the gift of love, of time spent, of letting someone know they are loved. It does not cost piles of money….it basically cost our time and effort.

I am sitting here watching Laverne and Shirley and remembering about how we had to iron all our clothes back then. So many time saving things have been created from permanent press clothes to special washers and dryers to dishwashers and microwaves….all to give us more time and yet we seem to be in more of a hurry today than ever. Why?

How can we give the gift of showing someone what it is like to be loved? Perhaps we can share our home by inviting those who have no where to go, to come to Christmas dinner? Or, we can fix a box with a dish made from a treasured family recipe and share it with someone….along with the recipe. How about adopting a child for the holidays to buy Christmas for….. Or spending time with a child from a broken home….. Or going to the nursing home and spending time with those who have no one…..or reading to someone that is blind….How about adopting a pet from the animal shelter that needs loving….or cooking special goodies for our law enforcement and fire fighters or EMT people?  Or be a chemo angel for someone going through chemo.

There are many ways to show someone what it is like to be loved. Don’t make it a one time effort. Make it part of life. Love is free and we should be sharing it around this world and making a difference. Love can heal when nothing else does.