I was laying here thinking about how we spend our time. We have only so much time in our lives and yet sometimes we spend so much time on the negative that we wonder why things always seem to be going wrong. I truly believe that negativity begets negativity and if all we talk about is negative, then the energy takes over our lives.
I watched a Dr. Phil show one day with couples who were fighting on it and the thing that struck me was that they spent more time trying to tear down their relationship than they did trying to fix it and so it did not work. All they could see was the bad and that is all they talked about. Some were ready to just end the relationship right then, some wanted to work on it and some were just mired down in the negative part of the relationship to the point that they did not care one way or the other. I sat watching and wondered if the people realized that there is no perfect relationship and that running from one relationship to the next is only going to be the same thing because they have not learned to work on a relationship instead of just tearing it down. There is no perfect job but we can spend our time complaining daily about what is wrong and soon all we see is we have a bad job. I have worked jobs from teaching school, writing for a newspaper, driving a semi to being a waitress in a truck stop and even to doing janitorial and some way some how, I was able to smile and get the job done and find something to laugh at during the day.
The same is true I believe for health. We can consume ourselves with the negative aspects of our health to the point that we are tainting our own health. The negative energy actually brings our health down. We can become locked into the daily ritual of telling everyone all the bad things about our health, our life, etc to the point that not only are we toxic to ourselves and our own health, we are toxic to others. If we spent as much time complaining about all that is wrong with our health as we did talking about all that it still right with us and our lives, the positive energy might lift us up to make life happier.
I have said before that I just do not think of myself as chronically ill, in chronic and severe pain, or disabled and I never have and I have been sick over half my life and on disability for over twenty years and I just never looked at the negative aspects and always saw what I still had left. My doctors laugh at me because I have been so sick I needed to be in the hospital and I would say “no-no, you have sick people there” and they would say “and what do you think you are??”. I am not going to waste space here reiterating all that is wrong and the shape I am in because I do not like to give power to negative by always voicing it but those following my blog already know and so will understand what I mean here. I had a choice years ago. I could become a whiner and always go on and on and on about my health or I could become a survivor and move forward. Victims focus on the problem. Survivors focus on the solutions and making life the best possible.
Negativity can drastically affect our health. One of the best articles I have read on this lately is located at this link
I have talked about being positive so much that those that do not want to be positive get mad at me. Is that not ironic. Life is what we make it and how we choose to view it. I have met people who have lost everyone, lost their homes, their families, their money, their jobs….and yet they still seem to see joy and radiate happiness in their lives. And I have seen people who are battling hardships that it becomes nothing but a drain emotionally to be around them because all they do is talk about all their suffering. I learned early that when I reach out to help others I find my greatest joy. There will always be someone worse than me. No, it does not diminish what is wrong but it puts it into perspective. There will always be people with problems and sorrows and we either allow ourselves to drown in our own or we create our own life jacket and lift ourselves up. It is a choice. Even on my darkest days I can find something to smile at even if it is only the antics of my sweet Daisy.
I wake each day choosing to make it the best day possible; choosing to find the joy in it even if it is small; choosing to see the good and focus on it instead of seeing only the negative. And the truth is…I get what I look for. I used to do support groups on chronic illness and I found them to be mostly people complaining about all that is wrong constantly and if you do not think that will not bring you down you are wrong. One person will say they are hurting horribly or throwing up and ten more will say “Me, too”. It is a sea of negativity. That old saying “Misery loves company” is so true. People who are miserable want others around that are miserable too so that they have someone to agree with them. So, I focus on trying to lift others up and in doing so, lift myself up. Sometimes we have to see if what we are doing is increasing the negativity in our lives or is it lifting us up. And sometimes those things we do or be around are like concrete anchors on our ankles and keep us mired in the negative aspects of what is wrong and we are spiral downward into the sea of negativity.
If we spent as much time on the positive in life as we do on the negative….then we would find our lives filling up with positive energy instead of being pulled down with negative energy. It is all choice..whether it is working on relationships, enjoying your job, living with chronic health or disabilities, raising your children or just living life in general. There is no “perfect” job, relationship, life, health, etc. It is all in how we view it. My doctor laughed when he asked me to fill out a paper marking all the things I have wrong with me and when I finished I handed it back with a smile and said to him “well, at least my mental health and outlook is working good”. I could sit and complain about all that is wrong, about all the bad things I feel physically…but I would rather talk about all the things that are good..even if I am laying flat on my back in bed sipping my coffee in a sippy cup. I can smile and say “I got coffee” for that is something positive.
If your version of reality is negative, you are conditioned to believe that whatever can go wrong, will go wrong and whatever can go right, will probably go wrong too.
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