Middle Of The Night Ramblings

I figured I would be up tonight after my trip out to the tiny church but that is ok for it was worth it to me and I would do it again. I am still feeling the joy of having gotten to go today. So, while I am trying to tone my pain down, I thought I would just ramble a bit. Below is a picture of my Saint Francis statue right beside the patio. Those are mixed sunflowers planted beside him. I can not wait to see them bloom. And in the pot is a blooming vine that I am looking forward to seeing get blooms on it. It is supposed to have red flowers that grow on this vine. But, anyway…the picture is a very relaxing picure to me and brings serenity and that helps with pain.

I was laying here thinking about dreams and about a friend of mine that told me she was too old to dream anymore and she is younger than me. I do not think there is an age limit on dreaming.  We might have a time limit (just kidding) but I think we can dream up until the day we leave this world.

I believe sometimes we set these ridiculous “rules” in place that I often wonder who made them. I remember when my children were little my father telling my son that little boys did not play with dolls. Meanwhile, three feet from him was his female cousin who was playing with the “boys” trucks. So, who set that rule?  Why not let little boys play with dolls? It might make them more in tune to children when they decide to have some.

Another one I was told when I turned thirty by a cousin was that once you were thirty you were not supposed to wear pants anymore…you were a mature lady. Ok, maybe I was the rebel growing up…and I am still growing up by the way…but who said we do not wear pants anymore and must wear a dress all the time? Sounded like another one of those dumb rules to me and of course I put on pants just to spite it too.

I got teased because I love dolls even now and have them in my room. Did you know I am too big to play with dolls?  Goodness, I did not. I just knew I got enjoyment of seeing them and putting them in different outfits to brighten my room. Wow, who made that rule? Well, guess they will be mad when they find out a friend sent me a girl reborn doll and it is due here tomorrow. Reborn dolls look and feel like a real baby. It is amazing. And when my pain is screaming, my reborn doll is a wonderful visualization tool to help me get through it. I hold him…Gabriel…and I sit and close my eyes and rock in the recliner and visualize the days when my boys were little or my Sweetpea and I rocked them. It takes me away from the pain and brings me joy. Guess the creator of the rule that says once you get my age you should not play with dolls never thought of that one, huh.

Now here are some “rules” that I can live by. They are not really rules but great quotes that lead the way for us if we allow them. Life is too short to be bogged down with senseless rules but too precious not to use wisdom along the way.

This first one is so true. It does not say do not depend at all. It says do not depend too much on others in this world. I have seen people become dependent emotionally on others and then when the times come where others are busy and they can not find anyone to come to help them through their emotional crisis, they become almost hysterical. I am proud of the friends and loved ones I have but I also am proud of the brain I have and that I can think and I can decide things on my own. We have to learn to self soothe ourselves for there will always be times when people are busy or not home and we have to deal with a crisis and if we do not know how to soothe ourselves so that we can handle it, then it will always be a traumatic experience.  People are human. They will always let us down at one time or another…not because they do not care but just because they ARE human.

I truly believe that life gives us back what we put into it. If we are kind and loving, then it will come back to us. If we are bitter and full of angst, that will come back too. I think if we stop before we spout off anything in anger or do anything in anger and make ourselves say one good thing…then it can set the tone for our day and we will find that saying ugly things are not really necessary.

I remember a friend from many years ago called zigi. She was a precious girl of about 17 but an old soul. She died young from her body being exposed to drugs too long. She had cleaned herself up and was living a wonderful life with a baby and husband but her past came back to haunt her and her kidneys failed.

When people would tell her how sweet she was or how kind, she would tell them that what they saw in her was what they were giving out. Now, I do not mean that syrupy fake sweet that some people do but the real genuine sweet…the kind of sweetness and kind heart that is authentic. Many did not get that. Those of us that thought she was sweet and loving were sweet and loving people. Those that did not like her and thought she was something else, they saw what was in their own hearts.

