MIddle of the Night Ramblings

Wow, woke up with horrible muscle spasms in my legs. This is when I sound like one of the horror movies as I try to walk with crutches and one leg just won’t work. Son says I do the “thump”  ”thump” “drag”  sound. Once the spasms let go, I can laugh about it. But until then, is no laughing matter.

I kept dreaming a dream of jury duty, Casey Anthony and other trials.  Now, I know this trial is a civil case and not a long trial but it sure was a crazy dream time. I was probably as shocked as everyone else with the Casey Anthony outcome but trials of late have me worried about our jury system. I see Juries trying to “make a statement”  when their job is to uphold the law and carry out the judicial system. I see Juries who convict because they didn’t like the person got off the time before, even if there were not enough evidence. So, my faith in this system is really low. Perhaps this is why I feel obligated to go down there for jury selection.

Is nice to wake up with a cool house. We got our electric bill from the month of the 5000 BTU air condition and swamp cooler running. It was 250.00.  I was not surprised for that little AC would not even shut the compressor off as it could not cool the house.  Next month will tell us a lot. But meanwhile, I am where my eyes are clear and I can breathe without struggling so.

I hear Jack over there snoring. He raised his head up once as if to say “Mom, what are you doing” as I thump thump dragged around the room and out into the LR and Kitchen. Waking to such severe pain on the inner thighs is like waking up in hell and you can’t get your brain cleared enough to think. Thank God, I have reflex that helps propel me from the bed and onto the crutches for that is all that will get that part of my spine to release the pressure on those nerves.

I love the quietness of this house. I have learned through the years that there are certain things that accelerate my pain and noise is one.  Bright lights and crowds are others. So, the peace in this house as we get it set up is so nice. I actually sat in the recliner in the living room last nite and son and I just talked. A long time coming that was. It is a joy to use all of the house for the first time in years.

And the red headband is still on and I am still in fight to survive mode. Is how I keep rocking and rolling. How I keep from giving up and just quitting. I am too stubborn to just lay back and do nothing. And besides that…there are dreams to work.  So, back down for hopefully a couple more hours sleep before that trip to the courthouse and that ride on that magical metal lift up those courthouse steps as they sure are a climb. I know..I did it yesterday..probably the reason for the spasms tonite. And as son says, my guardian angel was right behind me to keep me from falling up or down those brick steps. And they were not even yellow bricks like in the Oz.

What a Convoluted Day

Life can go along moving fairly smoothly and then suddenly….everything happens at once. I am to report for jury duty tomorrow.  OMG ..me in jury duty. Son took me to check out the courtroom to see if I could even stand to sit there.

Over the mountain, I had a medical release but don’t have time to get one from here from the doctor’s office. They told me not to worry, that with only six jurors on this trial that they could move the chairs to make room for my poor ole legs.

Now, I really do not have what it takes physically to sit all day in a jury box. I do, however, believe being on the jury is a civic duty and an honorable thing to do and something everyone should do. We complain that certain groups are doing this or that but we don’t step up to the plate.

I am going and will tell them I will sit if they want me to as long as I do not have to be there on friday, as that is when my hearing is. So, down to the Huerfano County Court house and first thing..stairs..omg. And then an elevator that looks like something from a Betty Davis movie with the metal screen type door. I kept looking for some birds or something to come swooping in. LOL

 

And behind this door, is the creepy elevator that has a steel grate door and is so tiny two people are about all it holds.

And if you have never received a jury summons, this is what one looks like.

So, now in the morning I have to report for jury duty selection. They say that takes til noon and then the court case is Thursday. My problem is, I also have my hearing with the appeals judge on my medical on friday, so what if the case goes over? And to top it off, a friend called and asked son did he want to come fill in a couple of days for him. Son said yes, but then found out it means staying over nite and two days of work. I told him we would be fine. But, he does not like to leave me to fend for myself. We will figure it out. Two days I think I can handle. Hardest part will be nites for me. But what about jury duty? What about Jack, who will watch him during the day?  LOL  oh my, gonna be a complicated couple of days. And I CAN’T miss that hearing here at the house.

So, on the way home, son stopped and picked up a couple of things from storage and brought an end table to go between the recliners. And the Living room is just about done except for painting. I sure do hate that green color on those bookshelves. He unloaded five boxes of movies to go on the shelves and I guess those french cleats really do work cause the unit is still up on the wall.

Now just envision those shelves a glossy off white and it will look really sharp. And he brought his DVD cabinet and for now..it sits under the window between Mimi’s rocker and Papa’s chair. And that is an exhausted son with his foot showing in the picture above. Excuse all the junk in the rocker and little green chair.

And finally, son is thrilled to get up his coat rack. Is this not beautiful.

And so, could life get anymore complicated and if today put me in the bed, just going to the court-house ..what will staying there all day too. But, all things will work out in time.

And my youngest son was diagnosed with a form of MS. Here his mother, me,  has been disabled since I was in my early 40′s and now my youngest son is diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder. Both my son’s have health issues and suffer a lot of pain…too much like their mother. And Ironically, both have had horrible leg pain like their mother. I pray they do not hear what I did hearing comments to diminish what I had or imply I was not really sick. Autoimmune disorders take up to seven or eight years to diagnose because they resemble so many other things.

