The World You Create
I was watching a show yesterday and an inspirational/motivational woman was talking and was asked by a member of the audience how to stop worrying about what others thought of her or how she looked, etc. And the speaker replied like this: “Those thoughts are in your head and are your perception. You do not know what people are really thinking and so have created a scenario of negative thoughts that is bringing you down. Choose to change that scenario in your head. You made it up that people might be talking about how bad you look or that you are lazy or that no one likes you So, why not just make up a new reality? Oh look, that person over there thinks I am great. Oh look, that person over here thinks I am pretty. etc. It is your mind….fill it with good thoughts that you decide is what is happening”.
I loved what she said because people “assume” far too often what they think other people are thinking. And ironcially, a big part of the time, they are not even in other people’s thoughts at all. It took me years to realize that getting upset over what others think was of no use because 1. I could not change them, 2. I have no idea what they are really thinking and 3.most of the time we are not even in people’s radar. We are actually not that important to the majority of the people that we tend to glance around at thinking they are putting us down in their minds. That is not an insult but just fact. People live very busy lives and while we may think they are thinking about us all the time and thinking negative things….they are actually just living their lives.
I actually have learned to just laugh at some of the things people actually DO say. I went through a time before I was put on disability of feeling like people thought I was not that sick. And, lacking in confidence-I kept trying to prove to them that I WAS that sick. And I finally learned that nothing I could say would convince those that believed I was not that sick so why was I getting upset. And many times, I learned that they were not even thinking of me at all and they just got irritated and pulled away from me because I kept making such a drama out of trying to prove I was so sick every day. And it was a light bulb moment for me. I learned to worry only about what I think about myself and my health and what my doctors think as they treat me.
I am not one of those that gets mad at people saying “Oh you look good” when they see me. I know many that think it is something horrible to have that said to them and will get all worked up. To me, I just am thankful that to them I DO look good. I do not want people going “Oh, how horrible you look” or to talk about nothing but my health issues. I have enough wrong, I could discuss it 24 hours a day and if I did, people would quit listening to me…for they have their OWN problems to deal with. And they are preoccupied with that and while they do not mind listening occasionally about someone’s problems they are really focusing on their own. When it is day in and day out, people get sick of it. I get sick of it and I am chronically ill. LOL
So, what is your reality and what do you let bring you down? What do you let hold you back from life because you assume you know what others are thinking of you or could be saying about you. I remember kids coming up back when I was teaching school and telling me that so and so said their grandmother was ugly or that she was mean. My first question was “Is your grandmother ugly?” And the child would say “No.” And I would say “Then why are you getting upset? You KNOW what your grandmother is and is not and they do not.” We know in our heart of hearts what is real and what is not but we build this fantasy in our heads that we allow to rule our lives.
I know how sick I am and I know how limited I am and I do not feel the need to keep telling people with every breath I take how sick I am. I do not need their validation to make me feel better. They are not in my body and if they do not get it, then that is their problem and not mine. I think sometimes we need to back up and look around and ask ourselves why we are presuming that people do not care just because they do not “Get it” that we are sick or disabled or tired or whatever. People do not have to “understand” what is wrong to be sympathetic and loving. Why create this fairy tale in our heads that people think we are faking or are lazy or do not look good when in the end, the only person it hurts is us.
Life is our choice. We have within us all we need to make it a happy one if we allow ourselves to choose to be happy. I have learned that some people like to hold on to misery and be able to complain but that does not mean we all have to. I learned to put a wall between the “negative Nellies” as I call them and myself for not only are they dragging themselves down, they are dragging all those around them down. What kind of life are you choosing for yourself? What kind of choices are you making about how you will deal with life? What is the reality you have created in your head that rules your life…either in a positive uplifting way or in a negative and downward way?
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