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The “H” Word Is On The Rise

The H Word

Such a small word and yet it can affect so many. Hate just does not hurt those that are hated, it hurts the ones doing the hating. Did you know that it takes energy to hate? This is why I tell people why I do not carry hate or anger. I do not have the energy to spare. Every time we hate someone, we are setting an example for those around us. And hatred is not just confined to the ones who have done the hurting, injustice or intolerance. It grows until those who feel hurt or mistreated become people who hate too. And so, hate becomes the ripple effect and keeps going and keeps getting fueled.

I remember my youngest son coming home from school one day. I believe he was in about the first or second grade and he told me that kids were using that bad word. I asked him what bad word and he replied..”You know, the H word”.  My first thought was hell but then he looked up and innocently whispered “Hate, mama. they use it a lot.”   My heart felt a pang for I had tried so hard to keep my sons away from the hatred so many spew. People learn it from somewhere. I broke the cycle of racism with my boys and others have too but it is still out there.

image from

I think the hate going on around our country and the world is one of the things that makes me sadder than anything. People no longer know how to talk out differences and so they resort to hating those that are different than them. And hate is like a bad gene, it gets handed down generation to generation.

I really thought we had come a long ways until I watched the last election and I would sit in stunned silence that supposedly smart adults were using hate and prejudice in the political arena. It really is time that we stopped the hate.

No matter how much a person hates something or someone, it is not going to change the thing they hate. So, why waste energy doing it?  Perhaps I see it as something so simple because of my health and the fact that I just do not have the energy to throw into hating and being ugly. I look back through time and it seems each generation has its set of things to hate and yet, we never seem to learn how destructive hating is.

“We have just enough religion to make us hate, but not enough to make us love one another.”  Jonathan Swift

I have had my battles with doctors and medical issues and have gotten upset but even that doctor that treated me in such an ugly way…..I can not hate.  I have people who have betrayed me, been ugly to me, used me and even said horrific things to and about me but I just do not have it in me to hate them. If there is injustice, then dislike it enough to do something to correct it. Do not hate it for I think hate is a futile emotion. It is an emotion that is like burning the fields back in the south. We would burn the garden plot by lighting the fire on one side and lighting it on the other and the fire burned inwards so that it would eventually burn the insides up. Hate burns inward and it scorches our very souls.

“Hate is a powerful emotion. Unless kept in check, hate can cause an avalanche of destruction. It wreaks havoc on relationships, breaks up families, and even takes away innocent lives. With hate, dark thoughts of revenge and destruction can cloud the mind. Hate not only destroys people around us; it also erodes our own character. Never let hate engulf your mind.”  Jonathan Swift

Hate is another one of those things that is a choice. We choose to hate and we can choose to not hate. It helps if people can figure out why they are hating but the sad thing I think is many people fuel the hate because they do not want to work on the issues that are causing them to hate. With hate, like anger becomes easier to deal with than the tougher emotions and is easier than the work of dealing with emotions.

“Hate stems from being hurt in some way (especially when expectations have been dashed or are unfulfilled) and a feeling of impotence to change it. Hating the other person, or even one’s self, becomes a handy substitute for taking negative action. Such hate usually includes any of the following: feeling of anger, resentment, disrespect, being wronged, loss of personal value and being excluded. However, hate can also be used as a form of preserving one’s power, to maintain some form of superiority, especially where one feels inadequate and needs a scapegoat to blame (e.g pointless racist behaviour).”

©Elaine Sihera (Ms CYPRAH) 2011
Emotional Health and People Management Consultant

And if hate is a choice and we can choose not to hate, then how do we do that. It seems emotions are running high around the world. That leads me to ask have people lost control of their emotions? Is hate like anger, an easier feeling to deal with than dealing with feeling wronged or abandoned or loss of control in one’s life or whatever set off the hate? As I was writing this, I realized that the one thing that makes not carrying hate or anger around for me was the fact that I am forgiving by nature. I learned a long time ago that forgiveness is basically for myself to allow me to move on and not carry the hate, anger, frustration, etc around and so I forgive easily.

“The most effective technique to overcome hate is forgiveness. It is both sad and pointless to take one event in a person’s life and use it forever against them, or to be resentful against them for something which might have happened ages before. By forgiving that person, both people can move on from it. But, most important, the forgiver is freed from the past and can move on to a different perspective in love rather than in hate.” 

©Elaine Sihera (Ms CYPRAH) 2011
Emotional Health and People Management Consultant

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We can not legislate hatred or racism away. Oh, yes we can make laws for equality but hatred is an emotion and you can not legislate emotions. The hatred a person has will still be there even if  a law is passed or a flag removed. We are seeing that today with the Confederate flag issue. It was removed but we are still seeing hatred and anger on both sides. So, why can we not as adults work on accepting others and realizing that just because someone lives or thinks or talks differently from us, does not make them bad or wrong or not worth caring about.

I keep remembering reading in Galatians as I am a person of faith that the fruits of having the Holy Spirit in us are listed as:    “22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control.”  And that is what I want to show to people…the fruits of the spirit. Those that are showing hate, anger, intolerance are showing the fruits of the flesh.

So my question today for all of you is to ask yourself when you find yourself spewing anger, intolerance, hatred or even posting those words written in the heat of the moment is “Why?”  Why do you feel such strong emotions because until you know why, you will never heal that part of you inside that is causing the feelings. And it is healing this world needs not legislation….healing what caused the hatred and healing comes with working on the feelings inside us.

June 26, 2015 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , ,


  1. Takes more muscles to frown than to smile, yet look at people all around – so much anger.
    Tolerance and real forgiveness must a 2 way street…and not a “show of virtue’ to impress those around. So much proud Pharisee behavior going around now. They may be fooling themselves, but God knows what is in their hearts. Only when hearts change will violence and hate decline.
    Bullying, forced rigid mandates, and laws only insure there will be a backlash and progress delayed. Human behavior changes slowly, but it can and does change.
    Meanwhile each must do what they can in their own little corner of the world and teach/hold tolerance, understanding, and compassion.

    Comment by philosophermouseofthehedge | June 26, 2015 | Reply

    • I agree Karen…why I write my blogs on stuff like this…my corner of the world trying to help and why I treat people with kindness. I loved the proud pharisee phrase you used but that is exactly what some churches are doing. And hearts definitely have to change…no one can do it for them.

      Comment by danLrene ©2011 | June 26, 2015 | Reply

      • One little pebble changes the stream’s flow. Long term view often makes life easier to cope with. Hugs

        Comment by philosophermouseofthehedge | June 26, 2015

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