Just What Is Trust?

I look over at Jack tonite and I see complete trust by the way he is laying. He is totally relaxed, spread out and has his head hanging out of his hut. He knows he is safe with me in this room. Relaxing like he does is a sign of trust just like it is with us. When we feel relaxed enough to just be ourselves and to talk freely…then the trust is there.

But, I learned that there is another sign of trust. When Jack is scared, this is where he comes. He was abused as a puppy and terrified of thunder and loud noises. So, when the storms happen, here is where he gets. This is between my bed and my computer. See his head and he is part way under my bed.

That is trust too. He knows and trusts me enough that when he is scared, he comes to me or to son and will get up close to us. I think as people, we do that too. We know who we feel safe with and who we don’t and that inner voice tells us. As Gibbs says on NCIS…my gutt tells me.

My son tells me I have “lie-dar”.  I can spot quickly when someone is lying, whether it is to be deceptive or to avoid telling something. Honesty is a big thing for me. I remember watching this show about learning how to tell if someone was lying. Son and I watched it. It was about the FBI facial thing they do. If they raise this eyebrow it means this, or twitch their nose or whatever…LOL.  I would get so involved in watching all of that and not hear a thing they said. I just rely on my senses and what I see and hear.

Remember years and years ago, when people would say “my word is my bond” and that is how they did agreements. No big long legal documents, just your word. Wouldn’t it be nice if you could take everyone’s word as the truth. Sadly, you can’t. And, while I have some people tell me they prefer to believe everyone, I believe that is a very troubling thing to do in this day and time when so much dishonesty, scams, games etc are played. We have to learn to look beyond the surface to see what is really going on. It is up to us to protect ourselves.

In order to protect yourself, it does not mean distrust everyone. It means paying attention to what they say and do for eventually someone who is weaving a web of deception will get caught in it. They will forget a lie and tell the wrong one.

Being disabled, I have learned that there are many people out there in this world who prey on the disabled. They find them easy targets. And because we depend on others for daily things, it means we have to be twice as alert to what is going on around us. I had a helper who was always trying to listen to my phone calls. My radar went up and I started paying more attention to this person. Soon, I realized that while I was sick back down that long hallway and could not get around much, she was sitting out in my kitchen and livingroom doing nothing and then leaving me with a dirty house and my things not taken care of. One lie can lead to another. We have to pay attention and be aware so that others don’t take advantage of us.

So, what is trust? I think it is feeling comfortable enough to let someone into your life in varying degrees. I might trust someone to come visit me but not trust them to take the keys to my car. I have learned how to see people over the years and my feelings about them were not always accurate.

I can remember a man from the flea market who came by one day when son was gone. He wanted to sell me some things. He is sitting in a wooden rocker in the living room talking to me and Jack keeps circling behind him and coming up and hitting him on the shoulder with his nose.  For the life of me, I could not figure out what was going on with Jack. And the guy just thought it was funny. That is until Jack suddenly took him by the pants leg and escorted him to the door and literally put him outside the door. I think I stood there with my jaw dropped. The man decided to go on and leave and later I found out he was a thief and he went around casing houses to break into. I guess cause I did the flea market and had my stock in my house, he thought it was a good one to case. So, it was a good thing Jack had better “lie-dar” than me that day.

That was when I decided I needed to become more alert and pay attention to the people who come around me. One day, I had a black lab named Thumper who was all wagging tail and no ferociousness at all about him. I had been out in the yard on my forearm crutches and saw this man down at the road. I went straight in the house cause I was the only one home.This man came to the door and knocked and luckily I had the screened door locked.  I stood right inside the door and could smell the alcohol a foot away. He kept wanting to come in and so I was holding Thumper’s collar with him pulled back from the door and saying  ”Back Fang..back”  like Thumper was some ferocious dog. The whole time, Thumper’s tail was wagging behind the door. Thank goodness the man believed he was ferocious and left and went on to another house to try the same exploits.  I am sure I looked like an easy target being alone, female and disabled. And he was wrong. Cause I would have bonked him with one of these crutches if he had tried to come in. LOL

Trust is about trusting others but it is also about trusting yourself to handle the situation. And you can. .