Unfortunately, because autoimmune disorders take time to diagnose and many self-appointed judges who are what I call  “medical computer guru’s”  who look up another persona’s symptoms, etc and have no idea what is really wrong and  are too quick to say “oh it is nothing”.  They have no idea the damage they do when a person suffers with pain and are made to feel like they are faking. My son went to Mayo. I wish I had many years back. I don’t have to worry about it now, for my health issues are too obvious. What I tell people now…”you know what is wrong, your doctor knows what is wrong…you don’t have to prove to anyone else”.

And now, I need to shower, fill out a juror form, figure out how we are gonna work son going on this job and me going to jury duty and coming home and all of that.  Not to worry…this hinney is part good year and part dupont…..we always bounce.  And besides that, our guardian angel always watches over us.

And this my friends, is a sign that I am in fight mode. It is my “shield” I put on when I am hurting so bad, or feel like I just can’t take one more thing, or the stress is too high…it is my “wonder woman” headband as son calls it. I have done this for years and those closest to me know what it means. One friend even sent me a wonder woman doll that she got a guy at a bar, who won it in one of those machines that has a crane in it, to sell to her.  She understood what it meant to put your symbol of fighting on. We all have something we use. And so, I am in fight mode

When Dreams Unfold

As I was sitting in my room last nite and looking out into the other part of the house, I was hit with overwhelming emotion…of feeling such strong feelings of joy that is hard to explain. We have worked for several years to reach this point. No, the dream is not done and we are still working hard every day, but a huge part of the dream has unfolded.

Sometimes the journey has been really hard for me, especially the part of all the work in this house and moving stuff. I came to tears the other nite telling my other son back east how frustrated I felt that I could not help son here like I used to. I can’t do the work I used to do and so the burden is on him alone. I try and I do what I can but the truth is, I can’t do a lot and so he works himself into exhausted sleep trying to get it all done and it never seems to end right now.

The roof needs the shingles on, the storage units need combining, the book shelves need putting up on the wall, the yard needs mowing and the list goes on. And that is when my disabilities bother me. When in my all terrain scooter, I could help do things outside if nothing more than be the “go-for” person to save him some steps. Now, to make you laugh, you have seen nothing until you see a man on a ladder coming off the roof and a woman on forearm crutches holding the ladder for him so it does not fall on this small concrete porch. I am sure he feels really secure. LOL

I am disabled with limited mobility and the house on the other side of the mountain  was twice this size. I spent most of my time in my room because the hallway was so long to get to the kitchen and living room that some days it was too hard to make walking and since I try so hard to stay on my feet, it kept me limited in my scope of the house.

And last nite, as I was staring out the door, I got up and walked to the door and the full realization hit me that this part of the dream is finally here.  I no longer live just in my bedroom. Everything is right outside my door within close range. This pic is looking through my doorway. See how close the kitchen is. And the second picture shows how close my coffee pot is.

And the living room and dining room are just steps away, not down a long hallway. Again this first picture is taken standing inside my bedroom door and looking through.

And the LR is just around the corner. So, I am able to live in all this house. The emotions of that realization is huge for someone disabled. Our world becomes smaller by our disabilities if we don’t have the assistive devices we need….like my good scooter. One day I will have that scooter repaired and can be part of the community and go to the library on my own or the museum. But, for now this house is perfect for me. It is laid out in such a way that it makes it possible for me to live in all of it. That is a dream come true. It is the kind of home I always wanted as far as the lay out…and each day, it becomes more and more the best home ever.

And so last nite, I was overwhelmed with emotions of realizing that this part of the dream has been reached. I am home. We are home.  No, it is not and never will be my mountains, but it is home. The Creator, our God, knows better than us where we should be.  It took us time to get here and sometimes time is in preparing us, to allow us to lessen our grip on the material and old life and allow us to accept a more simpler way of life. And I am so ever-blessed and my heart is full.

And yesterday was a day of being more leisurely.  I got to do something I love to do…take pictures.  My birds are too smart and had to sit in carport so they would not fly away. And I got to take great pics of the clouds out here…I love the clouds…they speak volumes of heaven and sometimes, the heavenly come down and view our world.  and I love it.

A Little Fun Thrown in the Midst of Work

Non stop work can wear you out and son and I both are worn out. If you can not tell by now, I am intrigued and fascinated with the pioneers who came across these mountains…my mountains. They were a strong lot and they say only the strong survive. But, they also knew there came times when they had to stop and just totally relax and have fun. And so, they would sit around the campfire, playing music, dancing, laughing and eating…bringing some relaxation and joy into their hard lives. Well, son and I know we need to have some relaxation even though we are not at a point we can slow down. Last nite, we cooked spaghetti, green beans and garlic bread and went and ate with the guys and then watched a movie together. There was a musical event going on there to at the pool with strobe lights and music blaring. We had a great time…I was exhausted when we got home and woke up feeling kinda like I was mugged ..LOL  but I am glad we went. The pool area is set up with tables and chairs and the music area is down at the far end.. This was before things started.

