Thank you all for your notes and emails of concern. I am hanging in there. Today I actually had brief spells of respite from the nightmare of hell that it has been this past week. I was able to lay and sit here and not feel the room or the furniture swirling around me for a brief period of time. Twice it happened today. Oh what a nice break. Hopefully this means that things are on the turn here and each day will bring a little longer spells of no swirling objects. One can only hope.
This has been like being thrown into the nightmare on elm street of sorts. I have had problems with vertigo but never anything like this. And so has been a learning experience for sure.
Thanks for caring so much and all the notes. It means a lot. And a big thank you to my son for keeping my blog going while I was doing so poorly. I don’t think you would have wanted to read anything I could have written over the past few days LOL
Now back to the regularly scheduled program. LOL
It is almost 8 PM here and in just a few short hours, this year is over. And try as hard as I might, I have to finally admit that I am sick. Not the way I wanted to bring in the new year just in case that old saying that what you do on New Year’s Eve is what you will be doing the next year is true. Fever, headache from H, sore throat, chills and breathing is way off…having to keep the oxygen on 24/7 right now.
I wonder if there is a return center for viruses or infections? I would be standing there in line, dragging my oxygen with me. I could see it now…reason for return..”I tried it and I don’t like it”. Son has tried to entice me to eat but I just am not hungry, so I am going to head back under the covers and turn the lights back out and lay here and stare at J and J and see if it will put me back to sleep. Jack has been standing guard at my bed. He does that when I am sick…like he knows something is wrong.
I wanted to be up to see the year come in but just can’t do it…..so you all whoop and holler and pop the cork on the champagne and sing the song for me. ok .:) Happy New year to all
Woke up with horrible muscle contractions and am laying here waiting on meds to kick in. As I look around my room and out into the other part of the house, I am once again struck with a deep feeling of gratitude for our home. It is a small home but the amazing thing is that everyone says the same words when they come in our home. They look around and say “your home is so cozy and so filled with warmth and love”. Now, it might not be a fancy mansion, might not have granite counter tops or high ceilings and wood beams, but they are right…this home is filled with warmth and love.
Another thing people say to son and I is that our home is so serene. I have for years worked hard at creating an environment in the home that is warm and loving and filled with serenity that when someone comments on it…to me that says they feel it. I have even helped others create at least one room of serenity for themselves for we all need it in this chaotic world.
As I read the news and the dire predictions for housing to still fall even more and the economy slowed, I am even more thankful that our house sold on the other side of the mountain and we were able to get this home. The sad part for me was that bad news for someone of losing their home brought us the good news of owning our home. That part made me sad and feel bad for the ones that lost the house a couple of years ago.
Son and I both would tell anyone that the selling of our house on the other side of the mountain and getting here was probably one of the hardest tests of faith that we have endured but we stuck with it. Did we ever have down times? Oh yes, I can remember after two years had passed and our house on the other side had not sold…crying to a friend that it was never going to sell. But, that did not change my resolve to keep working towards it.
Times were hard for the economy was really down. They keep saying it ended in 2009 but I think they failed to let the rest of the world know for things are still tough in the economy. Son and I spent two years getting the house ready to sell, doing things we could do without spending a lot of money. We sheet rocked walls in the unfinished room and put in a ceiling and if you don’t think that wasn’t hard with one able man and a disabled woman..his mother…think again. I was the “mudder” for the sheet rock and ceiling because son had never done it before and I had. It was quite a feat for me being on forearm crutches and especially the ceiling. Son made a platform for me to lay on and I laid on my back mudding the seam of the sheet rock we used to make the ceiling. But, you know what…we got it done. Yes, I had to crawl on all fours to get up and down the stairs to the basement and yes, many nights I could barely make it to bed and would be up with pain but the good news was….we made the house where someone bought it and we didn’t lose as much money as all the other people on our street were doing.
It was a test of faith to know that all bills would get paid, that all the materials we would need to get that house ready to sell in a bad market and that we would get here. But, you know what…I believe in the promise that God will take care of our needs and He did just that. Bills would come due and out of the blue we would get money in the mail..refunds from this or that and it would match the amount we needed to pay. Or, we would need materials and suddenly someone would have exactly what we needed on freecycle. That is how we got the sheet rock…and the man even brought it to our house and helped unload it. The things we needed always appeared.
