Life Teaches Us What We Will And Will Not Tolerate In Our Lives
I have heard often “life is not fair” and it took me years to change my perspective and realize that life is not being done “to” us but rather “for” us to teach us. Our experiences will teach us what we will never allow in our lives. A person that lives in a family with an alcoholic will decide either they will be just like the alcoholic member or they will never allow alcohol in their lives. A person that is abused decides that they will never allow abuse or they succumb to being the victim they were as a child and continue that pattern as an adult, either allowing the abuse or being the abuser. A person living in poverty will vow that they will never do without again or they will decide that money and all the benefits are just not that important. Life teaches us and what it teaches us is up to us and how we view things.
I believe a lot of our choices stem from the role we place ourselves in and by roles I mean the role of victim, survivor, or thriver. If we are in the victim modality, we will continue to believe that life is just being cruel to us and dumping on us and use the phrase “Why is this happening to me”. All we see is what is wrong and do not look for things that are right. If we are in the survivor modality, we are looking for ways to get past the hard things, looking for things to help us move forward and we focus on how “we” can make our lives better and not on how everyone needs to help us. And of course, when we are in the thriver modality, we are living our lives in such a way that life is good. That does not mean we do not suffer with pain or sickness or that we are not limited. It means that we do not use those things as stumbling blocks to a happy life.
I have had people tell me I have such wisdom when it comes to dealing with chronic pain and sickness and disabilities. The truth is no, I do not. I have a lot of experience in dealing with these things and have learned to allow life to teach me instead of beat me. I realize where my views are coming from in my past and realize which ones are holding me back and I work to change those views to ones that help me survive and thrive in life.
Life teaches us whether we realize it or not and it creates in us these “rules’ that we live by. Some are good and help us deal with life in a very positive way. And some are detrimental to us and lead us back into the victim modality. It took me years to become who I am and time spent studying myself and why I did this or that. That is part of the journey. We are the drivers of our own buses and should be. Sometimes we let the bus drive us. Becoming a survivor and thriver means getting back into the driver’s seat and not letting life drive us. Instead, we drive our lives where we want them to go.
I found the following very informative and very interesting.
Are You a Victim or a Survivor? By Patrick Doyle
10 Signs You Are A Victim:
1. You complain rather than act.
2. You talk about the same problems.
3. You are never able to get to resolution.
4. You are always looking to people to save you.
5. You don’t accept responsibility (always something or someone is to blame).
6. You take more than you give.
7. You are uncomfortable with being emotionally well.
8. You are in crisis more than you are not.
9. You make people around you tired because it is always some drama.
10. You tend to harm others rather than show mercy. (because it is easier to tear
someone down than to look at yourself and see what you do wrong and fix it)
10 Signs You Are A Survivor:
1. You are behaviorally active in moving toward hope.
2. You are willing to sacrifice whatever is necessary to change.
3. You are willing to be uncomfortable for extended periods of time.
4. You do not give in to fear (you may have it but are not controlled by it).
5. You are willing to adapt to the reality you are in (not the one you hope for).
6. You learn from the circumstances you are in rather than deny them.
7. You are willing to use all of your resources to move toward change.
8. You actively seek help.
9. You resist panic and fear.
10. You have hope outside of yourself.
And I believe you learn a lot about a person by the people they tend to gather around and talk with the most. Those that are victims seek other victims to be with because they will reinforce how the person feels and encourage them in their victim mentality. Those that are survivors seek others that are survivors to be around the most because they encourage and inspire them to keep going. This is not to say that survivors never complain or never have down times. The difference is, survivors get back up, dust off their pants and keep working towards something better.Victims are content to lay back in the misery and stay there. They will tell you how hard they work, etc but you will not see much evidence of that. Always ….always choose to be a survivor and it is a choice.
If you see too much of yourself in the victim list, then maybe it is time to sit down and think about how you are acting and behaving. If you truly want to be a survivor, it takes working for it but it is not impossible. It means focusing your thoughts and actions on the positive and looking for the good instead of the bad. I worked hard to get to the survivor mode and I am proud of the changes I made in my life. I think anyone who has fallen into victim land can become a survivor but it takes more than just words. It takes changing your attitude.
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