No Where Does It Say …..
image from AlcoholicShare.org
This image alone says it all but I want to elaborate on this. People that know me know I never ever give up. Does that mean I do not have moments of despair or weakness? No, it does not. It means I do not stay there in those moments but rather work to pull myself out of them.
I am a big believer in survivor mentality and I believe that survivors focus on solutions and victims just focus on all the problems. And this statement may make many mad but there is always something you can do to find some solution even if it is distracting yourself from the pain you feel. I find that it is the victims that will fight me the hardest on this because they do not want to find the solution when complaining is easier.
Now, let me explain the difference in discussing how you feel and complaining so that people understand what I am saying better. I may mention I am having a high pain day or a rough day but…and this is the difference….I do not spend my whole day telling everyone how bad it is over and over. Being a victim is very addicting because people…all people…love the attention given by those around us as there will always be sympathizers even if the sympathizers are ones that have victim mentality too. Victims will say I keep telling others how sick I am and what is wrong so they will know. What you do not realize is how many times you tell the same people all that is wrong.
It is very true that people who are alike tend to associate together. Drinkers will be around those that drink, book lovers like to be around those that love to read. Family oriented people like to be around those that are family oriented and victims like to be around those that agree with them which are other victims. For this reason I do not do “support” groups for I have found so many of them are people who spend their day complaining and I do not want to live like that. You start reading the posts and one can say how bad they hurt and fifty will agree with them. I have to keep myself around positive people.
I am at that age in my health battle that I can count the months I have left and before anyone panics, no I am not saying I am about to die. I am 65 and if I lived twenty more years that is 240 months. That is what I mean. If I live ten years that is 120 months and it makes you really take stock of the time you do have left. I have always refused to give up, even when laying here in this bed and could not get up by myself. I would lay there and hold on to that dream…that hope, that one day it would be better. And I would do whatever I could to find the joy in my life that helped me sustain myself. Sometimes it was just my Daisy snuggling here beside me. My faith in my Creator also has helped me to keep going.
And so like the picture above says, the day will come when I am gone but no where in my story will it ever say that I gave up. The reason for this is because I will not allow that into my life. I refuse to be defeated, to live in self-pity, to spend my days complaining about how much pain I am in or how sick I feel, to deny this life that God gave me and to let it end feeling sorry for myself. It is my life and was a gift to me and I use that life to find joy in the simplest things and to feel the blessings I do have.
I have spent so much time in this one room that it is my world but I have my “command central” which you can see in a picture on the right side of this blog that has my computer by my bed and I am adept at tummy typing and even typing on my side. Command Central is my window to the world. Sometimes I lay here in the dim lights just listening to soft music. Sometimes I talk to friends on the internet. Sometimes I get lost in a movie or video and often I fall asleep while that movie or video is playing only to awaken later with it ended. This is why I watch the same video over and over because I wake up at different spots in the video so eventually I get to see it all. But no where in my story of my life is it going to say I GAVE UP because I refuse to give up. I refuse to give into that victim mentality and allow my life to be all about poor me. No where in my story will it say that I was a whiner or complainer or even that I was this poor sick woman but it will say that I was an adapter, a survivor, and that I feel the breeze of angels’ wings around me and know that I am not alone.
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