Simply danLrene's Opinion

Work Your Dream

Plot A New Course

I had someone ask me recently how I was and I took a deep breath and then typed “well, you know I have felt bad and hurt so much lately for so many weeks, I hate to even answer that question because I am tired of saying it and I know people are tired of hearing it” and then I hit delete. Oh yes, it was true..I am tired of saying it and I know people are tired of hearing it but I tapped my fingers on the keyboard a minute and then typed my new answer I give to everyone “I am hanging in there. How about you?”  and off they took telling me of their woes.

Sometimes the best answer is a no answer because the reason a person is asking is because they need you to care how they are . I have always believed that if I truly cared about someone or something, then I made the time for it and that included listening. And the person asking me needed me to be there for them and I was.

image from http://www.facebook.com/positivelypositive

I have a friend who uses the expression “Creator, use me up. Just take your time doing it” and I love it because that is how I have lived my life only I said it differently “Lord, make me an instrument of thy work and use me as thy will” but I like my friend’s way of saying it better only there was a time I found myself saying “Lord, am I all used up now?” because the more my health went down the less useful I felt.

image from httpswww.facebook.comCOL99

I loved being very active in helping others. I worked at the soup kitchen..on these crutches, I saved food all year to give as food baskets for the holidays, I had a clothing room in my house where people donated clothes that I washed and fixed and then I donated them to people who were trying to get jobs or had their homes burned, etc.  I loved buying Christmas for children and leaving boxes on doorsteps where son and I waited and watched to see their faces when they opened their door. To me the greatest joy was doing things anonymously if I could. I even took my poetry and put in cards with notes signed your friend and sent to people who were struggling and I loved having them excitedly show me “what I got in the mail” and how it made their day, never knowing it was me. . My sons and I even took people into our home that needed a place to stay until they could get on their feet and move to their own place. And then suddenly, I could no longer do these things. It was then I realized that I could either give up or find a new way.

image from httpswww.facebook.comCOL99

I think that is why this blog became so important as my health continued to decline. I hoped and prayed that maybe someone who read it would find encouragement or just the right words they needed for the day. I hoped it would make a difference to someone and sometimes I get notes from you all that says it does. I remember one day on the other side of the mountain talking to my son and saying that I felt like I had nothing left to give and that my worth on this world was gone. And that if he wanted to, I would go in the nursing home so he could have a life. And he looked at me so seriously and said “but I have had a life Mom and you have been part of it. And you still are part of it. I know I am loved every day of my life because of you and you bring joy and laughter to my life. I chose to take care of you not because I had to but because I wanted to. You care so much about everyone that you taught me to care too.”  Needless to say I cried but he made me see something….just because we may feel all “used up” and no longer have worth does not mean it is so. And both of my sons have taught me that well. From the day of their birth up to today and onward, they are still my most precious jewels of life.

image from httpswww.facebook.comCOL99

Yes I have cared and I have loved and I have shared of my heart and soul and yes I have been hurt doing it but I will never regret it. Amazingly, the only thing that has ever made me feel used up is pain and sickness and the inability to do…. doing and caring only gave me energy and blessed me. It has never consumed me or used me up. I love people and I believe in the inherent goodness of people in spite of my past experiences. I look for the goodness in others and even when a teacher, I would not take another teacher’s comments on a child from the previous year saying the child was bad or acted out. I preferred to see on my own and what I usually learned was that the child that was acting out, did so because of some other problem and just needed a little more love and structure from me. I think sometimes we get what we look for and if we look for bad, we will find it.

image from httpswww.facebook.comCOL99

So, when you feel all used up and worthless, just know you are not. The day we are all used up is the day that the Creator takes us home and not before. Our ability to do may change, our circumstances may change, our strength and physical ability may change but we still have worth and we still can do something to touch someone. We do not have to be successful career people, famous, rich, or any of those things. We just have to be who we are and to allow ourselves to feel and to do Yes, perhaps on a different level…I no longer can walk very many steps or stay up long..but I can still do something even if it is just listening to someone who is hurting.

“just because things are different does not mean they have to be bad….plot a new course”

unknown

October 7, 2012 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , ,

4 Comments »

  1. It surprises me to hear you even think you might be “used up” as there is so much you do every day. You fight for life and teach us how important our own lives are as well. For me personally you give me so much insight of life and things to think about that I might not have figured out for myself. I look forward to your posts. When they don’t come for a day or so, I know you are in MoJo format… and send you extra prayers. One of the most important things you have done this year (IMHO) is teach Son how to garden. That is something he will continue and will always do it in your memory even when you have passed on to the other side of heart beats. Thank you for all your words, hugs, prayers, photos………

    Comment by Ann | October 7, 2012 | Reply

    • Ann, she has taught me so much and I would not trade this time with her for anything. thanks Carl

      Comment by danLrene ©2011 | October 9, 2012 | Reply

  2. Oh and how the cReator uses u so beautifully in this tapestry of life, with your many gifts and lovely deeds of random and planned kindness even during such intense pain your writings speak to the soul of any who enter here this sacred place that many will call a “blog” but is so much more, to so many more than you will probably ever more… I thank you, I honor you, I value you and your son… Teach a man/woman to fish and they will always eat; you are teaching, re teaching many to live well, laugh often and love much… you are of so much you are so precious as you move through each breath with such fluidity of movement and such grace under fire and stress and pain, your brilliance shines like the rarest of diamonds and I thank you. I hope that all will drop in today and do the same for you have touched the inner most flame of me and I am certain of others if they are only open to receive your gifts of today’s sage messages and then dig deep to pay it forward …

    Comment by sassy | October 7, 2012 | Reply

    • love ur words sassy. Thank you from us both. CJ

      Comment by danLrene ©2011 | October 9, 2012 | Reply


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