Mental Memory Books And Dreams
I am going to regale you with a story from my memory bank of funnies that I use when I am feeling bad or in high pain. Sometimes it is memories of my kids, sometimes it is clips from movies and sometimes it is things I have done myself. Oh yes, I have learned that laughing at one’s self is good. 🙂
This story from my mental memory book is about me as a naive, young, divorced mother when my sons were five and eight. We had just come in from school and the boys were sitting there eating a snack at the coffee table and I had just slipped my shoes off and given that sigh of relief one feels at the end of a hard day.
My oldest son says he wanted to ask me about something he had heard at school. I have always encouraged them to just ask me and not take what they hear kids saying as gospel. Only I was not ready for this question. His question was….”Mama, what is ‘oral sex’?” Well, I think I sucked my breath in so far that I could not find my way out and my brain was scrambling for an answer.
Of course, being a naive young mother who was not well-educated in all these things, I was not sure how to answer him and believe you do not give more information than is necessary for the age. About that time, my five-year old son looks up with all his innocence and says….”Oh that is easy Bubba. You just talk your way through it”. Bless his sweet heart, he had heard his Bubba talk about giving oral book reports and so that was how simple it was to him. I was glancing from one son to the other trying to read their expressions. The youngest one had gone back to playing with his trucks and eating his snack and the oldest one seemed content with his brother’s answer and was pulling his Hardee Boy’s book out to read. So, we left it at that for the day. And you can bet I heaved a huge sigh of relief. I knew I better find the answers to these types of questions but for now I was saved by the bell.
Raising my boys was such a joy. I always enjoyed and still do my kids and grandchild. At times, there was a lot of humor as here I was with two young sons and myself to take care of things that many have a spouse for. I learned how to fix dryers, washers, rewind go-cart pull strings, to repair plumbing…you name it. We were survivors to the nth degree and we knew how to take care of ourselves.It was a time where most kids would say “My Daddy will come fix this.” only my boys were quick to say “My Mom will come fix this.”
And on days like today and the past couple of weeks, I pull out my book of memories and try to keep my eyes focused on these things to help me through them. Other things, like thinking about my trip to Italy a few years ago, riding the Amtrak to Mississippi, sitting with the birds feeding out of my hand, doing gardening….all those things bring me much pleasure and helps distract me into a sleep when I am sick and feeling bad. The nice thing about mental memory books is we can be selective about what we keep in them. I do not keep hard times, or sick times, etc in my memory books. I keep the things that help me through the hard times.
I also lay here and dream my dreams and dream about things on my bucket list. like the wildlife cam I want so I can see the deer in the back yard. Of course, son will have to put a stake out for it as we do not have any trees yet in the back yard.
Or I dream about the mini-bus with the lift so son can make a camper so I can travel places easier. Son wants to get an old one that the city sells and fix it up with a bed in it so I can lay down because traveling is so painful for me. But, oh think of the places I could go. And they have lifts on them for handicap, so my power chair would go with us. I dream about this day a lot and about going back east to see my youngest son and his wife and my grand baby, my family and my aunt that I call Mama. I have not given up hope. 🙂 My bucket list includes seeing my son and his wife and grand baby and family and “Mama” one more time before I kick the bucket. And so I dream and dream of it.
Or I dream of and son dreams about the greenhouse he wants to build with higher tables so I can ride my power chair up and down the rows and help with the plants. I am blessed to have a son who is very handicap conscious and thinks of ways I can still do things. He helps me keep feeling like I am still a valuable person. He is planning one made out of PVC pipe and plastic and has bought all the material but just has not been able to get it up yet due to all the medical he and I both have had.. See, he is dreaming too. And this year he has started working on his dream and is laying out the foundation for his green house.
And sometimes, I lay here and dream about how I want to do my own little store on the internet like a Zazzle store and use my photography…..like this mug I designed. I want to do mouse pads, I-pad covers, magnets, tee-shirts…whatever. I love to take pictures and though it would not bring in much money, would make me feel like I accomplished something like this blog does. Or I dream of getting my poetry book published or my genealogy book. Dreams are so important.
All my rambling here was to tell you all that no matter how bad things are, you can choose to focus on something positive and it will help how you feel. Our minds are a great thing and I have learned dealing with the disabilities and pain I have suffered with over the past half of my life that negative things and keeping yourself upset only increases the pain. Laughter releases those endorphin’s that are part of our natural pain medicine and help bring our pain down.
I may never get all that is on my bucket list and the list is long because I believe in dreaming…but the good news is…dreaming about these things brings me pleasure too. I am almost to one bucket list item and that was to get to 1000 subscribers on my blog here and I am at 943, so almost there. Another thing on my bucket list is to walk again even if it is only a few steps. Right now my back/hip are in so much pain that we do not know if I fractured another vertebrae or injured my hip socket and are waiting on an MRI to find out. The pain is horrific and so I distract myself in a lot of ways. Sometimes you have to force yourself to look at the good because it is so easy to just wallow in the ugly and bad times. But, do push yourself to find something positive to focus on because it truly does help.
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