I believe life is too short to let all the garbage take over our lives. We have to pick what is the best and what is the most important. And once you discover that, then work towards that. From experience, I can tell you that life can change in the blink of an eye. I look back to when I first started getting sick…in my thirties. I was young and thought like so many do at that age, that we are invincible. What I learned young was that there are no guarantees in life and if you want to do this or that, then you better start trying it while you have the time.

Love from the depths of your heart. Yes, you may get hurt but the joy you feel while you are loving should make up for it. I told a friend once that was divorcing after twenty years and she wanted to wipe it all out to remember..that there were good moments in that twenty years. There were happy moments, moments of sharing and loving.  Do not turn them all into hate and anger. Take the good and cherish it. Just because you can not get along now does not mean that you must hate ever minute of the twenty years you had….or however many years.

Love, forgive…others and yourself, laugh, share, reach out, do for others, reach for your dreams no matter your age and most of all live with honesty and integrity. For if you do that…then you can face anything. All it takes is believing..in yourself.

Our Moral Compass

Oh, I think Facebook people would find this good with all the scams and games that go on there.  There are a lot of takers on the internet and seems to be quite a few people who are gullible and do not even bother checking to see if something is true or not before they open their wallets. One thing I have learned from Facebook is that people are not always what they seem.

image from https://www.facebook.com/wisdomquotes

Now, I have some really good people I met on the internet that I trust with my life. And then, there are those that I have believed in and yes I have been gullible and gotten used. But, it was a lesson learned. Someone the other day was talking about a person they knew and said “you know, they are just too nice acting and too sweet to be true”.  You know, the old southern statement “that person is too much sugar for the pound”. My response was that if they really felt that way than to be on guard for the truth will always emerge. We have to learn to use our brains and to ask questions and to think, not be part of the herd. Well, at least I know I do for I do not have that much money to spare.

People who lie start out with that niggling of the conscience saying this is wrong. But, after a while….those that lie begin to believe their own lies and they just continue to lie. They soon deaden the conscience inside of all of us that makes us feel guilty when we lie, cheat, steal or otherwise do something we know is wrong. They are the ones that their whole life becomes a lie because they no longer feel their conscience tell them anything. And the sad thing is that not only are they affecting themselves, they are setting examples for all the people around them that living a lie is ok.

I find that when people are not real and they know you begin to suspect them, they will go to all lengths  to try to prove that they are telling you the truth. Only the acts come out as fake as they did with the scam. And they do not get it that when they tell you a half truth, they have just told you a lie and made it where I for one will not believe anything they say.

Don’t tell half-truths and expect trust when the full truth comes out. Half truths are no better than lies….
Jerose

We were created perfect. We come into this world and all the things that happen through our life shape us. That is not an excuse for those that lie, cheat and steal. It is just staying that how we live affects the person we are. People learn to lie from somewhere. They learn to steal from somewhere and they learn to cheat from somewhere. And after a while, they will convince themselves that this is ok. And they might do alright in this life but when it comes to facing our maker…that is a different story. We were made with good hearts and we should try to keep those good hearts and not follow like sheep down paths that are not honest, ethical and moral.

image from https://www.facebook.com/wisdomquotes

I imagine every generation has had their share of fake people and scams but it seems to be more now than ever and I believe that is because it is so easy on the internet. Every thing from selling babies, to losing my house, to losing my car, to dying, etc is used to get people to feel sympathy and donate to them. And before the internet was so big, the people did it locally but now they can do it nationally and people do not bother to check. That is why the first quote box is so important. It says give but do not be used, love but do not be abused, trust but do not be naive and listen but do not lose your own voice (or brain).

If you live your life with integrity, honesty and morals, then expect those around you to do the same. I grew up hearing that expression that “birds of a feather flock together” and it was not until I got older that I realized that another expression “we are known by the people we associate with” was saying the same thing. If we believe in integrity, honesty and ethics, then we should be hanging around with people who believe like we do. People with similar beliefs and likes tend to hang out together. Those that are big drinkers hang around those that are drinkers. Those that like to party hang around those that like to party. Those that are church goers hang around other church going people. And those that are honest tend to hang around others that are honest. And those that like to play games, lie and deceive tend to hang around others that like to do that too. So, I believe we hang around or associate with those who have the same moral compass as we do.

