Simply danLrene

Work Your Dream

Overcoming Victim Mentality

Many people ask me how I keep going and how I keep such a good attitude. And my answer always is because I choose to. Life is full of choices and being a survivor is one of them. Sometimes people get lost in the victim mentality and do not know their way out and sometimes people like being the victim because it fills a need inside for attention or to not have to be the fighter we can be or because it is familiar and they would rather have the familiar than to empower themselves and step out and become a survivor.

Things happen in life that make us all victims at some point but the truth is, we do not have to stay a victim. It is not what happens to us in life that makes us who we are…it is how we deal with it that does.  We can either become what happens to us or we can become the survivor of what happens to us. I personally choose survivor because that is how I am.

for-me-being-a-survivor-means-a-responsibility-to-doBeing a survivor should instill in us the desire to make it easier for those that come behind us and we do that by showing them what is still good in our lives, not all that has been wrong or still is wrong. I am always humbled when people tell me how much I inspire them. I do not set out to inspire but more to try to offer what I have learned along this journey of mine to help them survive too. I call it my older than dirt wisdom.

danLrene’s Signs of a victim mentality versus  a survivor mentality

A victim focuses on the things they can not control.

A survivor focuses on the things they can control and influence.

A victim will get angry if you encourage them to be positive.

A survivor will be enthused by positive affirmations.

A victim surrenders power over their life to others and to events.

A survivor’s life is focused on the power they have gained by how they respond to life.

A victim tells you everything that has gone wrong or is still wrong in their lives.

A survivor will  tell you  all that is still right in their lives first and how they refuse to give up.

A victim uses the event that made them  a victim as an excuse of why they are a victim.

A survivor uses the event as a reason why they have survived and overcome.

A victim’s life centers around all that is wrong and why life is so hard.

A survivor’s life centers on how they are going to cope and make their life better.

A victim wears a badge of sorts that says “I am a victim. Feel sorry for me”

A survivor wears a badge and tells everyone with pride  “I am a survivor”.

A victim gives up easily, feels helpless and feels like they have no choice in their life.

A survivor fights to get ahead and endures and feels empowered to take their life back.

A victim is often dramatic about what has happened  and portray themselves as limited.

A survivor is quick to tell you that they are a survivor and are capable.

Victims tend to associate with other people who have the victim mentality.

Survivors tend to associate with other people with survivor mentality.

Those are just a few things that differentiate victim from survivor. And it is all choice. It may take a little time to go from victim to survivor and hopefully on to thriving in your life in spite of all the obstacles you have overcome but it is essential that we keep moving forward. It is when we stall out in the victim mentality that we are cheating ourselves from having a better life.

I have been through many things in my life…personal hardships, financial hardships and medical hardships including at one time losing a child, my home, my vehicle and my health and yet each time, I have been able to survive and go on. I do not go into details on these things because to me they are past and I look to the future and they are hurdles I have jumped over and am still jumping over. But, let me tell you that in spite of all the health issues I have now, I am still leading a full and happy life. I am NOT my health issues. I am Deb who just happens to have some health issues.

Things happen to us that make us a victim at the time and change our lives totally and in order to be a survivor, we have to accept and come to terms with these changes.

“We must be willing to get rid of the life we planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”   Joseph  Campbell

I think people cling to the victim mentality because it is a  familiar lifestyle. It is the same reason that people will stay in bad relationships or jobs..because they know what to expect and that is less scary than being a survivor and having a willingness to step out into the unknown and become empowered enough to take your life back and not let whatever has happened or is happening to steal your life from you. Every moment we remain a victim when we could work towards being a survivor is stealing our life from us and letting the event have more power on us that it should. And I do not have that many minutes I want to waste anymore.

And once you become the survivor, you are only a step away from becoming a thriver and living your life to the fullest no matter what you face. Being a thriver is more than surviving, it is flourishing in your life where you are at. You know that old expression, bloom where you are planted. Well, I bloom from a hospital bed with oxygen on and I have so much love and laughter and joy in my life…because I choose to. Thriving is not about just surviving, it is about how you see yourself and who you think you are and what you think you are capable of doing.

And that brings me full circle to why I am a survivor and thriver and how I believe we should be setting an example and being all we can be for those coming behind us who fall a victim so that they too can become survivors and thrivers.  Inspire means to encourage, to motivate someone in a positive way and what more positive way than to encourage someone to be a survivor.


March 1, 2013 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , ,

1 Comment »

  1. Always an encouraging word. God bless you

    Comment by Ray's Mom | March 2, 2013 | Reply

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