We had a great time. Watched an old black and white movie of Mae West’s. I love those. I wish I had the old projector and movies like that. Oh, in unpacking, we found my darkroom stuff. I don’t know where we can set that up here, so we will just have to see.

oh and of course, the guys were dressed up for the music event…sitting outside enjoying the breeze.

Today, son and I realized we needed to get part of the house cleared so that it felt like we were done at least in part of the house. So, we worked on the living room and dining room. Then we cleared the dining room table and set up one of the jigsaw puzzles. Son and I both love to do those and he does especially. He found himself a couple of times today, sitting there for an hour at a time working on the puzzle. Perhaps that is our campfire with music and dancing like the pioneers did.

It was fun today going through a few more boxes. We found things we had not seen in over two years because so much has been packed up for since we first put the house on the market. I loved when he found the glass painted window I found. We hung it over the kitchen window and it is pure “country art” and son is going to put some small LED lights behind it since the window is covered in redneck tint, so that it will show like a stained glass window. I loved it..reminded me of the rough drawings of Grandma Moses.

And poor Jack, who looked like this yesterday…this is his torn lip..

and his paws and legs, after having been cleaned up. This looks good…he scared me half to death.

has gotten the royal treatment today like this…now is this rotten or what..but he so deserves it. He has been real clingy but tonite acts a little better but his mouth still looks pitiful.

But for now..how about some pictures I took of the mountains when we first moved out here. Depending on where you are riding, the mountains are solid rock and they are green and colorful with trees. Hope you enjoy.

And last nite when we came home from the Rio, we snapped these two pics. One was my mountains..”the breast of Mother Earth” and the other was looking over our house. Really cool pics.

And for my friend Sassy, I wonder do you see anything above our house.

  So, it has been quite a weekend so far. And I am ready to crawl into bed and close my weary eyes and turn on Julia and Julie..the never ending movie. One day I will see it all the way through. Maybe I should start in the middle tonite.

Middle of The Night Ramblings

I woke up like many people my age do…aching from the joints and muscles. After doing the jaunt to the ladies room and taking meds, I was laying here thinking about our ancestors again. I never loved history as much as I do today for there is so much to learn. I love the history channel and all about the underground cities discovered here and abroad. It tells so much about our civilization and how we swing like the pendulum.

So, I lay here wondering how our ancestors made it over this rugged terrain. You know they had to have some of the aches and pains we did and sleeping on the ground or in a wagon on a mat can not have been very comfortable.  Prairie wagons or even the larger Conestoga wagons were not that big and often held mama, grandma and the little kids sleeping on make shift beds.

The Conestoga wagon was larger and coming across the prairie worked fine but they found that being so heavily loaded made it very ineffective for the mountains. We are so possession conscious that it is hard to imagine traveling with all our possessions and family and children in one of these:

http://freepages.genealogy.rootsweb.ancestry.com/~wallner/trip_west.htm

If you read at the link above on Rootsweb, it tells you that the average wagon was about five feet wide by ten feet. Not very big at all.  And when you consider what all they had to pack and then still had to put the little children and older women in there, it was packed tight.

According to the Rootsweb site, packing included:

“ For most families, 1600-1800 pounds of their supplies would be food! The wagon also carried cooking and bedding equipment as well as tents, tools, farm equipment, and personal possessions. Chests were filled with clothing and dishes. Chamber pots, lanterns, mirrors, Bibles, clocks, and furniture were crammed into odd spaces in almost every wagon.

Inside the wagon there were many hooks attached to the wooden hoops where the emigrants hung cast iron pots and pans, kettles, milk cans, coffee pots, weapons, clothing and anything else they could find room for. Women packed their Dutch Ovens and Reflector Ovens for baking bread on the trail. Accessories and tools for making emergency repairs to a wagon were also a necessity. These included rope, brake chains, wagon jack, extra axles and tongues, wheel parts, axes, saws, hammers, knives, and shovels. Weapons, powder, lead, and kits for casting bullets were essential. 

Each family required 5 to 50 lbs. of soap, and many candles were needed. All of these varied supplies left virtually little or no space for travelers, who usually walked the distance. Quite often the trails were littered with debris of abandoned supplies thrown out to lighten loads and make better time. The trail could be so littered with this debris, that scavengers would collect full wagon loads of flour, bacon, and even cast iron stoves. Families that could afford it took two wagons, one for the food, and one for everything else!”

I can’t imagine the anguish of throwing out treasures or even food because the weight was too heavy to go over the mountains. Out here on the LaVeta section of the mountains, they say you can look down the gorge and still see remnants of things thrown out. But, when you dream and this was a dream of a life time to come west and own land and set up your own homestead…you are willing to give up everything even if it means having nothing but the shirt on your back.

