Simply danLrene

Work Your Dream

The Conscious Self

Am very contemplative this morning and saw a post about authenticity…which I believe in strongly. I decided to look up information on what it means and found the following:

Wikipedia said “authenticity is the degree to which one is true to one’s own personality, spirit, or character, despite external pressures; the  conscious self is seen as coming to terms with being in a material world and with encountering external forces, pressures and influences which are very different from, and other than, itself. A lack of authenticity is considered in existentialism to be bad faith.”   

I sat here wondering just what is our conscious self…and do we always live to what is true to our conscious self? I have heard I have changed and I hope I have from the shy person, who never spoke up to defend herself, always let others walk all over her to a woman who is stronger and better. Am I all good and perfect? Not by a  long shot and I have a long way to go. But I am evolving and trying to be true to me.

Being true to myself does not mean hiding how I feel anymore. But, I was late in life learning how to do that…very late in life and so I am back at a stage that I should have been in and learned when I was young and so am stumbling along learning. I can remember years and years of agreeing just for the sake of agreeing, of doing things I did not want to do because I did not know how to say that I did not want to, of being told to “smile” when I was devastated and pasting a fake smile on my face…all because I did not know how to be true to my authentic self.

I still do not know how to always do it appropriately but I am learning. I was watching sister wives the other nite and one of them that is always quiet and just goes along with everyone else, was in a group therapy session and she started giving her opinion…which she normally did not…and was shocked at herself saying “wow, I have an opinion”. This woman is middle-aged and just discovering that it is ok to have an opinion. I feel that way sometimes about myself. I am just discovering things about myself that I should have seen and learned when I was a teen but did not get the chance.

I am a survivor, though I hate using that word as everyone and their brother uses that word to describe themselves and it diminishes the meaning. It is like everyone in the class getting an award in a competition just for participating. The honor and value of that award is lost then. Survivor to me is a person who fights even in the worst of times not just the good times. A person that whines and moans and groans through the bad times and then is all happy dancing around in the good times…to me is not a survivor. But, I do know I am a survivor. I just do not know all the things about me that most people know by age 64.

I have people tell me things such as I am brave, strong, talented, caring, giving, loving, funny, smart….and yet when I think about myself, I find I am at a loss to describe myself. After years of being the chameleon…trying to do what always pleases everyone else, trying to earn love (strange to say) and feeling alone…I find myself trying to see where I fit in into this thing called life. I want to be authentic..want my personality to show through which actually is funny, quirky, tender-hearted, happy, loving and want to be the warrior that I fight daily to be…but I also am learning how to be myself.  So, for those that think I have it all under control, see even at age 64 we can still be learning how to live life and learning who we are. We can still be learning how to be authentic…honest and open…and that is huge with me. Being honest is the one thing in life I could control and became very important to me and still is. So, if you do not know who you really are anymore, know that you are not alone.


September 24, 2013 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , ,


  1. Hello there! I know this is kind of off topic but I
    was wondering if you knew where I could locate a captcha plugin
    for my comment form? I’m using the same blog platform as yours and I’m having trouble finding one?

    Thanks a lot!

    Comment by | October 1, 2013 | Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: