Is Loyalty Another Addicting Drug?

Loyalty is probably the most misunderstood concept in the world. I have watched people claim loyalty to political parties, religions, religious leaders, companies, family members…you name it.  The problem comes when people place such a frame on being loyal that they continue to be loyal even when the person or thing they are loyal to has taken a turn for the worse. Loyalty can turn into misguided loyalty and become like a drug that consumes us.

I have watched parents take loyal to the extreme and they will defend their children no matter what they do and make excuses for them.  I am very proud of my sons and they know it but they also knew that if they broke the law or did something wrong that got them in trouble, that I would not lie to get them out of it. I would be there with them to walk through it but they would have to face up to what they did wrong. The Anthony case comes to mind when I talk about this as we watched all the drama and change of stories while their daughter was on trial for murdering her child.  It scares me when I see this happen for what are we teaching the child?  We are teaching them that no matter what they do, they can lie their way out of it and we will be there to do the same for them.

I have seen people take the extreme when it came to politicians, defending them even when they did something wrong. This is not loyalty. Loyalty is standing by them in spite of their wrongs.  I have seen people make excuses for things done and fight anyone that dared to say anything negative about the person they were showing their brand of loyalty to.

I think I must really be different for to me, loyalty is standing by a person…even when they err in judgment. If I make up excuses to cover their wrongs and try to keep anyone from saying anything negative, all I do is draw more attention to the error in judgment of that person. I call this blind loyalty and it borders on how those in cults are. For example, those who followed Jim Jones defended him to the death. They gave up all their possessions, their money and followed him to another country all because they believed totally what he was saying. Even when they felt uncomfortable with what he was doing, they could not bring themselves to admit it and they died because of it.

The code of silence with law enforcement, doctors, etc is a good example of misguided loyalty. There used to be this wall and you could not get a person to speak out if someone was doing something wrong. It was a loyalty that was blinded to justice for much corruption happened and yet no one could do anything about it for no one would say one negative word about the one that was corrupt. Thankfully, this is not as strong as is was some years back and the rogue cops or bad doctors, etc are now being exposed.

A political example is Clinton and the now famous affair.  I listened to people make excuses about the affair because they just could not admit that what he did was improper. I heard things ranging from “well he is the president” to “it was not real sex” to “sex is personal” (uh not in the oval office).  The truth of the matter is, if he had been the boss of a corporation and had an affair with an employee under him, he would have been fired. He made an error in judgment. Does that negate the good he did as president?  Not in my book. I can see the good and the bad and do not have to pretend he was perfect to say anything good about him. But, many people have this misguided loyalty idea that if they dare say anything negative about the person they are loyal to then they are disloyal. Being loyal is standing by them even though we recognize their faults not because we perceive them as perfect. I am not a “party” person but I do look at each candidate personally and I see good things Clinton did and I see things he made mistakes on and I see that in all presidents.

Companies now have loyalty marketing planning sessions on how to better effectively get the money from those that are loyal fans as they term it. If you don’t believe me, look up loyalty marketing. Companies realize that people will take loyalty to the extreme and so they are using this as a marketing tool. A good example would be the fast food companies who use the game tokens to get you to buy more food. Or the cigarette companies that used to have the tokens on the packages that you could use to redeem for items from a catalog. Loyalty marketing programs have existed since the fifties. And it works. They give a little and get back much more than they give and people think that they are really getting a prize when in reality all we are doing is buying more cigarettes or food items to get the tokens we need to get a free this or that.

So how do we know if our loyalty is misguided? I think first we have to be able to admit that the person or product or company or whatever is subject to error. If we take something or someone and try to turn them into something perfect, then we need to step back and look again for nothing in this world is perfect.  If we find it beyond hard to admit that whatever or whomever we are following, does anything wrong then we need to step back and look at what we are doing.  If we just follow blindly and never ask questions or look for information, then we need to step back and ask ourselves why we don’t. If there is secretiveness and unanswered questions from those we are giving our loyalty to, we need to step back and look again,  If there is constant denial that anything is wrong by those following, we need to step back and look again. If you are attacked for asking a question or pointing out something that appears wrong, then you need to step back and look again. Has your loyalty to whatever or whomever become addicting to you and you find you must be constantly checking on whatever it is you are loyal to…you can’t make it one day without some contact, then it is time to step back and take a good look.

Being loyal to something or someone is not bad. It is just when we take it to the extreme, when we refuse to hear anything about it other than the “singing of praises”, if it consumes us and we don’t’ realize that we are giving up our time, our money and even our true will, then it can be harmful for psychology has found that people with misguided loyalty will defend and be loyal to something even when it is turning into something bad.

This And That From the Holidays

Jack says enough holiday stuff. He is ready for things to go back to normal. Bless his heart, he is an old man and moves slowly. I feel bad for him if he has to go out in the snow before it is shoveled. Here he is all snug as a bug on his living room bed.

Some snow decoration pics…three versions of the polar bear

And from Christmas Day. It was a good day and our friends from the Rio came over and they had a good time. Sharing Christmas with those around you sure does make for a great holiday. They brought reindeer antlers and wanted us all to wear them. I had to laugh at son as he wore his in a very unique way.

Dinner was simple and was so great. Mama sent it and we had Ham, sweet potato casserole and green bean casserole and the guys brought tamales. And of course, I made pumpkin pie that day.

And just some fun pics from the day.

Here is the guys opening their presents.

And son and leroy sparring with the antlers. Son was cracking up.

And me and Leroy.  My arm was not long enough. LOL

I was so blessed by Christmas and here are just a few things I got and it was so sweet as they were centered on my healing or on giving me something to look at to help distract me from pain, etc. Mama sent us the dinner for Christmas and the family sent us a dinner box for new years so we are set.

When mama saw the angel necklace a friend sent me with the healing crystal in it, she found this bear crystal necklace and it is a little longer than the angel one. Each bear is a different crystal stone.

And she gave me this butterfly to go with the hummingbird and moon crystal hanging mobile things she bought me when she was here. You can’t see it but it is glittery.

And one of my most favorite gifts a dear friend sent me is this oriental box. I keep all my treasures in there like my red heart and my crooked cross.

And I asked Jack did he want to do Christmas over and got one of his  “you gotta be kidding me”  looks. lol

and even when I walked in front of him and asked again, I got the “am not listening to you” look. lol

Is The Morning After Christmas And All Through The House

Is the morning after Christmas, when all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

Everyone was nestled all snug in their beds,

While memories of Christmas day danced in their heads.

Remnants of Christmas were scattered on the floor

while icy winds and snow were just outside the door

Jack was snuggled under his covers and his snores filled the air

While son was in his bed sleeping without even a care

I lay here in my bed with a smile on my face

Thanksgiving filled my heart for our new home …our new place

Christmas Day has come and is now out of sight

And the whole house is still filled with such glorious delight

The best gifts of Christmas didn’t come in a box wrapped in gold

It came in the memories of family both the young and the old

In the love and caring that abound throughout the land

Of people coming together in love,  joining together hand in hand

 My reason for the season still abounds with us here

Making life and those in it so very very dear

So, as you open your eyes on this wonderful “morning after” day

Let the songs of love and peace on earth still continue to play

As I roll over and snuggle under my covers without a care

I have one last wish that I would like to share

As I find myself drifting back off into that beautiful deep sleep

dreaming of a better world and realistic resolutions to keep

My wish is that we hold on to this peace, love and goodwill

and think of the less fortunate whose dreams no one came to fill

And open our hearts to the true meaning of this season

And if you are going to fight, make sure it’s for a good reason

And so as I drift off into sleep

I wish you a very happy new year  and send a bushel of love for you to keep.

Love from our house to yours

The Scale Of Life

Life is full of choices and we are all weighing what is most important to us and what has the most value and making decisions that affect our lives in different ways.  When it comes time to make a major purchase, we unconsciously decide is this item the best buy, will it bring us the joy we want, is it worth the value and a number of other choices. And it is like the scales above.Some people make lists of pros and cons, reasons or reasons not to do this or that….and it is still the scales above.

