“Come to the edge.”
“We can’t. We’re afraid.”
“Come to the edge.”
“We can’t. We will fall!”
“Come to the edge.”
And they came.
And he pushed them.
And they flew.
Guillaume Apollinaire, 1880-1918
If you expect life to be simple and calm….don’t. I have learned that it is a roller coaster at times and sometimes you just have to hold on and pray. And if you get too tired, just lay down in the seat, for it will still zoom you along whether you want to go or not.
I am sitting here wondering if things always come in threes. I sure hope not because two in two days is enough. Last nite son fell on the ice and tore his knee open and banged it up pretty bad. That was one. Now, he just hollers to me and says bring the medicine box. I go in the kitchen and he is leaning over the sink and blood is going everywhere and I look at his hand and the end of his thumb has a huge jagged place where a screw went into his thumb and came out and tore on the bottom side. Ugly let me tell you. That is two. I really don’t want three. LOL Good thing we have three medical boxes from son being a First Responder.
I looked outside today. First time in a while and the snow is still here. It has been bitter cold but sunny so I guess the snow will take a while melting.
This is the flat areas. We have piles still from where son shoveled and had to put the snow somewhere. Those will take a lot longer to melt. But I still love the snow. It is so beautiful to me.
According to the weather, we have cold and sunny for the next few days. So we will see if the sun melts this snow away. Good news is we have had a lot of snow and that is good for our water levels and the drought problems we have in the summers.
Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours.
Sometimes I lay in the dark and feel the cool breeze of the fan and close my eyes just for a while, weary from the battle. But I have always been a warrior and I have always fought when everyone else said give up and I continue to do so. I think perhaps I finally got that through to the Social Worker who is helping me convince the doctors that I can not make five trips up to Denver to do this, that I need it all put in one lump visit and that I need to wait until January so that financially I am a little better and physically I have recovered from the cath, the flu and the biopsy. My body is weary…my courage is not and I know what it takes for me to fight.
Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.
When you think you can’t take another step, just know that you can. It might be hard. It may even be lonely or feel lonely, but you can. The decision is…do you want to stop now and rest or do you want to keep fighting…and sometimes…you can do both. We all have within a warrior somewhere…and it will come out when you least expect.
What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Well, I tried to get Denver doctors to let me come the first week in January instead of the 29th of December. Not that much difference was my thought. But, they don’t want me to do that. I told them I needed the time for financial reasons and they said they really needed me there then. I feel really down. Been working on this today and got the answer earlier.
So, they wanted me to talk to someone who helps find places for people to stay when they have to come up there and are on disability like me. Well, the problem is…we have a dog..and staying in a McDonald’s House or something like that is not feasible for they don’t allow dogs. Remember, we were the menagerie last time.
I felt so down about all this, on top of not exactly feeling up to par…so just did not call the woman back. I figure maybe a good nite’s sleep will make things look better. Maybe a nite of “pretending” it does not exist will give me the added umph to tackle it again tomorrow.
Part is I went for a biopsy on my back shoulder yesterday and am feeling achy from that too and when you don’t feel good, nothing seems good. So, am gonna find my Laverne and Shirley dvd and turn it on and lay here.
Today has been one of those struggling days. Not feeling the best, still on shaky ground from the flu stuff that evidentially is hard to get over. And yet, people have blessed me beyond words. It isn’t just that people send me gifts, it is they send me things with my health in mind. It shows they really stop to think about me and to find something that will really help me heal.
I received a couple of packages today. A friend sent me this angel with moldavite crystal on it. Moldavite is supposed to have healing qualities. It is so pretty and I cried when I opened it. Some have sent me things for healing and it always touches me in a way I can not explain.
Another friend sent me a box with several things in it, but for healing, there was Holy Water, blessed at the shrine where the Blessed Katrina is and little saint plaques like the one blow. Also, the stone heart was blessed. I am so touched that my health and my healing are important to people. It brings tears even now.
With all the medical, Christmas is a little tight for us, but it is not upsetting us. Son and I are just so thankful to have our home and our family and family of choice. What more could we want for Christmas? Well, seems Mama wanted to make sure we had Christmas dinner, so a box arrived today with a spiral ham, a green bean casserole and a sweet potato casserole all frozen and ready to go in the oven Christmas day. Plus, two bags of bean soup mix to use with the ham leftovers.
And then to top it off, son loves my braids. I love my hair long but it is so hard to take care of. So, I had the top and sides layered and am taking the part around my neck..and letting it grow long. I can keep it braided when I don’t feel like fooling with it, or leave it down when I want long long hair. So, son brought me out two feather extension things to put on my braids. He said he was going to put it under the tree but just wanted to give it to me today.
Now, how can I not feel blessed. God is good all the time and I have terrific people who love me and who want to see me get through all the surgeries and stuff. So many of you are praying for me daily and let me know and that means so much to me. I believe in prayer. Thank you all…for your prayers and your love and your thoughts of and gifts for healing.
