Someone sent me a beautiful card today and it had a huge tree with the big roots and then smaller roots coming out from that. The rest of the card, because it was animated, showed spring in bloom and all and made me smile. But, it also made me think of life and how we deal with life.
When we are trying to change our lives and grow, we move away from things as we learn. Sometimes we think we are getting away from something that is a problem but all we have done is chop off the smaller roots. And the problem grows back in a different way and is there again before we realize it.
We have all heard the expression “you must get to the root of the problem”. I think that is because “root” is a very descriptive word for problems. Roots twist and turn and pop up here and there and sometimes roots can grow underground (inside) and not show up for a long time and then suddenly you have an infestation of something that you keep trying to pull the roots out but can not find the core root to handle it.
Sometimes we hold on to the roots with one hand while walking away telling ourselves we are fixing the problem with the other. It is sort of like the toddler who will walk with his hand on the furniture. He can walk beautifully but is afraid to let go and walk on his own for fear her will fall. And the truth is, he will probably fall many times before he walks strongly alone. We are that way. We hold on to the root whether it is other people, fears, crutches like alcohol or drugs, old resentments, things from the past….whatever it is because for some strange reason familiarity brings us comfort even when it is bad for us.
When we are trying to grow things in our lives, the roots are good things to remember. We must remember to pull out the root of the things holding us back and causing us harm by totally chopping it off. And we must remember to water and make grow the good things we want growing in our lives so that they flourish. Some things block the sunshine from our lives and block the “rain” needed to make us grow as a person. And the things we hold on to that we know are not really good, hold us back and keep us from blooming and from finding peace. We have to let go of those things totally and if we fall, then we fall and we get back up again and go again.
And when you fall, if you want to fly……………………..you must let go of what is weighing you down! And to do that you must find the root of what is holding you down.
image from http://tinybuddha.com
I love when friends take me with them when they go somewhere. For someone who stays at home 95 percent of the time, being able to go places even if it is by internet or video is a wonderful experience. My dear friend sent me this and said she hoped that it helped me in times of pain…which it surely will. I could stare and feel myself dipping my feet into that water and throwing bread crumbs to those seagulls.
So grab your swimsuits, put on your shorts and take off your shoes and lets all go to the beach.
Never underestimate the joy you can bring to someone who is disabled or shut in. A video, a card, talking to them, visiting them all mean the world. Thanks to Sassy for this wonderful video.
image by turnbacktogod.com
Choice…..what a powerful thing. We wake up every morning and we have a day’s worth of choices before us. We choose what to wear, what to eat, where to go, what to do, whether to talk on the phone, take a shower, fix our hair, drive the car, clean the house, go outside…..our whole life is filled with choices. And that gives us power.
Choices are not just about what we physically do. They are also about what we do emotionally…about how we face the day…about whether we are honest or not….about how we love or don’t love….about whether we are happy or not….about whether to fight or not. So many choices and it is a power that can be awesome if we utilize it.
image from spiritually-true.com
Choice is only powerful if we use it though. Many will give up their power and their right to choose simply by just not using it. Comments will be made about how strong this or that person is and they wish they could be like them but they do not make the steps to choose….to take control of their lives. We can either live by choice or live by chance and that is a choice too. If we choose not to do anything we are still choosing.
I wake up each morning….whether it is good or bad and make a conscious choice to find joy, to count my blessings and to put a smile on my face. Some mornings may take longer until the pain subsides just a little but even with pain….I make the same choice. It is my choice and my way of dealing with the pain. If it is a bad morning, I take my meds and then I lay here and look at inspiring videos on the internet or turn on music to lift me up or just meditate. It is a choice to take control of my day.
image from http://www.zazzle.com/semas87
Making choices is not always easy for some people. Some people can not answer the question “where do you want to go eat?” I think this is because they fear making a wrong choice. We will make wrong choices all the time. Everyone does and so we can not sit and not make any choices about our lives just because we are afraid it will be a bad choice. If you make a bad choice, then correct it if you can, live with it if you can’t and learn from it. Does not make you a bad person to make a wrong choice. What you do about it is what is important. When we do that, it takes away our right to complain about the outcome for we made the choice to “make no choice” and so someone else did it for us. Some do not make choices because they want someone to make all these decisions for them…to take care of them. What happens is someone may do it for a while but then after a while, people will get tired of making decisions for another and they will start to resent that a person does not make their own choices. You deserve to choose and to have things in your life that you want. And if you do not do it now then you are wasting each day that you can never get back and choose for yourself.
“Remember the past, plan for the future, but live for today, because yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come.”
~ Luke ~
Make choices…..it is empowering. Sometimes we make wrong choices and so we then go back and try to correct them and then learn from the wrong choice. It is ok. Just make the decision to CHOOSE what you want in life.
