Can You Live With Yourself?
Many people search the world over for that elusive thing called true love and yet they have failed to understand that unless they love themselves, they are not equipped to love someone else. If we do not know how to love ourselves and accept ourselves where we are, then how can we love and accept others? I have always said when I see people so desperate to have someone in their lives that if we can not live with ourselves by ourselves we will never be able to live with someone else. If you do not like or love yourself, how can you expect anyone else to like or love you?
Love is probably the most romanticized thing in the world. We are led to believe it is like Cinderella who finds her prince or Sleeping beauty whose prince finds her. But real, enduring love is not the one where the music plays the tune and we march off happy ever after into the sunset for the rest of our lives. Real love requires work. It means learning to share, learning to be forgiving and filled with compassion, learning to compromise, learning to love even when the person is not lovable and a willingness to say “I am sorry. I was wrong”.
Valentine’s Day with all it’s hype and flowers and candy have many people feeling unloved if they do not have a significant other, if no one sends them flowers or cards or candy or jewelry or whatever. People begin to see love as being what Valentine’s Day proclaims to be. And when all the hype is over, many have no idea what it really means to love someone “in sickness and in health”.
If we never learn to love ourselves, to forgive ourselves and to accept ourselves, then how can we do all these things for another? Many people think that happiness lies in possessions, places, event, people and all those things can be lost in a split second. The one thing you never leave behind is yourself. That is why true happiness lies inside us. We can lose everything and still be happy. We can be alone and still feel loved because we love ourselves. We have to put ourselves on the list of what is important and learn to deal with ourselves so that our relationships have a better chance of lasting.
Real love is not a fairy tale love. It is something that requires work daily. It is not fifty/fifty as I hear so many people say. It is 100/100 percent from both parties. And sometimes it is 150/150 percent from each person. It is not games played to get back at the other person or manipulate them. It is not demands and requests like I see so many doing today. It is honest, raw, caring, compassionate, giving, willing to give up for the other at times, and most of all it is loving the other person like you love yourself.
And real love is not something you rush into, not something you can force someone to do or trap them into loving you. Take your time and get to know the person you think you love so much because the first months of a relationship are like the honeymoon. Everyone is on their best behavior. Give it enough time to see the things that are not so loving. Everyone has those things in them. And then see if you can handle a relationship with them because contrary to what I see so many people, especially women say and do, you can not change the other person after you are married. They are who they are.
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