A Hoarding Revelation

I was watching “Hoarders” today and sit in amazement at how much some people keep and refuse to let go even when it means losing family. they still don’t want to let go. I think we all have a tiny speck of hoarder in us and I find the older I get, the less clutter I want around. The less clutter for me, the more tranquil it is.

But something hit me as I watched. I wondered how many people are “emotional hoarders”? I have met many people who carry grudges, painful memories, traumas, and all sorts of emotions and memories around and they become emotional baggage and affect how we live our lives.

I am not talking something sad or bad happens and a person is dealing with it. I am talking  things that happened a year ago, five years ago, twenty years ago, fifty years ago and people will hold them deep within as some cherish thing they can not let go of and move on.  I watched a tv show where two sisters had not spoken in fifty years and would tell everyone they were angry at the other. A therapist on the show asked them why they were mad and they could not tell you. They could only tell you that the other one did something and they were angry.

When son and I started on this dream, it was to simplify our lives. That meant cleaning out and getting rid of.  We got rid of bills, we got rid of a lot of possessions to make the move easier. After we got here we accumulated some things and have gotten rid of again. But during all of this, I thought a lot about things we carry around that just weigh us down. A year from now, will it really matter who said what or who did what?

I started realizing that if I could not do anything about it, it did not belong in my “basket of life” cluttering things up. I figure that if I have no control over it, then I leave it in the Creator’s hands and then my life is a lot simpler.What I can change…I work on changing. What I can’t, I let go of and when it tries to sneak back in, I catch it at the door and put it right back out.

We clutter up our lives with so many things that enjoying life becomes harder and harder. I learned just how much peace comes with  simplicity….with less clutter…both physical clutter and emotional clutter. So, ever asked yourself if you are an “emotional hoarder”?  :)  I have.

Dog Day Nite

It has been thunderstorms lately and nothing makes it more evident than this picture. Jack is terrified of the storms and we don’t usually get them here but lately the thunder is horrible. And so he parks himself between my bed and my computer stand and gets part way under my bed and that is where he sleeps.

This spot represents security of Jack and he feels safe. I was about to cover him up with his blankie before I took this picture. I wish I could put into words the sounds he makes when he is content and you finally cover him head and all with his blankie. He loves that and before the cover settles on him, he does this half snore sigh sound.

We all have our “security” spots. My biggest security or safe haven is my room. It is here I find solace for aching and weary bones and muscles and even my heart. When I am hurt or overwhelmed…physically or emotionally, here within my own little world of peace and comfort and a finger touch away from loved ones, I find solace and comfort. And those that know me well, know where to find me.

Today, as I snuggled down in blu…my blankie and lay here on the bed recuperating from traveling for tests, the ugliness of others and other things, I felt without words. I have felt that way lately for it seems there is so much ugliness in the world. And I am a gardenia…I bruise easily. I might smell sweet…LOL  …but am easily hurt. And so, as I hid in my safe haven, licking my wounds and hiding under blu, I lay here thinking how easily people can say and do things and how much damage they can do. It is like some of the storms that have happened around the world. They rush in with bluster and charging and tearing up whatever is in their path and then move on out, never looking back to see the damage they wrought.

And if I could have managed a picture, you would have seen me wrapped in blu and jack wrapped in his scooby do blankie as we weathered the storms of life.  The clouds roared in and son did get me to go take a couple of pictures. And there I balanced on my crutches, with his “jungle jim”  hat  with the big brim on that he insisted I wear (and I was reminded of all the clothes I put on them when little..LOL) and snapped a few pictures of these clouds.

So, when the storms come rolling in on you, where is your safe haven? These sure were some wicked clouds…just like some people can be. And we got some much needed rain from them. And in the midst of the storm, as the horrible thunder and lightning had died  down, and I was deep in blu and jack was totally hidden under scooby doo, someone that knows me well reached across the miles to hold my hand.   Nothing is as touching as a friend who knows you don’t feel well, reaches out to tell you they are there, does not expect you to talk…just sits with you.

