Another poem from my poetry book. My apologies that I have not been posting on the blog. We are in the middle of selling things to raise money to get another vehicle after our van transmission went out, one that I can get into easier than my son’s jeep. So, my brain is tired. 🙂 Some of you asked me how you could help. Please just buy the poetry book because that way you will get something in return instead of just donating.
The book can be bought here: https://workthedream.wordpress.com/2016/05/09/my-book-is-on-amazon/
THE LAST DANCE
With wisps of hair across her beautiful face
Tears on her cheeks your finger could trace
She stood there, head bowed in humble prayer
Feeling as if she were the only one to care
She closed her eyes and listened once more
To the music that always drew her to the door
The music suddenly rose in tempo and sound
She knew soon her time was coming around
Was her dream to dance just one last dance
And she knew tonight was her only chance
Rising on toes, she danced across the stage
Her body tensing up for the very next page
As she jumped high to twirl up in the air
She suddenly felt his hands holding there
He lifted her higher than she had ever flown
And twirled better than she had ever known
He molded himself to her as if they were one
Remaining there with her til the dance was done
The applause thundered around the room
And she felt as if life had just started to bloom
As the sounds died down, she smiled with tears
Not being able to dance was one of her fears
Then she opened her eyes and looked around
Oxygen hoses, hospital beds are what she found
As she glanced, she saw her toes pointed down
She knew only her attitude kept her bed bound
No matter what happened she could dance free
Closing her eyes, the stage she would see
In today’s time there is a lot of what I call the “busy-busy syndrome”. It is like watching ants running all over the place. Families on the go all the time, people rushing from one thing to the other. And maybe it is the southern in me, but I have to wonder why the need to rush? How can you enjoy anything if you are always rushing. It is like trying to eat a meal in five minutes. You do not even taste the food.
Do people try to shove too much into their day? Maybe they want to do too many things at once. I remember being young and thinking I had all the time in the world to do things and thinking I had time later to spend with loved ones. But, we are not guaranteed that. Time is like sand and slides right through our fingers. Have you ever gotten up one morning and then suddenly it is bed time and you wonder where all the time went? That is how easily we can lose it and if we are rushing all the time, it is even easier.
“Your children can be around you all day, but if you don’t spend quality time with them and if you don’t pay attention to them and talk to them and listen to them, it doesn’t matter that they are just around you.”
There is time and then there is quality time. We all have plain ole time that slips through our fingers but if we are rushing all the time, we are losing that quality time. I would rather have thirty minutes of quiet time talking to my children, than ten hours of everyone rushing around half way talking.
I guess being older than dirt, I look at life differently. I realize that all these things we think we have to do are not going to make one difference when we die. I would rather my loved ones remember me hugging them and telling them I loved them than all the gifts in the world.
Son and I were talking about how families seldom sit down to eat meals together anymore, how televisions and computers occupy so much time that conversation does not happen anymore. When we moved over the mountain and were at the motel seven weeks, we got up every morning and went down to the little dining room and ate breakfast together and sat there drinking coffee and talking. And we got spoiled to that because we would sit there for over an hour just talking.
I am such a country girl and love the slower paced life. That does not mean I do not want to go anywhere or do anything because I do. I just do not want the rushing that seems to go on today. I would love to slowly travel across the country in that bus we have on our dream list. The reason for the little bus like they use to pick up the handicapped, is it has a lift for my chair and motor homes do not. But, slowly go across not zoom and then you can’t remember where you went or what you saw.
I would love to go and spend two weeks in a boarding room right near the Panacea in Italy and be close enough to get to the train and close enough to just meander around the streets right there and soak it all up. I love Italy and on my bucket list is to return there one day. I would love to go to France and see Julia’s France, the back streets and the real people and slowly walk the streets and see all the vendors.
I think I no longer have a hurry button on me and it makes me sad to see so many rushing around and then can not even really tell you what they did that day. Time, it runs out for all of us so what have you done with yours? How fast is the sand running through yours in comparison to what you are doing? We have no guarantees of tomorrow and I do not want to regret not being with those I love and not telling them and showing them how much I love them.
Son and I do grounding which is going back to earth and nature. We sit outside, bare feet on the ground with the wind softly blowing and the sun shining through, and we allow all the negative energy to escape through our feet into the earth. We also take the time to just talk about life. You all should try it some time. Unplug those computers, cellphones, WiFi or turn them off and allow your bodies to just release all of that negative energy that flows through the air from all the electronics we use and let it flow out the bottoms of your feet. I think you will be amazed. Our NA ancestors knew this and knew that we were part of nature and how to heal ourselves.
