Simply danLrene

Work Your Dream

Billy Goat Gruff, Sequinned Heels and Headband

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When the pain monger that lives under the bed is the most ferocious, it is night-time that it is the worst. I lay here and my muscles feel like they are turning into hard bands and the pain is shrieking like chalk on a blackboard. Now, the pain monger has always made me think of “The Three Billy Goats Gruff”  story from my childhood and I tell myself I must be the big Billy Goat Gruff and outsmart the pain monger.

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I have always been good at pretending. I used to pretend I was all sorts of characters from my books when I was little and act out plays. I loved it. And so as I grew up, it was very easy to pretend everything was fine even when it was not. Why, I was so good at pretending that no one knew there were any marriage troubles until the divorce came. And maybe that is why I have survived so long because even when I have had those major surgeries, I just pretended I would go through it fine and I always made it through. I never did like many do and research on the internet all the bad things that could happen. I did not want to know them. I knew that no matter what, I would be in a good place.

My godfather used to talk to me often about pain and tell me to treat it like a dear friend…meaning be kind to it, treat it special, treat it with love and be gentle. For after all, it is our bodies that the pain monger is attacking. He knew this kind of pain for he lived with it too and died from it this past year. Oh, I do miss him and our talks.


Tonight is one of those nights where the pain keeps me in that limbo land where I am so exhausted but it will not let me sleep. And so, I do what I do normally. I put on my high heels and my glitter headbands and I turn on music softly to not bother son in his room and I bed dance. I move my body very slowly and gently in stretching motions trying to make the pain monger let go of my muscles, never pulling them more than an inch in any direction. And I close my eyes and let the music transport me for a little bit. I pretend I am dancing across a big stage…twirling and twirling. and with each twirl, I am sending the pain off into the darkness.

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And if I do it just right and take my meds and keep the music playing and my high heels on and my glitter headband and necklace, between the music and the meds and relaxing myself, I might actually doze off for a bit. I intend to never let the pain monger win. I might get some battle scars but I come out still the winner.

Son says sometimes he wakes up to go to the bathroom and he will hear me moaning in my room and come to check on me. If I am asleep, he gently slips off my high heels and headband and turns the music even lower and covers me up and eases out the door. I always know when he does because when I wake up again my headband and heels are sitting on the shelf by the door.

Only this time something tells me I will wake up with my heels and headband by the door and some long purple soft and fluffy socks on my feet. Well, even the great pretender needs props to make things work better. *wink*

June 2, 2014 - Posted by | All, Uncategorized | , , , , , , ,

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