♫♫Let There Be Peace On Earth♫♫ AND Love and Tolerance

I took the night-time pictures but wanted to share some music with you while I showed the pictures.

This is especially for Marg and Keisha

video by girardsag

Aunt Debbie Loves you princess.

I got a picture of the nativity all lit up.

Santa Claus is coming to town and I am ready for Him.

video by  SlyFets

Jacob singing to Santa. What precious love these children have.

video by Heidijmoore

A Christmas story…told beautifully.  And what better gift than love and to go and love everyone.

video by experiencejoy

 Christmas is a time of love and joy and peace on earth. I am thankful for children like Keisha in my life for they instill such joy and happiness and such total love.

video by claudettecolbert60

I Still Got The Moves…an Illuminating Night

Did you know that adrenalin can cause great things to happen and show us that under the power of adrenalin we can do things we thought were impossible. LOL  I am here to tell you that the last thing a person on oxygen wants to see in the dark is sparks near them.  And the reaction can be quite comical if it were not so scary.

I love my fleece blankets. They are the only covers that do not hurt me and sent to me by a dear friend. I knew that on some days when the weather was just right, static would occur and has in the past. Last nite, I was laying there with my little ear piece in my ear watching a tv show and pulled my covers to re-adjust them and heard “pop…pop…pop”  in the ear piece and saw sparks on the covers.

My first thought was omg the oxygen is going to get it. I threw the cover back in a rush of adrenalin and was on those forearm crutches beating a path fast as I could go past the end of the hospital bed when suddenly I felt this force snatch me back and I landed flat on my back with my arms still encased in the forearm crutches and my legs all waving in the air. I looked something like a turtle flipped on it’s back with it’s arms waving in the breeze.

It took me a few minutes to realize it was my oxygen hose, still on my face that snatched me back on the bed. I have come to realize those things can really stretch and have a lot of strength like a bungie cord. LOL  I felt like I was in a cartoon doing the impossible.

After I got my senses, I started giggling and all the commotion must have alerted son for he was standing at my door and saw me doing the “turtle dance” and giggling almost hysterically from release of adrenalin and asked me what I was doing now?  When I told him, he started laughing and then said “maybe that is number three”.

I learned that adrenalin can make me move faster than I ever have. I think I dove into the forearm crutches for I do not even remember putting them on my arms. I don’t know how long the whole thing lasted but it felt like only a few seconds.  Now I know how mothers have lifted cars off their children and other heroic feats. Too bad they can not channel it into a way to help disabled people do more. I also noticed that my pain level was down for a while after.

Meanwhile, I will take my fleece covers and throw them in the dryer with some dryer sheets to remove that static as I still don’t want sparks around my oxygen hose. And although the experience was “illuminating” to say the least, I feel really drained….must be the effects of using all that adrenalin and now it is gone.

Do Things Always Come In Threes And Has Anyone Seen My Oasis?

“Come to the edge.”
“We can’t. We’re afraid.”
“Come to the edge.”
“We can’t. We will fall!”
“Come to the edge.”
And they came.
And he pushed them.
And they flew.

Guillaume Apollinaire,   1880-1918

If you expect life to be simple and calm….don’t. I have learned that it is a roller coaster at times and sometimes you just have to hold on and pray. And if you get too tired, just lay down in the seat, for it will still zoom you along whether you want to go or not.

I am sitting here wondering if things always come in threes. I sure hope not because two in two days is enough. Last nite son fell on the ice and tore his knee open and banged it up pretty bad.  That was one. Now, he just hollers to me and says bring the medicine box. I go in the kitchen and he is leaning over the sink and blood is going everywhere and I look at his hand and the end of his thumb has a huge jagged place where a screw went into his thumb and came out and tore on the bottom side. Ugly let me tell you.  That is two. I really don’t want three. LOL  Good thing we have three medical boxes from son being a First Responder.

I looked outside today. First time in a while and the snow is still here. It has been bitter cold but sunny so I guess the snow will take a while melting.

This is the flat areas. We have piles still from where son shoveled and had to put the snow somewhere. Those will take a lot longer to melt. But I still love the snow. It is so beautiful to me.