All I can say is that operating room is going to get mighty crowded cause I will be carrying all of you with me in there. And they better know that I am going to be asking to have my family bracelet, stone heart, crooked cross, moldavite angel and all with me.Those doctors just better move over because with all of you, all the prayers and all the healing things….it is gonna be a tight fit.
The greatest thing you can give someone….is love and caring.
I am so blessed by friends who take me with them on their trips and show me sites I have never seen before. My friend Sassy takes me all over the United States on her travels with pictures and videos and it is such a joy. Just because one can not do things the normal way, does not mean we can’t find new ways of doing them.
I have been around England and thanks to a dear friend in the UK….Helena..I have dipped my feet in the water at the sea at Cornwall through this video. She made this video for me. They have traveled all over and I have loved seeing the pictures from their adventures.
video by squidlynoodle
I have been on the cruise ship with friends, traveled by internet to the Bahamas, watched the dolphins in the ocean, walked the beaches in other states, been in Churches in New Mexico, been up north in grand Hotels and seen the beautiful views from the high-rise rooms…all through pictures and videos. All because friends care enough to carry me with them.
What a gift that is to let someone else be part of your travels and fun. I had a friend named Audrey five years back. She died of kidney cancer but she and I talked daily for months and months as she was going through her battle. Sometimes we talked two or three times a day. She carried me by phone to concerts and held her cell phone out so I could hear it with her, she sent pictures of videos and talked to me while on vacations. It was such a wonderful gift for someone in her shape to do.
Next time you are traveling, think about those you know that can’t get out and share with them. It is so exciting and makes someone who is home bound or mostly home bound feel like they are part of life.
We are home. I am on my hospital bed and it feels so good. The ride was not easy and the artery place in the groin area is really hurting but at least it did not start bleeding again. The further south we drove, the more snow we saw and there for a while, you could barely see in front of you.
Looking at my weather bug, seems like we are doing our normal…the south seems to get hit hard. We already have about six inches in our yard and they are predicting six tonite and really bad temps. I am glad I am home and even though it got scary there for a bit as it was so slick and blowing so hard…we made it home. Thank you Lord.
Denver wanted me there Monday. They will just have to wait. I have to get over this and that will take me a few days. I was told to not bend over or lift anything for 48 hours and if I coughed, sneezed, sat up, etc. to put my hand on the pressure bandage and push to keep the artery from bleeding.
Oh I am so thankful this is over. And now I am going to do what jack is doing. He is on his bed, after eating a bowl of his warm soup and is snoring to beat the band. I am going to eat a bowl of cream of celery soup…my standby when I don’t feel too good and lay here on my bed and take a nap.
And I am going to be saying Thank you Lord for bringing me through the Cath stuff and for bringing us through this blowing snow storm we hit. I think guin’s weather report missed the mark..LOL..cause it was not light snow showers . And son was sliding all over the highway because the wet ice stuff was building up and the big trucks were making it worse. It was blowing so hard everyone had on their lights and had slowed way down and when the semi’s went by…the windshield wipers would bog down with ice crap they threw off. OH goodness. Messed up our wipers and we had to stop and get new ones. And the Lord brought us home..in spite of it.
I dreamed last nite I was laying on that table and they were about to do the heart cath/stents thing and the star trek theme song was playing and my doctor was singing that he was about to BOLDLY GO WHERE NO MAN HAS GONE BEFORE. And to make it worse, in the dream, a roto rooter truck pulled up and started pulling this big snake out of it. Talk about a 3D nightmare.
Of course, the other nite I dreamed that Sassy and BOS were singing to raise money for me and they were wearing glitzy red and turquoise sequined outfits with these wild Supreme hairdos. Now, I have heard Sassy sing..lol so I am not sure if they made money or not.
So, you can tell it is all weighing on me and even though I appear calm on the outside, the inside is on sensory overload. LOL I was thrilled that the motel bed felt like sleeping on a cloud since the trip caused my knees to swell up like watermelons and the pain was extreme. Son was up doing a lot of taking care of me…he even brought the mini dvd player and had J and J for me to watch with my earplug. He said I was in and out as the pain was keeping me up and so would ask him to restart the video over and over. Even the sheet was painful.
I woke up early to a text from big bro over the mountain and another from sassy letting me know they were thinking of me and sending prayers. I wanted coffee so badly that I put a pot on and then was not sure if I was allowed to drink decaf or not. So, I decided I better not. Son is calling them to ask. So, here I sit…with no coffee and desperately want it to kick in my meds.
Time is drawing near and I will be leaving the motel in a couple of hours to get this all underway. Son will post and let you all know. Hopefully he will be posting a thumbs up picture of me. Til then…see you all later.
- Comfort foods
- Dreams for the future
- Eating Out
- Etta James
- Female Impersonators
- heart center
- helping others
- Native American
- New Year's Resolution
- Protection from fraud
- Rocky Mountains
- US Military