I believe in fighting and keeping going in life in spite of obstacles. I have been this way all my life and it has been a good thing with all the health issues I deal with. I could do like some people and lay back and whine that I just can not do it and expect others to do it for me but I do not. You can call it self-respect, personal pride…whatever…but the truth is I do not like being thought of as someone who uses other people for what I can do for myself and so I do not. I am just too head-strong.
I am still going and fighting to get better. Some days it is really hard and it would be so easy to lay back and say I can not do it. But, the truth of the matter is, I get a rush every time I push myself to keep going and I accomplish doing it in spite of what the illnesses are doing to me.
My health issues will take me down one day, but they will not without the fight of all fights. I refuse to let it win if I have anything left in me to stop it. Sometimes my son will say I should not do this or that or that I can not do this or that and my response is ”you watch my shirt tail pop son”. That means I am going to try or go down trying. So, I put on my wonder woman head band and say to my illnesses and diseases that are stealing my life ”you take that cause I am NOT giving up!” The diseases will take me down one day but I can guarantee you that they will get an “arse whupping” on the way down from me.
Some days the diseases will win but that is ok because when I lay here at night recouping, I am building my fight back up to give it a run for its money tomorrow and the next day and the next. Hear me diseases for my roar may be small at times but it is still a roar.
I live on faith. Yes, I have faith in God but there is also another kind of faith. It is the faith that I will wake up in the morning ready to fight again. It is the faith that I will endure one more round of high pain and muscle spasms and a hard time breathing one more time. It is the faith that I will not give up but will keep fighting not just for me but for the ones I love. It is the faith that when things are too tough and I can not stand it, I will be carried through it. It is the faith..that I will never lose my faith in God, in those I love, in survival, in truth, in honesty, in justice, in goodness, in peace, in love, in compassion for those things keep the world going. And it is faith in the knowledge that sometimes, faith is all I need.
I bet you all thought I had disappeared again. Well, I had not but I had some really horrible things I saw and read about that just tore my heart in two. I needed time to think about how I wanted to write this. Kindness is something free we can give away to everyone and yet lately I see so much hate, anger, and just plain maliciousness that I have laid here for two days thinking about the things I saw and read. Where has self-respect gone? Where has kindness to mankind and the animal kingdom gone? Where has compassion, love, charity, willingness to step up to the plate to do what no one else is doing gone?
Let me share a few of the things I saw and read over the past few days. One is a sweet couple who were so excited about the birth of their third child. And then, the mother had a miscarriage. I think we all know how some people just think they can say anything online no matter if it is hurting someone or attacking them. And some did say inappropriate things that were hurtful to her. I wish there was a way to help people realize that someone who just lost their child to miscarriage does not need to be told to “suck it up” and other things. In reality, though these next people mean well, telling someone who just lost a child “well you have two other children” is not right. Those two children do not take the place of the child lost. And I sat with tears in my eyes watching people say things that were really mean. I do not mean the one about “Well you have two other children” for that is just not knowing what to say. Best advice I can give you on that is just simply say “I am so sorry” for that says it all. They do not need to hear everyone’s miscarriage story or that they should be happy they still have two kids or they can always get pregnant again. Just say I am so sorry for your loss.
This next thing just blew me away. Whether you think transgender is wrong or not, abusing someone who is transgender is wrong. WRONG. What this woman said was horrific and then she proceeded to physically attack the transgender person. And what does she say to all this? That people should not judge what she said and did because people do not know the shoes she walks in. The video link is in the third little paragraph but be forewarned there is some of the most nasty, evil and cruel things that are said on this video. And this transgender person is afraid to report it to the police. I hope someone else does. If we do not like how someone lives, why not just try keeping it to ourselves instead of such hate and ugliness. Why create even more division.
And then it topped off with a woman wanting to argue with me on whether a 14-year-old is a child or a woman. Sorry folks, but in my book, it is still a child. And this particular child has suffered cancer 7 times since she was 5. I mean seriously why argue over something like that when we are all there praying that this child makes it through the cancer this time and the bone marrow transplant. I mean she has already lost her childhood with all the treatments and surgery. All I could think was “Is your heart so concerned over proving someone else is wrong for calling her a child that you can not see the suffering this child is enduring?” Where has the kindness gone? My reply to her was that this was not something that should be argued over and that we all need to stay focused on the child and praying for her.
