Simply danLrene's Opinion

Work Your Dream

Where Is Your Focus In Life?

Life is a series of events, of challenges and of trials that help us become the person we are today. Sometimes we can get so caught up in the trials and all that went wrong that we fail to see all that went right.  I say quite often that I do not focus on dying but rather I focus on living as I believe we will not die one day before or one day later than intended.  I also try to stay out of the lake of sorrows as much as possible.

When we have losses such as our health, it is easy to read over and over all that went wrong and each time we do, we feel the loss inside again just like we did the day it happened.  Chronic illness steals our lives from us and we can keep the wound raw and open instead of working our way through it mentally and healing emotionally from it. I find that this also happens when people hurt us or diminish us, we divorce, breakup, lose a job, etc. We do what I call the race car syndrome. We sit around or lay in bed and the memory circles the track over and over and over keeping alive the feeling of pain and hurt and anger.

We dream of confronting those that hurt us and having our say but rarely every do it. What we want in our hearts is an apology and recognition from that person that hurt us of how much they hurt us but the truth is we will seldom get that. Many will not even realize their words or actions are brutal, some will know but will never admit it and a very, very small percentage will see it and tell you how sorry they are and those are usually loved ones. We want justification and amends.

There is not a person alive that does not have a tragic tale from somewhere in their lives that they have to tell. Many tell their story hourly and daily and most tell theirs occasionally and a very few seldom tell theirs at all. I personally believe it has to do with how much we have gained from the situation. Are we products of what has been done to us? We can be but hopefully we are products of the results of how we handled what was done to us for that is the most important thing. We choose how we handle things and either we accept what happened, learn from it and move forward or we sit spinning our wheels because we wish it had been different….and it never will. And those are the ones that keep telling the same story over and over like a broken record.

Contrast is what makes us appreciate life. If we had no pain we would not know what not having pain was like. If there were no storm, the rainbow would not be near as beautiful. Life changes for those of us that learn from our past in a way that makes us appreciate life more. People become more precious to us. We value our time with loved ones more. Things become less valuable and time with loved ones become more valuable. The lessons we have in life make us value life more…make us appreciate and value the important things and teach us the difference in what is important and what is not. And contrast in life helps keep us moving forward because we are learning and growing in our spirits.

Survivors look forward and try to gain from what has happened. Victims continually look backward at what has already happened and can not seem to find their way out of the pain and misery whether it be health issues, loss of job, a car wreck, a fire, a divorce…no matter what it is, it is up to us to choose how we deal with it. Yes, we might have been so different had we not had these things happen, but we also might not value life as much as we do now if we have chosen to learn from it and move forward.

There is a line between who we are and what has happened to us and sometimes people can get that line blurred until all they see is what has happened to them and lose the person inside. I am not my chronic illnesses nor am I my disabilities, I am Deb who loves, laughs, enjoys life, finds new ways to do challenging things, who makes it through the tough times, enjoys the good times and who looks forward to life ahead.

If I could go back in time and talk to all those that have hurt me, whether it is loved ones, friends, doctors, neighbors, strangers or what, all those that have misused me or diminished and demeaned me, I would look for those people to be sorry..but they most likely will never feel remorse for what they did and I realize this. It took me years to realize it for I kept the fairytale belief alive that all people were good and you could trust them and that people all came with a conscience. The truth is not all people are good, not all are trustworthy and not all have a conscience and life is not like it used to be fifty years ago. We can not trust everyone straight out.  And we have to learn how to deal with that and learn that the only thing controllable in our lives is how we deal with life.

If I could offer a formula to help you understand where you are sitting, I would say for you to study how you handle life. Do you get stuck in the pain and sorrow or  anger? Do you lay there letting the memory play over and over and over until you are so saturated with the pain and misery that you could no longer find your way out? Are you afraid to get out there and experience life because you are afraid of being hurt again?

Or, Are you able to look at things and identify the emotion and recognize what it is? For example, when I lose someone, I recognize the sadness that comes with that but I also believe in the afterlife so I feel that I will see them again and I am able to move forward.  If someone is mean to me now, I tell myself that is a lesson learned and I need to let it go for I can not control what others do only how I deal with it. And once you figure out how you handle the hard times of life, you will see where you need to make changes.

Letting go and realizing that you can not change anyone but you is a very freeing thing. Also realizing that we may misread what others say or do and they could just be having a bad day helps us to keep things in perspective. Sometimes we can take things too seriously when the other person did not mean it how we thought it was meant.  When it comes to you….stand up for yourself calmly and with assurance and then no matter the outcome, release it and go on with life and use the “contrast” of good and bad to make life more meaningful to you. Now, if it is something that can be fixed, then keep fighting to fix it but recognize the difference. For example, the bad doctors I had in the past, I can not change that nor can I change their attitude to me. I can only move on and find better and deal with the emotions that I felt from their treatment of me. Notice I said “the emotions I felt” not “the emotions they made me feel”.  We have a choice. Keep choosing what is best for you and keeps you moving forward.

dance quote

April 23, 2013 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , ,

1 Comment »

  1. You always have a grand outlook on life. Hope you are doing good. God bless

    Comment by Ray's Mom | April 23, 2013 | Reply


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