Simply danLrene's Opinion

Work Your Dream

Maximize the Positive Not The Negative

This is one of those days that I have to keep reminding myself  “it is not the sixty pound tumor” so that I do not fall into the pit. I have a horrible headache and body aches and just feel yukkie and yet here I am laying here writing a blog. Why?  Because it helps me keep focused.

Many do not understand that concept and it is not to put down people with sixty pound tumors but to show that in comparison to that, my aches and pains are not quite as bad as I might want to think sometimes.

To give an illustration that many will understand:  We do not turn a skinned knee or a sprained ankle or a bumped head on our children into something horrible. We check them, put on a band-aid, put ice on the ankle and let them go on. They learn from us that pain is part of living and we can not focus on every boo boo and make it the most dramatic skin knee there ever was.

Do I feel like crap today?  Oh yeah, I do but you know what. There are so many positive things that have happened in the few hours I have been up that helped overshadow that. My son brought me my juice, coffee and cereal to the table by the bed. Daisy ran in here and snuggled to me and just loved all over me. I got a video message from a dear friend in Canada. So, I can either maximize those positive things in my life or I can maximize my headache and aches and pains and sick stomach.

So, what can the chronically ill or anyone for that matter do on those bad days where we just want to lay here. We do what we can do to best take care of us. We take our meds. We put comforting things around us. We make sure we get some form of nutrition in us even if it is ice cream for breakfast. We rest and we maximize the positive that is in our lives to the point that it helps us make it through this time of feeling worse.

We as adults can sometimes become like the sick child who whines and pulls on our shirt and tells us over and over how bad they feel and want our undivided attention. And sometimes we do that with those around us…our family, our friends and our loved ones and after a while, they get tired of listening to us. But, little do we realize that we can focus on the good and focus on the positive and work to make the aura around us filled with more positive energy than negative and those around us will be there. It is like the baseball field. If you build it, they will come. Well, whatever we create as our platform of life affects those around us and either they will be there or they will not.

This does not mean you have to be happy, happy all the time. It means that sometimes we might just lay there with a bit of a smile..not even a whole one and enjoy what those around us are doing. Let them be the focus of our attention instead of our illness, pain, loss, etc. It is not pretending to feel good. It is changing our focus so that we are not so focused on how we feel and more focused on other things.

Distraction often helps us push our pain and sickness to the back of the burner. There have been times I was so sick that I laid on the daybed on the porch with a puke bucket and lots of pillows, drink and just laid there watching the birds and squirrels and enjoying the sun. I found myself smiling in between putting my head in the bucket to throw up. I know someone who lies on the floor in a sunny place and allows the sun to fill them up and enjoys watching outside.

What if you spend your life looking for the good things, treating yourself with kindness, enjoying those around you, enjoying a tv show or a movie, a good book, the birds outside, etc….how much do you think that might make it easier to bear a sicker than normal day, a loss, money worries, etc? This is what survivors do. They quit focusing on me, me, me and focus on life around me and those I love around me. Excuse my language but hell, everyone knows how it feels to be sick, to lose a loved one, a job, etc and so constantly telling people how bad we feel becomes tiresome to them. They know we feel bad but feel helpless to do anything.

I believe in keeping the positive in front. But, I also believe that if we want people to help us we should make a list of what would help. My sons know that if they want to make me feel better, want to help me and want to show love without hugging on me when I hurt so bad I can not stand to be touched….is to do things I can no longer do. My sons used to think I was crazy when they would ask me what I wanted for my birthday and I would say mulch my flower beds, rake my yard, clean my house, or fix some easy to heat up meals for me, etc..any of those things. Make a list and put it on your fridge for all to see or email it to family and say “you know, when I have those really bad days, these are things that would pick me up and help me the most”.  My sons finally learned that mama loved to see her flower beds all fixed up or her yard raked or to get in the van all detailed and polished. And those are all positive things. Accentuate the positive and you will find your life becomes more positive.

March 11, 2013 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , ,

1 Comment »

  1. You are so brave. God bless.

    Comment by Ray's Mom | March 12, 2013 | Reply


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