Simply danLrene's Opinion

Work Your Dream

Desired Reflections And Agendas

I hear this so much in the chronic illness community and it is a topic I have long wanted to write on. I hear people saying they hate it when someone says:

 “you look good today”……my reply  “thank you”  with a smile

“You must be feeling better”…..my reply “working on it”  with a smile

“You look like you are improving”…my reply  “oh I hope so”..with a smile

“it is so nice to see you sitting up, you must be better”…my reply…”Oh I hope so”..with a smile.

And I could go on and on with similar statements. I can remember a time many years ago when I felt the same way. And then one day, a friend asked me when I told her I hated people to say those things to me…”just what is it you want people to see? What is it you want the world to see in you? Do you want them to see you as poor sick you or to see you as a warrior who fights each day in spite of all you are enduring?”

I thought about that long and hard and asked myself was I really wanting so badly to be seen as “sick”, “chronically ill”, “in pain” that I was afraid to allow anyone to see any good moments in me? Living with chronic pain and chronic illness is hard enough without feeling like we have to make every minute of the day be an image of constant pain and sickness.

I believe attitude plays a huge role in our health. And I am saddened to see so many that want the world to see them as sick all the time. I have horrible times, I have bad times and I have some good moments, so what is wrong with someone else seeing the good moments or seeing me fight to act like it is good when it is not as good as I would like?.

I look at it this way. If a person sees me as “looking good”, then my mojo is working and all the fight I am putting in to live as normal as possible is working. I work for those good moments and I treasure them. And there is always…ALWAYS something good in each day. I do not care if it is your dog coming up and loving on you and making you smile. Or your best friend showing up and hugging you. Or a movie you watched that made you laugh. There is always something good if we look for it.

What is the image you want people to see? I want people to see me as a fighter, a survivor..a thriver..a warrior who gets up every day in spite of the amount of pain I am in, in spite of spending most of my time in a hospital bed, in spite of the nausea, in spite of the oxygen. I do not want people to see me as someone who is trying hard to show the sick side of me.

We all have agendas in life whether we realize it or not. We have an agenda to finish school. We have an agenda to get a good job. We have an agenda to meet someone to spend our lives with. Being chronically ill and in chronic pain, I find it hard when I see people who make it their agenda to show the world how sick they are and that is what comments like “I hate it when people say I look good” are intended to do.

For those that do that, ask yourself why you want so badly for someone to see you as sick. Why is it so important that everyone know you are chronically ill or in chronic pain? and last, but not least, “why is it not more important to show yourself as a fighter and a survivor?” Life is what we make it no matter the challenges we are given. As long as my doctor knows what is wrong with me and is taking care of me, the only person I care about knowing how sick I am is ME.  And that is when my warrior mode steps in and I fight to live as normal a life as I can. I do not want people to view me as poor, pitiful Deb. I want people to see me as someone who is a survivor, someone who motivates others to be a survivor and that fights to NOT be sick every minute of every day …someone who puts on a smile even when it is bad.

May 30, 2013 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , ,

6 Comments »

  1. I so agree,i really don’t want to be seen at my worse,

    Comment by pat champ | June 1, 2013 | Reply

    • me either pat..me either. I want people to see me…the me inside of this body. hugs and LY

      Comment by danLrene ©2011 | June 1, 2013 | Reply

  2. It’s hard – once people know, they never look at you the same…and if you don’t tell them, eventually they get mad when they find out. People just want to be normal. Why is it so hard? Maybe it’s a secret fear: what if it was me?
    Good post

    Comment by philosophermouseofthehedge | May 30, 2013 | Reply

    • I guess my years of being sick finally I grew to understand that it did not matter whether people saw me as sick….it mattered that they saw me..the real me inside and that is what I want to push forward. 🙂 thanks and hugs

      Comment by danLrene ©2011 | June 1, 2013 | Reply

  3. I like it, I like it alot, and it’s funny since i often have to look more than once at photos to see the O2 line, have remembred seeing a photo and not seeing the crutches, know you as the warrior you are. Yet one thing that amazes me is seeing so many on social media who often define themselves with “chronically in pain/ill” and wear it as a badge of sorrow/a need of attention, the same people who only say the same things again and again, and if one would look closely they could discern the comments taken from posts/blogs of others that tend to also show up on their very posts with wording changed here and their to fit the “agenda”… It is mind boggling how someone would want to center their world and attention around anything or all things that are so wrong yet never embrace all that is still good whether well or ill, in pain or out of pain or achieving some relief from pain. It also leaves one to wonder at times, from photos of vital and lovely looking folks who then report themselves as having had photos taken while in pain extremus who they are really trying to convince… as pain no matter who you are has its way to show on the face/the eyes/the body reflects the soul, the nervous system, and yet many i am honored to know will say, “I may have this disease, however this disease will never ever have me”, just as you have eloquently stated once again…Look for the good, mountain get out of her way, she is coming through pain, crutches, power chair, and hospital bed, she is coming through one way or the other, people take note and take a lesson seeing the eyes and soul of a warrior. and so it is, we are blessed by you.

    Comment by SHERRY E SHOWALTER | May 30, 2013 | Reply

    • thanks sher, as always great words and words of wisdom. hugs and love

      Comment by danLrene ©2011 | June 1, 2013 | Reply


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