Perhaps this was why it took two years to sell the house and then when it did, we got more than the other houses on our street. It was a test of faith and committment. Yes, we lost money on the house, but we still were able to get over the mountain and find our home. What more could we ask. For me, knowing God would provide our needs was something I had learned a long time ago. For son, it was an eye-opening experience and he learned the words “Thank you Lord” and spoke them often as God provided for us and for all the materials we needed to get the house sold.
Could we go out and buy things we wanted just for fun? No. But we had a roof over our heads, food, clothing, heat and the materials to keep working on the house.We were indeed blessed. God provided but we had to do our part. We had to do the physical labor to fix the house and we had to refrain from spending money unnecessarily. God provides for our needs but that does not mean we sit back on our laurels and just expect it all to be done for us. And my lips often say the words “Thank You Lord” not just for my home but for my life and my sons and the ones I love in my life.
I am blessed beyond means and it is not in money but in the kind of wealth that you can not buy…in love and warmth and comfort, in people who love me and care about me, in the medical care I am getting. God is good…..all the time. I learned to say Thank you Lord in bad times for if we stop and look…we will see someone much worse than we are..and that in itself is a gift.
As I lay here in the early morning light, I thought about something that we all take for granted….life. I was watching an old Mash show last nite and in it, a young boy died on the operating table and Radar was so upset that one of the doctors followed him and sat down to try and comfort him. Radar said something that really resonated with me. He said “how can a person be alive one second and dead the next”. That set me to thinking about a second and about life.
When we are young we think we will live forever. That is just part of being a kid. And sadly, children die daily. My heart hurt last nite for the woman who was sick and her neighbor was taking care of the kids and he killed the daughter and dismembered her. I thought about all the children who die daily from abuse, from predators, from accidents. So….no, we don’t live forever. In a second, we can be gone.
And as we get older, we realize that life has no guarantees of tomorrow. So, why do people not value life more? And why do we not realize what a monumental thing it is when people reach the age of eighty, ninety…a hundred. As a whole, life is treated as if nothing can stop it and yet daily people are dying for many reasons…..gone in a second.
So, what should we be doing? I think life is something we have to remember to not take for granted and to realize that …in a seconds time…we may have lost the time to tell our loved ones how much we love them, to hug our loved ones and to give to them all the love we hold in our hearts.
Part of valuing life is valuing our own health. I look back and see things I would have done so differently had I realized that life is not a guarantee and that part ….only part…of living is up to me. I would not have smoked for one for I believe that destroys our health. Now, to be honest, I loved smoking. I loved the taste and the feeling having a cigarette with my morning cup of coffee. But, to be realistic…my body did not. I would have eaten healthier, exercised more and taken better care of me. And I would have detached myself from emotional vampires who love drama and love to suck the life from you.
While taking care of me is important, what about valuing the life around us. Every moment we waste not being with loved ones, not telling loved ones how much we care or spending time showing them….. are moments that are lost forever. We can never get them back. And we may not get the opportunity to do it in the future. They can be gone in a second.
How many times have you heard people after someone dies say oh they wish they had done or said this or that. Hindsight is always 20/20 but it should wake us up. It should make us realize that all the ugly drama that can enfold with families and close friends is really not worth it. What will it matter who said what a year from now? Think about all the tension and drama around holiday time…how it ruins holidays…takes the joy away from it…and that holiday will be gone and can not be replayed. There is no rewind in life.
I have seen people who carried grudges for years to the point they don’t even remember what the reason was…they just knew they were mad at the other person. And all that time, they lost being with someone who was important in their life at one time. And that time can never be regained.
Perhaps the older I get, I realize that I have less time than I did at twenty. But, even being twenty…I can see that life was not seen as precious as it should have been by me and by many. I think the world has become consumed with “possession-itis” and it is what we can buy or attain that has become most important and has taken over where family and loved ones should be top of the list.