As I am reading this page on the wagon trains and traveling west, I read a comment that really struck a chord with son and I.  We both feel so tired and yet we have to continue the work so that we are secure. We have been nonstop since the house on the other side of the mountain sold and we moved here and both of us are exhausted….just bone weary exhaustion that sometimes keeps us from sleeping….from being too tired.  Well, the article said:

“It would be a long wearisome trip, traveling 10 to 12 miles each day, and the journey would take many months. Exhaustion became part of their lives. Life on the trail tended to follow routine patterns, based on the work that needed to be done.The day would begin at sunrise, as the emigrants started preparing for the long day of travel ahead of them. The cows would be milked by children. A fire would be started, and breakfast would be cooked by the women. Dishes were washed, bedding was gathered up, routine chores were performed. The wagon would be loaded, while the men gathered the livestock, and hitched up the team.”

Son and I both come from opposite ends of the house, weary as the day starts, reaching for that first cup of coffee to kick off our day and then the work begins again. In today’s time, people expect things to be easy and quickly and without much effort. This dream has been one a long time coming for us. We have worked ourselves to the bone for a couple of years now, first working non stop to get the house ready to sell, then packing and moving and now getting this house ready. Perhaps that is why I identify so much with the pioneers as we “work our dream” for this dream has not been easy…but oh so worth it.

Some days we wonder will we ever get it all done. Like the air conditioner which is finally in the window and running and oh gosh sooooooo wonderful. Son had to do all of that by himself. I could not even help him lift to put it in the window and yet the smile of accomplishment made it worth it to see. We are out here with just us and no family. My son and I are survivors..both my sons. We learned how to take care of ourselves and figure a way to do it ourselves from the time they were young. Perhaps that is why we can do this dream. Many will never leave the safety of their homes and continue to think about what their hearts dream of but never make any action. It will be one of those dreams that is never fulfilled.

One of the blessings here in this town is the guys that we got to know at the rio. They have become family to us and they know if they need help, they can ask us and if we need help, we can come to them. That happened two days ago when we needed help and they were right there for us. I think again of the wagon trains and those people who lived so closely for so long, traveling to their dream…helping each other. I am a firm believer that God takes care of our needs. He has shown me over and over. And this was no exception and I believe God brought us to that motel for a reason and the friendships there are it.

 Packing for the journey for their dream was expensive and they had to know exactly what to take. According to this site:

“Anyone traveling west on an overland trail was outfitted with heavy supplies that slowed the speed of the trip. The general rule was to carry no more than 2,500 pounds of supplies. The food and other provisions needed to sustain a family on the trail for five or six months took up most of the room in their wagon. The basic staples were:
Flour (200 lbs. per adult)
Bacon (150 lbs. per adult)
Coffee (20 lbs. per adult)
Sugar (20 lbs. per adult)
Salt (10 lbs. per adult).
Some emigrants took whiskey, brandy and medicines. In addition to their food supplies, many had their milch (milk) cow tied behind the wagon, and some fixed a chicken coop to the side of the wagon, to provide fresh milk and eggs during the journey. Along the trail, the eggs were nestled in the flour to protect them from breakage. A butter churn could also be attached to the side of the wagon. Filing the churn with fresh milk from the cow in the morning, the jolting, constant movement of the wagon gave them butter by the end of the day. Some emigrants brought cattle along, to use strictly for beef on the trail, and cows, sheep, and pigs usually trailed the wagons.”

Believe it or not, when son and I traveled, we packed food, supplies to last us a few weeks for we knew we would not be in our home before then. We had canned goods stacked in the motel room that we ate out of, bottles of water, medical supplies. I think we would have been good pioneers for we have learned the necessity of thinking ahead and being prepared “in case of”. And we carried these supplies just as carefully as we carried our tin of heirloom seeds, for they were for our survival now and the future.

And as I lay here mulling the pioneers and their strength and stamina, I think about sleep once more. Here I lay on a memory foam mattress to make my pain more bearable and yet my ancestors had the following for a bed:

“Women and children might sleep on boxes in the wagon, but most beds were made of a blanket, a piece of canvas, and an India rubber cloth or buffalo robe on the ground. In inclement weather travelers slept underneath the wagon. In good weather, they might sleep under the stars, or in tents. Tents were luxuries, but they blew away in the wind and were often discarded.” 

And I think about how hard it was back then and yet they were willing to go for their dream, willing to risk all and willing to endure the hardships. Son and I have been. We knew we could end up with nothing and renting a small apartment or house and yes, there were times when I wondered “omg what have we done” and then each morning, when we awoke anew…I knew what we had done. We had gone for our dream…and look where we are now. It is not easy now, money is tight because all has gone into this house..but we own this house…just like our ancestors owned the land they homestead. We may not have money to go do all the luxury things but we have the security of owning our home and that has made and continues to make this all worth it. And the friends who have helped us alone the way…have forever etched themselves on our hearts because of their love and generosity and are angels on earth.

AC, Mountains and Hurt Doggy

Today has been nonstop. Woke up to business that had to be taken care of and a trip to Pueblo. And when we got there, we went to let Jack out for a bathroom run and discovered he had busted his mouth open some how and had bled all over his bed in the kennel. We cleaned him up and changed the bed but he continued to bleed from his mouth. The mouth is a hard place to get to stop bleeding. We took care of our business and came straight home.

