The Sacredness of Tears
Have you ever noticed how easy it is to talk in the dark. Whispering and talking to someone, there is no facial expression to put us off, no feelings of either condemnation nor praise. It just IS. I find that when I have the middle of the night contemplation times, the feelings are the same. Some things are easier to think about when the senses are soothed by a blanket of soft darkness. When the lights are low it is easier to let the tears fall for we feel hidden.
Tears that seem to come in the light, do not feel the need to wash away hurts or pains like in the dimness of night. It is in this dimness of night that we feel safe enough to think about those painful things. And tears that fall in the darkness feel like that quote about if a “tree falls in the forest and no one is there..will it make a sound?” If I cry in the darkness will anyone hear my tears because we are so often afraid to cry in front of others? (Do not worry, I am not crying. I am trying to talk about how the darkness affects us when we are contemplative.) The ones that needs the washing and cleansing that crying in the night can bring usually find it in the dark.
“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief…and unspeakable love.” Washington Irving
I think that sometimes we spend so much time looking back and doing the “what if’” thoughts or wishing things could have been different that we lose the moments happening now. This is even more so when we are chronically ill because people want to look at all they lost from their illness and all that is wrong instead of seeing all that is right.
“One day at a time–this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering.” Ida Scott Taylor
I have to smile as I think about those wonderful memories stored inside me from the past. I rely on memories in the really hard times for they fill my senses and help me endure. I am tired and exhausted from pain and have been really sick the past several months. And oh how I have relied on those wonderful memories to sustain me: memories of loved ones, of times with precious friends, of funny things, or loving moments. It is then those wonderful memories help me cope with the extra pain and fears.It is then that the beautiful memories come to life and the ones you love you feel their presence the most. And for me that is the night time when the lights are dim and she shadows hide all the ugliness.
A song I heard once was called “I lost it” and it said “no memory can replace it”. I thought about the happy times and how those memories just seem to stick with us, even in dark times. We can still conjure them up in our hearts and heads. It is not like recording over an old VHS tape where one supersedes the other. These wonderful memories just keep filling up that tape inside. This song just makes me smile.
video by selahwestful
As I lay here in the semi darkness, I find my mind drifting to this memory and that memory and each memory brings a smile to my face. I think our brain automatically knows what kind of memory we need to have in the “play” position of our brain. It is not that any event in our head is overwritten but rather shuffled around depending on what our hearts can endure. Perhaps, the painful memories are marked in our brains with a big H for “HOLD” when our tears are falling and the world seems to be closing in on us. And the good memories have a rewind button so we can play them over and over and over.
I find laying in the semi dark is kind of like that commercial showing the couple sitting in the woods looking at the stars and talking about how beautiful it is and the husband says “Here let me light the fire” and he strikes a match. When he does, sitting looking a them is all the “wild beasts” of the forest staring at them. And he says “maybe not ” about lighting the fire and blows the match out. The night time or semi=darkness in my case since my room is never totally dark, seems to allow me to put the things “worrying me” over with the animals, out of sight in the darkness. That way I do not have to think about those things until “day light” hours.
We all have those things that lay heavy on our hearts and I have learned that the best things I can give those I love (the family, extended family, and family of choice) is to be there, to have the listening ear but more importantly the listening with our “inner ear” which means listening with our hearts and minds, and the gift of never giving up on them. People do not need us to say we understand or that it will be alright, though those words are soothing to the heart. Most people in hard times just want someone to listen, to hug them and to let the person know they care. Physical touch means so much when someone is scared, lonely, devastated, or troubled.
“Don’t ever give up on something or someone who you can not go a full day without thinking about.”
Have you ever noticed that there are people in your life that you can not go a day without them coming to mind, without seeing something that makes you think of them, without a wonderful memory rolling across your mind and making you smile. Give them the gift of never giving up even when angry at them or even when you feel like they should be acting one way and they are not. I can not begin to tell you what it means to have someone tell you they believe in you, that they know you can do this or that, that they hear what you are saying, that they are there for you. No money can buy those gifts.That is love. And if you go through life and all you find is one person that does this for you please know you are really blessed and loved.
“For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.” Judy Garland
Have you ever thought about love? Think about it in the dark when you can not see anything and the one thing that will hit you is that it is the fact of “HOW someone loves us” that sticks with us the most. Words are just that but actions play the symphony of love for all. Do you love with kindness, with tenderness, with joy, with compassion, with trust, with laughter? For those are the things a person will remember even in the darkest of times. That is the music they will hear in their heads and their hearts when the lights are out and they can not see.
video by limva123
And thank you Gary for the second version below:
video by jGracePro
So love like you are whispering in the dark. Let your love shine through in a way that even when it is dark, the love still penetrates and touches the heart and you light up the world for the other person. Love changes us all and changes those around us.
“I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.”
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