When son and I decided to sell the house and move on this side of the mountain, our goal was to get rid of bills and get rid of the burden of a huge house of 2200 square feet …a house in which we did not use all of it most of the time….and find a home we could pay for or at the least pay less for that was smaller. And we accomplished that with this small little cottage house we have. And daily we look around and realize how much we love it. There is not one space in this house that is not used daily. And the strain of paying for that huge house is off of us. It allows us to do quality things together, just like the making of our thanksgiving dinner where the making and cooking together was the most important part. The eating was just the reward of it.
Many want fame and fortune to be what they are remembered for. Fame and fortune can be gone in a second too and so many people have seen this with the depression our economy has been in the past few years. When I die, I want to be remembered for the love I gave, for the time I spent, for the calls I made or the visits I did or the times I shared my life…my home and special events with those I love. I want people to remember that I loved them and that I valued them and wanted them in my life…that I was there in hard times for them, that I gave of myself to comfort them.
I also don’t want to lose people in my life and regret that I did not spend more time with them, that I did not call them or write them or visit them ….did not hug them and let them know I loved them..that I was not there in their time of need. I want to live my life so that the important things …like love and family and family of choice are top of the list…not how famous I am or what a big home I have or what a big career I have or had. If everything can be gone in a second…I want to know that my seconds were spent on the most important…on those I love and care about.
So, what about you? How are you spending your moments in life?
Is the morning after Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
Everyone was nestled all snug in their beds,
While memories of Christmas day danced in their heads.
Remnants of Christmas were scattered on the floor
while icy winds and snow were just outside the door
Jack was snuggled under his covers and his snores filled the air
While son was in his bed sleeping without even a care
I lay here in my bed with a smile on my face
Thanksgiving filled my heart for our new home …our new place
Christmas Day has come and is now out of sight
And the whole house is still filled with such glorious delight
The best gifts of Christmas didn’t come in a box wrapped in gold
It came in the memories of family both the young and the old
In the love and caring that abound throughout the land
Of people coming together in love, joining together hand in hand
My reason for the season still abounds with us here
Making life and those in it so very very dear
So, as you open your eyes on this wonderful “morning after” day
Let the songs of love and peace on earth still continue to play
As I roll over and snuggle under my covers without a care
I have one last wish that I would like to share
As I find myself drifting back off into that beautiful deep sleep
dreaming of a better world and realistic resolutions to keep
My wish is that we hold on to this peace, love and goodwill
and think of the less fortunate whose dreams no one came to fill
And open our hearts to the true meaning of this season
And if you are going to fight, make sure it’s for a good reason
And so as I drift off into sleep
I wish you a very happy new year and send a bushel of love for you to keep.
Love from our house to yours
Wishing everyone a glorious love filled Christmas. Take the time to enjoy family and just be with them. Time spent with loved ones is the best part of the day.
This is my reason for the season.
It has snowed all day and son just finally gave up shoveling the snow. This is the deepest snow I have ever seen and we saw two feet on the other side of the mountain…way deeper here. Someone suggested he lay down and make a snow angel…I said if he laid in this snow…it would cover him it is so deep. LOL
The picture below..there is actually a retaining wall before you get to the edge of the road and it is so deep in snow that the wall is gone plus the snow is way above it.
And now our birds. I am utterly amazed that these birds are out in the snow, in temperatures as low as ten degrees. I love the pictures for they ate and ate and one looked like he ate so much he could not move. LOL
and Jack says he has had enough of the snow.
Son and I have a Christmas tradition. A couple of days before Christmas, we ride around town and view all the Christmas lights everyone puts out. We call it the “Touring the Christmas Lights” and we enjoy it so much. Last nite, we had to go in the jeep as the snow is so deep here and the roads are still not good. We love that people in this town really love to decorate.
Ok, first on the tour is our house. Notice, no snow on the Christmas balls yet. It had just started.
Across the street
Around the corner.
And on into town.
We got a lot more pictures but then I switched to video clips so am going to upload them to my youtube account and then post. Isn’t it amazing how the lights and snow can make everything so beautiful.
I finally went back to sleep and slept without waking up with anymore nightmares. I think I may have gotten a child last night looking at lights and taking pictures cause I had to open the window to look as we were in the jeep and they have tinted windows.
