Just For Humor-Kung Fu Granny

image from www.nocturnalsoldier.org

Now that I have stopped laughing, I have to share this story. I just told it to my dear friend back in FL. Son had gone to town. I am on my hospital bed and I hear a noise and then see a shadow on the ceiling of a person coming towards the kitchen.

All I could think was omg..I am alone and there is someone breaking in my house. So, I eased up to the end of the bed, got my crutch and held on to the wall and eased to the door. Mind you I am on one crutch because I want to use my other hand and foot to scare the intruder.

As the person gets closer, I lunge out the door on one crutch..with my right arm extended in a karate chop and my right foot up about a foot off the ground and holler AYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE YAAAAAAAAAAAA at the person. It was my son and he jumped and said “what the hell are you doing????” and then reaches to steady me as I am swaying on the crutch.

I said I thought you were a burglar. He started laughing and said “and you wonder why I don’t get you a gun”…ROFLMAO…I had to call my friend and tell her because she has been here, she knows me and has seen me and she could truly visualize how funny it was…this wobbly granny going to attack an intruder.

He asked me what I would have done had it been an intruder..I said well they would have either thought they had broken into a crazy woman’s house or fallen down on the floor laughing hysterically and then I could have hit them with my crutch. giggling

Some Days

Some days it can feel like you are in the twilight zone. I was laying here taking a little nap with Daisy laying beside me. I laid my dentures on a napkin on the little side table. I am not sure how long I slept but when I woke up…Daisy was sitting on my chest and looked like this:

I laid there looking at her with big eyes trying to get my brain to go in gear. I thought maybe I was still dreaming and was seeing some alien Daisy or that my meds were messing with me. And then I realized…she had my dentures in her mouth. I was afraid to yell for son. Almost afraid to move but I realized I had to before she broke them with here little teeth. They were laying stacked on top of each other just like when they go in your mouth and that is how she picked them up.

Meanwhile, still thinking I must be delusional or something, I gently got hold of her and took them out of her mouth. And then I started laughing and could not stop and she thought it was funny and started chasing her tail and jumping around. After I got over the silly giggles, I thought..”omg, that was close…and scary too”.  And I took them to the bathroom for a good sterile soak. And now she keeps trying to get my mouth with kisses and I said..ohhh no mam..you are not getting them again….LOL….Some days…I tell ya.

Oh, and someone asked me why I got a dog back in NC…well the reason is..we are southerners and we needed a southern dog so that she would understand when we called  “Daisy Mae, ya’ll come here now..ya hear”   LOL

A Laugh For The Night

Someone shared this with me and I am cracking up. Just listen…..that is all I can say. Just watch the video and listen. I can not believe someone really thinks this. Giggling.  But, you never know. Anyway, it sure did make me laugh.

video by tutufunny4u

Just A Little Humor

I read this on a newspaper site. It was a comment someone made and it cracked me up. It was about the economy and how bad it was. So now, just to make you laugh.

“The economy is so bad that I received two Pre-Declined credit card applications  in the mail today”

I have learned that no matter how bad it gets, if we can still find something to laugh at…life is much easier.

image from hartlandhighschool.us

 

Don’t No Nuffin

I told my son that I wanted one of these.  He laughed and said “only you mom”  and then said  “ok ok..santa is listening”   ROFLMAO

They reflect stars all over your ceiling and go off after twenty minutes. I thought..how cool and something to reflect on while trying to go to sleep.

I am so miserable that trying to psyche myself up has me giddy. I forgot to tell you all about the bathroom today….where the toilet kept flushing by itself and the air hand dryer kept going off and sounding like a turbo jet. I think I must have an electrical field around me that does this. I opened the door for son to get the oxygen tank and everything was going off at once and he just started laughing. Ok..am gonna try to turn all the lights out and see if I can sleep. I need it desperately. If not..I am coming back with a plate of cheese to go with my whine. LOL

I know, I will pretend to be Scarlet and say  “oh there is always tomorrow. after all tomorrow is another day”  but would be my luck Rhett would jump in and say  “personally my dear…I don’t give a dam”   or worse yet Prissy calling out “I don’t no nuffin bout no tomorrow I tell you”.   Who needs TV…I can entertain myself…giggling.  See I told you all that I was slap happy from being so tired and hurting so much.