I often use the palms up example when trying to tell someone why I justified an action. I take my hands and go up and down with them like a scales and then say hmmm…did I do this or that and this is why …one side outweighed the other.

How we weigh the scales depends on our own set of values and what we believe in. For example…spending time with loved ones far outweighs gifts I can give them. Nothing replaces loving time spent together and so the scale tips dramatically.

Do I need to purchase this or that?  I take the scales and weigh the cost to me versus the benefit. When we bought this house, we weighed the benefits of having our home totally against all the cosmetic work that needed to be done. Yes, buying this house was definitely worth it. But, when it comes to making expensive purchases in this house, we weigh the scale again. Is it worth it? Do we need it? Do We need a new one? Will a used one work as well? Do we want to go into debt to get it? Will we want this a year from now?

Another time we use the scales mentally is when we decide how much we are willing to endure. Some people, if they get their feelings hurt just cut people off totally. I find that I have to weigh the situation and see how much I am willing to take and if the relationship is worth it.  Most of the time, if we really look, we find that the person means so much that “hurt feelings” here and there are just part of having a relationship. We find that the relationship brings so much to our lives that the scales tip towards the relationship. And sometimes, like in cases where the hurt times are more than the good times, people realize that this situation is so detrimental that they need to sever ties. It is all a balancing act in keeping our lives happier and without things that are harming us.

I have things that I feel strongly about and that tips the scales immediately.  They are…don’t lie to me, don’t steal from me..whether physically or emotionally, don’t treat me one way when alone and differently when certain people are around and don’t harm those I love. I feel so strongly on those things that nothing tips the scale back the other way. I hate lies when the truth is so easy.  And nothing I hate worse than when people treat you one way alone and then when certain people are around, they act like they hardly know you. I treat people the same always. If you are my friend…you are my friend no matter who is around. And emotional vampires as I call them…that suck you dry…are not something I like in my life.

So, what are you weighing on the scales as the year comes to end?  Are you weighing a move, a sale, a job change, a trip, a purchase, a medical decision, a friend or family member decision……or even what to eat….we do tend to weigh things.  Though there are times we just react and do and don’t think about the consequences, like eating that spicy food that we know will upset our stomachs.

If you are going to choose…always choose for family, family of choice and friends…for they will be here a lifetime and every minute you chose something over them…is lost. You can never regain those moments with them that you lost.

Hidden Bear With Snow Swimming Lambs

and the patio after son has already cleaned it off twice…and was juststarting to clean again.

and the polar bear and poor lambs from the nativity…they were sitting on blocks too..Son had to go on a hunt for the bear as he was totally covered up with snow. Son dug him out and let him blow up to make sure he was ok. He is still in the snow some.

Are We Losing Our Individuality?

As we were driving through Colorado Springs coming home, son and I were talking about the unique and creative houses there. Instead of the cookie cutter, all look-alike blocks we see today in subdivisions, these houses were all built as an expression of the original builders. I love seeing all the beautiful homes with all the gingerbread and other designs on them. Each house stands out alone as something special.

Look at these houses with all their architectural differences. Even the buildings like churches or office buildings have this unique flair and style.

To me, all of this wonderful architectural work done on buildings was an art form and now, we go for buildings that are all cut from the same cloth, square and nondescript.  Where is the artistry anymore?

And yet, I see us doing this with our own selves today. Look at the people who have Botox, which literally causes you to have no expression on your face and young people the age of 18 and up are having this done way before wrinkle time. And what does it do? It gives us all these faces with similar expressions on them, no uniqueness or personality.

Add to that, if you look at the news, the women are almost all the same with the new announcers….long hair, Botox faces and puffed lips and they look like someone produced them on an assembly line. The next time you are flipping through the news channels and talk shows, really take a look some time.

It is sad to me for it means that we have lost our uniqueness. Women and men now are so afraid of wrinkles or looking their age. I won’t say looking old…just looking their age. Sorry folks, but you could not pay me to go back to when I was twenty and go through that all over again. I love the person I am.