I got to see my mountains, my beautiful mountains many times today and that always makes me smile. But, before I show the mountains, son got the AC in. He built a whole framed in wall to mount the AC in and made it to fit into the window, which gives it more support. He still has to put in the insulation and a piece of sheetrock over it. I felt so bad cause I could not help him lift and carry that big AC, but it is in now and he is so proud.

And now for the big test…:) And no sparks flew. LOL Yes, that is one of the holes in the wall..we left it til last since we knew a plug would go there. And a HUGE thank you to sassy and PTB for this wonderful gift. I am already feeling the benefits from it.  HUGS and LY.

And now, I am recuperating from rattlensake jim  swamp cooler running while son was working on this AC and making the partition to put it in.

And now, because I am so tired…my mountains…my beautiful mountains.

And as you travel life’s journey, following that dream…and you come to a fork in the road…what do you do?  Pick one. If it doesn’t lead where you want…come back and take the other one.

Dare To Dream

I received this today and love what it says. It is a vivid reminder to keep dreaming and to dream big. If you don’t dream and make the attempt then the dreams will never happen for sure. And you don’t have to limit yourself to just one dream. I have many dreams ranging from the small to the biggest of big. Everyday, I get out there and live my dreams. Do all my dreams come true…that is a hard question to answer for if you had asked me a year ago if my dream on moving here would happen, I would probably have told you… no. Dreams take time.

Well, the carnival is over and heading out of town. I imagine that was many a child’s dream this weekend…to go to the carnival. I loved the sights, the smells and the sounds. I might not have gotten to stay but fifteen minutes before it was too hard for me without my all terrain scooter, but those fifteen minutes took me back in time, to when I was younger…to when my kids were younger and we went to the carnivals and got to ride all the rides. We went to the carnival and spent only a couple of dollars for some cotton candy and had just as much fun as if we had spent a bundle.

And now the carnival is packed and ready to head out to another town to bring excitement and fill dreams for many people. I was thinking about how excited people used to get over the carnivals and the circus coming to town. Kids would sit and watch them unload and set up and it was a safe time where the parents did not have to worry about their kids. Life sure has changed.

We rode out to see the guys again and carry another load of treasures for them to plunder through. It is fun to share with others what we have instead of hoarding it in boxes. Rosie was so glad to see jack but Jack was so funny and kept turning his back on Rosie.

I love going to the Rio Cucharas as it reminds me of the old gracious motels of years ago where you sat in the Lobby and visited and the furniture is a mixture of the old and new and you feel at home when you walk in. Some of my favorite things about this lobby lie in the esthetic.

Son playing around with the feather ink pen. Does this not make you think of old motel from years ago?

Yesterday morning, we woke up to rain. It was a soft sprinkle when we woke up and I zoomed in and told son…”hurry hurry…get the grass seed down.  It says it will sprout after a good rain”.  So son was out in his marlboro raincoat, you know the kind the cowboys wear, pushing the seeder around and got over half the fenced in yard done when the rain picked up. We are hoping it will soon be pretty grass that strangles out the goatheads and other weeds. See, another dream..to have grass…such a simple thing and yet something that has to be worked for. Oh wow, wouldn’t it be nice to unload a truck load of sod and have instant grass but grass planted and worked for…means more.

Today we hope to have the new AC in…omg I can’t wait. We have to figure out how to get it in the window as I am not any help lifting. We are hoping the guy next door is home and can help. This thing weighs a ton. We still can not believe we have it.

And last but most definitely not least..my mountains…where my heart lies

Middle of the Night Ramblings

I have begun to feel like one of those underground people who never sees daylight. My poor eyes, from the blasting of the swamp cooler throwing and keeping stirred all the dust and debris that was in there and not having the water filter hooked to it, look like a mole’s eyes…all squinty and painful. Though I will have to say they are getting better and I am thankful for that.

Son picked up the water pads and line for the swamp cooler at Pueblo yesterday and that will help a lot and make it more bearable until our fabulouso air conditioner arrives. I am amazed that people steal the plumbing and pipelines out of homes when they leave them. What is it with this?  Have we lost that something called respect of self?

I think about the ranchers out here and the dust storms, especially back in the days of doing all the work on horseback. I remember seeing the movies where they had their kerchief’s tied around their faces to protect them from the blowing dirt. What  a hard life it was and still is but they are a determined bunch. They were living their dream and taking in stride all the setbacks and problems that came up.

Dreams take a lot of work. Seldom do they just land in our lap and we can rejoice. It is like trying to win the lottery to think that way. And I learned something along this dream path. Don’t ever let anyone diminish your dream. We don’t need others to validate our dream for us…we just need to believe in it. What we like or dream of may not be someone elses dream. I was asked why we wanted to live out in the middle of no where with no convenient stores, facilities, etc. To those friends, it was impossible to understand for they hated the cold, liked having stores within easy access and did not like the quiet country life. And that is ok. It is our dream and we are the ones that have to live it.

