Simply danLrene's Opinion

Work Your Dream

The Rubber Meets The Road

It is 5AM and I am finally sitting here on the edge of the bed after a horrible episode of the searing pain on the inside of my thigh….the side the RFA was done on to burn the nerve that causes this pain. My doctor expressed his concern over the thinning of my bones and my spine while he was doing the Radio Frequency Ablation this past week. And now, I am sitting here working to make a choice.

The choice is, do I let the RFA and burning the nerve not stopping the searing nerve pain that I get down my back and on the inside of my thigh or do I find within me the courage and strength to keep fighting. And let me tell you, I have  sciatic nerve pain down the back of my legs and that is horrible.But, this nerve pain on such a tender area as the inside of your thigh and down to your knee…is horrific and forces me to my feet to try to balance on my forearm crutches to try to get the spine to release the pressure on the nerve.So, you can imagine the devastation I felt this morning when the pain hit with such a force and woke me feeling like I had been thrown in hell and was trying to find my way out and the realization hit that the RFA did not work this time. And so decision time is:

where the rubber hits the highwayimage from lindastamps.wordpress.com

After I was able to sit on the edge of the bed and the meds were beginning to kick in and I could catch my breath, I sit here with tears in my eyes thinking “what will I do now? this was my last hope for this horrific pain” and felt despair rising up in my heart and throat. I deal daily and handle the muscle pain and the joint pain and even the neuropathy pain in my feet and legs and hands but this is one pain that is so over the top, the Radio Frequency Ablation was my only hope. And here I sit and it did not work. And I have to figure out how to keep going.

choices

And I have to be authentic to what I tell others. Right now I am at my lowest but I also know that how I proceed is my choice. I can lay in it and wallow and whine and complain to everyone and anyone that will listen all day long every day or I can choose to keep fighting, to hang on and endure through the tears and the extreme pain when it happens and know that I will come out on the other side. It is all about choosing.

I can not sit here and be hollow words and try to inspire others to be courageous and to keep fighting when I do not do it myself. People know the difference and if I am not authentic….if I am not true to what I say then I am not going to inspire others to keep fighting and keep going. I am not going to motivate anyone to keep working and not give up. And it is important to me for people to see that I do what I tell others to do. I am true to what I say. I do not want to be someone who comes off as a “do what I say, not what I do” person and speak hollow words that will fall on deaf ears after a while.

And so, now I am picking myself up, dealing with the terror I now have of going to sleep for that is when the horrific pain happens the most, and with the struggle to find the strength to keep fighting. But, you know what…I WILL find the strength I need and I WILL keep going because I CHOOSE to. And today I will choose to find the good things in my life and choose to find joy and happiness in spite of what just happened.

Heart-Candy-Today-I-chooseimage from www.damyhealth.com

May 26, 2013 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , ,

8 Comments »

  1. This was a painful read and hard hard choices to make, I am so filled with sorrow that the pain is so intense and the RFA was not successful, as I pray for a miracle, for a possibility that it will work again with a different nerve path, while honoring the fears, tears, and the uphill struggle that you face daily, I respect and am proud of the decisions that you make each day, through each determined step and each tear that falls. Faith, Hope, Courage… and so much more>>> that is YOU my friend, all YOU. May you have a good Memorial Day one breath at a time, may your pain lessen and your fears be replaced by your ever flowing attitude of the warrior that you are. thank YOU for you.

    Comment by SHERRY E SHOWALTER | May 27, 2013 | Reply

    • Thank you Sherry. I wanted to be as transparent as possible so that people see that even I go through the despair and the feelings of hopelessness but that I realize it is my choice and I have to make a choice to pick myself up and go again. Love you dear friend.

      Comment by danLrene ©2011 | May 27, 2013 | Reply

  2. With no intent to minimize your pain and courage… for reasons of which you are unaware, this is exactly what I needed to hear today in order to be able to face my own health issues. With HUGS and prayers.

    Comment by Ann | May 26, 2013 | Reply

    • I know you would never minimize my pain Ann. We are all on this road together. I am glad it helped you. hugs and love

      Comment by danLrene ©2011 | May 26, 2013 | Reply

  3. I am so terribly sorry to hear you are hurting so much. I understand -really I do- about the fear you get when the pain reaches those heights .But YOU have not been given the spirit to fear.keep your thoughts on the NOW nothing else really exist the past is gone ,the future does not exist,only the present time,since this is so, you and I only has this moment to deal with and we are more than able to ride through this pain at this moment.when we stop focusing on what might happen in our future, this moment is truly all we have. the fear will subside ,move your thoughts off the pain and focus on what gives your heart JOY,hard yes, impossible NO. love ya
    healing blessings
    pat

    Comment by pat champ | May 26, 2013 | Reply

    • aw thanks Pat. If you read to the end then you know I had already reached the point of moving forward and letting God have it. All we can. do. HUGS and thanks hon

      Comment by danLrene ©2011 | May 26, 2013 | Reply

    • Yes I know ,just writing for whosoever ,who like us need all the tips we use at our disposal,hope your pain levels have evened out
      blessings
      patc thistle dew

      Comment by pat champ | May 29, 2013 | Reply

      • thanks Pat. Am hanging in there. hugs and blessings hon

        Comment by danLrene ©2011 | June 1, 2013


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