If You Are Willing To Die For…Then Be Willing To Live For

“If you would lay down and die for someone or something, then why won’t you live for them?”

Dr. Phil

Wow, what a powerful statement. All of us have someone or something that we would lay down and die to protect and take care of and yet at the same time, some of us do not live for that person or that passion. We are emotionally absent from their lives. We are willing to lay down and die for others but not willing to fight for ourselves to live to be there for them.  I am going to talk in terms of Chronic illness or being disabled but I think you can apply it to any life.

I have fought health problems for so long. When I first started getting sick, my fight was to make it until my kids could take care of themselves. And then after that, I seemed to lose that fight for my health. I would still fight to protect and defend those I love but I was not fighting to survive my health issues and disabilities because I felt like I was not important enough to fight for. And a person chronically ill should be their first defender.

It takes a purpose in life to keep fighting…a hope…a dream.  At the time my boys left home, I felt like I had lost that purpose and so just succumbed to being sick.  And it took me a long time to realize that if I was willing to continue defending and fighting and supporting my sons and those I love, I had to live for them too. I had to embrace my life and be accountable for what I do and did. I had to be there physically and emotionally and live life so that they were part of my life.

We can not control many things in life but we can control what we do…how we handle them and how we accept responsibility for what we do and do not do in life. I realized one day that I was worth fighting for too. What a revelation that was to me because I did not think I was worth fighting for. I also realized that if I did not fight for myself , neither would anyone else.

I realized that I have to live..for myself and for those that I would fight for and defend and protect. If I am living my life to the fullest possible for me, then I am giving those I love and care about and that love me…the best gift possible and that is me living to my fullest potential and happiest in their lives.  I am giving them me present in their lives not just physically but emotionally.

Ask yourself sometime…do I give others my best behavior and not those closest to me..those that I love so dearly?  Am I allowing my life to be less than it could be? Am I hindering myself from actually living life instead of just existing. Have I put a cocoon around me to keep from being hurt and without realizing it I have shut those I love out?

Living life means being involved in what is around us, interacting and enjoying those around us, accepting what has happened to us in the past and letting go.  It means being present in life, not just a shell that floats through doing nothing, giving nothing and more or less a shadow. It is easy to retreat when we are chronically ill, disabled, emotionally spend, tired…etc.  And we are just a shadow in our personal world and in the world of those we love.

If you are willing to fight, die for someone or something, then be willing to live for them too. Be willing to take life with all the mixed bag of things that come. Yes, there will be bad times and we just have to tolerate them. Living life means letting ourselves feel all ..good or bad…and being present and active in what is going on.

YES, that is hard sometimes. Sometimes we just want to hide in our rooms, pull the covers over our head and drown out any sound of those around us. But, that is not living life. I have learned that even though most of my time is spent on this hospital bed in pain, that I can still be accountable and present in the lives of those I love. I can try to hide from anything negative or sad and even hide from how sick I am but what happens when we do that is we put a paper shell around us that is easily fractured.

Being present in our loved one’s lives, fighting for ourselves can be done even if we are laying on a bed, laying on the couch, not feeling well, unable to get up and do the things others can, being home bound, etc. It can be done emotionally and allowing others in and fighting to stay here for them. It means fighting to live so that we can still be here for those we love. Yes, we might not can go to all their events. We might not can go out all the time. We might can never go out. But, they can come to us and we can lay on the couch and we can enjoy them when they are here.

So, my question today is…are you willing to fight to live ..for the things or the people who you are willing to fight and even die for?