What Kind Of Choices Do You Make?
I learned many years back that when I help others I feel the happiest. That is because helping others gives me self-worth and a purpose. That can be hard when we are chronically ill for being a chronically ill person can become a very self-absorbed lifestyle if we are not careful. It can become all about “Me, me, me”. I quit being involved in chronic illness groups for this reason because it at times feels like people are competing to see who is the worst and that really bothers me. I mean seriously, who wants to be chronically ill?
And yet, with a certain segment of chronically ill people, there is this mentality where every word that comes out of their mouth is about how sick they are. Even when others see the person improving and say that they are glad to see the person looking a little better, the person will shoot you down with how sick they are and what they can not do. This caused me to leave groups for one person could tell what was going on in their lives and others would chime in they were just as bad or worse instead of offering support to the one who was having a really rough time.
I love when people tell me how good I look because even if I am not better, it means I look better than I feel and that makes me feel good. Perhaps for me, that comes from learning to value the person I am and not feeling like I must constantly be proving how sick I am. I think it also comes from having survivor mentality instead of victim mentality. Survivors will focus on solutions and ways to make things better and will see the good while victims are still caught up in all that is wrong. And if you are still caught up in all that is wrong, perhaps it is time to change the focus and direction of your lens and focus on some good stuff for a while.
Finding that happy medium where we are not totally focused on our health and where we are also living life and being part of what is going on in the world no matter how limited we are is important. It is important that we have confidence in ourselves. Being chronically ill, we have to learn to take that break away from “sickness” even if we are living it every day and focus on something connected with living.
If a crisis is happening with me, I will tell friends because I know they will pray but I also talk of other things because I just refuse to do the marathon sick thoughts and talk all day long. But normal every day living, I do not talk about sickness much as you all have seen on here. Life is too short and I treasure every minute I have here with my children and grand baby, with Mama and my Daisy and my friends.
image from control88sutech.persianblog.ir
I have faith that I will not die one day sooner or one day later than I am supposed to so like the little boy who carried the umbrella because he believed the prayers would be answered, I carry my hope and faith with me all the time. I am confident that doctors will find something to help me and if they do not, then I am confident that I will find a way to live with it and live with joy still in my life.
I truly believe that the hardest thing for a disabled person or a chronically ill person is the inability to work like we used to. I learned to find other ways to fill that part inside that work did. This blog is one way. I wake up each day and I consider this a job so to speak. It is a reason to get up and to do instead of just laying here worrying about my health. Doing things to help others is another way. I can not do what I could full-time but even laying here in this hospital bed I can reach out and help others, listen to them, find ways to help them or resources that will help them and sometimes just be there for them.
I have learned that unless we make goals for ourselves no matter how sick we are and you all know how sick I am, than we are lost in life just wandering around with nothing to give us that feeling of worth. .And that absence of anything to do in our lives can cause us to fall back into thinking about all that is wrong and lose our focus. Many think that once you are chronically ill or disabled that you no longer can have a fulfilling or useful life which is not true.
We may not can hold a 9-5 job or do what “normal” people do but we can do things that are productive. I may lay here and type like now to write this blog. No, I am not sitting up in a chair at a desk in an office but I am doing something fulfilling. It is all a matter of choice and I choose to find things to do that make me feel useful. This is why I choose to not spend all my time talking about every aspect of my illnesses and disabilities. It is draining to me and to those around me.
Life, even chronically ill life is about choices. We choose to find happiness or we choose to see only the negative. We choose to be as self-sufficient as possible or we choose to want others to do all the supporting, looking after us and making us feel good or happy. They are all choices. And we can choose to see the value still in us no matter how sick we are. We can choose to see the positive and even improvements in ourselves and not feel threatened that no one will think we are not ill. Why not choose to see that we are doing better in some ways? Everyone else sees it even if they do not say anything to us.
To me talking about sickness steals my time in life. I would much rather talk about my grand daughter’s band competitions or my other son’s barn he is building or my son’s hobbies here than talk about sickness. Make positive choices for your life instead of weighing yourself down with all the negative. What a difference it will make in your life.
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