image from Inspirational quotes.com
I have had so many people ask me how I keep going and keep such a good attitude. My response is always that we can not always choose what happens to us but we can choose how we respond to it.
I got some not good news the other day. I think I already knew it in my heart of hearts but I was just not ready for it. But now I am. I have been to a doctor appointment everyday this week. One was to the surgeon who has been overseeing my hand and he told me it was not healing like he wanted. I broke my wrist December 14, 2017, so it has been almost three months since the bad fall. He thought it would almost totally healed by now and it is not.
That fall did a lot of damage to me. I feel backwards, throwing my right hand behind me to try to catch myself and I broke…not a crack..but snapped off the two major bones to my forearm that attach to my wrist. I tore muscles and did a lot of damage and I was told that since it is not healing well that I may never have more ability with it than I do right now. They measured my grip on this thing you squeeze. My left hand if a little above 25 and my right injured hand is 15. And I am right handed. I go back in 2 more months to see if it heals more and decide if he can fix anything. I have a piece of bone broken off my right side of my wrist and it is floating in there causing me a lot of pain. The other side of my wrist is painful because the bone shows ragged edges and is not healing well.
I have worked hard to try to get some use back of my hand but has been very very slow in responding. When I first fell I could not feed myself, brush my hair, wash my face, shower without help, put my shoes on, needed help dressing myself, wash my hair, etc. So, I took this new prognosis and said ok, if this is all I get from this hand, I can at least feed myself (even if I have to hold my hand like a fist with the handle stuck in the center of the fist to feed myself that way. I can now brush one side of my hair, wash my face, bathe myself except for my back, which son does after I get out of the shower and have my robe wrapped around me and can even button my shirt with a lot of effort. I could not put my shoes on nor tie them. Son fixed that by buying me a pair of velcro shoes. Being independent, no matter how little or how much it is, is essential for someone like me.
I decided that no matter if I improve any or just a little or none at all, I am going to make the best of it, find new ways to do things and keep going forward. Like the picture says at the top, I do not particularly like the song my life is playing right now but I can choose to dance to this tune anyway. I never knew all the damage that a fall backwards can do. I broke my wrist, messed up my torn rotator cuff, flared an area in my spine that is now three areas of severe stenosis, loss of muscle in my hand and arm, whiplash in my neck and shoulders with ribs pulled out of place, affected my balance so that I must have my good hand holding on to something every time I stand to get in my powerchair, and flared up my neuropathy.
I do not like the song that is playing right now. It is like taking a country music person and forcing them to listen to hard rock music which they hate. But I know that if I keep working at this and have the things done that will help like Radio Frequency on my spine, having the doctor manipulate my ribs back into place and work on the whiplash, taking the medicine I need to take and being careful with myself, then things will get a little better and I can change the tune to cross over music and one day hopefully have the country music back playing in my heart. I hope that makes sense to you all..
Those of us suffering whether it be physically or mentally have the choice to decide how we will take the news we get. Do we give up and just let it take us over or do we strive to not let the pain and suffering take our joy and happiness. I am a fighter but even more so than that, I am a person of faith and I know God intervened with the “you are going to die” I was told at the hospital. So, my faith in Jesus/God and knowing where I will go when I do die gives me the peace we all need. I refuse to live my life in fear, sadness, worrying, and complaining when I still have a choice how I choose to handle all this.
Never ever quit fighting to survive. Never let despair and sadness take over your life. Choose to look each day for something good. I challenge you to do the three things you are thankful for each day. And you can not use “I am thankful for God, my family, my kids, etc but once. I have done this the past four years where so much has happened and found myself being thankful for things like a hot shower, hot coffee, taking a ride in the country, holding my grandbaby, etc. There is always something good if you look hard enough for it. Choose…just choose.