The Reaction Thoughts Train
Sometimes people say things innocently and never know how the words stick with the other person. The person may carry them around, floating in their head for a long time and feel happy or sad about the words. I have been there done that and been on both ends saying words casually or in fun and trigger another person without even realizing it for we all carry our own triggers. If I learn I hurt, I apologize for that is all we can do; one sincere apology. And if it makes them laugh or feel happy, I just smile for I love doing that.
One day a dear friend said something to me without realizing what she said for she was not trying to hurtful but was wishing for me the best of all things. And the words are still circling in my head and at times make me feel sad. But, for the most part, I know what the words were meant to convey not what my head was hearing. The words were “It is sad you never got to have that one special love in life”. My first reaction was that of being a failure. Yes, I have been married, divorced, had relationships but what people call that one true love…no, never had.
I battled with the thought train which can take us down paths we really do not need to go with thoughts of “I must be pretty bad no one loved me like that” to “Boy she thinks you are pathetic because you never had that one true love”. Those are called reactions and my brain was firing them off fast. And I had to get off that train because with chronic illness and disability, we can not go there. It is hard enough when we feel like we lost our looks because of the illness and feel like no one would ever desire us but to allow any other “reaction” thoughts just makes it worse. So, I had to put on the brakes on that train thought and board another train called the Train of what I do have..
See, I know this person was not trying to hurt me. She was expressing a wish that I had someone to treasure me and love me in that special true love way. She was not expressing how pathetic I was. That was my brain firing off. We have to learn the difference between reactions and actions so that we do not go on those Reaction Thoughts Train, My first reactions were the ones above. But it did not take me long for me to be able to smile and say to myself..”yes, it is but I guess it was not meant to be with all my health issues.” I mean seriously, who is going to come in and date a woman who lives basically in one room in a hospital bed much less want to love them in that special true love way?
BUT, I can say I am blessed because I have love. Maybe not that one special, once in a life time love but I have had love and have love now of family and special friends that have been part of my life for a good while. I have had and still have people who treat me special and who try to enrich my life and make is special in spite of the health I am in. And that is a blessing. I even have the devoted love of my Daisy which brings me such joy. So, it is not like I have never been loved. I have been in relationships in the past and known that romantic love…just not that soul love that people talk of with their spouses or partners.
And I tell you all this because it is important for us to first off not let our reactions take us on the Reaction Thought train to a wreck. And second for us to look for what we DO have instead of what we never had. Our brains sometimes just fire off thoughts that are destructive to us and so we must be the Conductor of our own train and direct the train in the direction it should go…in a positive way. We must as the Conductors of our own trains know when to change trains and know when a train is leading us down the wrong path. There will always be things we “never” had in life and that is just fact and if we focus on that, we never move forward. Life is a gift and all the things that come with it can either lift us up or tear us down. Yes, I battle way more than most people do and yet I have never thought of myself as handicapped or chronically ill. And that is my choice. Just as it is my choice to look at the love I have had instead of bemoaning that I never had that soul mate love. For all love is beautiful and I have people who show me daily that they love me.
image by www.thelifequotes.com
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