According to the weather, we have cold and sunny for the next few days. So we will see if the sun melts this snow away. Good news is we have had a lot of snow and that is good for our water levels and the drought problems we have in the summers.

Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all.  Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.

The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours.     

Ayn Rand

Sometimes I lay in the dark and feel the cool breeze of the fan and close my eyes just for a while, weary from the battle. But I have always been a warrior and I have always fought when everyone else said give up and I continue to do so. I think perhaps I finally got that through to the Social Worker who is helping me convince the doctors that I can not make five trips up to Denver to do this, that I need it all put in one lump visit and that I need to wait until January so that financially I am a little better and physically I have recovered from the cath, the flu and the biopsy. My body is weary…my courage is not and I know what it takes for me to fight.

Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.

  Dale Carnegie

When you think you can’t take another step, just know that you can. It might be hard. It may even be lonely or feel lonely, but you can.  The decision is…do you want to stop now and rest or do you want to keep fighting…and sometimes…you can do both. We all have within a warrior somewhere…and it will come out when you least expect.

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

How To Use A Pain Scale Chart

I first was given a pain scale chart about fifteen years ago. I thought if you didn’t put a high number it meant you had no pain. I didn’t know how to read a pain scale chart and believe me when I tell you, that if you don’t follow it like it is intended….doctors will think you are faking. If you tell them on a pain scale chart that is 1-10 that your pain is a 30….the doctors will start disbelieving you have any pain.

I was fortunate some years ago to have a pain management doctor who gave me a chart similar to this one. He explained step by step but the chart also described what is meant by each number. It made it so much easier to tell them my real pain once I learned this chart. He was the doctor that was helping me with my disability claim.

This chart comes from  http://www.tipna.org/info/documents/ComparativePainScale.htm  and is typical of most detailed pain charts you see. Mayo Clinic Chronic Pain lists their pain scale like this:

0-1 No pain
2-3 Mild pain
4-5 Discomforting – moderate pain
6-7 Distressing – severe pain
8-9 Intense – very severe pain
10 Unbearable pain

According to Jack Harich….”One complaint about this scale is “Patients tend to use the middle words and thus distort the assessment.”   So, they made a more comprehensive scale so that patients truly understood what the pain scale meant. This scale helped me give my doctors a better analysis of my pain. It also helped me with my disability claim for I could accurately tell them my pain scale. This is very important if you want help managing your pain.My pain management doctor told me the pain scales were created to get an accurate view of a patient’s pain so that it could be treated and helped.

Here is the detailed pain scale:

The Comparative Pain Scale

By Jack Harich – July 14, 2002

I had to laugh the first time I read a comprehensive pain scale for I realized that my idea that a pain level of 5 was nothing or just ‘normal” pain was so far from the truth it was laughable. A pain level of 5 is :

Strong, deep, piercing pain, such as a sprained ankle when you stand on it wrong, or mild back pain. Not only do you notice the pain all the time, you are now so preoccupied with managing it that you normal lifestyle is curtailed. Temporary personality disorders are frequent.

That doesn’t sound like nothing, does it. You are so preoccupied with curtailing this pain of level 5 that your normal lifestyle is curtailed. I realized then that a pain level of five was significant.

I remember thinking that if I did not put a high number…no one would listen to me and the truth of the matter was….they were not listening because I was not showing the signs of someone suffering with pain levels of 7 and 8 at that time.  It was not until I had kidney surgery about three years ago that I realized just how close this scale runs to the truth. I had a pain level of an honest 8 after kidney surgery …..and that was with pain meds. I was in so much pain I could not eat, I could not sleep, I could barely walk..with help to the bathroom, I could not fix my food, nothing….and because of this I lost around 36 pounds in 30 days. That is how drastically that pain level affected me.

Now, my reason for posting this. If you want doctors to believe you…..truly follow the pain scale. Don’t base it on how much pain you can endure…base it on what it does to you physically…how it limits you….for that is what the doctors look at.  It may seem like your pain is just going through the roof…but if it does not limit you, or does not affect you in the ways the chart says, then look at the different levels and see what does.

I have learned to judge my pain level well…after years of chronic pain that has debilitated me. But, the first few years, I went through hell because I did not know how to talk to the doctors and make them understand. I did not know how to use a pain scale accurately and have it show that I indeed was being affected by my pain. And I did not realize that a pain level of five and six are high pains and not anything to take lightly. Therefore, they were not treating my pain like they should.

