This Little Light Of Mine
Sometimes the reality of life has a way of taking us out of the game for a while. That is how it has been for me lately. It has been doctors, tests, and I am sure you know the drill and these have come two to three days a week and days of recuperation after them. I am not back up to my normal par but I at least still have a few brain cells functioning right now. Or, I at least hope I do.
Last night was a night of laying flat on my back with my legs in cramps that twisted my legs up. Who needs exercise, I have extended muscle cramps is my new mantra. Fortunately or maybe unfortunately, because my spine is so bad that I can not feel my legs from the knees down, I did not feel the pain of the muscle cramps only intense pressure and exhaustion after it was over . So, due to that and some other issues, I can not guarantee this blog will make the sense I want it to but hopefully you will get the message inside these words.
Watching reality shows is not a true image of what life really is like. Reality shows on TV are scripted. Real life is what is actually happening to you at the moment. When things get tough, does this mean we just lay down and give up? I can answer that easily because the answer is no. Sometimes we may struggle to get going but as long as we are moving no matter how slowly, we are making progress.
Do you know who our worst enemy is? I bet you do. Just look in the mirror. That person in the mirror is the worst critic we have and expects things to work perfectly and when they do not, gets upset the most. So, then what do we do when the reality of life hits us hard? Well, if we are a reality star, we could get hair extensions, a butt implant, a boob job, a new boyfriend/girlfriend or new spouse, a new car, whatever. We could get.anything to make us feel better for a short period of time. I am sad to say though that will not help the inside of us that is tired, in pain and just fed up with being sick all the time. Happiness lies within the heart and things will not fill that happiness void So, we must find that little spark that keeps us going.
There is one thing that keeps us going and fighting to survive and that is hope. No matter how tiny that spark of hope is, it will still illuminate and give us the strength to keep trying. I love Elisabeth Kubler Ross and her words help us to keep going.
I admit there are times my hope takes a beating but I think the reason that I hold on so hard is my faith and my knowing what heaven is like. A couple of times during surgery they had a lot of trouble and I was almost lost. And yet, I can tell you what I saw during that time was the most beautiful place in the world filled with colors so vibrant they looked like glowing precious gems. I know where I will go when I die and therefore I do not fear dying. And that alone keeps my hope going so that I keep fighting and keep trying to hang on to life.
No matter how bad we get, never let your hope dim. Keep in mind the person you are on the inside and let that hope shine forth. It is ironic that as sick as I am, I do not picture myself as someone sickly. I made my doctor laugh once when they mentioned putting me in the hospital due to a bad infection and I replied “No, no you have sick people over there.” They replied with a laugh and said “What do you think you are?” My response was “Not sick like all of them in the hospital.” . I do not see myself as sick as I am. That helps me even when the dark times where I must just lay here and not move happen. I believe that is the tiny spark that gives off just enough to keep my hear and hope illuminated and show my stained glass. Stained glass is made from broken pieces of colored glass….broken but made into an imperfectly perfect image.
image from secretsofthedisabled.tumblr.com
Remember that song “This Little Light of Mine”? Keep your light shining outward no matter how tiny that flicker of hope is for that helps during the worst of times. No matter how hard it gets, there are pieces of joy along the way if you look for them. Sometimes my piece of joy is laying here just snuggling with my sweet Daisy dog.
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