The Ache For Home
All through the ages, people have been taught that home is family; the fire burning on the hearth, everyone gathered together in joyous harmony, sitting around the dinner table and a literal safe haven. We see it in movies and in old pictures. Just look at the movies from the forties, fifties, sixties and on up to today, you will see the home theme throughout them. There was Ozzie and Harriet, Father Knows Best, I love Lucy, Lassie and Leave It To Beaver in the 50′s and shows like Andy Griffith, The Brady Bunch, Dick Van Dyke and The Partridge Family and they all show families working in harmony. As time progressed, shows still contained family oriented like The Walton’s, Little House on the Prairie, The Cosby Show, Happy Days, Laverne and Shirley and I could keep listing.
I have noticed as people grow up and move away from home, there is this yearning to “go back home” in many people and especially at holiday times. They want to be “home” for Christmas and have it be just like it was when they were little. The truth is…you can never go home again. It will never be the same because time has passed and people have changed. We are no longer little children, our siblings have created their own personalities, parents have changed and grown older and the world is not the same as we knew it back then.
This led me thinking about this “ache to go home” that so many have. And it hit me that what the ache is for is that feeling of security and of feeling safe they had when little…that feeling of not having the weight of responsibilities that we have as adults…those carefree days. And those carefree days leave us when we move on into adult hood and sometimes sooner.
So, how do we satisfy that ache for home? I have moved many times in my life, had many transitions from being the provider and mother of two beautiful sons, to being the mother of grown sons and working and living alone or being in relationships and now to living “with” my son and not being able to do and give of my time and talents and money as much as I used to. That is a hard battle for the chronically ill as it is human nature to value yourself by what you can do and what contributions you can make to life. So, learning to create my own safe haven…my own home within me in my one room world became essential so that I always had my “home” with me no matter where I was…where I was living…or what transition came my way.
I watched “mama” give up her home and move to the living facility and everyone goes through these transitions in life but it is a grieving process. The more I lost my ability to make contributions to the world and those around me, to care for myself, the more I found myself yearning for “home” but not sure what it was I was yearning for. And then, one day I realized that the search started and ended within me . My “home”, my “safe haven” lay within my heart and soul. I could not go back to another time nor could I purchase this “safe haven” I wanted. I had to create it.
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