The Pain Of Loss
This is a hard topic to talk about because it is something hard to handle and goes to the depth of our soul. Loss…whether it is loss of parents, a child, a friend, a home, a job, your health, faith and the list goes on…is a hard thing for people to deal with. Loss is hard and leaves a void that a person has to figure out how to fill. Some losses are expected like losing our parents. We all know one day we will lose them so it is not a total shock as they get up in years that it happens. But, other losses that are the kind that you do not expect and hit you like a wind shear knocking you to the ground I believe are the hardest to deal with.
Losing your health is one of those. We all plan on being healthy and becoming chronically ill is not something on our agenda and when it happens it is devastating and we have to rebuild our lives and reshape our lives because they will never be what they were before. Losing a friend is not something we plan on in life especially if we are a cautious person and do not let people in easily. But, it is something we know that can happen. But, to me the hardest to accept and the most painful is the loss of trust.
Losing your health is hard too especially when you feel yourself hurtling down the timeline of life faster than you want because of it. And it takes strength and determination to live with that loss and make life as happy as possible. People will not get it unless they are in the same place you are..never ..ever..so don’t waste time trying to explain to them or convince them. They just have not experienced it and so do not have that in their repertoire of emotions to pull from . I have found myself lately fighting to hold on to life harder than ever and I do not like the feeling. And I feel a real sense of loss over that. I am losing ground. Will I ever regain any of it. I do not know but I know that once I get over feeling defeated in life, I will be back fighting again. For while I feel drowning in loss right now, I can not go back and change things. I can only change what comes ahead of me.
Trust is another area where loss can occur. Trust is not something I give easily and I do not just let people across the boundary that I have set up. And it is like seeing a bullseye with me with all the rings. There are different layers of trust. First layer is very mild trust all the way up to the bullseye of trust which means I let you into the inner sanctum of my heart. And when that trust is lost, it sucks the air from me. I can barely breathe and barely function because I never saw it coming. It is comparable to someone I love walking up with a smile on their face and arms out stretched to hug me but in their hand is a hidden dagger. And while I am looking into their eyes and hearing their words of love, they have shifted that knife to penetrate my chest and rip my heart out. That is the worst kind of loss ever because I give it as a gift and never see it coming. And worst of all, never know why it happened. And the only thing left is me thinking “Why? If I could only understand why?”.
image from www.miraclesinwaiting.com
While we all will experience loss throughout our lives, it does not make it easier to bear. I truly believe that all we can do is ride the wave through and try to hold on as we work to understand the loss.
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