It is all in knowing the way the scale works and realizing that what we view as distressing pain is a five or six…and that these numbers do show high pain. So, try looking at the chart and rating your pain sometime by the description. We don’t get points for being able to tolerate the pain unfortunately….it is all based on what it does to us. What debilitated me may not be what debilitated you and doctors look at that. And they are keenly observant and notice things that give signs of distress.

Don’t let your pain rule you. Learn how to talk about your pain and what to tell your doctor it is doing…not just a number…but the words…so that they hear you and believe you.

My Son’s book on alternative things to do for pain. I am so proud of him. He is my caretaker. He and Dr. Sherry E. Showalter joined forces to try to help those with pain. He writes under the name “John Argent” and is now working on a crime novel. The pain book is on Amazon.

http://www.amazon.com/CHRONIC-PAIN-Living-Chronic-Easier/dp/1478304596/ref=sr_1_10?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1355098179&sr=1-10&keywords=Chronic+Pain%3A+Hand+in+Hand

 

Plans going Awry

Well, I tried to get Denver doctors to let me come the first week in January instead of the 29th of December. Not that much difference was my thought. But, they don’t want me to do that. I told them I needed the time for financial reasons and they said they really needed me there then. I feel really down. Been working on this today and got the answer earlier.

So, they wanted me to talk to someone who helps find places for people to stay when they have to come up there and are on disability like me. Well, the problem is…we have a dog..and staying in a McDonald’s House or something like that is not feasible for they don’t allow dogs. Remember, we were the menagerie last time.

I felt so down about all this, on top of not exactly feeling up to par…so just did not call the woman back. I figure maybe a good nite’s sleep will make things look better. Maybe a nite of  “pretending” it does not exist will give me the added umph to tackle it again tomorrow.

Part is I went for a biopsy on my back shoulder yesterday and am feeling achy from that too and when you don’t feel good, nothing seems good. So, am gonna find my Laverne and Shirley dvd and turn it on and lay here.

A Jam Packed Day

Today has been a long and hard day. It was Doctor time in Pueblo. I think I am married to them I spend so much time with them. Things went better this time than with the ugly doctor I had three months ago in Colorado Springs. And if this test comes back ok, I will be able to wait longer between visits. Oh I am so excited at that possibility. Not that I dislike this doctor for he is such a caring and compassionate doctor. I am just sick of doctors.

Tomorrow I have another appointment to have a biopsy on my back. Then I have a call telling me my cardiologist needs to reschedule us and am waiting on Denver to call. My prayerful dream is that 2012 is a year with a lot less doctor visits and hospital visits.

While we were in Pueblo, we decided we needed to pick up a few supplies and get my medicine so that we are ready if the snows hit us. That meant going to Walmart and then to Home depot to get an insulation sheet and into office max to pick up a part. So, it turned into an all day event.

We got home and both of us AND Jack were whipped and everyone went to their respective rooms and went to bed. Oh, the joys of having that pot of soup already made up. We just microwaved a bowl for supper and now everyone has full tummies and probably will hit the sack early.

My other son sent me a picture of my grand baby. Sweetpea was six the last time I saw her. She is now almost a teenager and is beautiful. She rides horses and competes in the rodeos. I am so proud of her and of my son and his wife. They have made the horse fun a family event and spent a lot of time together going to the rodeos and out to the stables to let her practice. I ask my son how he is feeling and he always says  “oh I am fine Mama”.  He doesn’t realize that a mama hears the tiredness in his voice and knows that he pushes himself to keep doing. You know how us mama’s are.

We are going to make more cookies. Mama makes us peppermint bark every year. I want to send her some crescents and jelly cookies and I want to make some sugar cookies for a very special person who loves them.

I am so excited. We evidentially got into the program of the governor’s called weatherization to help disabled people get their homes weatherized for the winter and summers. Son and I ran the last of the papers to them today while in Pueblo. I did not want to risk putting it in the mail when the deadline is tomorrow. We don’t know what it means for us but they do things like storm windows, insulation, storm doors, replace out of date furnaces, etc. We would be happy with anything they chose to do.

