I am blessed that son got me pictures of this gorgeous sunset. They say that it is like this cause we are at the gateway to the Rockies. Whatever, I love it. I am still having huge problems and exhaustion seems to be the name of the game, so am going to let son upload all the pics and post for me. Hope you enjoy.
Yesterday started my journey into hell of a sorts. I awoke,and laid here just doing my usual as I got into awake mode, stretching a little and looking around. I could see the light from the kitchen when suddenly it was as if my bed had become alive and was violently trying to dislodge me from my place. My body seemed to have a mind of it’s own, as I felt like I was being battered from side to side and falling down a very deep cliff at the speed of a 100 miles an hour.
Never…ever have I experienced something this horrific and I was crying out for someone to please help me. I was grabbing at things trying to stop this ride into hell and finally got myself pulled upright and held on until the world seemed to right itself to a certain extend. I called son on the intercom and he came flying to my room and we decided it was best for me to go to the ER.
While we waited on the van to warm up and for son to scrape the windows, several more times I took the ride from hell and this produced a new symptom…nausea and even vomiting. I was afraid to walk to the van because this was so violent and my body arched and banged from side to side and front to back and felt almost like I was having a seizure. It was hell. I was sure someone had dropped me into hell. And with no ramp yet and no power chair to take outside, I had to slowly make it to the van with son’s help.
We got to the ER and I told them something bad was wrong. Either I was having a stroke or a heart attack or something. My oxygen kept plummeting to the low 80’s and I was having chest pains. While checking me, my bp was like 180 over something. That is all I remember. The doctor started running tests to make sure it was not a heart attack or a stroke…bloodwork, ekg, ultrasound, etc. He also checked to make sure what that it was not the tumors in the kidneys spontaneously hemorrhaging.
The nurse wheeled me to the ultrasound room and while I was on the ultra sound table, as soon as I sat up the ride from hell started again and I was crying out for it to please stop…please stop as my body was violently flung forward, backwards to bang my head on the wall and side to side. And the nurse pushed the button for the doctor and the nurse was immediately by my side holding on to me. By now I felt like I was inhabited by some strange being that was determined to destroy me. Talk about a nightmare of an experience.
I used to think I knew what vertigo was like as I experience the episodes of dizziness, with the room swirling around me and feeling like I am falling on a daily basis and one reason I am on these forearm crutches…the balance issues and I am here to tell you that I apologize to every person that was experiencing severe vertigo for telling them that I knew what they were going through, for I really had no idea the hell they were in. If I had, I would never have told them that for it is like telling a burn victim who has 2/3 of his body burned with 3rd degree burns that I know what they feel like when I have burnt my hand with a third degree burn. My perception of vertigo has changed totally and I have a new found respect for that movie vertigo and the hell that severe vertigo, or as a friend called it “violent motion sickness”, really is. All vertigo is not just vertigo is not just vertigo. There is a drastic difference when you get severe vertigo than when you have “some vertigo.”.
The doctor came in and told me they were going to give me a shot of phenegren and some other medicine to help and that they wanted to do a CAT scan of my brain to make sure nothing nefarious was going on. He also told me that he felt like this sinus issue I was having had entered the inner ear and from there fluid had escaped into the area where my balance center is and had it turned it upside down with this extra fluid. At that point he could have told me I had to eat dried tarantulas and I would have agreed. Anything to stop the hell I was in.
And now a new terror has hit the frontal lobe of my brain and replaced the fear of kidney surgery for me. I am sure some of you remember me talking about how horrific kidney surgery was for me a few years ago and how the pain was so bad and not kept under control that I lost 36 pounds in 32 days because I could not eat. Well, now this descent into the hell of severe vertigo has topped that in my fears.
As I lay here now, on my side, for they said laying on my back or propping up would only make it come on easier, I am trying to type these few words to say thank you to all who came yesterday to read and check on me and to let you know what happened…..and I lay here in fear that it is going to happen yet once again. We are ready. The trash can is right below me with plastic liner for when the vomiting starts, all the medicines are lined up on the table here and I am staying on my side…afraid to move. The doctor said move “very very slowly” for the next couple of weeks to not make the fluid change too rapidly for that is what makes it so bad.
And the baseline is, I was able after a few hours to come home, with several prescriptions for meds like phenegren and meclicine to help the symptoms, meds to try to take care of the congestion so that more does not get into the inner ear and escape in to the balance area of the brain and make it continue on…..and instructions to be as still as possible, to move very very slowly when I get up and other instructions. I was told it could take two weeks to level out and that if it had not, I would need an MRI of the brain to make sure it was not another reason causing this.
And so, I have somehow fallen off the Good Ship Lollipop and landed on Battleship hell and am petrified that each time the Battleship hell hits rough waters that I will be thrown into the hell of felling like I have been thrown off a cliff at 100 miles an hour, with my body being battered back and forth, front and back like a rag doll. Even the television seems to make it bring it on. So, I try to find my Goodyear and Dupont to tackle one more thing.
And while I am waiting, I am keeping an eye out for the Good Year Lollipop cause I want back on. And I have taken a bounty out on this bed that seems to be like in one of those movies with the living linoleum….a living bed and one day, I may have to explain to my social worker why this bed has holes shot in it. But until then, I will lay very still, take all this medicine, ride the ride of hell ad pray that soon it sends. Until then…thank you all again who cared so much to check on me. This puts off for a couple of weeks my surgery but I believe t hings happen for a reason. So until then, I will just try to get over this. And I ask you all to please overlook if there are errors on here as I am too drained to look.
Am still sick but my words to all…after saying Happy New year are…..DARE TO DREAM. Sometimes we can get so caught up in the rutt of life that we lose that joy and spontaneous way about life and it is then we need to shake the dust off our dreams and work for them. They won’t happen if we don’t get out there and work to make them happen.
This past 8 months of blogging has been about our dream to sell the house and move over the mountain and live in a country setting. The buckboard landed in small town USA and we love it. We are on the outskirts of town…takes ten minutes to go across town and people are laid back and easy-going here.
We are still dreaming as we continue to work on our home, on the things we want to achieve and on surviving the health issues. But dream we do. We made it to the base of my mountains and the dreams are still coming and are still coming true….and so can yours.
We hope you have enjoyed the blog and if you have….that you will subscribe and join us daily. It is about the daily life as we work towards our dreams, middle of the night ramblings on life itself, a little humor thrown in and all wrapped up in dreams. Have you found your mountains yet? Maybe they are the beach, or a new home, or a new vehicle, or a family and kids, or to go to school…or maybe as simple as a purple cashmere sweater like Laverne on Laverne and Shirley. Whatever the dream is…get out there and work it…for it won’t come true if you don’t.
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