Wow, woke up with horrible muscle spasms in my legs. This is when I sound like one of the horror movies as I try to walk with crutches and one leg just won’t work. Son says I do the “thump” ”thump” “drag” sound. Once the spasms let go, I can laugh about it. But until then, is no laughing matter.
I kept dreaming a dream of jury duty, Casey Anthony and other trials. Now, I know this trial is a civil case and not a long trial but it sure was a crazy dream time. I was probably as shocked as everyone else with the Casey Anthony outcome but trials of late have me worried about our jury system. I see Juries trying to “make a statement” when their job is to uphold the law and carry out the judicial system. I see Juries who convict because they didn’t like the person got off the time before, even if there were not enough evidence. So, my faith in this system is really low. Perhaps this is why I feel obligated to go down there for jury selection.
Is nice to wake up with a cool house. We got our electric bill from the month of the 5000 BTU air condition and swamp cooler running. It was 250.00. I was not surprised for that little AC would not even shut the compressor off as it could not cool the house. Next month will tell us a lot. But meanwhile, I am where my eyes are clear and I can breathe without struggling so.
I hear Jack over there snoring. He raised his head up once as if to say “Mom, what are you doing” as I thump thump dragged around the room and out into the LR and Kitchen. Waking to such severe pain on the inner thighs is like waking up in hell and you can’t get your brain cleared enough to think. Thank God, I have reflex that helps propel me from the bed and onto the crutches for that is all that will get that part of my spine to release the pressure on those nerves.
I love the quietness of this house. I have learned through the years that there are certain things that accelerate my pain and noise is one. Bright lights and crowds are others. So, the peace in this house as we get it set up is so nice. I actually sat in the recliner in the living room last nite and son and I just talked. A long time coming that was. It is a joy to use all of the house for the first time in years.
And the red headband is still on and I am still in fight to survive mode. Is how I keep rocking and rolling. How I keep from giving up and just quitting. I am too stubborn to just lay back and do nothing. And besides that…there are dreams to work. So, back down for hopefully a couple more hours sleep before that trip to the courthouse and that ride on that magical metal lift up those courthouse steps as they sure are a climb. I know..I did it yesterday..probably the reason for the spasms tonite. And as son says, my guardian angel was right behind me to keep me from falling up or down those brick steps. And they were not even yellow bricks like in the Oz.
Life can go along moving fairly smoothly and then suddenly….everything happens at once. I am to report for jury duty tomorrow. OMG ..me in jury duty. Son took me to check out the courtroom to see if I could even stand to sit there.
Over the mountain, I had a medical release but don’t have time to get one from here from the doctor’s office. They told me not to worry, that with only six jurors on this trial that they could move the chairs to make room for my poor ole legs.
Now, I really do not have what it takes physically to sit all day in a jury box. I do, however, believe being on the jury is a civic duty and an honorable thing to do and something everyone should do. We complain that certain groups are doing this or that but we don’t step up to the plate.
I am going and will tell them I will sit if they want me to as long as I do not have to be there on friday, as that is when my hearing is. So, down to the Huerfano County Court house and first thing..stairs..omg. And then an elevator that looks like something from a Betty Davis movie with the metal screen type door. I kept looking for some birds or something to come swooping in. LOL
And behind this door, is the creepy elevator that has a steel grate door and is so tiny two people are about all it holds.
And if you have never received a jury summons, this is what one looks like.
So, now in the morning I have to report for jury duty selection. They say that takes til noon and then the court case is Thursday. My problem is, I also have my hearing with the appeals judge on my medical on friday, so what if the case goes over? And to top it off, a friend called and asked son did he want to come fill in a couple of days for him. Son said yes, but then found out it means staying over nite and two days of work. I told him we would be fine. But, he does not like to leave me to fend for myself. We will figure it out. Two days I think I can handle. Hardest part will be nites for me. But what about jury duty? What about Jack, who will watch him during the day? LOL oh my, gonna be a complicated couple of days. And I CAN’T miss that hearing here at the house.
So, on the way home, son stopped and picked up a couple of things from storage and brought an end table to go between the recliners. And the Living room is just about done except for painting. I sure do hate that green color on those bookshelves. He unloaded five boxes of movies to go on the shelves and I guess those french cleats really do work cause the unit is still up on the wall.
Now just envision those shelves a glossy off white and it will look really sharp. And he brought his DVD cabinet and for now..it sits under the window between Mimi’s rocker and Papa’s chair. And that is an exhausted son with his foot showing in the picture above. Excuse all the junk in the rocker and little green chair.
And so, could life get anymore complicated and if today put me in the bed, just going to the court-house ..what will staying there all day too. But, all things will work out in time.