Dreams are like a fire. You can’t just set the fire in your fireplace…you have to tend to it, refuel it with more logs, clean it up some, change how brightly it burns for if you don’t…it will die. The same is true of our dreams. If we don’t keep providing the “fire” to it, it will die out in our hearts and soon we will decide it is not worth the effort. And yet, we will still wonder and yearn for it. Sometimes we let years go by before we realize that we really and truly do want this dream and we start fanning the fire on it once more.

I was so proud yesterday, for while son was making the journey to Pueblo with the long list of all that needed done, I was busy going through small boxes in my huge bathroom and cleaning out or putting in the box to give away. We do our trips to Pueblo like those ancestors did years and years ago on the buckboard wagons. They would make one trip to the “big city” to pick up supplies and try to get all their stuff in one trip. We do that to save fuel. I just can’t make those trips for they are too hard on me, so son and I make the list and he goes and runs to all the different stores and picks up what we need and comes back with a van load.

Yesterday, he went to the grocery store, the hardware store, Home Depot, and the Habitat place. He calls to check in on me as he rushes from store to store and told me that the Habitat place there was a total disappointment. We were hoping for shingles that a contractor might have had left over but son said that there were none. He also said it was a good thing for this store was charging as much as the hardware store. I thought the Habitat store was to help people. He said if you could buy it for five dollars in the hardware store, it was four dollars and ninety cents in the Habitat.

We are in this for survival and not for the aesthetic looks of things. Beauty is a wonderful thing but if it takes away from your survival, then it is just a luxury we are not willing to spend the money on. I wish someone had an answer for me on this though. We bought these blinds..and I loved them. They are the wide slat blinds. And yet in my bedroom window only, the sun has melted the blinds not once, but twice. What’s with that?  Is the window defective? Is the sun that powerful and if so, why not all the windows?

Yesterday, when we saw it happened again, we knew we had to do something different. Son was gone to Pueblo and my bedroom was heating up. And before anyone one gets any cute ideas, the steamiest thing in this room with the physical shape I am in, is the shower. Lol.  Seriously, only one other time have we seen this and it was on son’s mobile home back east. Only one window and we finally bought dark cling material to stop the sun’s rays from coming through.

The room was getting hotter which makes it harder for me to breathe and so, balancing on forearm crutches, I snatched those five foot blinds down and threw them on the floor in my bathroom and proceeded to put red neck tint (aluminum foil) up on my window.I knew it would not look “classy” on the outside, but at this point..survival is the name of the game…not pride. While in Pueblo, son bought a few sheets of the styrofoam insulation with the aluminum backing. And people will just have to get used to the idea that we use metal curtains, for those pieces will be cut and stuck flush to the window to stop this blaring afternoon sun. And with the foil backing, I don’t think the sun and the window will melt anything anymore.

I know my guardian angel must be at work for I am still in awe that the melting blind did not catch fire. This is another area that is part of my world. I believe in the angels and the spirit world. It is ok if no one else agrees with me or likes it or even believes me when I talk of the spirit clouds. We are not cookie cutters people, we are individual..hand pressed..hand made people with imperfections that make us simply delightful. I think this is what is meant in the Bible when it says “be ye as a child”.  It means look at the world with all the awe, joy, trust, love, acceptance, forgiveness..that these precious children have in them. Children don’t look at the clothes you wear or the house you live in..that look at something more important..they look at what you are..how you treat them..the smile in your eyes..the love you have in your heart. And they accept you, whether you have on brogan boots and levi’s or a tuxedo or evening gown.

On his last call to let me know he was about to head home, we decided he should pic up something for supper since I was exhausted and so was he. He brought our triple box we like from Wally World. It is chicken made three different ways..BBQ, this sweet and hot spicy chicken and chicken nuggets. I was starving by time he got in with the packages and so was sitting on the stool in the kitchen while he unloaded, nibbling straight from the box.  OH YUM!

And Jack, bless his sweet heart, is doing better. We are back making his soup again. I really have a thing about the dogfood industry and seems like Jack’s tummy can not handle what they make. He has “old man tummy” and so gets upset easily. So, his homemade soup with a dash of wine seems to do the trick. He was actually doing his prance in the pen slinging his head, daring his buddy across the field to come on over there. LOL. Here he is snuggled in his hut.

Well, the hearing with the Judge and the social workers back in good old Montrose is Thursday. I am not able to go back over this mountain so the lawyer is coming to my house and we will have a telephone conference hearing. These people act like they have a vendetta and I hope we are able to make the judge see that. They even admitted that when they heard the house sold, they went and “looked up on the real estate sites until they found our house to see what it sold for”.  Now, how many social workers take the time to do that for each case they have?   This is where that one who told me she controlled me decided that I had all this money that I did not get. And their reason for cutting my benefits was I did not ask for them to be turned back on?  Ok, I am a little dense here, but if you tell me you have turned off my program, how am I supposed to know that I am “supposed to ask you” to turn it back on?  Is this part of the “control you” thing?