One rule of thumb to always remember….if people are talking ugly about those you know…you can bet your last dollar they are talking or have talked ugly about you. Those that are not genuine are able to carry it out because they move from group to group and the group they are chummy with today is the very people they were demonizing the days before. Honesty and integrity are an everyday thing for people who are really honest and ethical and so if we come into contact with people who are suddenly our best buddies and they begin making snide remarks about the people they used to hang around with, your antennas should go up and you should begin to recognize that they have no integrity or honesty. Once you become aware, then you will recognize that some of the sugary sweet things they say really have a knife in the middle of the bouquet.

Who Are You When No One Is Looking?

Today I was reading online and read this question…”Who are you when no one is looking?” and thought wow what a mouthful.  Who are we really? Are there things that we do that we will not do in public because we know it is not really the way to be acting?  Do we hide things about us because we know others would not approve? Are we like two different people from public to private? Or are we proud of ourselves both in public and in private and are not embarrassed or ashamed to tell others what we have done?

“Integrity is being honest even when no one else is looking. Integrity is doing the right thing even when no one is around to see you do it. Integrity is doing things the way they should be done, when no one is looking, instead of doing shortcuts. Integrity is being upright, and true to ones beliefs. Its admitting you made a mistake and facing the consequence, even if no one could prove it was you.  It about doing whats right and  all the time, in everything you do, so that at any moment anyone can look at everything you did that day and be proud of what kind of person you are.”

 by Isis

It made me very conscious of what I do all day. While we all make mistakes….I wanted to self analyze what I said and did when no one was around to see if I was deliberately withholding because I knew I should not be doing this or that. Was I as honest in private as I was in public? Was I as nice and caring in private as I was in public?  Did I stretch the truth in public? Did I live up to my faith in private and in public? Did I let others take the blame in public instead of admitting if I did something?  Did I act all sweet and nice in public and different in private? Was I proud of the way I acted in private and in public?  Was I ashamed to tell anyone what I did in private?  Did I hide the real me or things I did because I did not want anyone to know so I would not get in trouble? Did I feel anything in my conscience if I did something I knew I should not?  Or had I successfully deadened my conscience so that I did not feel guilty at anything I did? If I were a TV show like the Truman Show movie and someone could tune in at any time and see me, would I be ashamed of how I acted at any time? Lots of serious thinking was going on.

Have you thought about that. What if someone could see you in private…would you be worried? Or would you say that you did ok…maybe made a mistake or two but you tried hard? Who are you in private?  Some people seem to do ok acting one way in private and another way to the public or friends, but eventually it will catch up.

“No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself, and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be true.”

image from blog.adw.org

I always wondered what make people think they needed to put on a front to the world and hide who they were. As I was reading on this, it finally hit me that the reason is they know how they really act would not be accepted by most people. So, then why not just change? I guess I am naive but to me, it would be a lot simpler to change how they are if it is something they have to hide than to keep playing a game of being one way in public and another in private. I guess that is too simple but I like simple. And I like knowing that if someone walked in on me, they would see the same person as they would see out in public.

“Honest people don’t hide their deeds.”

Emily Bronte-Wuthering Heights

So, who we are in private really goes back to honesty again. Does everything lead back to honesty? I am beginning to think so. I was always told it took a lifetime to build a good reputation and only a minute to destroy it.  So, I guess who we are in private is part of building our character and as long as we keep both the same…then we are showing a true picture of ourselves. 

“Being truthful, even when your friends are not, takes real courage.” Donna B. Forrest

I remember taking a quiz once with questions like this:  “if you walked in to the snack room at work and saw a dollar left on the table where someone had just been sitting when you walked in and they had left…would you pocket it?”, “if you saw someone stealing, would you report them?”  “If you saw people picking on someone, would you go over and stop it?” “If you caught a good friend in a lie, would you tell them?”  Who are you when no one is really watching?