And my youngest son was diagnosed with a form of MS. Here his mother, me, has been disabled since I was in my early 40′s and now my youngest son is diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder. Both my son’s have health issues and suffer a lot of pain…too much like their mother. And Ironically, both have had horrible leg pain like their mother. I pray they do not hear what I did hearing comments to diminish what I had or imply I was not really sick. Autoimmune disorders take up to seven or eight years to diagnose because they resemble so many other things.
Unfortunately, because autoimmune disorders take time to diagnose and many self-appointed judges who are what I call “medical computer guru’s” who look up another persona’s symptoms, etc and have no idea what is really wrong and are too quick to say “oh it is nothing”. They have no idea the damage they do when a person suffers with pain and are made to feel like they are faking. My son went to Mayo. I wish I had many years back. I don’t have to worry about it now, for my health issues are too obvious. What I tell people now…”you know what is wrong, your doctor knows what is wrong…you don’t have to prove to anyone else”.
And now, I need to shower, fill out a juror form, figure out how we are gonna work son going on this job and me going to jury duty and coming home and all of that. Not to worry…this hinney is part good year and part dupont…..we always bounce. And besides that, our guardian angel always watches over us.
And this my friends, is a sign that I am in fight mode. It is my “shield” I put on when I am hurting so bad, or feel like I just can’t take one more thing, or the stress is too high…it is my “wonder woman” headband as son calls it. I have done this for years and those closest to me know what it means. One friend even sent me a wonder woman doll that she got a guy at a bar, who won it in one of those machines that has a crane in it, to sell to her. She understood what it meant to put your symbol of fighting on. We all have something we use. And so, I am in fight mode
As I was sitting in my room last nite and looking out into the other part of the house, I was hit with overwhelming emotion…of feeling such strong feelings of joy that is hard to explain. We have worked for several years to reach this point. No, the dream is not done and we are still working hard every day, but a huge part of the dream has unfolded.
Sometimes the journey has been really hard for me, especially the part of all the work in this house and moving stuff. I came to tears the other nite telling my other son back east how frustrated I felt that I could not help son here like I used to. I can’t do the work I used to do and so the burden is on him alone. I try and I do what I can but the truth is, I can’t do a lot and so he works himself into exhausted sleep trying to get it all done and it never seems to end right now.
The roof needs the shingles on, the storage units need combining, the book shelves need putting up on the wall, the yard needs mowing and the list goes on. And that is when my disabilities bother me. When in my all terrain scooter, I could help do things outside if nothing more than be the “go-for” person to save him some steps. Now, to make you laugh, you have seen nothing until you see a man on a ladder coming off the roof and a woman on forearm crutches holding the ladder for him so it does not fall on this small concrete porch. I am sure he feels really secure. LOL
I am disabled with limited mobility and the house on the other side of the mountain was twice this size. I spent most of my time in my room because the hallway was so long to get to the kitchen and living room that some days it was too hard to make walking and since I try so hard to stay on my feet, it kept me limited in my scope of the house.
And last nite, as I was staring out the door, I got up and walked to the door and the full realization hit me that this part of the dream is finally here. I no longer live just in my bedroom. Everything is right outside my door within close range. This pic is looking through my doorway. See how close the kitchen is. And the second picture shows how close my coffee pot is.
And the living room and dining room are just steps away, not down a long hallway. Again this first picture is taken standing inside my bedroom door and looking through.
And the LR is just around the corner. So, I am able to live in all this house. The emotions of that realization is huge for someone disabled. Our world becomes smaller by our disabilities if we don’t have the assistive devices we need….like my good scooter. One day I will have that scooter repaired and can be part of the community and go to the library on my own or the museum. But, for now this house is perfect for me. It is laid out in such a way that it makes it possible for me to live in all of it. That is a dream come true. It is the kind of home I always wanted as far as the lay out…and each day, it becomes more and more the best home ever.
And so last nite, I was overwhelmed with emotions of realizing that this part of the dream has been reached. I am home. We are home. No, it is not and never will be my mountains, but it is home. The Creator, our God, knows better than us where we should be. It took us time to get here and sometimes time is in preparing us, to allow us to lessen our grip on the material and old life and allow us to accept a more simpler way of life. And I am so ever-blessed and my heart is full.
And yesterday was a day of being more leisurely. I got to do something I love to do…take pictures. My birds are too smart and had to sit in carport so they would not fly away. And I got to take great pics of the clouds out here…I love the clouds…they speak volumes of heaven and sometimes, the heavenly come down and view our world. and I love it.
- Comfort foods
- Dreams for the future
- Eating Out
- Etta James
- Female Impersonators
- heart center
- helping others
- Native American
- New Year's Resolution
- Protection from fraud
- Rocky Mountains
- US Military