Contemplations

I lay here thinking about the new year coming up. I am so thankful I am still here to see it. I could make a list of all the things that have gone wrong, that we lost, that were painful, sorrowful, and bad that we endured this past year and over the past few years and the list would be long.  I have watched my parents, family members, dear friends, and beloved pets die and lost them for now. I have lost my home, my car, jobs, businesses, friends, the use of my legs, my health, part of my eyesight, my ability to do what I used to be able to do…and I could keep listing. And I could hold on to these things and keep them in my present and in my future..that is a choice.

I could also make a list of all the good things I have gained over the past few years. I have gained a simpler lifestyle, a home we own, a wonderful caretaker that is my son, peace of mind, harmony, joy, better doctors, a new medical center called The Jewish National Hospital that has put Hope back into my life for my health.  I have family, family of choice, loved ones, friends and internet friends that love me, accept me and support me in my life.  I am so blessed. I can keep that in my present and my future…that is a choice.

And I think by now you all know me well enough to know I choose the latter for my life and feel so blessed for these things. None of these things “makes” me happy. I am already happy but they bring such joy to my life that it is hard to express in the words I want. Happiness is that place inside my heart that is there always no matter what is going on. It is not squealing in delight over Christmas presents or dancing in the street because of this or that. Those things are joy and can be fleeting. Happiness is a peace of mind, a feeling of contentment that supersedes everything else and is always there to sustain me. It is as much a part of me as my faith is and a core  part of who I am.

Sometimes when people ask me how do I keep smiling and all I can tell them is because I choose to.  Just like I choose to keep the good things in my present and future life and not drag all the bad baggage with me. There will always be things wrong, sad, hurtful, hard…but those things I leave behind with an open heart that says I do not need those things anymore.  Sometimes we hold on to painful things because they are familiar and stepping out to the new..to the future…to happier times is scary. And it is a choice.  This year..make the choice to choose happiness in your heart, to choose joyful things that make that happiness expand and to leave behind all the baggage that only pulls you down.  That is the best kind of New Years Resolution.