Dwelling On The Negative
As most of you know, I am a very positive person and I do not dwell on the past or things that have happened for I find it impedes my moving forward. I think sometimes we can get so caught up in what “almost” happened or what once happened and we lose sight of what IS happening now and the blessing we have received.
image from freeyourparenting.com
I remember a friend back east that came in the house one day almost hysterical talking about how she almost got hit by the train. She was telling us all about how it almost happened and you could almost feel the adrenaline as she talked.. And then for months, we heard about how she almost got killed by a train and she totally lost sight of the fact that she did not get killed by the train and she lived. She got so caught up in the emotional moment of reliving the drama and telling others that the blessing she received in living and not getting run over was totally missed by her. People tend to replay negative things over and over in their minds and it actually stimulates their adrenaline and gives them a rush. This causes them to miss the positive and the fact that they did not get hurt, etc.
We all have traumatic events in our lives, lose loved ones, suffer health issues, have near fatal events, have health crisis and other difficult things. I find that it is a learning thing once I feel better or am calmer to be able to focus on what I do have instead of what I lost or almost lost. I think sometimes we can “dwell on” theses things so much and repeat them so often that we become engulfed in the past and lose our present and future. The past does not have to be a predictor of what our present or future will be but if we dwell on it too long, I think we bring all the negative into our lives once again.
I am a believer that when we keep the past in the present and try to drag it in the future, we are giving the traumatic moments power over our lives. We went through the trauma once and by reliving it over and over in the present, we are putting ourselves through the trauma again and losing the blessings we have in life. I am not sure if it is the attention that people get when they tell their horror tales or negative woes or what. And when people are in that reliving the past mode, you can not redirect their focus by trying to change the subject because they will not let go of it. You can change the subject and usually what you get from them is “uh huh, uh huh, uh huh” and the first chance they will bring the conversation back to topic of what almost happened to them or something bad in the past that did happen.
“Life is thickly sown with thorns and I know of no other remedy than to pass quickly through them. The longer we dwell on our misfortunes, the greater is their power to harm us.”
This reminds me of something I read on a friend’s page and that was ….when you are tempted to say something negative…stop yourself and say a blessing or something positive first. And I think this applies to re-playing the past in the present. When we are tempted to tell the story once more of how the train almost run over us, or whatever traumatic event that we keep trying to fan the flames and keep it in the future, we have to find a way to put on the brakes and not tell it. Stopping and telling a blessing that either came from or after the event before we try to retell the traumatic story, sometimes helps to redirect us away from the negative, traumatic event. I am a firm believer that God gives us another chance for a reason and the reason is not to keep reliving whatever we went through but to move forward and carry the blessing with us.
Carrying the past around and replaying it over and over is like taking luggage and loading it with bricks. Each time we retell the traumatic event another brick goes in and the luggage becomes heavier and heavier until it can stop our growth and our joy totally. I get called a Pollyanna a lot because I focus on the present and the future and on the positive things. I have learned through life that out of negative comes positive IF we allow it to.
Some people hold on to the hurts, pains, all that is wrong, what if’s and “almost had this happen” things as if they were holding on to gold. When we do that we waste precious moments we could spend on living and enjoying life and being with our loved ones. These are moments we can never EVER get back. Moments we spend on negative are moments that we could spend cuddling our child or talking to our spouse or being with our special friends. Moments that we have lost forever. I can not live that way. Life is too short and there is no dress rehearsal. This is the real thing. So what do you want to focus on in life?
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