All I need now is Jack’s Count Dracula on my bed talking to me “I’ve come to suck your blood”  and that will finish me off. LOL.   Good thing he is back there sleeping in son’s room.  Nite all…as you can see..I am hanging in there. “don’t listen to her. she don’t no nuffin about no hanging in there”   ….giggling….nite.

Terrorized By The Electronic Paper Towel Dispenser

I usually do not take people into the bathroom with me, but in this case, you all must go so you understand. We were at the hospital building and as is normal for me, I did a bathroom stop before going up to the fourth floor where the doctor’s office was.

Son was carrying my big oxygen tank in the canvas bag and like he always does, he stepped into the ladies restroom after I walked in and propped it against the wall near the commode. This was a small bathroom made for one person.

After he left, I looked around and there was a sink with the electronic paper towel dispenser beside it and then the commode next to the wall. I sat down and no sooner had I done that then I heard this sound and whipped my head around….URRRRRRRRRRR.

It was the paper towel dispenser and about a foot of paper had come out of it. I thought, ok, maybe I bumped it or something. I turned my head back and heard URRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR again. I whipped my head around again and looked and another foot of paper had come out. I kept looking over my shoulder like a boogie man was there and nothing happened to I turned around again.

And there it was again  URRRRRRRRRRRRRR  and another foot of paper came out. EEEEEK.  I felt like the machine was coming after me. Three feet of paper was out and before I could do anything URRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR  and another foot came out. I ripped it off and threw it in the sink.

Everything was quiet for a few minutes and URRRRRRRRRRRRRRR  and here came another foot of paper. I started talking to it telling it to stop it and asking it what it wanted. Who knows..maybe it was an alien paper towel machine sent to earth to mummify us all with paper.

URRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ..a foot of paper  …I literally jumped and whipped my head around and yelled. “stop it!”  about that time son has his face at the crack of the door saying “mom, who are you talking to?  Are you all right?”  URRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR   another foot of paper…I said “the paper machine is attacking me” and he said “what????”    URRRRRRRRRRRRR  and then URRRRRRRRRRRR and then URRRRRRRRRRRRRRR  and three more feet of paper was out.

By now, I had forgotten why I went in there and had jumped up, straightened my clothes and snatched the door open and must have looked like I was running from ghosts. Son caught me by my shoulders and said  “what is wrong with you?”  About that time the paper towel dispenser went URRRRRRRRRRRRRR  ….URRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR…. URRRRRRRRRRRRRR… URRRRRRRRRRR and four more feet of paper was out and it was dragging the floor.

I was looking at son with eyes the size of saucers and he looked at me and said…let’s go to the restroom upstairs. He grabbed my oxygen tank and we headed off. I told him “fine, but if that machine starts coming after me like this one, I am outta here.

This And That

First, if I disappear on the blog, we are changing over to a new satellite company (Dish) with the best specials going on right now and our old cable company (who increased the bill by forty dollars a month) may disconnect before they connect and we may be off a few days. Our bill with Dish will be less than our cable company was before they went up. Hopefully, this will not happen as Dish is coming on the 7th and the 11th to connect all and we hope we will still be connected to the cable til then. But, if we do disappear, rest assured I am fine.

I love my auto insurance. Allstate rocks!! The other day a rock put a dime size hole in the windshield and it will fix it for free. FREE.  Now how awesome is that. And they are coming to our house to fix it. We have been so blessed by so many things. Our deductible has also dropped from 500 to 200. By the way, if you all do not use a vehicle for work, make sure you tell your insurance company that it is not a business vehicle and used for pleasure only. It dropped our insurance rate considerably.

I am still banged and bruised but I am getting better. I make myself get up so many times a day and with son’s help, walk around a little on my crutches to keep the muscles from tightening up too much or losing them. The extreme all over pain has subsided some and now I feel specific areas like my wrist, my knee, my head, my foot and my back.  It will just take time for those areas to get over the trauma of falling. I have bruises like below all over me and a lump on top of my head. Good thing I am hard-headed, huh.   I have decided I just need new songs like ♫♫I see that floor a coming, it’s zoomin up to me♫♫  and ♫♫I fought the floor and the floor won♫♫.   At this rate, I could make an album. LOL  Hopefully I can manage to stay on my feet for a while and give this poor old body a rest.