Being disabled, our journey is a little different than most and we travel the rougher terrain. Some days, the struggle is easy…like rolling across the flat prairie and other days..it is like in the old westerns where the men and women pushed and pulled to get the wagons through and sometimes, they banded together and tied ropes around them and lifted them up the side of the mountain to get them over it.  Today was one of those days and friends reached out, tied the extra lines on me and pulled me up over the mountain.

Wonder Woman Headband day.

Today was a rough day and one of those where I had to remind myself of all the reasons I am so blessed. It has definitely been a Wonder Woman headband day. I have this wonderful red, glittery headband that I put on across my forehead when I need something that just jogs me into battle. It is like Sampson’s hair …gives me strength.  And today..was Woman Woman day. My friends know me well enough to know what WW day is and one even sent me this Wonder Woman doll. She actually asked a man, who won it in one of those “grab” machines to let her have it for me.

We all have something that helps us feel more upbeat and ready to face the world…dark glasses, music playing full blast, special shoes, jeans, whatever. Mine is this red headband. In fact, I broke the original one and was devastated and that is how my dear friend ended up hunting for one to replace the broken one and sent me this one.

Today, I woke up with awful spasms in my legs, my right leg pulled up towards my stomach as the muscles screamed in agony. I heard someone crying out in agony and took me a few minutes to realize..it was me. I am blessed that my son takes care of me and helped me to get the TENS unit on and my medicine down and to try to get my legs to straighten out. I had that sucker turned up to almost fifty before I could feel the pain level start to drop  some. It is a wonder my hair was not standing straight out all over my head. LOL

Finally the pain eased off and as I  lay here on this bed…and finally able to think of something  besides searing pain.. I said to self…”ok self…find a good thread”.  Yup, I am afraid that is me folks. I am the proverbial Pollyanna.  And I remembered the poem that goes something to the effect of “I thank you Lord for my eyes that see for many are blind…etc”    and I thought  ”I thank you Lord for these legs for even though they barely work..I can still walk with help…..and I thank you Lord for pain…for without it…how would I know what the good really is”.

I think pain has taught me such a good lesson. It has helped me to see that like that old saying…without the thunderstorm, the rainbow would not be near as pretty…so is life.  If we had a life with absolutely no pain, no hurt, no sorrow…then the good things would have nothing to compare them to. We feel pain physically for it tells us when we are hurting ourselves. If we didn’t feel pain, how would we know if we burnt ourselves or cut ourselves? How would we know what was sad and what is joyful?

Is my life all I would like it to be? No, but my life is full and filled with love and joy and family and friends. I have learned that some things are just not that important…Our little house is so filled with love that it almost seems to glow. The big mansion on the hill might not be that way.  We have become a world of super sized and more more and bigger and better and yet none of that can even begin to take the place of what I have found in life..in just the simple things.

There is a poem put to music that I love so much. It is what I wish for everyone that reads this page….I wish you enough….:)    The world is a stage and we are all the stars until the final curtain.

   

video posted by IWishYouEnough

My son used to ask me why I watched the shows like the woman with the sixty pound tumor or the girl who needed a face and my reply was…it keeps me grounded and helps me realize..there is always someone worse than me. I have been following a young woman named Katie…who during delivery of her first child, something horrible went wrong and she ended up in a coma. Her wonderful husband has stood by her, and I have watched her battle progress until she has actually been able to hold her son. But the battle is far from over. If you ever feel like life is just too hard, go and read about her..for it is a story that will touch your heart and instill in you the desire to keep fighting through your journey.  They have a page for her on the Caring Bridge site and it is located here:   http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/katiemajeski/mystory

My jack is ever attentive when things are bad. Sometimes I think he knows when they are about to happen like he did when I had the TIA and he forced me to sit down in the chair. But I love his expressions. Here he is giving me his  ”aw come on mom..just one bite” look. Jack is probably the only dog that has his own scoobie doo doll, blankie and pillowcase. And believe me he knows that they are his. LOL.

I told son I was going to  order these tee shirts. I love what they say. I am sure we all have wished for a roll of duct tape at times. LOL

And since I am one that looks for beauty in the world and in people and I believe in loving “in spite of” what others do..not “because of what they do”…here is one of my favorite videos filled with beautiful pictures.  And I am ready for sleep.

    

video done by TheSpiritualRealm