“The Talk” I Would Have Had With My Teen Daughter
I never got to have a daughter but all my life as I dreamed of having one, I carried in my heart “The Talk” that I would love to have been able to have with her. We all know the talk as parents that we feel obligated to give them on the facts of sex but “The Talk” I wanted to give had more in it than just how sex came about or how easy it was to become pregnant. It involved years of prepping before getting to “The Talk”.
I wanted my children…my sons and any daughters I might have to know more than just how the parts worked when it came to sex and that a baby could result. Those are important things to know but I wanted my children to value themselves and anyone they became involved in. I wanted them to realize that giving of their bodies was more than just the pleasure of the moment and making sure that you did not get pregnant. It was giving away your gift to someone instead of saving it for the person you wanted to spend your life with.
I must have done something right for both of my sons are very good young men. They both wanted sex to be something more than causal encounters on the road to adulthood and after. I tried to teach them how special sex was and how it should be saved for that special person you wanted to spend your life with. I look at my sons and one is married and such a good husband and father. My other son is very particular about whom he dates now after a long, serious relationship ended.
I asked my son one day if taking care of me kept him from dating. He said that he had not found anyone he wanted to date right now. He said so far what he met were women who just wanted to hop into bed and go night clubbing and that was not what he wanted. He wanted a family and children and someone who he could spend the rest of his life with but that so many today are only into it for the sex and money and fun.
So, as I thought about what I would tell my daughter since I think women tend to have it differently, I thought about how first I needed to teach her that she was more than her looks, more than the designer clothes she put on her body, more than being someone’s arm candy, more than a flash in the pan one night stand and once she got that, then the rest of the story would fall into place. I am so proud that my son is teaching his daughter this for it tells me I must have done something right when raising him and his brother.
I see so many young girls especially who put provocative poses on their Facebook, dress provocatively and act provocatively and seductively. As I look through all the “selfies”, I notice a trend: it is the same expressions, same dead look in the eyes that they think is alluring…just different clothes. And it makes me realize why I desired so much to help my children and especially any daughter I had to understand that she would be worth way more than that.
The greatest gift I think I could give my daughter would be to help her become self-assured, confident and beautifully unaware of her beauty outside and more aware of her actions and beauty inside. If she had those qualities, she would not be so desperately seeking a person to be attached to as if the other person made her complete. We are complete within ourselves. I would teach her that she does not “need” another person to make her complete…that wanting someone in our lives is much different from thinking you need someone and must have someone. Thinking you “need” someone and “must have” someone makes a person desperate and they will take anything that comes along. I did not want that for any child of mine.
And once my daughter had that self-assurance and confidence, then she would understand the lesson on sex. Getting the part of how it works and how babies are made is easy. Understanding the part about how when you freely give away your body you are diminishing the gift that we should bring to our husband, our partner, our spouse is another level….. the purity of our love..our virginity, our chastity. And retaining that purity after you have found that one that you want to spend your life with comes by not cheating and keeping that love and part of you special for that special lifelong love.
I wanted to tell her how I could take a beautiful piece of expensive, fine, bone china…a tea cup…and I could drink out of it and let everyone drink out of it and how it loses its shine, loses its special quality and loses the beauty after others have used it. And when we let others who are not the one we are intended to spend our life with use that cup, not only are they using it but also all the people they have been with are using it too through him and that tarnishes the beauty of our gift even more. And then take that used cup that has been used by many, dulled and chipped and wrap it in special paper and hand it to your husband, partner, spouse…and expect it to be the shining, pure, and beautiful gift it should be when you find that special life partner. Can you imagine your loved one handing you such a gift and opening it and finding a used item in there, dull and tarnished and wondering why you were given this…was this all you were worth? When we do not respect that gift ourselves, how can we expect the person to respect it that we want to spend our lives with?
When we give of our bodies freely like that, we not only tarnish what we should be saving for our special one that we want to spend our lives with, we also hurt our own selves…our hearts. It is easy to think you love someone and get caught up in the moment, but if someone really loves you, they will wait til the time is right. After a while, when a person gives of themselves thinking they are getting love in return and do not get that real love, the heart becomes damaged, their view of themselves becomes one of unworthiness and finding their way back is hard.
This is what I would have told my daughter. I lost a child between my sons. I miscarried and I always believed that was my daughter. I know she is in heaven and so maybe she sees this and knows I love her so much that I would have cared enough to tell her this when she was growing up. I am so glad to see a trend in some young people to remain virgins until they marry, to value themselves. Many will put it down, many will make fun of it but the truth is..any person worth their salt will respect and love even more someone who saves themselves for the one they want to spend their lives with. Respect yourself enough to not give yourself away in hopes of finding love. And if you have already given yourself away and do not know what to do…start today treasuring that gift once more and bringing back the purity of it.
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