I love teasing son when people say “Oh wow, how did you get all those bruises??”  and I reply things like “well, son took me sky diving and I banged it when we hit the ground”  or “well, when son took me motorcycle riding, we hit some branches and that did it”.  And I say it so seriously and their faces are hilarious. Then I have to laugh. But son is even funnier. He gets this funny look and says “would you stop telling people that! Someone is going to believe I am really taking my disabled and fragile mother out sky diving!”   I just start laughing. Of course now he will be looking for something to get me back with. *giggling*

And here is the doll I won. I hope it comes soon. He is so cute. Like I said before, he is the size of a newborn baby, weighs about the same as a newborn and the skin and face and stuff feel so real. They are called “Reborn Dolls”. I think he is adorable and can not wait to just open that box and see all the extras that came with him. I have to think of a name for him too. They look so real to me, even their expressions.

Seems like so many good things have happened lately and will be happening in the very near future. All I can say is Thank you God for I know all the good things come from him.

I taught son how to defrost the upright freezer today the fast way. That was so funny to watch but now it is all defrosted and all the food back in there all nice and neat.

Hope everyone has a great weekend.

Am Just Not Into Spring Cleaning This Year

Ok, this is what I told son we should start doing for spring cleaning since I am just not into it. I can think of better things I want to do.

1. Bring in the leaf blower and just blow the house out.

2. Sweep up any broken figurines, etc and put them in a box. Will be good for my manual dexterity to sort all the pieces and glue them back together again.

3. Cut off all the long pants into shorts for the summer. That way more will go in the wash and takes less loads to wash all the clothes up. If it turns a cold snap like Colorado is prone to do, we can always use duct tape to tape the legs back on.

4. Let the bird loose and chase her from corner to corner so that she knocks down all those spider webs. Of course then you will have to go back and clean up all the bird poop which on our carpet will be hard to find…so no one will know anyway.

5. Hang all the blankets on the bushes and let the wind blow the dirt out. And chasing the deer with the blankets on their antlers will count as the exercise the doctor asked you to do.

6. Strap the swifter pads to your shoes and you can clean the wood floor while you are walking around.

7. Put all the dishes in his bathtub and by the time you takes a few showers they will be clean.

8.  Cook all the food in the freezer and while it is cooking, you can defrost the freezer so it will be all cleaned out for the cooked food.That way you have a clean freezer and can just microwave dinner for the next few months.

And  to save money, since this headache I have had since I fell a month ago has not gone away….I decided to name it Bud and put him on my income tax form for the year. Might as well get some benefit from him. I named him Bud cause he is a pain in the neck, too. (sorry any men folks…just teasing.

And that should just about cover the spring cleaning, don’t ya think?     I am so thankful spring cleaning is not like it used to be with our ancestors, dragging carpets out and beating them with a rug beater. Can you imagine the hard work they did to clean up after a long winter?

And on a more serious note…do not forget to spring clean yourself…and your brain. Clean out all those negative thoughts and emotions and burn them in the ash tray or put them on a balloon and release them. Clean out the anger, hatred, jealousy, hurt, sadness and let it go and start anew, just like we try to do with spring cleaning. It will lift you up and brighten your world. Forgive those that have hurt you, made you angry, deceived you or left you. Forgive for yourself…not for them.  Forgive so our heart can move on. And clean out what I call those race car thought..that keep going around and around and around in your heads making you do the what if’s and why’s and all those emotions that are wasted energy. We can not change the past and we can not predict the future…all we can do is live today and try to live with as much peace and joy as we can find.

image from http://www.lionhearteagle.blogspot.com

Jack and the Nail Trimmer

By now, most of you know Jack and his wonderful quirky personality. Today was his day to go to the nail trimmer.  Son thought Jack would be just fine since he had been once before. So, they left with Jack all excited to take a ride. Now, remember….Jack is a 100 pound dog. Son says they get to the nail trimmer and he gets Jack out of the kennel and down on the ground. They walked up the side-walk to go into the groomers’ shop and he said Jack slowed down and peeked in.