Oh, evidentially it was NOT food poisoning we had for we found out the neighbors had this same ugly flu-like bug and were sick for days like we were. They said it was horrible and son said “you are not telling us anything we don’t know”.  So, maybe one day, I will eat at the Chinese place again. LOL  The neighbors said it was going around all over town. I think I will hunt up my face mask. Maybe that will protect me. But of course, I go to the sickest places around….doctor’s offices and hospitals so no wonder I ended up sick.

Son filled up my bird feeders and hung them out. This one bird just sat on the feeder, not eating when I saw it, almost like he was guarding it. Directly a second bird showed up. It won’t be long before they will discover the feeder and we will have them fighting over the food, especially with this cold weather.

And now, this weary lady is going to head to bed. The weather looks bad outside, snow is predicted and I am ready to snuggle deep in my fleecy covers and sleep ….sleep ….sleep.  .

Traveling through Friends

I am so blessed by friends who take me with them on their trips and show me sites I have never seen before.  My friend Sassy takes me all over the United States on her travels with pictures and videos and it is such a joy. Just because one can not do things the normal way, does not mean we can’t find new ways of doing them.

I have been around England and thanks to a dear friend in the UK….Helena..I have dipped my feet in the water at the sea at Cornwall through this video. She made this video for me. They have traveled all over and I have loved seeing the pictures from their adventures.

video by squidlynoodle

I have been on the cruise ship with friends, traveled by internet to the Bahamas, watched the dolphins in the ocean, walked the beaches in other states, been in Churches in New Mexico, been up north in grand Hotels and seen the beautiful views from the high-rise rooms…all through pictures and videos. All because friends care enough to carry me with them.

What a gift that is to let someone else be part of your travels and fun. I had a friend named Audrey five years back. She died of kidney cancer but she and I talked daily for months and months as she was going through her battle. Sometimes we talked two or three times a day. She carried me by phone to concerts and held her cell phone out so I could hear it with her, she sent pictures of videos and talked to me while on vacations. It was such a wonderful gift for someone in her shape to do.

Next time you are traveling, think about those you know that can’t get out and share with them. It is so exciting and makes someone who is home bound or mostly home bound feel like they are part of life.

The Grass Is Greener Syndrome

As I lay here tonight, watching my standby Julia and Julie and wishing I was laying on a sun soaked beach feeling the warmth penetrate my poor weary body, I realized that I have been sick for almost a week and don’t even remember all the days. Son and I decided this must be some kind of flu virus for I don’t think food poisoning would go on this long.

I also realized that I was suffering from The Grass is Greener Syndrome. This Syndrome is in epidemic proportions around the world. We all have it at some time or another. The symptoms are wishing our life were like someone else, or that we had this or that like someone else, more formally known as The Grass is Greener On The Other Side Of The Fence.

I remember telling someone once a long time ago how some people seemed to have it so easy while others struggled to make it. Their response was “what makes you think they have it so easy? Just because you don’t see their burdens does not mean they are not heavy ones”.  I thought about this long and hard and realized that we all carry burdens and ours may seem so heavy at times because we are carrying them.  And carry them we do and sometimes we wish we could just lay them down for a little while but we don’t for we know we must carry on in life.

Anyone can carry his burden, however hard, until nightfall.  Anyone can do his work, however hard, for one day.  Anyone can live sweetly, patiently, lovingly, purely, till the sun goes down.  And this is all life really means. 

~Robert Louis Stevenson

The ironic thing is that while we are wishing we were like someone else, others are wishing they were like us for they may see that we are “strong” or seem to have things they don’t have. Like I said, we all have The Grass is Greener Syndrome at some time or another.

I admit I wish right now for the quietness and peacefulness of a year ago but in reality, I would not want that forever. I have just had months and months of so much from packing and moving to fixing the house up and getting settled, to all the health issues and doctor appointments and hospital tests and procedures and it seems without break. So, yes, those that are able to just relax and have nothing major on their plate…those that are bouncing around having a ball decorating their homes for the holidays…those that seem to have everything falling into place right now seems much greener.  But the reality is, I love our life here in this little town and I love our home and would not really want to go back to a year ago. It just sounds nice …the quiet, peacefulness, not having things we have to rush around and do.

Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace.  ~Victor Hugo

So, sometimes…all we can do is our best  And while we are hanging on with all we have, we need to realize that our happiness relies on us….not on possessions, people, money….whatever. Those things are fleeting and can change.

Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine.  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

And when you feel like you can’t take any more, like you have reached the end of the rope and someone cut it off, like you have fought until there is nothing left to fight with…just know that the fall is not really that far or that hard. It may seem like it but when you hit…you will see that it is ok to cry, to be sad, to feel frustrated, to feel like you want to give up but won’t, to wish things were done and over, to allow your inner weakness and being to show and even to wish you were someone or somewhere else for a little while. Those that love you are there to help cushion the fall.

video by Jiruizig

Never explain.  Your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe it anyway.  ~Elbert Hubbard

People may expect us to act a certain way but those that love us will understand. They will know we are battling…are sick….are tired…and are just holding on with both hands. Just keep dreaming…while you are laying there, close your eyes and dream the dreams of being somewhere else….of having all the problems drift away for just a little while.

video by TopTJFan 

 ”…they think that I’m strange… they say that I’m a dreamer… but I don’t complain, though I don’t have much to call my own. I know a place where I keep the best of things. I’m not gonna wait for my piece of heaven where there’s a road, it leads to the promised land. I just turn the key, the key to the kingdom.” The Kingdom

That key to the kingdom opens to those that really love you and are there for you.  I am blessed by many who have helped me along the way, have listened to my fears and tears and dried them for me, have encouraged me, have just sat in silence with me, have wisked around me with hugs, have covered me with soft fleece and have held my hand in spirit.

 ~*Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down*~ -Oprah Winfrey

video by booboowhite1

Middle Of The Night Christmas Ramblings

Another sleepless night in the mountains, only this time followed by a sleepless day. Maybe I am just geared up from all the delirious sleeping I was doing while so sick, or maybe it was the sleeping I did after the heart stuff and I have slept too much and am now overdosed on sleep. Who knows. When I lay awake like this, my mind goes ninety to nothing thinking about this and that. Tonight, I find myself feeling rather sad. Perhaps it is the holiday blues everyone talks about.   Or a residual of being through hell the past week and a half and feeling rather empty and all used up.

I had so looked forward to our first Christmas in our new house and it is being consumed with doctor stuff to the point that son and I were talking that we might not even get to make the cookies together that we hoped. Next week is back to back trips to the doctor….the gyno one in Pueblo for those three-month paps and biopsies, one here for biopsies on my back, another for a check up with the cardiologist and of course Denver in all it’s glory is looming in there somewhere.

I think I better not eat any strange food between now and Denver for I don’t want a repeat of the past few days to mess up getting this kidney stuff over with. Couple that with being afraid to even Christmas shop for fear we will spend money we need for the Denver trip, the holidays have seemed rather bleak. But, that is ok for they will fly by with all the medical that is hitting now and through the month. We got our Christmas with our home. I really can’t ask for anything more.

I wrote the other day about how years ago, we had to iron our clothes, wash dishes by hand, cook hours to fix our meals and now all these modern conveniences are here to save us time and yet everyone is busier than ever. And one has to wonder why. What is so important that instead of enjoying the time these conveniences save us with loved ones, we have added more busy busy to the list.  Are we losing sight of what is really important?  Are we letting precious moments get lost in our zest for busy busy busy?  Once the moments pass by, we can never regain them.

For sweet Darlene:  We all have families of origin and many of us also have families of choice. This happens for many reasons. Sometimes, because of distance, sometimes because family members can’t get along (and I send hugs for your email hon) and sometimes because we just choose people to be part of our family too. Enjoy those that want to be with you this holiday hon and don’t let those that are being distant or have hurt you ruin your holiday. Life is too short.  Eat with that family of choice and enjoy yourself.  And take care of that foot. And I hope you get your password on here fixed so that you can post again. I enjoy your emails but would love to see your posts on here too. HUGS

Family of choice….I love those words. To me, it is simply family and just as important as any family member. Love is not limited by blood. We can be blessed with family AND family of choice and it is a blended family..that is all. Son and I used to have open house Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners and we would invite people we knew had no place to go or no family to eat with. I loved it. We cooked two turkeys and I have a buffet roaster and it has the serving dishes you put in to keep the food warm. And I made pie after pie, trays of dressing, gravy, sweet potatoes with marshmallows, green bean casseroles, rolls and it was lined up on our kitchen counter that had a bar on one side SO people could fill their plates from either side. We set tables up in the living room and usually had about twenty people. Son smoked the turkeys..two huge turkeys. And we had it ready and people could come in and eat. Someone was always at the tables, often just lingering over the pumpkin pie and coffee and just talking. It was a time of family and family  of choice.