- It’s Your Choice~ (workthedream.wordpress.com)
- We each make a choice (abeautifulrainyday.wordpress.com)
- Choices, choices, it’s all about choices (lifeacousticandamplified.wordpress.com)
- The Power of Choice (oceanofconsciousnes.com)
- Choices (zachner.me)
- Choice: Things I wish I would have known when I was fifteen. (janelleevans.wordpress.com)
- What’s your choice? (lexiacherryrelationshipcoach.wordpress.com)
- Manifesto of Choice: Grocery Store Freedom (chakralivingroomaz.com)
Some days don’t go as well as others but I think if we can find something to focus on that makes us smile, then it is a lot easier. The past week has been rough for me and today was particularly rough. Over a week ago I fell. If you can get this visual. I was walking..with forearm crutches…towards my door. I was beside the wall and in front of me on the right is the door and a long grab bar. Suddenly, I stumble and start falling. Well, the forearm crutches kept me upright, so my body was falling but my feet not moving. I managed to grab the grab bar as I went down and held on for dear life. It twisted my arm backwards and the crutches twisted my back and arms in another direction and took son helping me up and to the bed It took me three days to get out of the bed after that.
I thought I was getting over it because I am just determined to keep going only the symptoms were not going away. They were getting worse….bad headache, neck killing me, shoulder and arm hurting on right side, back and hip hurting and making walking hard, sharp pains in feet, bladder issues. I realized this is why I have not been sleeping good. The pain was just enough on top of my normal pain to keep me from going to sleep. But, last two days I was dropping things with my right hand and I could not touch my neck with my right hand. And my right foot did not want to go where I wanted it to go worse than normal. My leg would give way. But, when I tried to put medicine on a place on my neck, and my hand would not control enough to touch my neck without my other hand guiding it….I knew I was in trouble.
So, we called the doctor today and they said to go to the ER right away. So, we went and son and I gave them all the issues and showed them what my hand was doing and they, like the doctor, were concerned I might have ruptured a disc or fractured a vertebrae. Next thing I know, they are strapping this to my ankle:
See, we have a trauma unit at our hospital and if necessary, since this is a small town..very small town of less than 4000 people, they can air lift to Colorado Springs or Denver. They strap this orange band on your ankle if they think they might have to airlift you. This was a first for me. Son joked and said “well, at least it is not a toe tag Mom”. Meanwhile, son was having visions of me racing down the drive in my hospital gown on my forearm crutches and the doctors and nurses trying to catch me to get me on the helicopter.
And so, two CAT scans later, the good news is I did not break anything or fracture anything. I do have nerve impingement at my neck affecting my right arm and hand and in my lumbar region affecting my right leg. We discussed solutions from surgery to trying PT to see if it would help restore some of the strength and control that I have lost. So, I am home, on my bed and awaiting my doctor to call and tell me what they want to do. And the bad news was…the tumors are still there in the kidneys. I was really hoping they had just disappeared. So, all in all, not the best of days.
So, I did what I normally do when confronted with a big ole mountain. I find something to change my focus and that was to get son to take some pictures I could look at and could put on the blog. First off is my baby…Wonder Dog without his cape. He is not too happy as we are washing it. Now, how could I not smile looking at that sweet face. He was so funny. It started thundering and he got up under my bed. When it was all over, I leaned over to look at him, and he had pulled open the box with the old bills in it and was eating them. Son cracked up and called him a billy-goat.
And of course he brought me bird pictures. I love my birds. I saw one at the hospital that looked like a crow but was black and white. I tried so hard to get a picture but missed it. I did find a picture in Wikipedia and it is a black-billed Magpie and looks like the picture below. They are so pretty to me and out near the State Park. I hope I can go look and take pictures again soon now that the birds are coming back.:
And then son took pictures of the birds here. I can’t wait til the bright green headed birds come back. I really enjoy the birds. I used to be able to have them land right beside me when we lived back east but have not been able to be out with them here like I was back in 2006.
Those are some black clouds we had and yet this weekend is callling for snow again. Spring in Colorado….especially southern Colorado. We are still having thunder storms and I am so proud for the rain. Son ran out and put the grass seed down as soon as we got home because they said the first rain would make this kind of seeds sprout. I hope so.
And of course, nothing makes me feel better than my mountains. They are so rugged and strong and stand so tall in their stark way. So, between the pictures, my Jack, my son and of course the wonderful supper he cooked, my not so good day has had many wonderful moments.
I have followed this story since shortly after the birth if their baby. Katie and Bill Majestic have been fighting the battle of their lives. I think sometimes there comes a point when we know the medical is not going to provide all we need and prayers for divine intervention are what is needed.