My heart has railed and cried over these incidents and many more that seem to happen daily in our country and our world. People are not even allowed to have an opinion. If you do not agree with some people they will beat you to pieces verbally. And so, I have sat with it for a couple of days just me and the Lord asking Why? Why? Why? And as the Lord always does, the peace came to me in a video showing me there are still good people in this world and we have to start spreading the kindness and compassion. Just watch this video and you will understand.
And all I can say now is to encourage people to stand up for what is right and to spread the kindness. Did you notice in the video at the top showing the woman who was so hateful on that subway that not one person stood up and told her to stop. Not one. We may not can change the whole world but we can change our corner of the world.
I am so excited because my book is now on Amazon for sale. I can not believe it. It took me almost two years to get to this point and I still can not believe it is up for sale. Here is the link:
I have a great deal of emotion about the truth and people being honest. I tell people I live by a creed which is do not lie to me and do not steal from me. It does not matter whether it is my time, my money or my heart just do not steal from me.. Son tells people I have a built-in radar and know instantly when someone lies to me. And my son is probably right and that makes some people very mad with me because they know they can not lie to me and get away with it. The reason I hate lies is the following:
This one sentence changes the whole scope of things. When someone lies to me, than I know in their eyes I am not worth knowing the truth. And anytime anyone lies, that is what they are saying whether they mean to or not. Once a person lies to me, they have lost all credibility with me. I would rather hear the truth even if hurtful than to be lied to.
I guess I am a funny person. As long as you are truthful to me, I will stand by you through whatever comes. That does not mean I will defend you if you are wrong. It means that I will not leave you even if you get in trouble. I will stand by you so you do not have to go through it alone.
Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it. ~Buddha
This is very evident to see in what is going on in our country and the world right now as politicians are campaigning for office. We can not longer trust mainstream media to tell us the truth. They will present what they stand for instead of being the watch dogs they used to be years ago. So, if you can not believe the media about these politicians or these political parties, what do you do? You research for yourself the people you want to vote for and then make your decision but do not let others lead you into that decision. Not all GOP are bad nor are they all good anymore than all Democrats are good or all or bad. This is why I do not vote by party.
The truth and standing up for what is right go hand in hand. One should not stand up for something that they have no clue as to whether it is true or not. We were given a brain and that brain was so that we might reason and study and learn and not just accept the appearance of something without first checking the foundation. Believe in what you know to be true not what someone else tells you to believe. And once you spot a lie, then put your guard up for that means anything that the person or place has told you is suspect.
“In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.”
Martin Luther King, Jr.
I found this to be a very profound quote. And it shows which should be the most important thing to us and that is our loved ones and friends not our enemies. I find that people can get so caught up in what the hate mongers on the internet have to say that they waste a lot of time fussing about them instead of just enjoying and living their life. It is all in how we view it and I do not view what strangers and enemies have to say as important enough to keep me upset for days on end.
I see people put quotes on all the time that say that real friends will go along with what ever you are doing, they will follow you into trouble, etc. And my response is: no, a real friend will try to stop you from getting in trouble and will tell you the truth even when it hurts or makes you mad.
There are two ways the silence affects those we love or ourselves. One is when friends and loved ones are not there to support us in times of pain, suffering or crisis. That silence is acutely felt and is hurtful. We will remember it for a long time. We will remember the silence they left us with. Perhaps they could not handle it or perhaps they just do not like to deal with others suffering or a crisis but it still leaves a path of hurt when it happens. I usually find that those that have left me in crisis are the very ones that want me to listen when they are in crisis. And I will listen because that is how I am.
I love what this quote says for I am also a big believer in that if we are truly friends with someone or if we truly love someone like family or friends, then we are honest with them. Many people will just agree with those around them just for the sake of agreeing and actually will not say anything when loved ones including friends are doing something that will make them look bad, are doing something that can get them in trouble, are doing something deceptive or whatever. I believe that if we truly love someone, then we are totally honest with them. I do not mean make every conversation one of contradicting someone. This is about the important things.