Yes, I have wrinkles. I have crows feet around my eyes, but you know what. They show I laugh a lot and laughed a lot in life. I have lines around my mouth from grinning so much. I have the creases between my brows that show the pain I have lived with. And I have forehead wrinkles that show I used my brain and I thought and worried. All those show that I LIVED.  I don’t want puffy lips that look like someone blew them up or fish lips or someone punched me in the mouth. I don’t want a face that is devoid of any expression because I do not fear getting older.

It is always funny to me to hear thirty is the new twenty or better yet fifty is the new thirty. Hate to tell folks, no matter what number you put on it, you are still the age you are. You can hide the wrinkles and the bald spots and lift the boobs or tuck the tummy, but you are still the age you are and somewhere unless you do every inch of your body, will show it. Whether it is your hands, your feet, you ears, your elbows. It will show.

I am 62 and proud of every year I am.I don’t want to walk around looking like one of those mannequins in the window with no real expression. I want to be me and I want the world to see my face and know that I laughed, I cried, I got angry, I hurt, and I felt extreme joy….I lived.  I am not talking about people who have what they call “refresher” work done on their face. I am talking the constant and extreme obsession with trying to look twenty when you are fifty or sixty and having constant Botox injections and face lifts. I often wonder if those that do that realize people look at them and go…’who do they think they are fooling?’

Are we becoming cookie cutter people? ……people with no individuality…..cloned people who all wear the same hairdo and have the same nondescript faces?  No wonder criminals seem to get away with things. How can you identify them if everyone looks the same?  Is this just an American obsession? Maybe that is why I love the buildings out here. They have not all had cosmetic surgery to make them all look-alike. And many of the people have not either.   My dream is for people to be happy with themselves. To take care of themselves and stay in shape and try to look their best but not be cookie cutter people in looks, actions or thoughts.

The world if full of beauty. All we have to do is take the time to look. And while you are looking, look into the eyes of people and see the real beauty….not the cookie cutter molded beauty.

video by amethyst2001

Every day, someone says the words “I love you” and I don’t think what they are loving is the cosmetic cookie cutter person but the beauty that radiates from the inside out and makes every wrinkle, every gray hair, every flaw….beautiful.

video by Jozy90

I love this song. Makes me think of a saying I have…I love you warts and all. I think when we truly love, we don’t see the things that people see as flaws. We see the beauty.

video by eddiejvb

Home Sweet Home– How I love you

We are home. I am on my hospital bed and it feels so good. The ride was not easy and the artery place in the groin area is really hurting but at least it did not start bleeding again.  The further south we drove, the more snow we saw and there for a while, you could barely see in front of you.

Looking at my weather bug, seems like we are doing our normal…the south seems to get hit hard. We already have about six inches in  our yard and they are predicting six tonite and really bad temps. I am glad I am home and even though it got scary there for a bit as it was so slick and blowing so hard…we made it home. Thank you Lord.

Denver wanted me there Monday. They will just have to wait. I have to get over this and that will take me a few days. I was told to not bend over or lift anything for 48 hours and if I coughed, sneezed, sat up, etc. to put my hand on the pressure bandage and push to keep the artery from bleeding.

Oh I am so thankful this is over. And now I am going to do what jack is doing. He is on his bed, after eating a bowl of his warm soup and is snoring to beat the band. I am going to eat a bowl of cream of celery soup…my standby when I don’t feel too good and lay here on my bed and take a nap.

And I am going to be saying Thank you Lord for bringing me through the Cath stuff and for bringing us through this blowing snow storm we hit. I think guin’s weather report missed the mark..LOL..cause it was not light snow showers . And son was sliding all over the highway because the wet ice stuff was building up and the big trucks were making it worse. It was blowing so hard everyone had on their lights and had slowed way down and when the semi’s went by…the windshield wipers would bog down with ice crap they threw off. OH goodness. Messed up our wipers and we had to stop and get new ones. And the Lord brought us home..in spite of it.

Heart Center Has Me Now. :)

Heart Center just called. I report in at one and the heart stuff starts at 4……………….on Wednesday the 30th. So I am only one day off and the motel is set.  And so we will leave tomorrow and be on this journey and hopefully come home on Thursday.