For a large part of my life, I was passive, took the path of least resistance, did not defy or stand up for things and especially not myself and I did not know how to defend myself. Now, when it came to those I love, I could turn into the most ferocious fighter of all to defend and protect them. And I still can. But, it took time for the inner warrior in me to arise from that sleeping state and become active to protect myself.
image from geniusquotes.org
We all have an inner warrior. Yes, even those of you that say “Oh no, not me. I could never stand up for things or fight battles”. Yes, you could. I have said many times on this blog that if your child, sibling, spouse, parents, pet, loved one were in harms way…even if you were disabled, you would find a way to get to them to protect them even if you had to crawl. That is your inner warrior. But, what happens in many of us is that the part that jumps to defend ourselves, that helps us stand up for things, etc…can still be dormant and has to be awakened.
I had to learn that it was good to stand up for myself, to assert myself, to say no, and to realize that I was also worth defending. It was a gradual awakening for me with the help of someone else. Sometimes we see people who have been passive all their lives and then their inner warrior awakens but it has not learned the difference in being assertive and being aggressive. Being assertive does not mean being the bad ass or being the bitch. Being assertive means a calm, quiet strength that looks others in the eyes and say in a strong voice “NO” or says “That is not right. Stop it” or anything else we need to do.
I have recounted to you all that I practiced this to give myself more strength to do it. And I practiced in front of a friend, too. I will never forget getting frustrated as this friend taught me that my “No” could sound like a question and not a statement and so could other statements like “Stop it” and “It is time for you to go”, etc. Saying no or that is not right must sound like we are stating it not like we are asking the other person’s permission.
Try it sometime with a friend. Ask them to listen to you tell them that it is time to go. And ask this person if you sound like you are asking them “Is it time to go?” or telling them that “It is time to go”. Some of you will be surprised to hear that you can sound like you are asking their permission by the tone of your voice and do not even realize it. I actually tape recorded myself doing it and after it was over, I could hear the difference.
Ever noticed how some people seem so self-assured and full of strength. It is amazing but I have people tell me that I seem so strong and just a few years ago, they would have told you I was a shy, timid person who hid in the background. I do not fight over everything. I have learned to pick my battles because of my health but if something is really important to me, I stand up for it. And that includes standing up for those I care about, the weak and defenseless, children, etc. I have learned that among the list of those I care about that I would fight to protect, that list now includes me too, for I am worth it. That took me a long time to realize.
I was laying here thinking about the surgery coming up. I thought “how will I ever do this? ” and I begin to feel overwhelmed. And from deep inside me came this… “You will do it like you always do it. You will lay on that table, close your eyes with your mojo going and it will be over before you know it”. That is inner validation I was doing but it also was a reminder that I can and have done this before.
Pain has kept me down and I have felt poorly. And is that not when our weakest side comes out the most and we become unsure and wonder can we do this or that. Or we just want to lay in the quiet and not hear about any thing bad. And it is these times, if our inner warrior has awakened inside us, that inner warrior will carry us through.
If we never learn to stand up for what is right, to defend ourselves and others, to tell people even family that what they did you do not like and not to do it again, then we will forever be caught in that limbo of doing and tolerating things that we really do not like. Where is your inner warrior today? What would it take to awaken your inner warrior?