Am laying here waiting on the smell of the coffee to let me know it is being made. I did go peek outside the front and back doors and we have gotten a lot of snow and it is still snowing a steady snow. It looks so pretty but poor son….all his work is covered back up. The good thing is that son did shovel all that snow earlier so will make this time easier. Again we have no steps and again the poor bear is buried under snow.
I looked out the back door and saw that the birds are back and eating out of the feeders and eating on top of the snow.
And then I noticed that poor Jack’s potty place is again covered up in snow.
Yesterday, son had it looking like this:
This snow has been just a nice steady snow and still coming down hard.
When I opened the side door to the patio, I saw we again were rubbing the snow with the door.
And out front. If you look on top of the balls on the tree, you can see a lot of snow on top showing that it was a pretty steady down snow…not a lot of blowing so has been nicer than the blizzard was. LOL
And more front yard. Poor bear is buried again. Son will have to dig him out.
We got a lot of snow and are still getting it so can’t tell you how much total yet. But it is so pretty to watch as it is just coming down steady. Poor Jack will be burrowing deep in his covers as he will not want to be going out in it until son gets it shoveled again. He is an old man doggie and the snow hurts him now.
We did go out and look at lights last night and I got a video and got a bunch of pictures of the Christmas lights. I will put them on in a bit. I think I caught cold from going out as we had to go in the jeep and I had to roll the window down to take pictures and woke up with congestion and achy. Don’t need that right now.
Last nite, we had surprise visitors after our light trip. The guys from the rio stopped by and brought eggnog to share with us and I brought out the homemade cookies and we sat and talked for a couple of hours too. It was really nice.
Woke up just a bit ago with a horrible bad dream. You know the kind…..that leaves you shaking and feeling funny in the chest. It was so bad, I called son on the intercom and told him and asked could he come and sit with me for a while. Been a long time since I have had such a nightmare. Maybe it was riding out last nite to see the lights. Or maybe it was the eggnog. Or maybe just plain tiredness.
We sat there in the kitchen with only the soft lights that stay on all the time lighting the room because…lol..son didn’t want Jack to get up thinking it was day time and time to get up and play. Son opened the door to see how much snow. This is a much gentler storm than the other night I can tell you, though we have already gotten several inches. Son had worked s hard getting everything shoveled and now it was all white again.
So, I have laid back down and am laying here trying to soothe myself so I can go back to sleep. I thought I would share with you pictures of my roses I used to grow. When we lived back east, I had a lot of rose bushes and climbing roses, ranging from the Lincoln Rose to the Kennedy Rose and just plain ole hedge roses. I used to ride around in my power chair and take care of all my plants. I loved to cross-pollinate the roses and make new colors. I had one rose that looked like a candy cane…it was red and white.
Anyway, I thought I would share a few pictures of them. I so love plants and gardening. I used to buy petunias from the store and then cross pollinate them with my wild pentunias…which smelled like honeysuckle. I had some of the most beautiful colors. I loved the ones that were one color with dark outlines on the tips.
I pray the pictures fill your head with the soft sweet smell of the roses. If you look closely, you will see some of the wild petunias mixed in and even some honeysuckle in there. When we moved onto the property, there was three big trees and that was it. When we moved out here, I had I think it was sixteen rose plants, a fence row of honeysuckle, mimosa trees, 356 canna lilies, day lilies beds with heirloom lilies in them, a fruit section with apple, pear, plum and orange trees and many more. I spent a lot of time just riding around taking care of them and also with my birds.
Son was always so amazed because the birds seemed to know me and would fly right up to my face and make sounds. One day, we were in under the carport and I heard my birds and asked my son to look around the corner and see what was wrong…I told him that was a distress call they were making. He told me that he saw nothing but I knew something was wrong and went around and looked. Son’s jaw dropped when he saw a bird fly right up to me crying out and then towards the bird house and back to me. Out of one of the bird houses was a snake hanging and the bird was telling me. Son grabbed a hoe and snatched that snake out and killed it. He said he had never seen birds do like they do with me.
Well, now that I have entertained you with flowers and birds, maybe I can attempt sleeping again. Nite all.
- Comfort foods
- Dreams for the future
- Eating Out
- Etta James
- Female Impersonators
- heart center
- helping others
- Native American
- New Year's Resolution
- Protection from fraud
- Rocky Mountains
- US Military