Simply danLrene

Work Your Dream

When Is Lying Ok?

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I was recently in a conversation about when is lying alright. As many of you know, I believe a lie is a lie is a lie but on the same hand, there are times everyone does it for different reasons. I am not talking about evil, malicious, manipulative lying to enable someone to gain something. I am talking about the kind of lying we do such as when someone wants to know how their singing is and we say “oh it is wonderful” but we know in our hearts it is not. And realize that by this simple lie, we may be the cause of someone going out and singing in public thinking that they sing wonderfully when they do not. I am also talking about the lying by omission. We just do not tell people things for many reasons and lying by omissions is still lying and yet the reasons behind this behavior helps bring understanding if nothing else.

I hate lying especially when it is done to defraud others or to be malicious or hurt someone. I am not talking political lies, etc. I am talking personal lies about personal things here. But, I also at times have lied by omission. I do not tell people how sick I really am at different times and my reason is that I do not want to worry those I care about, I do not want to burden those I care about and because I know some people just do not want to hear it. It intrudes on their world and makes them uncomfortable. I am not the only one that has done this.

Our society has created situations where people feel they have no choice but to lie. I mean seriously, look at the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy the military had. They forced people to lie about their lifestyle. There is a judgmental group of people in the world that criticize everyone and everything.  People who are different in their lives, their views, their actions are put on the chopping block if they allow people to see them as they are.  And so they lie by omission and just do not tell those close to them or they lie because they fear losing those they love, they fear rejection, they fear condemnation and the list goes on.

I am not sure why people think they have the right to judge others but it has seriously affected the lives of many people.  Children will lie or simply not tell about being abused because they fear the repercussions. Children will lie about doing something because they fear punishment. Women raped will often not report it because of the fear of how they will be judged and fear of rejection. People who are gay, trans-gendered, etc will often hide who the real them is because of fear of rejection. People with chronic illness will try to hide it from the general world because they fear people not wanting to be around them or fear losing their jobs that they are struggling to hold on to. Women who have had abortions, no matter the reason, will hide it because they fear condemnation. People on drugs or are alcoholics will lie about it for fear of hearing condemnation. People will lie because they do not want to hurt another person by telling them that they look bad or their singing is not good, etc and the list could go on.

I said the reasons might help us understand better why this happens. And those who say they never lie, are lying to themselves. Anytime you tell someone an outfit looks great on them when it does not, you have lied. Anytime you say you are fine when you are not are telling a lie. There are little lies that happen daily and they happen because people “fear” the consequences if they tell or show the truth. That is so sad to me that we can not be exactly who we are because we fear what others will say or do.Telling the truth does not have to be harsh and hateful. If someone asks you if an outfit looks good on them and it makes them look huge, simply say “I really love the other outfit more. That one does not compliment you.”

And so, when someone lies to me, I have learned to stop and ask myself why are they lying. If they are lying out of fear, then I try to talk to them to let them know that I will love them no matter what. If it is out of selfishness, manipulation, evilness, etc, then they are gone from my life. I have learned to stop and ask myself why before I react and go off like a time bomb. I think it is a thing called compassion that is lacking in our society, compassion for others. When we have compassion, then we seek to understand why instead of judging, condemning and other acts.

And so to answer when is lying ok?  Never.  But, when is it understandable?  When it is done out of fear of hurting someone, of being hurt, of losing someone, of being attacked, of being abandoned, of being rejected, etc. Our world with the wide web internet has made lying so easy for people and made judging and attacking others so easy. So, when you realize someone has just told you a lie, stop and figure out why they told the lie. And talk to them about it. My sons knew growing up that the one thing I could not stand was to be lied to. They would come tell me they got in trouble before anyone else could and they knew that while they might get punished for doing wrong, they would most certainly not be punished for lying.

March 5, 2016 - Posted by | Inspiration | , , , , , ,

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