At Christmas, I searched during the months before at yard sales and flea markets for one gift for each person that we knew was coming. It was not an expensive gift but it was something I knew they would like. And we all sat around the living room in a circle, after cleaning up the dinner, and everyone opened their present. I got the greatest joy from just watching these people open a gift they might not have had. And a tradition under son’s and my tree has always been the “gift for the unknown guest” and we would have something small for a boy and girl child, a female adult and a male adult. And you know what…they were always needed for someone would show up and say “my uncle so and so showed up, I hope it was ok I brought him. Or they would have an extra child. Our Christmases were filled with children and people in the home on those holidays and everyone got joy from it including us.

Wow, this has taken a turn of Christmas memories. Since we moved out here, I have had so many health issues that I have not been able to cook and do like that but son was talking about how he hoped we could start that tradition up again maybe next year. It sure is a wonderful way to celebrate the holidays. One year, we had a woman from church who was a vegetarian and I looked in the store for that fake turkey so that she would not feel left out. She cried when she saw that I had gone to that much trouble to make sure she had her own turkey just like everyone else.

The last two years on the other side of the mountain, son and I would go to the community Thanksgiving dinner the town had at the fairgrounds. It was really nice. Tables and tables of food, buffet style with servers. Long tables with table clothes and decorations and they had door prizes and entertainment. People, rich or poor, came and would even bring their out-of-town families to eat. It was set up in a huge room like a big gymnasium and rows and rows of long tables were decorated. Servers walked up and down and brought you drinks and dessert and during this time, a band was playing up on the stage. Another way to have a blessed holiday dinner. One year I was sitting next to a man who was a veteran from WWII and he regaled us with stories of his life as a fighter pilot. It was really fun and interesting.

Holidays signify family to people and when a family member is missing, it is hard to get into the spirit of things. I remember losing loved ones over the years and I finally found a way to fill my heart from the physical loss of the person. I would find someone to adopt during the holidays and I would bestow on them the love and gifts that I would have given to my loved one and it was my way of bringing to life the person who had gone on to the next world. And something always happened to let me know that my loved one saw and was there during that time. One year, I was giving presents and spending time with the adopted person and I reached down to dust some mud off my pants leg and when I did…something seem to fly out of my hand and we all heard a thunk. When we found what it was, it was a penny…with the year of the birth of the person that I had lost on it. Now, you can call it a coincidence but I call it a message letting me know they were there and enjoying what was going on.

Well, now that I have talked your ear off and it is two in the morning, maybe I can get relaxed enough to sleep. I thought I could leave off the phenergan but realize maybe one more day I might need it since I am not really eating and so my stomach gets queasy. Maybe that is why I can’t sleep.

I hope and pray you all have a wonderful holiday season. Take time to show those you love just how much you love them. Remember…love is free so apply liberally. And take time to remember those that don’t have that love. Life is harder for some than others and they need us to lift them up.

Mouse Saga, Hospitals and Divine Intervention

Am laying here wide awake at two in the morning. Maybe that is another sign I am getting better as I have done the delirious sleep lately and been in and out. I sure hope so. I am ready for a little spunk and fire and looking forward to food tasting good again.

Son and I were looking all over the kitchen and my bedroom, which is beside the kitchen, to figure out where the cold leak was coming from. We had noticed it a day ago and could not find it and both felt too bad to do much looking. I don’t think either one of us was ready for what we found. It was sure a surprise. I first discovered that the cold air was coming from the dryer. So, son decided to go outside and check the vent flapper thing to make sure it was shutting and sure enough, it was cracked open about a half-inch or so. And when he tried to force it closed, it would not go.