Well, not even these people, who are supposed to be advocates of the disabled and elderly, can diminish my dream. I have had to hold off on the heart tests until the twenty-first and now I find out that even with the hearing, it could be six weeks before they turn the benefits back on, so I will have to transfer again. These people do not care. They are angry and I don’t get it and they want to extract the last pound of flesh from me. Only they are going to find it is not going to taste as good or feel as good as they think it will.

And so now..even with squinty mole eyes, melting blinds, and vengeful social workers…not even all that can stop me from moving forward with our dream. And one day we will be totally unpacked and can work on the other dreams we want…like I dream of seeing my other son and sweetpea, of learning sign language since I am hearing impaired, of doing my artwork again, of learning to play the drums (son says please can this wait til he has an out building for the drums..*giggling*), of finishing my novel, of planting my seeds, of having grass in my yard, and all the other dreams swirling through my head. For, in spite of those that knock me down..I got news for them…this hinny is part dupont and part goodyear and like the phoenix rising from the ashes…I bounce back.

And now, some pictures from our visit with the guys at the motel. Sure do miss them and miss breakfast with them. And most of all miss seeing my mountains up close.

And while we were there, these drove up. Oh, now that is a dream too. I love these old cars.

And last but not least, my mountains. People say about Rome, Italy…”oh Roma my Roma”….I say  ”oh mountains my mountains.”  :) So here are my mountains and below that the moon at supper time out my back door. looks almost like a face, does it not?

Visualizing the Dream

It has been a long nite and while I was laying here watching over my sick Jack, I started thinking about this time last year and what we were doing. We were finishing up all the remodeling on the house to help it sell in a market that is down in the bottom dregs of selling. And it worked. We sold our house at a loss but still higher than what other houses in the neighborhood were selling for.

And here we are, finally where we were visualizing ourselves. Many thought we were crazy to buy this house for it needed and still needs so much work. But we had something that people don’t do much of anymore….we had visualization. We could visualize this:

As this:

This was visualizing in living color. Our dreams should be like that ….like a 3D, full color, panoramic visualized movie. I dreamed this dream over and over and over. When we started planning to move to Colorado, we ate, lived and walked this dream a thousand times before we got here. I had a mural on my bedroom wall that I gazed at every time I laid on the bed and dreamed of being at my mountains.  Slowly but surely we are making things into our dream but some dreams take time. Ours has taken years but we are here and making this dream work.

Our poor jack is sick. We don’t know if it is the water, something he is getting in the fenced in section outside for the people before us had a kennel of about 8 or 9 dogs out there. We have been up for two nights taking care of him and cleaning up where he got sick and shampooing carpets. Thankfully we have a shampoo machine.

Funny the things you find when you have had things packed up for so long. I used to do a lot of artwork..sketched, painted, watercolors. And I found a sketch I did of my Jack. Not the best but is the best I could do. 

Another thing we have discovered in those boxes is that whatever was making me have trouble with my eyes back on the other side of the mountain….like an allergy..is in those boxes too. Whether it is the dust on and/or in them or something else. My eyes are about swollen shut. And add to it the “swamp cooler” as they are called here and has been a rough couple of days and lots of eye drops. Never heard of a swamp cooler?  It is this box that usually sits up on top of the roof and is vented and a water line is run to it and it cools your house down and blows like a cyclone down in the center of whatever room it is in and pushes the hot air out the cracked windows. Yes, you must crack your windows. Right there is a problem for me with the dusty area here and blowing all that in side. But, it is ok..we only use it about once or twice a day in the middle of the afternoons to drop the temp down so the window unit is not working too hard.

Swamp coolers are evaporative coolers. Air is pushed through wet pads and drops the temp. They do roar but they do cool down at least into the eighties which is much nicer than nineties. Here is a link that tells about them. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evaporative_cooler

Son made me two display boxes for my huge Raggedy Ann and Andy dolls. I also have two signed prints of them on the top shelf. I collect other dolls too but am getting rid of a lot of them due to downsizing and keeping only the ones I really love. We are going to paint the boxes glossy white like the book shelves we are putting up in the living room and son’s rooms. And for the astute observer, yes that is Wiley coyote on the top shelf..a very old one.

This is of my puny Jack. He did not even feel like standing up but wanted to carry on a conversation with his dog friend across the field behind us. They truly crack me up. We have had Jack since January 2002 and almost lost him about five times. One time the vet kept him beside her all day in her office, where ever she went because he was about to die on us from ecoli. He made it through. Came home looking like a poodle as they had both front legs shaved for multiple IV’s. He must be part cat for he has made it every time.

And for my friend Sassy, who kept saying “home is where the heart is. you are home”  and I would answer…”home is what you make it. when it is home I will tell you.”   LOL  we had this on going thing until the day came I finally told her  ”we are home”.  ha ha.  So, home is where the heart is?   Must be in my flower-pot huh sassy.   I had to tease her and “NOT” say home for a while cause I knew she would try to convince me. For me, home is where the feeling of soul is. My heart goes to the grocery store, to the library, uptown, downtown..but my soul resides in one place…:)  HOME and we are home.

And a couple of pics taken of the birds and a nest while we were visiting the guys at the Rio Cucharas.