Now, I had to laugh..as son calls me about ten minutes after this and said “Mom…Jack gave me some problems at the groomers.”  When I asked him what happened, I could hear him laughing. He said Jack peeked in, backed up and refused to go in. Son said he tried everything, including getting a treat. Nothing worked.So, son had to pick up Jack and carry him into the groomers’ office. I would love to have a picture to show you but I wasn’t there. But, I can show you a picture of about what it looked like. I found this on Google.

image from https://plus.google.com/112787861052425659995/posts/dtuk2xzTQnq

Son said as he walked through the door, Jack put his front paws on the door frame and son had to wrestle him in the door. The ladies in the shop are just standing there watching him and smiling.

 Son told me when he got home, that to make matters worse, he had to sit on the floor with his legs out and sit Jack in his lap facing him and put Jack tummy to tummy with him with all four of Jacks legs under Son’s arms and the paws sticking out the back. Are ya visualizing this?  LOL  and then the lady went behind him and trimmed and ground Jack’s nails. He said when they were all done, the lady offered Jack a treat and he said Jack gave her this look:

We call this Jack’s  “whatcha talking about WIllis” look.

Tagged and Having a Little Fun

Nenskei tagged me! hugs

Let’s start to rock and roll bloggers   Ok, I am up for a little fun. So, let me see what I can do. hahaha

Rules:

1. You must post the rules.
2. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post and then create eleven new questions to ask the people you’ve tagged.
3. Tag eleven people and link to them on your post.
4. Let them know you’ve tagged them!

Nenskei questions

1. Exotic food you ate or you want to eat?  Well, I at snails once in a fancy Ft. Lauderdale restaurant and I have to tell you…that were yukkie. I told the waiter that we had these back where I came from only we called them slugs.  I would just as soon eat a dupont tire. They were rubbery.

image from efcollegebreak.typepad.com

2. Worst food you ever taste?  liver and onions…OHHHHH Gross. We were made to eat this when kids and I hated it so I would put it in my mouth and then spit it into the bottom of my milk. I cleared the table so I always dumped my milk down the toilet.

image from www.democraticunderground.com

3. Have u experience doing pee in your pants? (No. Don’t think back in your child days )   well once they said I was incontinent…no wait wait…I think that was they thought I was incompetent.  LOL

image from www.organic-mama.ca

4. What animal you are?  OHHH Eagle…soaring over mountain tops

image from www.baldeagleinfo.com

5. Where you last standing?  propped on my crutches looking out the sliding glass door for the deer.

image from www.nature.desktopnexus.com

6. Biggest dream back you’re still a kid?  To have a huge farm in the country and make a home for many children that have no parents…even as a child I wanted this.  I think I was inspired by “Little Men”

image from www.kidsdunia.blogspot.com

7. Winnie the Pooh or Tweety Bird?  Tweety bird for sure.

image from www.petcaretips.net

8. Which you prefer to hug, Sun or Moon?    oh the Moon…any time

image from www.candlefind.com

9. Decisions you made where everybody gain from it except of you?  Well, to be honest, I think all decisions everyone gains from for even if we get nothing in return, we gain in knowledge and wisdom.

10. There’s a river, will you cross it?  Oh yes….just to see what is on the other side.

image from www.wikipedia.org

11. What one question you are gonna ask me?  What makes you smile?

Tagged ‘em:

Cee at  http://ceeslifephotographyblog.wordpress.com/

Sherry at http://drses.wordpress.com/

Etan at http://lettersfromthewasteland.com/

Jen at http://jenmaaninamman.com

Lady Barefoot Baroness at http://tonij.wordpress.com/

Bethylicious at bethylicious.wordpress.com

Elizabeth at http://letitbelovely.com

Ray at http://novicejournal.wordpress.com

Ammon at http://slightlyinsightful.com

Kirsty at  http://flashingformoney.wordpress.com

Jueseppi at http://theobamacrat.com

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