Simply danLrene's Opinion

Work Your Dream

And The Walls Came Crumbling Down

Picture this…it was 1957…*giggling*…sorry, I just could not resist as I love Golden Girls and I always use myself as an example when I write. I seriously do want you to envision or picture something. I think we all know that being chronically ill and disabled can limit your world but most of us try to keep our world as normal as possible even when we live in a hospital bed or power chair.  Add to that being hearing impaired and needing to see a person’s face to really understand what is said. And then add to that over months time, your vision going dim from cataracts and you can no longer see your son’s face at the door less than ten feet from you. It is like taking your world and slowing moving the blocks in until all you are sitting in is the light right around you…..basically a four-foot square.

spotlight

image from www.guardian.co.uk

You miss the sounds around you even though you still hear some. If I am right where the birds are and they come within feet of me, I hear them. If Daisy comes up and gets in my face, I hear her doing doggie talk to me that is so precious. I use an earplug to hear the computer or the TV. Writing has become a chore. My blog that normally is written in twenty minutes time as the words still flow freely from my head but getting them on the computer and seeing them to correct them has become a chore. And reading…forget it unless it is reading short posts put on Facebook or emails and I was always a voracious reader. Feel the walls pulling in closer and closer yet?

And the thing was, I did not realize that cataracts had covered both eyes. My son had even commented how the “spark” had gone out of my eyes. And he would tell me it was strange as there was still spark and enthusiasm in my voice but my eyes were dull. Not even the person I considered my dearest friend had noticed or realized the change or the loss I was suffering as we had not talked by Skype in forever and so I think she did not realize what was happening to me.  I think she just thought I was being blue or extra quiet or maybe even non-enthusiastic about life or maybe feeling sorry for myself. I was not but she might have thought that. I was just feeling my world close in to a spot like being on a dark stage and the lights is only right there on you…a tiny circle around you.That was my world and has been for months. Yes, I made my world happy and filled with joy but it was a small world.

me smiling

Me with sparkle eyes without oxygen on. Every now and then I have to remove all the gear and take a picture to remind myself of what I used to look like before all the hoses, etc.

Well folks, even I…the proverbial Pollyanna, will find it difficult to “see the light” of life when I have undergone surgeries, high pain, crashes and then add to it the vision going where the hearing was already gone. So, goes to show you that unless you pay attention to people you love and you take the time to look, you might miss what is going on and once the moment is past…it is gone forever and you can never make it up.

Three weeks ago I had cataract surgery on my right eye. As I lay here recovering from the crash that the trips and surgery brought on adding to my normal pain and wearing my frog eye cover to protect my eye, I began to notice the small holes in the frog eye. As I looked around, I realized that things in the distance were clearer. Each day, they became clearer and clearer. The problem was that with one eye seeing and the other not, it was nauseating and made me feel off-balance. So, I had to really boost myself to believe that this would soon be fixed.

Thursday, I had the other eye operated on and after I got home, I noticed yesterday that this eye shows clear in the distance too. I had opted for the distance lenses and not the close up ones. I wanted to see the world, not just a book or computer screen. I would wear glasses for that gladly. Friday, on the drive to Pueblo with my dark glasses on, I began to notice how bright the world was. I could see and it was clear and the world no longer looked like some dim alley way. It was bright and beautiful. My whole world had expanded by leaps and bounds.

I told the eye doctor that when he had those days of thinking his work was mundane, to remember me for to me, he was the miracle worker and he had given me back life I had lost over the past year. He laughed when I told him about going around singing ♫♫ I can see clearly now♫♫ as I continued to look around the world and the house and outside the door with enthusiasm pointing out things to son and clapping my hands and saying “Oh look..look there. See it?”  and son would just smile and say “yes I see it”.

Friday was the day the walls came crumbling down and my prison of being visually impaired, hearing impaired and chronically ill/disabled changed to a world filled with dew drops and bright colors and seeing my son laugh as only he can. Yes, I am still hearing impaired and yes, I am still chronically ill and disabled but just one block being fixed…the visually impaired..has made the walls around my world crumble and the whole world has become a smorgasbord upon which I am feasting day by day. And all I can say is Thank You Lord. To some, the surgery may seem simple and not mean much. To me…I feel as though I just won the lottery as I finish writing this blog that took me twenty minutes to write instead of three hours.

May 5, 2013 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , ,

4 Comments »

  1. Reblogged this on Estherlou's Blog and commented:
    Ths woman is amazing. She is telling us yet again to be thankful for what we have, instead of focusing on what we do not have! A good reminder to us all!

    Comment by estherlou | May 15, 2013 | Reply

  2. Just experienced cataract surgery, both eyes – two week apart. I understand the vision distortion of one good eye and one not so good. But as you wrote – it is a much brighter world. Finishing the daily drops this week. Amen! to that.

    God bless.

    Comment by Ray's Mom | May 6, 2013 | Reply

  3. Deb, this post brought tears to my eyes as I read it. I so understand at least some of what you go through, as my world has been getting smaller and smaller these past few years. On days like today, when my body is having to fight with all that I have just to get through … I will remember your words. Thank you, and bless you for making my own world a little brighter today. Love and hugs from Julie xoxox

    Comment by Julie Catherine | May 5, 2013 | Reply

    • Julie, thank you so much. People have no idea how much life becomes limited for us and how much we lose. Sending you hugs and prayers on this day that your flare will ease up some. love to you

      Comment by danLrene ©2011 | May 5, 2013 | Reply


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