This is the write-up about them on their Caring Bridge page:
Katie is no longer in a coma but her daily battle to get better and her husband’s dedication to her and to raising their son will inspire you. I have never met these people but they inspire me to keep going each day and make me realize that if I just look ….there is always someone struggling harder than me.
I can not imagine going into the hospital for what should be the happiest moment of my life….having a child and having such a drastic thing happen. Bill Majeski’s faith and dedication and hope for things to finally get better will give you a lift and show that we can never give up when life gives us a mountain to climb…..even when the mountain seems impossible. An Katie’s battle through all the health issues that keep hitting is inspirational.
You can read about their story here:
And you can see the wonderful pictures of Katie and her son who is now two. And if you are a prayer person or a person who meditates or sends good energies, I hope you will for this couple surely needs them as their battle is forward two steps back three at times.
I know they inspire me and make me realize that even on today when things are rough for me that I am not the only one that is dealing with tough times.
I was thinking today about how life seemed like a movie…..you know, you are driving down the road and the music is playing and it feels like a scene from a movie. Life makes beautiful movies of family times, holidays, births, deaths, parties….life the way it is…real life. And then I wondered, when did my movie go from a movie reel to a slide show? That is what living with a chronic illness does…living with a disability. It slows our movie real down until it is one clip at a time….one piece of life at a time.
I can remember looking at the old reel home movies in black and white. What memories on these reels. And yet, if you slowed the movie down to one clip at a time…one slide at a time…it was still the same movie…just a little slower and a few of the slides left off.
image from http://lovetexts.tumblr.com
Our movie reel turns into a slide show. Sometimes that slide show is on pause while we recuperate. Some times we rewind trying to redo a moment where we were feeling so bad and couldn’t enjoy the moment like we wanted. And sometimes we try to fast forward that slide show trying to see what the future is bringing. Sometimes we only get a picture…one slide and sometimes the whole case comes flying at us and we can’t grasp it all.
image from yourlifeyourway.net
Or a Single Picture.
We still have life. It just flows differently than it does for a person who is not dealing with chronic health or disabilities. We learn to do things differently. We learn to take life in bites and sometimes just a bite. And the beauty is, because it slows us down, we get to see and appreciate life in a totally different way than most. We are not rushing through from one thing to the other because we can’t rush through life. We are looking at the trees while many are looking at the forest zooming by and missing the trees. The key is learning not to resent being slowed down so that you can enjoy life one bite at a time.
“How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. We all know the saying, but we often fail to apply this lesson in our lives. If you view the elephant as one giant goal that your whole life depends on, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. Why not enjoy the bites along the way?“
I remember reading once that the first bite we take of food is the best bite……that any bite after did not taste quite as good. Why I love to go to a restaurant that has a buffet. I take my plate and put one bite of a bunch of different things. After reading the elephant quote, I wondered if that is why so many say take life one bite at a time. Do not rush through it. Do not devour it but savor it. Those of us who live with chronic health or disabilities actually have a blessing in that we are forced to take life one bite at a time.
I realized years back that being disabled has nothing to do with living life or having those magical moments. It has to do with what is inside us same as all those that are not disabled or living with a chronic illness. Life is like a recipe and some of us don’t have all the ingredients for the recipe so we must make substitutions. And if we make the right substitutions, the end can be just as wonderful as the original recipe. Life might have closed a door for us but if we are smart, we look for the open door (or window) that opened after the other door closed.
Everyone has things they lose in life. Some of us deal with more but for me…it does not mean my life is any less. No, I can’t run all over town, go to stores or out like I used to but you know what….those things are not as important to me as hugging my Sweetpea or my sons or daughter-in-law or cooking with son here or talking to family or family of choice. Life is whatever I choose it to be. Yes, I have times where the pain is horrible but I choose to not let that pain win and take my joy. Son told me once that it amazed him that I could smile and be in bad pain at the same time. I learned that smile makes the pain easier to bear. I have learned to live in the moment and enjoy each moment that comes my way….to hold on to those that take my breath away.
“One day at a time, this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering.”
No matter if our life is a movie reel or slower and a slide show, it is still our life. I decided that I was in control of my joy and happiness and contentment. Part was learning to accept the changes my health brought and realize that joy and happiness are still here. And part was that I refuse to let something take my joy away….no thing or no person. I am the author of my own biography.
We are all role models, albeit some of us are reluctant ones. We don’t have a choice….it is a matter of fact. So, what kind of role model we are depends on us….depends on how we do even when no one is looking….depends on our character, our honesty, our ethics, our compassion, our caring, our empathy for others, our charity….
WHEN YOU THOUGHT I WASN’T LOOKING
When you thought I wasn’t looking I saw you hang my
first painting on the refrigerator, and I immediately
wanted to paint another one.