You can build a thousand bridges and with only one loss of integrity, you won’t be remembered as a bridge builder.

I think the reason that keeping who we are in private the same as who we are in public becomes crucial..in other words…not hiding part of ourselves because we know it is wrong….is because someone is always watching and one day…we may think we are in private and someone will overhear or see us and the charade is discovered. Being a person of integrity means in all thing…even the little things and it means not deadening our consciences so that we no longer have the few days of feeling like things are just not right because we did something that we knew was not exactly the honest thing to do.

Is is important to be honest in little things as well as big things.

Living a dishonest life…and that is really what it is when you act one way in public and another in private can become so complicated. For one lie…leads to another lie and another and then a person can not remember what stories they told and what they did not and will get their stories mixed up and it will catch them in the end. Being honest is a lot easier because there are no stories to remember…just the truth. Some people think exaggerating is not lying but it is. It is telling a half truth and “A half Truth is a whole lie. ~ Yiddish Proverb”

image from meganhelstone.com

Sadly, many that live half truth lives…that are different people in public than they are in private…and they do not want the truth to be told.  No matter if a person catches them in the middle of their lies…they will deny the truth and will actually try to continue to prove to you that the lie they have perpetuated in public is true. They would rather live the lie than stand up and say…you know what..I was wrong..this is not true…here is the truth.

Some people will not tolerate such emotional honesty in communication. They would rather defend their dishonesty on the grounds that it might hurt others. Therefore, having rationalized their phoniness into nobility, they settle for superficial relationships. ~ unknown author

I tell people I am me yesterday, today and tomorrow….the same me.  I believe in honesty in all things. Does this mean I never do anything wrong. Of course not. It just means that when I do make mistakes….it is not a deliberate untruth or whatever. It means that I do not deliberately try to present a facade in public that is one way and hide the way I really am and only show it in private. I am the same me today, tomorrow and always. So, who am I in private?  I am the same Deb that I am in public…wacky, funny, loving, happy,, passionate, honest, hardworking…survivor.

But that one sentence in the title sure did make me think a lot and make me do some self-examination. I can remember a time many years ago that I hid who I was because I did not like the person I was. That is when my quest to make integrity and honesty the core of who I am began and I worked hard on it to make sure that I kept me the same day after day and followed my faith and my beliefs whether I was in private or public. And that title..who are you when no one is looking?…instills in me even more the desire to keep integrity a top goal for myself always…no matter how hard it is.

“Integrity is not a conditional word. It doesn’t blow in the wind or change with the weather. It is your inner image of yourself, and if you look in there and see a man who won’t cheat, then you know he never will.”

—John D. MacDonald-

image from findingnew.com

Boxing In Dreams

We all have dreams but the question is….do we box our dreams in and make them unattainable because of fear?  Have you ever noticed the parents who will not let their kids do many things because they are afraid for them to. I do not mean let children run wild but I have seen parents who force kids to color in the lines or not color purple dogs. Are we boxing in their dreams?  Do we Box in our own dreams by squelching the desire to try?  Do we box in our dreams by not working for them ethically or honestly?

“What would life be if we had not courage to attempt anything?”  Van Gogh

I remember my sons outside when they were little, building a ramp and putting on their capes and riding their bicycles off the ramp thinking they would fly.  Or the two by four air plane my son built and threw off the big hill because he thought he knew the way to make a plane fly. Dreams that they had and worked on. I also remember one of my sons when a young teen that dreamed of owning this particular book and he let some boys talk him into stealing it. The book came to haunt him for he knew he was wrong taking it. I had him go back, return the book and apologize to the man he stole it from and to volunteer to clean the parking lot for a month to make up for doing something like that. That lesson on honesty stuck with him. We can mess up our dreams horribly if we are not totally honest and ethical.