When we drove out here in 2006, the beginning of our dream travels, we went through the reservation when we got past Albuquerque and son got this wooden carved Indian head to hang on the wall. He was so tickled when he unpacked it. It is a life-size face.

And last but not least…my mountains.

Statues, Lawyers and Unpacking

OK, I am officially awaiting my statue to be erected honoring me for now this little town will have better cable and internet. Amazing how much persistence pays off.  Seriously, today is the first day I have stayed on-line all day. OMG…I kept pinching myself to make sure it was real.

Today has been a day so mixed up that we felt like we had been run through a ringer. First the lawyer wakes me up to tell me he will be here between two and three this afternoon to discuss the case. Then  we threw ourselves into cleaning the kitchen and breakfast nook so that it was at least one area that was clean. Oh yes, I am a happy camper with this kitchen counter.  Does this even look like the cluttered, box filled space as last nite?

Son and I both worked to clean up and get ready for him to bring the oak cabinet, which is really a TV cabinet but we wanted it for storage and to put the pink dishes. When things are neat, then I can relax. This is a much smaller house and so we have learned …a place for everything and everything in its place.

When we moved out here, we came through the reservation and stopped at a pottery store there. This is where we found the horse hair pottery and I got each of my son’s a piece. This is the bear piece and the picture does not do it justice.

I had never heard of Horse hair pottery until we were at the reservation but it is so unique and so beautiful.  Here is a website that specializes in Horse Hair pottery

http://www.kachinahouse.com/c-5-horsehair-pottery.aspx

The site says:

” The ancient Indian tribes made this pottery to honor a favorite horse or to celebrate the birth of a horse. It is said that this pottery was first created when a long-haired maiden was removing hot pottery from her kiln and the wind blew her hair onto the hot pot and burned the hair into the pottery. The pottery is poured, fired for a period of time after which it is removed from the kiln, hair from the mane and the tail of a horse are draped on the pottery. The hair creates the dark lines and the smoke from the burning hair creates the cloudy grey areas. The pottery is then returned to the kiln where it finishes firing. When the firing is complete, the pottery is removed from the kiln, etched and spray-glazed.”

I so loved going on the reservation and so many wore their native dress and I could have sat for hours just watching the people and talking to them.

Since our goal is to live simpler, we are cleaning out as we go and carried a van load to the guys at the Rio to plunder through and get what they want and then they can use the rest in their yard sales they have. It was so nice to see them. I miss sitting out there, looking at my mountains and talking to them. The Rio Cucharas is so peaceful like our home is. Here is a couple of pictures showing snow on the mountain tops. We are down lover and it is 57 degrees at nite.

I had to laugh at son yesterday, for he keeps saying…I think this is the end of the yard stuff and statues and then one more box shows up. I love my little yard critters and when we get some grass in there…not the scraggle stuff we have now, it will look so nice. We found our great big pots and I am going to put some tomato plants in there for the summer as we have too much to do and I just can’t see us getting the garden started. They used fill dirt to make these levels and it is rocky dirt and not good growing dirt.

I wondered about the ancestors as they plowed to get their crops growing, pushing that plow behind the mule. Was it this rocky for them?  We hope before next planting season to have a dump truck load of top soil brought in and son wants to build raised beds to grow our vegetables in.

Anyway, the umbrella was found for the little boy and girl fountain statue, and all the other little cute critters are put out in the yard. Missing that I can remember is a concrete duck with babies. Also son got up all the chimes, the humming-bird feeder and got all the pots out. Below are pictures of all my critters. Just pretend there is nice green grass. Ha ha  We also have already growing a huge gourd plant on the side of the house at son’s end. The previous owner must have grown them and they come back wild. And I found all my angels for the yard that go in pots and on the table. I do believe in angels.

For some reason, Jack has become attached to the concrete turtle by the butterfly bush. That is where he likes to lay now and he runs straight out to it when he goes outside. I don’t know if he thinks it is real or what. It is so cute.

My frogs

My garden fairy

My hillbilly girl

St. Francis with the bunnies and bear feeder.

My big flower pots and my swan.

Son putting up the hummingbird feeder and the chimes. We now have this melodic symphony of sounds in our back yard. I love it.

My antique chimes. Found these at an estate sale.

And the most exciting thing for me today, was seeing the dining room begin to come together. Hopefully tomorrow the boxes on the dinner table and under the bar will be gone and the whole thing will be set up.

And last, but definitely not least…the lawyer came today to set up the plan for the phone conference hearing next Wednesday. This will be a first for me but he seemed to think we would have no problems. I hope so. I am ready for this to be resolved. Now that is a dream all its own.

So, it has been a full day, with lots going on and one of much accomplishment. I love watching this dream unfold. It is a lot of hard work but work done with so much love that this house just has an aura about it that is one of peace in spite of all the clutter right now. And now it is three in the morning and I am ready to sleep again. Our goal is to work inside this house today and not haul anymore over until what is here is put up.

So, I lay here listening to the fan humming, to jack snoring and to the chimes making their little melodic sounds and can almost hear the street caller shout out  ”three AM and all is well.”