When you thought I wasn’t looking I saw you feed the
birds in winter, and I learned that it was good to be kind
When you thought I wasn’t looking I saw you make my
favorite cake for me, and I learned that the little
things can be the special things in life.
When you thought I wasn’t looking I heard you say a
prayer, and I knew that there is a God I could always
talk to, and I learned to trust in Him.
When you thought I wasn’t looking I saw you make a
meal and take it to a friend who was sick, and I
learned that we all have to help take care of each other.
When you thought I wasn’t looking I saw you take care
of our house and everyone in it, and I learned we have
to take care of what we are given.
When you thought I wasn’t looking I saw how you
handled your responsibilities, even when you didn’t
feel good, and I learned that I would have to be
responsible when I grow up.
When you thought I wasn’t looking I saw you hold
the door open for others and heard ‘thank you’ and
‘you’re welcome’, and I learned respect for others.
When you thought I wasn’t looking I saw tears come
from your eyes, and I learned that sometimes things
hurt, but it’s all right to cry.
When you thought I wasn’t looking I saw that you
cared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be..
When you thought I wasn’t looking I learned most of
life’s lessons that I need to know to be a good and
productive person when I grow up.
When you thought I wasn’t looking I looked at you and
wanted to say,’ Thanks for all the things I saw when
you thought I wasn’t looking.
People often tell me that I keep on going and I do. I push hard to keep involved in life and to stay up. It is a way of life for me. This below is such a great quote by Mary Pickford and it was in reference to making mistakes but it also is great for being beaten down by life, by health, by work..whatever.
“If you have made mistakes, even serious ones, there is always another chance for you. What we call failure is not the falling down but the staying down.“
I love what she says. The failure is not in falling down but in staying down. That is a choice too. Whether it is making a mistake…even a serious one and not doing anything to correct it, or it is being beaten down by work or whatever and just staying there and making no effort to get up and go again. The choice is ours and sometimes it is very hard to get up again or to correct the wrongs we did or to not let life or health keep us down. We can’t just lay there and hope it will all go away for it doesn’t. Nor should we place blame on everyone else and avoid the responsibility of our own actions.
“Often, what seems an impossible climb is just a staircase without the steps drawn in.”
I have my moments when I want to pull the cover over my head and tell the world to go away. And I may take a few moments to revel in that feeling. But, I am too much of a fighter to stay down. I may crawl out from under that cover, I may limp back into the world licking my wounds but I just refuse to stay down and I refuse to let my actions lead someone else down the wrong road.
“The rung of a ladder was never meant to rest upon, but only to hold a man’s foot long enough to enable him to put the other somewhat higher.”
~Thomas Henry Huxley~
I had a loved one tell me once why should they get up again….no one cared…no one saw. My response was…”but you should care and you saw and the Creator saw.” We should care more than anyone about how long we keep fighting, about how we correct our mistakes and how we pick ourselves back up again. We can’t depend on others to care for us, to fix our mistakes for us, to lift us up. If they do….that is icing on the cake but we have to care first. We have to do what it takes first.
It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves.
What we do in the hard times, in the times when we know we made a mistake, when we are beaten down or so sick we can barely lift our heads or the pain is etching itself across our bodies shows the real person we are. Have you ever noticed that people in a crisis can suddenly seem to blind you with their inspiring ways? It is easy to be up when things are going good. It is when the things are hard and the problems heavy that we show our true colors. Dare to be great. Dare to be the person who picks themselves up and does what they know they should do. Dare to be the one that says I will not quit now. One of my favorite quotes that my friend Sherry uses often says we should allow our true beauty to show in dark times by allowing the light within us to shine. And if we have that character, that strength, that determination, that honesty….it will shine through.
“People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within.”
Life is not about reaching that destination but about the way we handle the journey on the way there. We will get to the destination sooner or later but how we make that climb back up in life is the important part and it is up to us to do it.
video by hollywoodrecords
Ever read the words to this song? We will have mountains all our life to climb. We will have mistakes to mend and correct. We will have to pick ourselves up over and over. We have to remember that the climb and how we climb it is up to us and is the most important.
Every step I’m taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
Got to keep trying
Got to keep my head held high
There’s always going to be another mountain
I’m always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what?s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb
The struggles I’m facing,
The chances I’m taking
Sometimes they knock me down but
No I’m not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I’m going to remember most yeah
Just got to keep going
I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on, cause
There’s always going to be another mountain
- Comfort foods
- Dreams for the future
- Eating Out
- Etta James
- Female Impersonators
- heart center
- helping others
- Native American
- New Year's Resolution
- Protection from fraud
- Rocky Mountains
- US Military