 ”Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.” Dale Carnegie

Following your dreams does not always mean that they happen instantly. It took us a year to get to Colorado and it took us five years to reach the destination that we wanted. There were times we felt it was hopeless and times we came close to giving up but something inside just would not let us.

image from www.friendship-thru-music.blogspot.com

Sometimes we box our dreams in with “I can’t do that” or “It will never happen” or “it is too hard” or “that is not how it is done”.  I think that is one reason I admire Julia Child so much. She never gave up and there were times she felt defeated and wanted to. But, what she did was to find a different route to get her dream.  Dreams often take stepping outside the box to reach.

“The worst thing one can do is not to try, to be aware of what one wants and not give in to it, to spend years in silent hurt wondering if something could have materialized-and never knowing.”

David Viscott

How many times have you said “I wish I had tried this or that….or done this or that”?   Said it, but never tried to do it. What makes us hold back?  Worried about failing? Worried about doing something new?  Afraid of the change?  Afraid others will think we are odd or strange? Just pessimistic by nature?  Do we box ourselves in by limitations such as “if we do not do it in a year, we will quit”?  Or, we will only do it if blah blah goes with it?  Or, it cost too much? Or, there is no sense in trying, so and so did it and it did not work?

Shake off the fear and step out and try your dream whether it is dancing, singing, artistic endeavors, traveling, building this or that, running a business, writing a book, doing photography, buying a house or land, remodeling your house, having children…whatever the dream is…step out and try. You will never know until you try.

“You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don’t try.”

Beverly Sills

I just remind myself that no matter what I try, to always do it with honor and integrity for if I do not do it with honor and integrity, the result will not mean the same to us when we are done.

image from dailyquotes2u.tumblr.com

I have learned to listen to my conscience and when it makes me feel like maybe I should not do this…then I should listen.  Even when we try to ignore our conscience, it will keep shouting to us as time goes on and what we think we accomplished, we will realize is not really what our hearts want….if we are true to our hearts. I believe in dreaming big and reaching for the stars and doing it in an honest and ethical way. If I cheat to get my dream, then I am teaching others to cheat.

image from image from thezars.com

Public View and Trust

image from pakiisp.com

Life and people is for me all about trust and I want to be someone people can trust. But, people do view us by those we keep around us. I can remember growing up hearing the phrase that we are known by the company we keep. It took me a long time to understand what this phrase meant.  I may have good moral character but if I want others to know that, then hanging with those of questionable character is not the route to go.

Be yourself. Above all, let who you are, what you are, what you believe, shine through every sentence you write, every piece you finish.

John Jakes

There is a difference in speaking to someone who does not have the moral character we do and being part of that person’s  crowd or being included in their loop. It took me a long time to realize that if you associate or have your name associated with thieves, liars and unethical people….that people will think you also are a thief…a liar…and unethical.  I know that my trust diminishes when I see people associating with those that are unethical and while I may never say anything, my belief in them is cut to the bone.

This above all; to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man. 

William Shakespeare

I had someone say..but I am not that and people should know. And perhaps they should know, but the truth of the matter is, people tend to judge us by the company we keep.  It is human nature. But, even more so…..when we associate online with those of questionable character, it is out there … forever.  It becomes like what we post on the internet….something that can come back and haunt us later in our lives. Employers now look online and read about people who put in job applications and unless we use common sense, it can come back and cause us problems..

I live by my integrity. I believe in honesty in actions and words and nothing turns me off quicker than those that lie, manipulate, deceive, steal, misuse others….  I have watched places on the internet that misused the very ones that were honest and ethical standing by them and courted the ones that talked ugly about them, lied about them and in essence, by courting those that are not of good character….and then wondered why things were not going well.

And then one day, I opened my eyes and said to myself… “we are known by the company we keep” and look at the company these people are keeping. And the sad thing is, I have watched small businesses fail because they kept close the wrong people and did not understand why their business was failing. It is because those that are ethical and honest will no longer affiliate with someone who keeps unethical people around them. but they can not see that.

‘Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it.”

Hardy D. Jackson

Life is too short to spend it on things that are not positive and happy. There is enough sadness, hurt and anger in the world and we can’t stop it all but we can control what we allow in our lives.

image from styledip.com