Coming back in, he put in his snowsuit and got some tools and went outside to check. I don’t think anyone could guess what was causing that vent to be open. I know I sure was not expecting the answer. It was a frozen mouse. I just looked at son and repeated a few times…”mouse?….. frozen mouse?……..did you say mouse??”  Son was just nodding his head at me. I asked him did the mouse have a little suitcase with him. Maybe it was the one that ran away when he cooked his pork stew that time. Guess that mouse got the last laugh after all. Poor mouse.

Oh, what a difference it made in the house to get that fixed. We are really keen on keeping this house energy-efficient and was so proud that we only used 39 dollars in gas this past month. Course, I kept going and checking the heater cause I could not believe it was not coming on very much considering there were one degree temperatures outside. But, the house registered 70 degrees and felt good.

Poor Jack does not know what to do with his mama so sick. Son had to block Jack out of my bedroom as he kept waking me up and whining. I think he just wanted me up and didn’t know what to do. Yesterday, I sat for a bit in my power chair and Jack just came up and leaned against my legs and I rubbed his head and talked to him for a long time.

When we were in CO Springs for the heart stuff, son and I both got a kick out of the phone book there, considering ours is about the size of a 1/2 inch paperback harlequin novel.  This made us realize how small our little town is.

The kidney doctor called yesterday. Denver wants my scans, all of them, sent over night to them. I was so thankful that they were able to call the hospital here and have them do it. With son sick and me as sick as I am…there was no way we could ride to Pueblo and hunt a Fed X office. They want to study them to see the best way to remove the tumors. Right now, my mind just can’t wrap around the upcoming kidney surgery. I think I have just been through too much this past week. Maybe once they look, I will know more about when it will be done.

I will be honest and say I am concerned about this trip for the weather is so unpredictable with all this snow and we just can not afford to get up there and then get snowed in.  We wrote a nice review on the La Quinta Inn that we stayed at in CO Springs and they sent us a thank you note. They really were nice and very handicap conscious. They were also especially nice knowing that I was having hospital stuff done. We also were thrilled that Jack did so well at the motel. Son was able to leave him in the room and come to the hospital and then he would go check on him and Misty.

I really want this over and done with so that it is not hanging over my head.  God has been so good to me and I am so thankful for all He has done. I DO believe in the power of prayer and Godly intervention. Some people want to explain everything that happens and try to give some “logical” reason why this or that happened when there really is none. I just knew that the jubilee that my doctor was showing at the end of the heart catheterization told me this was not a normal event to have a CTA show blockage and then doing a heart catheterization and not find that significant blockage.  I just knew and believed that God had intervened and it is HIM that I give all that glory to.

Was it a miracle? Depends on what you call a miracle. I believe miracles happen daily…some small and some huge. All I know is that God intervened on this and I did not have to have stents put in. And for that I give great thanks. My Creator has never failed me and I have always given Him the praise and glory for all He has done for me.

Guess, I could find a “logical” reason why a check from a 1988 Electrical Bill account  that equaled the exact amount of the gas bill we owed suddenly showed up on the cut off date. But, I don’t need a logical reason. I know the reason. For those who believe with their whole hearts, we don’t have to try to tear events apart or try to find some way to say it was not God.  We know it was. I could sit here and tell you event after event that I could plainly see the Creator’s hand in my life and there would always be someone who would try to say “oh it was this or that”.  I believe God answers all prayers. Sometimes the answer is yes, sometimes no and sometimes it is “wait”.  We learned that with our house we were selling.

If our house had sold when we first put it on the market, we would not own outright our home today for, though it was on the market, they wanted close to 80,000 for it. And while waiting those two years to get the house sold and doing all the work we did was not easy, the end result told me that God was leading on this. Sometimes we can’t see down the road…that is what faith is. Faith is believing in what you can not see and trusting that where God is leading you will be where you are supposed to be.

Trust is one of the hardest things to do. Human nature makes us want to control what happens. Remember the game “trust” as a kid. The game where one person stood behind you and you stiffened up and fell straight backwards and you “trusted” they would catch you. Sometimes they did and sometimes they didn’t. Life is the biggest game of trust there is. I trust with my whole heart that God won’t lead me astray and that if I let Him lead and I follow…I will be where I am supposed to be.