If you saw your best friend or a family member stealing, would you say anything? If you saw them carrying on with someone’s significant other or spouse, would you say anything? If you saw them doing something that could get them in a lot of trouble, would you say anything? If your friend or loved one was telling lies would you say or do anything to make them stop? If you saw them abusing their children, would you say anything? If your friend or family member were driving drunk, would you say anything? Or would you just be silent and let it happen and then when they wrecked and killed themselves or someone else, would you wish you had said something?. I believe personally that if you love a person, then you say something to them even when you know it may make them mad or hurt their feelings for hurt feelings or anger are better than them getting in trouble or someone getting hurt or having a huge blowout because of their behavior.
I think one of the loudest noises in the world is the “silence” of others. And I think it makes us complicit to the other person’s behavior. Being silent is being complacent. And complacency causes complicity. I remember seeing a child abuse case and the whole family knew it was going on and so did the neighbors and not one person said anything, not one person. And the child died. All because people would not step up and say what you are doing is wrong and you are hurting those children. And if they could not do anything to stop the family member personally, they could have reported the person for child abuse and had the child removed from the home. And so now, to me, it was not just that parent that killed that child. It was all the people who failed to say anything that helped kill that child too. It was all the ones that were silent that contributed to the death of the child.. That sound that echoes across the land is called silent complicity.
Stand up and do what is right. Yes, it is hard and can be uncomfortable but if you really care, you will stand up and will tell your loved ones when you see them acting in ways that are harmful to themselves and harmful to others. I see many parents who will not stand up to their children and try to be their friend instead of their parent and the children suffer from it. I hear people say they know that their friend or loved one is doing this or that and going to get in trouble but they will not sit them down and say to them ”If you do not stop you are going to get in trouble”. And the big question is why? I believe people are afraid to do that for fear they will lose that friend or loved one or have them get very angry at them.
I simply believe that the anger or even if the person never speaks to you again because you have told them that you know what they are doing and that they are messing up royally is worth the price. That way you can say you did all you could. I would rather see anger or have them walk away than to see them go to prison or to lose their family or whatever. I would rather see teens be mad at parents who stand up to them than see them turn into something that will get them in trouble down the road and that will turn them into people who do not make them selves accountable for their own actions.
To me, this is what not being silent is. It is an attempt to make a person be accountable for themselves. If someone lies all the time and you just sit there and let them, then you are encouraging them to not be accountable for themselves and you become complicit with their lies. You are enabling them. If you let them know in some way that you know they are lying, then they must face themselves and be accountable for that behavior. Plus by saying something, you are making yourself be accountable. For when you know that it is going on and never say a word, then you are part of the lie or the deceit.
I know I have been missing in action and I do apologize to all of you. First I was recuperating from surgery and it was taking a lot longer than I thought it would. And when you feel so bad, the brain just does not work to well. Fortunately I am over the surgery and feeling much better and can now work towards getting work done on the spine. And just to show you, here is a picture of me feeling so much better since the surgery. Amazing how much better I look with all the infection gone and healing taking place. This was taken a few days ago.
Second reason I have been MIA is I have been so exhausted, more than normal due to the van transmission dying on us and having to ride in son’s jeep. To repair it is more than the value of the van. Our only mode of transportation now is the Jeep Wrangler. And if you know anything about jeeps, you know it is not made for someone with my disabilities. But, I am resilient and I do manage to get into it. I only go out for doctors right now. We are working on selling things we no longer need and then my son is going to sell his jeep and get a vehicle easier for me to get into. But, that brings us back to the exhaustion point. When I have to go beyond my normal means to do things, it zaps me and I tend to crash and sleep to try to rebuild the strength. Another reason I have been MIA.
And the third reason is that my son here has helped me compile my poetry book that I have worked on for almost two years. Some of you have read my poetry so you know how I write. Well….*drum roll* ….the book is complete, we just got the proof copies for one last look and then it will be time to hit the publish button on Amazon so that the book goes on sale. I am so proud. I feel like I gave birth only it was less painful. *Giggling*. And here are a few pictures to show you front and back and one to show how thick it is. It came out to be around 80 pages. I know poetry books do not become huge sellers but I will be happy if it just sells some. The author is shown as “simply danLrene” because that is the writing name I use but there is a picture of me sans the oxygen hose in the back with my name and a little write-up.
The font is a size 12 because I wanted people to be able to read with ease. The picture on the front is the view from my front door. There are other pictures I have taken in the book too. And on the back is one of my quotes that I love so much. I could not have done this without my son here helping me put it together. My hope is that it sells enough to help with the vehicle fund.
So, as you can see, it has been a very complicated few weeks. But I am back ready to write again. I will post the link on Amazon once the book is published and ready to go on sale.